Marriage to a Palestinian-Jordanian guy

Cris,
I don't think there is a sure fire way of knowing when a person is lying. Once you are in Amman you can somehow have certain red flags of knowing if he is legit. For one, if he never takes you home to meet mom and dad that would certainly be a red flag. If you never meet any of his friends or he doesn't really want to be seen in public.  The first red flag for me would be the professor and police part.  NO ONE is a professor with a doctorate degree and is a policeman.  Police are highly underpaid from the poorer side of town. It is not a glamourous job and never comes with any college degree. So for that I would say, he's lying. A policeman, yeah he probably is. Be careful, most of these guys just want a "get out of Jordan" ticket and once they get it, you're history. DO NOT sleep with him.  Sorry to be so blunt.... but that would be exactly the wrong thing to do.  A good test to see if he is really a good person to be around is that you will never sleep with him unless you are married and you will not marry him and give him citizenship to your country.  Under those terms he'll probably disappear.  Good Luck!

Please don't do it. He'll force you to change your religion, I am sure 100% he would. I know many Russian women here who are married to Muslim Jordanians/Palestinians, and they were all forced to change their religion in order to get married. Especially a Palestinian. What's more I doubt he would be able to support you having to pay the huge fairs for the plane from Jordan and to Brazil all the time on a professor's pay, which is hardly enough to support one person around here. Also I have heard of so many likely stories occurring in Egypt. Exotic Arab man asks to marry a woman, lives with her, and everything, and in the end leaves her. Heard of one who married over 6 women over a very short period of time, and robbed each and every one of them. Only get married when you are sure, and you know each other well enough. Anyway most Palestinian Muslims are not respected members of the community around here, because most choose to live alone in their own camps, and old houses, and make a woman pop him out 10 kids, and have no money what so ever, and not care about it, and not try to make his family's life better by getting a decent job. Anyway, PLEASE do not do it. I am very sure you might regret it later. When he lies he probably does not want to be seen in public with you, will avoid talking about his family, and I think would try to 'charm' you into wanting to marry him even more. What struck me as strange was the 'In Brazil'. You can get married anywhere! I think what he is after is a get away to the new world.

Take Care, Cris!

lyardanetz:
I believe your post to contain a very ignorant, generalized and racist view of the lovely palestinan people. Amman is made up of an approx. 70 percent palestinian origin population, and are well respected and not at all as you have described. I myself am not Palestinian however my fiancee, his family and my friends here are all loving, hardworking, accepting and kind. I'm not sure where you came to these conclusions however it is not fair to offer "advice" based on them.

Well meet him first and see if you really love him. And suggest that maybe you want to live in Amman, to test if he only wants you for a Brazilian visa. Good luck.

I agree with Louise that it has nothing to do with him being Palestinian or Muslim. Judge people as they treat you.

Cris,
in response to lyardanetz.
I am a muslim. muslims are not allowed to force anyone to become muslim.  Islam teaches men to treat their wife with respect and honour and to be gentle and kind to the wife.

marriage is not just about emotions and looks and beauty.  It is also about values and ideas.

I think you should evaluate how strongly he believes and practices Islam. You should evaluate and ask how he believes women and wife should be treated.  You should also check if he is expecting to live of you or will it be that he will be taking care of you.
Problems often arises when the man does not act upon Islam and is just selfishly seeking benefit and wants to exploit people.

There I can not explain what his position in the police, it seems that a researcher ..
Well, I have no prejudice against Palestinians, not that! Only fear for cultural difference, because here are so attached to each other, we are very united with our families and our friends, we like to always be with other people.
He says he wants me to live with him in Amman, not to live in Brazil. I do not give up on getting married in my país.Já said I did not convert to Islam and he accepts it, I'll work, study, and attend my church.
He says his salary is not enough and that takes work. But I am a very independent person.
With him or not going to Amman anyway, I'm in love with the Arab culture is very fascinating. I know that there is a period called the "courtship" between the Arabs, but not if you do not know the whole family at all, here we were married just after we became very well known family of our "boyfriend" must know if the family is good to have good relations with her father and mother, and especially how the groom is his mother ...
I also just like to know "how" and "when" the 'Palestinians' have your girlfriend (or fiancée) for family and friends ...

hey cris
as i am palestinian . i am married with an american and from my expeiance if he is really want to get married with you he should present you to his family but in the same time you have to let him know what you are thinking . if you want my advise i think you first post should say it to him not to random people couse its privite and everybody got a difrant story and difrant point of view . so if you cant talk to him about this why or lets say how you gana spent your(life) with someone you dont trust or lets say cannot comuncat with . so just speak with him about it . and think about its like this we are all difrant but love is love and if you love him dont think to much and do what you feel . but remmber if hereally want to marry you. you will be the mother of his babys . so ask him his -- do you want me to be the mother of your children . many arab has been in love with non muslim women but it never last cause in a certin time they start to ask them selives do i want that women to be the mom or not .
PS. this is my piont of view . ask every one but do what you think . and sorry for the bad gramer

hi Chris,
i apologise in advance if i cause any offence:
i currently live in uk and so have experience with all cultures and people, including people from brazil.  my thaughts on this thread is that it all seems very silly and rather immature. Are you currently romancing with an individual via internet and having never met?
If that is so then this would not be an issue of him being a palestinian or not nor wether he is a muslim or not - it is more he is a complete stranger! should you not be careful then?
or did you meet him at a nightclub, my personal thought is that that is another crazy place to meet some one to develop for a serious relationship.  Best way to meet some one is through familly and friends, it increases safety and security and you meet more genuine people.

so this discussion moves away from culture as i feel that is irrelevant here and moves towards how to achieve a serious relationship ;-)

Hola gustoza...

Great to hear that your considering moving to Jordan it’s a beautiful country and has a lot to offer..

I have a lot of Brazilian friends and describing them as loving is an understatement....very friendly outgoing and humble people...

that’s why I’m hoping to visit my friends in NYE....

The only advice I can give you is, never rush into anything....it’s like your jumping into the deep end not knowing how to swim...

All I’m saying is think this through, I mean it’s your life at the end of the day...

and if your anything close to all the Brazilians I have met over the years, then you won’t have any problems finding someone special…. just don’t rush in head first..

bubye for now...

Beijos

JUST STAY Away from him,....take my sincere sincere true ADVICE>..do not DO NOT MARRY ONLINE PEOPLE!!!!

MY life was wrecked because I did the same mistake--don't do it you WILL regret it..I promise you.................

Very immediate judge on your boy is ( he is racism) there is no thing respectably called Palestinian in Jordan, if he claims that and approved with witness he will  loss his citizenship very immediate and will be getting 2 years residency as a penalty of his abandonment from the Jordanian citizenship

that is not my saying, this is government and there are a huge number of such a people who had lsot their citizenship due to their stupid words of mouth that came out to people based on stupid thoughts and ideas

In Jordan, doesn't matter who you are or where you came from, but as long as you are holding Jordan nationality you should respect that, other wise sever punishment will be taking a place

Hi, I'm not sure what flatsrental was saying, but I am an American, my husband Jordanian and he did not lose his citizenship when were married, however we were married in Jordan. I am still an American and his is still a Jordanian. I believe that I can get dual citizenship without losing my citizenship because we have been married for over 10 years. I'm sure you can research this on the internet.

About the lying...I'm not trying to piss anyone off here, but in my 13 years of marriage and living in Jordan for one year in the beginning of our marriage and now for one year after being married for tweleve, my observations are that society here mostly for men is that it is normal to lie. They don't really even think they are lying, it's just that there are so many "rules" that I think they develop this at a young age. I have observed older and younder men lying. It's more like hiding the truth, because usually what they want is forbidden. I have had major issues with honesty throughout my whole marriage as I am VERY HONEST. I catch my husband in lies all the time and am ALWAYS confronting him on them. Why lie? The truth was just as easy to say. But, gossip a form of spreading lies is very big here in the villages at least.
For example: when I was here 13 years ago, my husband and I were walking in the street. I kicked a rock as we walked (I used to play soccer, and was just kicking it along the way). My husband said, "please, don't kick that rock. Women do not do this." I stopped and threw my hands in the air saying, "you're joking!!" He got mad and said, "don't throw your hands in the air! Just walk." I in a playful way, said, "oh, so there are rules about this? So, I must walk like this?" as I put my hands behind my back and walked straight looking ahead. He got even madder, and said, "please, just walk normal, you can't walk like that, only old ladies walk like that." I just laughed and walked like he wanted, thinking he was over-reacting, not sure of what to do. The next day rumors had circulated through the village and reached back to his home that he and I got in a huge fight. I had already booked a trip back to the states for a few months. This got translated as me leaving him because of the "fight" we got in in the street. It was absolutely ridiculous!! But EVERYONE believed it and spread the rumor. No one came to us and asked what happened, if this was true...it was all a lie and everyone believed it.
This happens a lot!! People just gossip and some actually are in fights with eachother because of the lie! No one actually goes to the person in question and asked for the truth.
Another time, around the same time, we rented car. After our adventure, I parked the rental in front of the family house. Right before we walked in, he said to me to tell his family that a friend had rented it. I asked why. He said because they are not used to women driving and would be afraid. I responded, that I had been driving for 12 years and that women are good drivers!! He still wanted me to lie to his family. He told his family this stupid story of which was obviuosly a lie. If it was our friends car, then why would I drive it and park it overnite at our house, I wondered. So, I just couldn't lie. I decided to tell them the truth, and if they didn't like it, too bad. They needed to understand women can drive and are actually safer drivers than most men. I went into the living room and told them the truth, that I had rented the car, blah blah, blah. It turns out, they suspected something was up and were just about to confront my husband about it. However, I had intercepted and beat them to it by telling them the truth. They were ok with it and it actually earned me great respect for being honest. They trust me still to this day! Actually, more than my husband.
So, it is normal to lie...it really causes a lot of probelms, however for someone who is honest. So, really take this into consideration, because as I said, after 13 years, it is still and issue and I'll tell you it just sucks. Luckily I have a very strong truth radar and can ALWAYS tell when he's lying...it drives him crazy. I always tell him, one of these days you'll learn, I can sniff out the smallest lie. But really, it is not a great thing to have in a relationship. This is the #1 cause of our arguements...oh, and many, not all, but MANY Jordanian men have BIG tempers. Me, being a strong woman, just doesn't put up with it and as a result there are far too many stupid arguements. I wished I would have known this all before we got married, however, our love is strong and so I just see them as a way to practice non-reaction and unconditional love. But if I could change it, I would in a heartbeat.
Use your truth radar....listen to your heart and trust yourself. If it feels like his lying, chances are, he is, and most likely will never change. I'd think twice.

peacelovelight..if u are living in irbid..then good luck!

Very Well Said peacelovelight,, I just want to say one thing,in Jordan as in many parts in the world people lie easily with no guilt they call it small lies.
---------
Many Jordanian Men Married to Non Muslim and they are fine.
also I met and seen many Married Russian ,American and others they are happier than the Arab once,and Islam has nothing to do with it.My best friend married to Christian Jordanian Girl even he is Muslim for over 8 years and have one kid,she still christian he still Muslim ..
So I would say Arab marring to Non Arab is very Good..

Meet this person, get to know him, and then make your decision, no one else can make it for you. I can understand the view of some people who may think Arab men are liars, however, they should not generalize their ideas as they will only prove themselves inaccurate. Do not be worried from Arab men, most of them are only complicated on the outside and very simple in the inside. We live in societies that adhere to cultural and religious restraints. If you end up liking this person, understanding our culture and our main religion, Islam, will probably help a possible extended relationship. Islam is not a scary religion, as a matter of fact it is beautiful and far from being complicated and over demanding as unfortunately some perceive. Good luck...
Sierraman

this is intresting, i would like to know what happened, if its too personal dont reply, but would really like to know whats the after math???

Iyardanetz wrote:

.... Anyway most Palestinian Muslims are not respected members of the community around here, because most choose to live alone in their own camps, and old houses, and make a woman pop him out 10 kids, and have no money what so ever, and not care about it, and not try to make his family's life better by getting a decent job...

My in-law family are poor Palestinians from the camps. Who live in old houses. And have big families. And have very little money. But to say they are not respected members of the community is taking it too far. Which community? Rabia? Abdoun?

I've lived on and off in Amman over many years, and my opinion of well off people who live (for the most part) in West Amman has never changed. Empty, plastic people. And such boring conversation - things like how big their apartments are, how much the maids cost, the best place to rent maids (seriously, they uuse the word "rent" for people!" what kind of cars they drive, how much they spend on school fees. Such unauthentic people.And i don't just mean the expats. The Arabs from there - whatever their origins, are like that too. So proud of themselves because they have money.

One good thing about poor people the world over, and just the same in Amman as elsewhere - at least they're authentic. What you see is what you get.

[moderated: keep that kind of comment for you]

moud23, could you please avoid this kind of negative stereotype ?

sorry mate i just thought some ones opinion was just an opinion....i dont understand...so what ever happened to freedom of speech???

Palastienians not allowed to be policemen in Jordan , that's the fact such positions alovating only to real Jordanian....... This is a rule

moud23, there are rules here : https://www.expat.com/en/terms.html

you don't respect them -> you get moderated

Hi Makram - I believe your comments may be half right - those who have Palestinian roots but who came in the 60s may be holders of Jordanian passports and therefore they can work in such posts.  I have two very close friends who fit into this category.

I find it interesting how a simple question can get so out of control.  I think it is more of a disservice to the person seeking advice when the advisor uses this opportunity to vent his/her own personal issues.  Expats who care about one another should learn to be mature and sympathetic with their comments.  Spewing hatred against a community does nothing but hurts the credibility of the hater him/herself.  There are good and bad people everywhere in this world.  While we may not be able to help bad people with whatever issues they have, it is always healthy to teach ourselves to be good to one another.

Iyardanetz wrote:

Please don't do it. He'll force you to change your religion, I am sure 100% he would. I know many Russian women here who are married to Muslim Jordanians/Palestinians, and they were all forced to change their religion in order to get married. Especially a Palestinian.

How can someone force anyone to change their religion? If that were me and the guy was saying "Well, I love you, but I can't marry you (translation: I don't want to be with you) unless you convert to Islam" I wouldn't stay with the guy. Aren't many Russians orthodox Christians? Why would orthodox Christians convert anyway? And frankly, I don't believe any conversion if it is just because of the marriage. That's no way to relate to God/Allah/Yahweh. Religion should be private, imho, between the person and God.

Yes, I too know many western women, mostly Christians, who converted just so their Muslim boyfriend would marry them. These are the same Muslim men, mind you, who drink/smoke hashish/go to clubs/gamble. I asked one guy over here, - he's from Syria rather than Jordan, - "so which part of Islam do you practice? Why is it so important that your wife convert?" He told me, - and perhaps he was right within the Arab culture? - "what is important is that she be a Muslim. Practice is an entirely different issue, between her and Allah alone."

To Leehram - I do so completely agree with you

you should meet his family, and make sure he really loves you.
how come he's professor and police man, i think you should make sure of this.

Religion issue is a big thing I know it, since I am a christian Arab, who lived in and out of the Arab world. but the main issue to my concern is the cultural shock you might have arriving here.
I know it since I lived for one year in southern america. The culture is completely different.
Here the predominating person in culture is man, while in Latin america, women have a very strong and independent character, even more than that of European women.
I guess, the year you would live here will help you understand better our culture. Then you might be able to make decisions.
It is quite too early to decide on that.

please don't do it , you will be socked to marry him.

Guys, I don't understand why you are posting on a old topic (may 2011!!!)which in this case is no longer an issue.

If you have a questions or you need advise, please open a new thread.

I had arranged marriage forced by my father for my cusin, I expenses her and that it is , it is not love-story marriage , it is arranged marriage , I have been married to my cusin and I have spend on her almost 375000 SAR which around 100'000 USD for alomst 17 months due to our culture , there is no other choices , if the father commanded that by forcing me or bring the gun wanted me to marry at age of 34 yrs old , even iam professional and Iam project engineer and I am holding MBA from NY Tech University , I cousld not control it , but , I adapted , I love american lady and she asked me to come to states, I have applied since 2001 for Green card and I spend over 10'000 USD on many applications and there are no success , what you want me to do , I delayed to start family 10 yrs and there is no success then , I stopped dreaming and I return to my father and tried to contenting him since he is 71 yrs old and he was disappointed to me since he knew I have many trails to be green card holder or live in US. So it is better to live my life and forget about United State selling dreams by collecting Visa fees yearly basis , I have one daughter right now and I have to concentrate on her and I become older and older . I have to forget about it and live my life .

Hi,

Tell him to convert first into muslim and if he does. he loves u

thanks.

Being Muslim is not just a religion but a way of life. In Islam, the family plays a vital role in the relationships of their children. If this man has not brought his family into the relationship in which he is posed to marry, they its a sign. I work in immigration and I am a Muslim. Unless he opens the door to the hearts of his family members, then you deserve better. He lacks openness and does not show the decency of making a proper introduction. Marriage is complicated enough, a bi-cultural marriage works only with a foundation of honesty and openness. Don't let this be his choices define your relationship and or even those of his family. If it does not feel right, then follow your survival instincts.

Hello everyone,

this is to inform new members that this is an old topic and inactive since 2013. Thank you.

usually Arab Guys wanna marry European and American girls for their nationality and when they got it  they broke up and marry Arab girl ! that's the sad truth

Try MAS Immigrant Justice Center 919-539-6144, great with immigration cases,

It alway a situation for so many now and I am sure someone will benefit from the information
.

No !

Lily said wrote:

No !

Can you explain more than only saying
No?