Seriously :)

PERCEPTION:

Two women friends chatting in office:

Woman 1: I had a fine evening, how was yours?
Woman 2: It was a disaster. My husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours?
Woman 1: Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house and afterwards talked for an hour. It was like a fairytale!

At the same time, their husbands are talking at work.

Husband 1: How was your evening?
Husband 2: Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate and fell asleep. It was great! What about you?
Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner because they cut the electricity because I hadn't paid the bill; so I had to take my wife out to dinner which was so expensive that I didn't have money left for a cab. We had to walk home which took an hour; and when we got home remember there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house! After all, I was so aggravated that I couldn't fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for another hour!

MM that one was great!

No offence meant Julian, it was told to me by a Saudi.

beezer wrote:

Alliecat wrote:

Problem with most funny jokes is that they usually offend some one in some way 

That reminds me; how does a good joke start?
*looks over both shoulders*

(if you don't get it, too bad )

:lol:EXACTLTY:lol: If you can't take a joke, then never tell one!

HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE RIGHT JOB in KSA?

Place 100 bricks in a straight row stacked up in a closed room with an Open Window.
Send 2 or 3 candidates in and close the door.
Leave them alone and come back later and then analyze the situation as follows:-
If they are counting the Bricks,
Put them into Accounts.

If they are recounting them,
Put them in Audit.

If they have messed up the place with bricks scattered all over,
Put them in Engineering.

If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order,
Put them in Planning.

If they are throwing the bricks at each other,
Put them in Operations .

If they are sleeping,
Put them in Security.

If they have broken the bricks Into pieces,
Put them into Information Technology.

If they are sitting idle,
Put them in HR.

If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has been moved,
Put them in Sales.

If they have already left for the day.
Put them in Marketing.

If they are staring out of the Window.
Put them into Revenue Management.

And then, last but not least.
If they are talking to each other and have not even bothered to look at the bricks.

Congratulate them and put them In Top Management

Absolutely true story, happened in Dammam with Yours truly.

I went to buy Kabsa on a friday afternoon after prayers.

Me: 1 kabsa please
Server: Which chicken do you want with it?
Me: Err, how many kinds are there?
Server: Two
Me: Which ones?
Server: This one (Then pointing at one kind on display)
Me: And the other one?
Server: We don't have the other one
(I thought maybe I had missed something crucial in the earlier conversation, so was staring at the server with my mouth open seeing which he started again)
Server: So, which chicken do you want with it?
Me: Err, how many kinds are there?
Server: Two
Me: Which ones?
Server: This one (Then pointing at the one kind on display)
Me: And the other one?
Server: We don't have the other one
After having the same conversation twice, I got along with the program and pointing at the chicken on display, I firmly said: One kabsa with this chicken.

And the server happily packed it.

Typical, Brilliant. Thank you.

hehehhehe how true Mir,we face such things quite often here:(

Once again a true story,

During one of my semester breaks during bachelor's, I aplong with my friends decided to rent a car and go visit a friend of ours who used to live in the countryside.

On the way back, we decided to buy some fresh fruit since we were "in the countryside". We bought about 1000 custard apples in a basket but since a basket couldn't be tied securely on the car's roof, it was decided to look for a big carton to pack the fruit in instead.

A couple of my friends (the guy who we went to meet included in them) and myself went looking for empty cartons at the nearby shops. There were a few pharmacies nearby so we started asking there first.

One friend went inside one pharmacy while we were standing outside and looking inside the shop through the glass panels. My friend said something to the shopkeeper to which the shopkeeper brought out a small box from behind the counter and placed it in front of him.

At this point, I went inside the shop to find my friend saying, "No, I want a bigger size"

The shopkeeper put that box inside, took out a slightly bigger box, opened it and handed my friend a pair of rubbers.

For a few seconds, my friend looked at the rubbers then at the shopkeeper, finally he said, "I said carton, not condom"

After we left the shop empty handed and went back to our friends and related this incident, it lead to even more laughs. With someone commenting, "I didn't know that in the countryside, carton is code for condom" while another said (Since the friend that spoke to the shopkeeper was stick thin and of average height), "Wow, looking at you the shopkeeper must have thought, with this physique he wants a bigger one"

nonz wrote:

hehehhehe how true Mir,we face such things quite often here:(

Yes, but no need to frown, nonzie   With the right attitude,  this kind of exchange is down right amusing, as mirfarali shows us.  Only thing required is patience.

We used to call them raincoats in our time

Alliecat wrote:

nonz wrote:

hehehhehe how true Mir,we face such things quite often here:(

Yes, but no need to frown, nonzie   With the right attitude,  this kind of exchange is down right amusing, as mirfarali shows us.  Only thing required is patience.

actually,i never frown in fact i do the idiotic thing"When they dont understand me,i try to use hand language and if they still do not ,i start giggling nonstop" (Just can't control it)

Lets have some catchy captions for this pic.

musicman wrote:

Lets have some catchy captions for this pic.
[img align=C]http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc4/hs710.snc4/63041_136244399755876_100001109499834_175159_1095911_n.jpg[/url]

Yin & Yin - its a cats life

In the ME a women gets stoned after she commits adultery
In LA its usually before

How many faces can you see below?

I got 9 and a deformed foot.

oops 10

i think ten is the right answer, too. i saw the 3 toed deformed foot but chose to ignore it cos I was looking for faces, only.

Challenge!!!

Steps
1. Rightclick the link below & sellect "Open in New Tab"

mofa.gov.sa/detail.asp?InServiceID=235&intemplatekey=MainPage

2. Press "Translate" button on the upper righthand corner
3. Read “Ministry News” in English
4. Share your experience

10 faces and a toe

...and for all those who hope to look out their windows tomorrow evening, just in case they see nothing floating around ... here goes ... no screaming, please!

The Truth about Clinton, phew, finally.....

At last, the true story. Some years ago President Clinton was hosting a state dinner when, at the last minute, his regular cook fell ill, and they had to get a replacement on short notice.

The fellow arrived and turned out to be a very grubby-looking man named Jon.

The President voiced his concerns to his Chief of Staff but was told that this was the best they could do on such short notice.

Just before the meal, the President noticed the cook sticking his finger in the soup to taste it and again complained to the Chief of Staff, but he was told that this man was supposed to be a very
good chef. The meal went okay, but the President was sure that the soup tasted a little funny. By the time dessert came, he was starting to have stomach cramps and nausea.

It was getting worse and worse until finally the President had to excuse himself from the dinner to look for the bathroom. Passing through the kitchen, he caught sight of the cook, Jon, scratching
his rear end, which made him feel even worse. By now, the President was desperately ill with violent cramps and was so disorientated that he couldn't remember which door led to the loo.

He was on the verge of passing out from the pain when he finally found a door that opened. As he unzipped his trousers and ran in, he realized to his horror that he had stumbled into Monica
Lewinsky's office with his trousers around his knees.

As he was just about to pass out, she bent over him and heard the President whisper in a barely audible voice in his Southern drawl, "Sack my cook."

And that, my friend, is how the whole misunderstanding started.

Lady Gaga wearing a meat dress at the MTV VMA Music Awards
Not very Gaga for Vegetarians, I bet?

musicman wrote:

The Truth about Clinton, phew, finally.....

At last, the true story. Some years ago President Clinton was hosting a state dinner when, at the last minute, his regular cook fell ill, and they had to get a replacement on short notice.

The fellow arrived and turned out to be a very grubby-looking man named Jon.

The President voiced his concerns to his Chief of Staff but was told that this was the best they could do on such short notice.

Just before the meal, the President noticed the cook sticking his finger in the soup to taste it and again complained to the Chief of Staff, but he was told that this man was supposed to be a very
good chef. The meal went okay, but the President was sure that the soup tasted a little funny. By the time dessert came, he was starting to have stomach cramps and nausea.

It was getting worse and worse until finally the President had to excuse himself from the dinner to look for the bathroom. Passing through the kitchen, he caught sight of the cook, Jon, scratching
his rear end, which made him feel even worse. By now, the President was desperately ill with violent cramps and was so disorientated that he couldn't remember which door led to the loo.

He was on the verge of passing out from the pain when he finally found a door that opened. As he unzipped his trousers and ran in, he realized to his horror that he had stumbled into Monica
Lewinsky's office with his trousers around his knees.

As he was just about to pass out, she bent over him and heard the President whisper in a barely audible voice in his Southern drawl, "Sack my cook."

And that, my friend, is how the whole misunderstanding started.

:lol:Oh dear, that one is scrapping the bottom of the cooking pot isn't it!  Still, made me laugh though

musicman wrote:

Lady Gaga wearing a meat dress at the MTV VMA Music Awards
Not very Gaga for Vegetarians, I bet?
[img align=C]https://mail.google.com/mail/?ui=2&ik=095fec3c68&view=att&th=12bfd15d3d28b106&attid=0.3&disp=emb&realattid=7e7f5bc9646d8673_0.1&zw[/url]

Hey MM, this is old news now - bet it was a 'meaty' purchase though.  When she bought it instead of looking for the washing instructions, she had to search for the 'sell by' date!  (moan, moan I hear you all, sorry!)

gowiththeflowUK wrote:

musicman wrote:

Lady Gaga wearing a meat dress at the MTV VMA Music Awards
Not very Gaga for Vegetarians, I bet?
[img align=C]https://mail.google.com/mail/?ui=2&ik=095fec3c68&view=att&th=12bfd15d3d28b106&attid=0.3&disp=emb&realattid=7e7f5bc9646d8673_0.1&zw[/url]

Hey MM, this is old news now - bet it was a 'meaty' purchase though.  When she bought it instead of looking for the washing instructions, she had to search for the 'sell by' date!  (moan, moan I hear you all, sorry!)

Now imagine....even i knew about this:rolleyes:

Would have made a great show piece for Maxi's BBQ at the compound?

Happy Halloween Expat.comgers

It got crowded in heaven so, for one day and one day only, it was decided to only accept people who had really bad day on the day they died.

St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died." The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, of which I died from."

St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in. He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!"

St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job. "Tell me about the day you died?” he said to the third man in line. "OK, picture this; I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator...."

hehehe

The junior high school was having trouble with the seventh grade girls leaving lipstick marks all over the mirrors in the girls bathrooms. No amount of warnings or requests to stop helped. So the principal called the girls into one of the girls restrooms for a talk.

"You all may not realize how difficult it is for our custodian, Mr. Anderson, to remove these marks so I`ve called him in to demonstrate what he has to go through."

Mr. Anderson stepped forward with a long-handled scrub brush in hand which he immediately sloshed around in the toilet before using it scrubbing the mirrors.

There was never again a problem with lipstick marks on the mirrors

good strategy hannn???

Man dies and goes to be judged as per his deeds. When the angels check his account, they find his sins equal to his good deeds. So God asks what he has to say for himself. The man says, "God, I never had a minute of peace in my life. My wife made my life miserable and nagged me all the time."

So God says, "Fine, since he suffered so much on earth. Put him in heaven"

The man next in line with a similar case hears this exchange so when it is his turn to say something says, "God, My life was even more miserable. I married twice and both my wives made my life a living hell"

God replies, "Put him in hell. He did not learn from his previous mistake and went ahead to make another one"

What about those have sought the full compliment of four?

musicman wrote:

What about those have sought the full compliment of four?

They go to heaven for sparing atleast 3 men, the pain of going through marriage

thats what i call charity

Automation wrote:

Challenge!!!

Steps
1. Rightclick the link below & sellect "Open in New Tab"

mofa.gov.sa/detail.asp?InServiceID=235&intemplatekey=MainPage

2. Press "Translate" button on the upper righthand corner
3. Read “Ministry News” in English
4. Share your experience

Below link not working any more

uvnpsaradhi wrote:

Automation wrote:

Challenge!!!

Steps
1. Rightclick the link below & sellect "Open in New Tab"

mofa.gov.sa/detail.asp?InServiceID=235&intemplatekey=MainPage

2. Press "Translate" button on the upper righthand corner
3. Read “Ministry News” in English
4. Share your experience

Below link not working any more

Umm, isn't the whole point that NOTHING IS WORKING! 

The Arabic page works. My driver busted the speed limit on Aruba Road last Tuesday (26) and I have an sms that says I have to pay SR 300. Tried to check the website but it does not work. The Arabic page gives all the details of when and where and how. Tried to pay the fine through the SAMBA Online e-Government SADAD Payment system. That too failed. Have to visit the bank branch today to pay or else be surcharged up to SR 500. My poor driver is poorer by 300 bucks this month, sadly. I had warned him severely before about violations. No excuse.... sorry!

musicman wrote:

The Arabic page works. My driver busted the speed limit on Aruba Road last Tuesday (26) and I have an sms that says I have to pay SR 300. Tried to check the website but it does not work. The Arabic page gives all the details of when and where and how. Tried to pay the fine through the SAMBA Online e-Government SADAD Payment system. That too failed. Have to visit the bank branch today to pay or else be surcharged up to SR 500. My poor driver is poorer by 300 bucks this month, sadly. I had warned him severely before about violations. No excuse.... sorry!

Poor driver became poor, but you are also becoming poorer by 200SAR if you dont pay today. If online payment dont work, they should give more time.

By the way, why did ur driver busted the speed limit, is that he wants to leave early to home or what?

This happened a couple of weeks ago to my boss

My boss had a young daughter about 7 years old. She studies in a school quite close to our office. He usually picks her up during lunch hour and drops her home in the process also has lunch at home as well. Two weeks ago he was very busy with meetings so when it was time to pick his daughter, he requested one of my colleagues to pick her and drop her home as he lived quite nearby to my boss' place.

Due to some reason, my colleague could not go as well so he asked one of our company drivers to go to school and pick her up. Around lunch hour, my boss received a call from my colleague saying that the driver has already picked up the daughter and is on the way to drop her home, BUT for some reason the girl keeps crying.

My boss called up the driver and asked him what was wrong. To which he said that everything was fine but for some reason the girl is crying. Boss asked the driver to hand the phone to the girl. He spoke to the girl but she was crying so much that he could not talk to her properly, but he could make out that she kept saying that she wanted to go home.

My boss asked the driver to immediately come to the office so that he could see what was wrong. When the driver came to the office, my boss went over to his car, opened the door, saw the girl and the first thing that he said was,

"You fool, whose daughter did you pick up from school?"

Yep, the driver had picked up the wrong girl from school due to some confusion. My boss immediately got the girl into his car and rushed to the school where the girl's father was on the verge of calling the police. After lot of convincing and explaining and being scolded at by everyone, my boss finally managed to resolve things and pick the "right" daughter.