Clueless in Saigon and need your help

Just too bad you are in Saigon.

I think we will get along well if you are in Hanoi. 

When I was in service, we used to say "we put the criminals in, the lawyers let the criminals out. Lawyers are the same as apples - they look good when hang in the trees."

I have to ask WHY you come to HCMC?

AnEyeOnSaigon wrote:

Hi there expatters.

I'm in Saigon during April visiting family and have very little idea of what to do here. I'd love to hear your recommendations.

It would probably help if I introduce myself so that you can frame your recommendations accordingly.

I'm 36 years old and I live in Australia.

I work as a corporate lawyer and I love candle lit dinners and romantic walks on the beach ... oops! Wrong website profile!

I'm a non-smoker, non-drinker and occasional thinker. Therefore, I have no interest in bars or pubs as I really have very few spare brain cells to spare to alcohol poisoning.

Rather unusually for someone of Vietnamese origin, I'm fastidiously on time, so this rubber band time thing here is driving me nutters!

I have basic proficiency in Vietnamese, speak English plenty good, and am especially fluent in sarcasm and back handed witticisms.

I love the outdoors, site seeing and experiencing authentic cultural delights (and no, that's not a euphemism for spending my days with "love you long time" ladies who keep telling me that I'm "đẹp trai" but who are really overdue a visit to the optometrist).

I love to eat. While I'm fine at upmarket and (s)wanky fine dining establishments, I prefer those small little haunts that keep it real by providing tasty local dishes without all the pretense.

I love animals, especially puppies (as pets, not as dinner) and I have a soft spot for karaoke. It's pretty sad though, for a fully grown man to go singing on his own, even if he has a magnificent singing voice (and is tone deaf).

I'm located in District 1 and have no death wish (aka do not ride a scooter). This means I'll be getting around via taxi or good old fashioned walking while getting slow carbon monoxide poisoning. Keep that in mind in case you recommend that I see something that is neither within walking distance or will require me to give up a kidney to Vinasun.

You have a great little community on this forum and I'd love to tap into your expertise on what to see and do here in Saigon.

Extra kudos if someone can show me a karaoke joint with puppies to play with, exceptional food and mocktails, with a beach located right behind it (and is in District 1).

Hi AnEyeOnSaigon,

How long do you plan to stay in Ho Chi Minh? Pls give me an sms 09.83.80.11.73 or diamondbell@gmail.com.

Should be in touch more as I m a local Saigonese. I also like karaoke, and enjoy food... So we should have something in common to talk about.

Bell

Hi AnEyeOnSaigon,

Have you gone to AO Show at the Opera House? It is fantastic.

If you fancy coffee I can give you a list (depending on your gout). : )

If you are bored I can interest you with some lawyer-style sacarstic comments as well - though I think you won't be bored here in Saigon. 

Enjoy April sun bathing!

Hi there AnEyeOnSaigon, first to say I really enjoy your introduction, I have a thing for sarcasm and humour you know.
So I'm wondering if you are free on Saturday evening 4-6 pm on 18th April? I'm hosting an English club activity at KUDU Cafe. If you're interested in meeting new and friendly Vietnamese friends and at the same time help them improve their English speaking skill, feel free to join us. I'll send you the link for more info via private mess.
Hope to see you there "đẹp trai"

Hi One-eyed man!

You have very nice skill showing off yourself, mister! If you can survive all the carbon monoxide, traffic and haven't been dead of old age, do consider going somewhere else for a while. Since you love to walk, it's great time to visit Sapa with trekking and the beach in Central Vietnam with water sports offered.

Normally a senior VK stays because of family matters for a month or longer in the country. Do not rush it worrying that the terrible 40 is coming! It takes time to find a good one! If I got it all wrong, bear in mind that a woman is allowed to over-infer things.

If Sapa, trekking, beach and water sports also sound not interesting to you, let me know! I'll ask my grandpa for some of his senior clubs or if outsiders are welcomed to join and I'll get back to you!

Stick with Vinasun and think of how carbon monoxide slowly poison you then try to block it completely will keep you perfectly safe to enjoy Vietnam!

To health and ultimate safety! Cheers..

Many thanks for the warm replies, as well as the somewhat tepid ones - AustriaKarl, I'm looking at you

Apologies for my late response. I've been making hay while the sun and pollution shine and have just come back from Dalat, Nha Trang and Vung Tau.

My thoughts on these destinations:

1) Dalat - Beautiful, sleepy town with cool, agreeable weather. Great for scenic viewing and the traffic seems almost manageable by Vietnam standards. If you like to boogey and paint the town red late at night, then you've come to the wrong place, which is fine by me as I have two left feet encased in cement loafers and my paint brush hasn't seen crimson in years (and no, that is also not another distasteful euphemism).

2) Nha Trang - Beaches, beaches and beaches. Work on your tan and your Russian language skills because sand, sun and obese and inebriated Russians are in abundance.

3) Vung Tau - Also a beach side destination, though not as nice as Nha Trang. Doesn't seem to be much else here but no doubt a local can chime in and enlighten my ignorance.

Athanasius Pang wrote:

Just too bad you are in Saigon.

I think we will get along well if you are in Hanoi. 

When I was in service, we used to say "we put the criminals in, the lawyers let the criminals out. Lawyers are the same as apples - they look good when hang in the trees."

Yes, a shame. We seem to share the same acerbic sense of humour, including a mutual disdain for legal folk, which in my case, involves a serious case of self loathing.

Do you know what the difference is between a lawyer and a cat fish?

One is a scum-sucking bottom feeder, often sporting unsightly whiskers. The other is a fish. Boom tish!

AustriaKarl wrote:

I have to ask WHY you come to HCMC?

AnEyeOnSaigon wrote:

I'm in Saigon during April visiting family.

diamondbell wrote:

Hi AnEyeOnSaigon,

How long do you plan to stay in Ho Chi Minh?

Should be in touch more as I m a local Saigonese. I also like karaoke, and enjoy food... So we should have something in common to talk about.

Bell

I leave near the end of April.

You mentioned two of my favourite words - food and karaoke!

Now had you also mentioned teacup Pomeranian puppies, then I would have fallen out of my chair!

La terra santa wrote:

Have you gone to AO Show at the Opera House? It is fantastic.

If you fancy coffee I can give you a list (depending on your gout). : )

If you are bored I can interest you with some lawyer-style sacarstic comments as well - though I think you won't be bored here in Saigon. 

Enjoy April sun bathing!

I can't say I've been to the AO show. Tell me more. What does the AO stand for?

Lawyer bashing comments and jokes are always welcome.

If you can't get them to laugh with you, it's always better if they're laughing at you rather than suing you!

therese.phuongtran wrote:

Hi there AnEyeOnSaigon, first to say I really enjoy your introduction, I have a thing for sarcasm and humour you know.
So I'm wondering if you are free on Saturday evening 4-6 pm on 18th April? I'm hosting an English club activity at KUDU Cafe. If you're interested in meeting new and friendly Vietnamese friends and at the same time help them improve their English speaking skill, feel free to join us. I'll send you the link for more info via private mess.
Hope to see you there "đẹp trai"

I have a thing for sarcasm and humour, too, but hey, nobody is perfect

I'll need to check my schedule for the 18th.

You know how it  is with a very large extended family here. You need to get each and everyone's permission to make sure no one's schedule is being messed with, no one is being left out, and no one is losing face if I'm not there.

Having said that, I'm not sure how wise it would be for your friends to learn English from me. Do you really want a whole group of locals becoming twisted, cynical acid tongued English speakers?

Ngan Khanh wrote:

Hi One-eyed man!

You have very nice skill showing off yourself, mister! If you can survive all the carbon monoxide, traffic and haven't been dead of old age, do consider going somewhere else for a while. Since you love to walk, it's great time to visit Sapa with trekking and the beach in Central Vietnam with water sports offered.

Normally a senior VK stays because of family matters for a month or longer in the country. Do not rush it worrying that the terrible 40 is coming! It takes time to find a good one! If I got it all wrong, bear in mind that a woman is allowed to over-infer things.

If Sapa, trekking, beach and water sports also sound not interesting to you, let me know! I'll ask my grandpa for some of his senior clubs or if outsiders are welcomed to join and I'll get back to you!

Stick with Vinasun and think of how carbon monoxide slowly poison you then try to block it completely will keep you perfectly safe to enjoy Vietnam!

To health and ultimate safety! Cheers..

Carbon monoxide, traffic and passage of time aside, I think the Saigon belly might claim me first. Having seen the food preparation standards of some of the street stalls (or should that be the lack of such standards?), I'm going to invest in a good quality stomach pump.

I just did an image search for Sapa and wow! Such stunning scenery. Some of the tiered fields look like they have not been affected by time at all, which is something I cannot claim for myself.

Can you please also ask your grandpa how he manages to get his walking frame through the metal detector at the airport?

I left mine and my titanium backed false teeth at home as I didn't want any hassle at customs.

AnEyeOnSaigon wrote:

Carbon monoxide, traffic and passage of time aside, I think the Saigon belly might claim me first. Having seen the food preparation standards of some of the street stalls (or should that be the lack of such standards?), I'm going to invest in a good quality stomach pump.

I just did an image search for Sapa and wow! Such stunning scenery. Some of the tiered fields look like they have not been affected by time at all, which is something I cannot claim for myself.

Can you please also ask your grandpa how he manages to get his walking frame through the metal detector at the airport?

I left mine and my titanium backed false teeth at home as I didn't want any hassle at customs.

You do know that "what you don't know can't hurt you" right? It's your mistake to be curious and look at the food preparation at street stalls! Why bother to invest in stomach pump when the better solution is "Don't look! Don't look! Do not look!"

My grandpa got his walking frame made of wood as he's not too silly to get it in metal. Guess the older the wiser!

I do think Sapa is good for you! Since you love walking, it will be a lot of fun to trek from Saigon all the way to Sapa!

Hi

Quite like your humour, lol. I and my Filifino friends did a Saigon tour enjoying street food, cafe, bar (for light live music), museum etc. It was amazing though exhausted. Pm me if you like to experience that day trip. Guess what, its a motorbike trip, lol, but can take taxi and walk if you are not ready for such adventure, lol

Btw, I graduated law uni though I am not a lawyer now.

Ngan Khanh wrote:

I do think Sapa is good for you! Since you love walking, it will be a lot of fun to trek from Saigon all the way to Sapa!

I asked the relatives about Sapa and they tell me that it's a beautiful but inconvenient place to get to,

I'll have to check it out on my next visit as one supposedly needs almost a week to cover the transport time from Saigon and the time spent at Sapa.

The relatives also mentioned a most curious tradition that the Sapaians engaged in. Apparently, if one is a guest at the home of a Sapaian, the host will offer his wife to the guest for "personal use".

If this is the case, I will wear my running shoes, in case the offered gift happens to have no hair, no teeth, no restraint and a raging libido!

Having said that, if the gift is anything I imagine my future wife will be like, then I will only need to ask that Sapa woman to yell at me, tell me to take out the trash, and ask me to hand over my pay cheque - lol!

Nguyet Truong wrote:

Hi

Quite like your humour, lol. I and my Filifino friends did a Saigon tour enjoying street food, cafe, bar (for light live music), museum etc. It was amazing though exhausted. Pm me if you like to experience that day trip. Guess what, its a motorbike trip, lol, but can take taxi and walk if you are not ready for such adventure, lol

Yes, please send me the details of that day trip as it sounds like it's right up my alley.

Nguyet Truong wrote:

Btw, I graduated law uni though I am not a lawyer now.

You did the right thing. You at least now have a life, friends, respect and get to see sunlight!

You seem a kind of person who is hard to please. I think you are a Vietnamese by the end so I think you should be a Vietnamese for a while. You are not stranger here anyway.

Enjoy and have fun