Dominican women

Okay,  wow I could say a lot. But what I will do is ask you this:  Have you ever lived here?   OR, is this all based on your observations as a tourist / Short term stays?

planner wrote:

Okay,  wow I could say a lot. But what I will do is ask you this:  Have you ever lived here?   OR, is   this all based on your observations as a tourist / Short term stays?

Planner maybe you think thet I am telling BS..you have the right to disagree so you go and tell us what you think.

Let's say I am an "advanced tourist". No I haven't lived there but I go there 3 times a year and I have had many dominican crushes.. the least I can say..

Go ahead and tell us what I am telling wrong ?

Me thinks you are looking for love in all the wrong places....

Bob K

Bob K wrote:

Me thinks you are looking for love in all the wrong places....

Bob K

Bob with all the respect, can you guys be less judgemental ?

How do you know that I am looking for love in the wrong places ? What are those wrong places ?

I am not one of those posters who come here and start a thread "Wow guys I found the love of my life in a ressort" ...

This thread says a lot : https://www.expat.com/forum/viewtopic.p … 86&p=2
Belive me, I have read it!

No honey, I was not suggesting anything at all,  just confirming where you are coming from that is all.

Each of us sees things through our filters, whatever they may be.

I can tell you that after living here you start to see different things and base your judgements  on different comparisons.  Its all about the experience. 

Your reality and your opinion are very valid!

I started the thread saying that this is based on my own experience and observation so of course, perspective can be very different from one person to another. I also invited anyone to post his own opinons or past experiences.

This is an open board and discussion is the very reason we are here.

I know most of expats have rather negative opinons when it comes to Dominican women. Thing is my experience has been rather good and I can't complain a lot about those women. I can now spot a gold-digger in 5 minutes but the times I have met decent women overweights the cheap ones The more you know them, the more selective you become.

Just to make it clear I don't go around hitting on women in touristic areas,  albeit many women come for weekend with family or friends and it is easy to tell they don't care about meeting gringos.  I have mostly used alternative "channels" through befriending on FB a friend of a firend or dating websites.

Once you get past the beauty & how easy it is to bed some of them that you start to see the reality of it all.  One reason that gringos go nuts over the women is the natural joy & freedom of thier sexuality.  So different from the tightly girded loins & the pricey games that must be played with most western women, they are overwhelmed by it all.  Then they think that these girls MUST love them to give such pleasure in bed.   It ain't love boyo,  it is culture that is the difference.  Wise up & start to enjoy the real beauty of it all.  Life is not a race, you do not ever win, no trophy for being first.  Slow down & enjoy the view & you will garner the prize of your life.    Just a small fart from the Tuba. ..... If there are errors, it is because I can't see this damn small blue print.  This time it ain't me that's culpable!!!!

Good post and good observations. You are a very astute tourist.

StanR wrote:

Good post and good observations. You are a very astute tourist.

Thanks Stan,
you may share your expereriences if that is not too much work 

gypsy401 wrote:

Once you get past the beauty & how easy it is to bed some of them that you start to see the reality of it all.  One reason that gringos go nuts over the women is the natural joy & freedom of thier sexuality.  So different from the tightly girded loins & the pricey games that must be played with most western women, they are overwhelmed by it all.  Then they think that these girls MUST love them to give such pleasure in bed.   It ain't love boyo,  it is culture that is the difference.  Wise up & start to enjoy the real beauty of it all.  Life is not a race, you do not ever win, no trophy for being first.  Slow down & enjoy the view & you will garner the prize of your life.    Just a small fart from the Tuba. ..... If there are errors, it is because I can't see this damn small blue print.  This time it ain't me that's culpable!!!!

Beautiful post Gipsy,

as per the first part of the post I agree with you:
One thing that guys liking dominicanas have in common is that they are tired of women in Western countries. And I admit it myself.

I have in my social circle in PARIS like ~10 women between 30 and 40 years old. ALL of them are looking for love and all of them can NOT ever settle with a guy. It is like a "SEX & The CITY" movie scenario..They say they are not demanding but when they meet a guy either they grow tired of him either they go with a jerk and finish disapointed. My closest female friends have been single in the last 2-3 years in a market full of decent guys.

I read in newspaper a few days ago 53% of population in Paris are declared as single, and divorce rate is near 60%. When you compare "sentimental misery" and lonliness in West with life in RD, it is two different worlds.

In Western countries we say "Good guys finish last". Well that's the other way round in RD. If you are a "good guy"  and think with your "big head", you can have A LOT of choice.

ALL the dominicanas I have met have in common that they say preferring a white man over a dominican guy. Sometimes they just lie, because they already have a relationship with an abusive dominican guy but will tell you they are single just to keep the options open.

As for the gringos who go nuts for ladies 20-30 years younger, well that is a question of how realistic they are being with themselves. Unless that is for fun and egoistic pleasure, a mature guy should wake up and stop dreaming.

Sorry, my experiences with DR women is ZERO.
A story about a guy in his 60's and never married. I asked him one day why he never got married. He said he was looking for the perfect women. My answer to that was surly you must of met some one who was close. He replied that one time he did meet someone like that. So naturally I asked why he didn't marry her. His reply, she was looking for the perfect guy.
This is why so many are single.

Stan that was funny.   I am pretty much going to stay out of this conversation.  As a woman here, I  have a totally  different take on this and your discussion among men is much more useful I believe.

I've said before that I was lucky enough to have a couple of decent relationships during my years in the DR. They weren't be all or end all things.  No great earth shacking affairs, but an enjoyment of each other, sharing life's adventures.  It wasn't the undying love of one another ,but the love of life that made it good.. More like a friendship that inclided fun sex & laughter.  We knew that there was no chance of a life long commitment, an accepyance of the reality of the times..  There were no tears at the endings, smiles & good wishes.  Happy to say that both have married & have children, most of all they are happy as I am for them.  Upon my return, I hope to be as fortunate as I was in the past.  Who can foretell the future, I may even find a life long  love.  When they say "Patience is a virtue", tis true, though offtimes it seems like a curse.  Walk slow & see the beauty . Just a few words from the "Tinker"

I beg to differ Planner. I for one would be interested to hear what you have to say regarding this topic. A womans perspective can always inject a bit of honesty.

I agree with StanR, women should speak up on theier point of view.  Domincan women especially as we are speaking mostly about them. It is possible that the average ex-pat women might be a touch uncomfotable with so many well dressed , well coiffed & made uo women about.  I'm not talking about the "street" chicas, just the everyday normal Dominican woman, rich or poor, they stand out in a crowd.  So ladies, what do you think about all of this? Don't be timid or shy, speak up!  Darlene, you are a unique  & positive woman & I have no doubt that you possess a valid outlook on this.

Sorry Gypsy, Darlene seems like a very smart, sensible Lady.
The guys here want a Dominican Ladies perspective on this.
Me, as you mostly all know, well, I'm the lucky one.
I beat the odds and fell in love with the perfect Lady.
All is good here in Cabrera after almost 6 years.

Darlene is a Canadian Lady.
There is a big difference.
Different folks, different strokes.
Have a great dominican day all!
Tom.

Yup I am a Canadian lady who watches and sees.  But my perspective is really not relevant guys!

Sorry Tomas but I think you underestimate Darlene. She has been in DR if memory serves me correct around 8 years. She seems to me to be a very astute women very much in tune with DR women and DR life. I think it would be difficult for a Spanish speaking women to express her thoughts in English on this form. Prove me wrong Tomas, ask your wife to comment on the topic.

Great idea you need Dominican women to weigh in on this. And 12 years honey!   12 glorious years.  This will be my 13th Christmas here!  WOW.

Tomas Cabrera wrote:

Sorry Gypsy, Darlene seems like a very smart, sensible Lady.
The guys here want a Dominican Ladies perspective on this.
Me, as you mostly all know, well, I'm the lucky one.
I beat the odds and fell in love with the perfect Lady.
All is good here in Cabrera after almost 6 years.

Darlene is a Canadian Lady.
There is a big difference.
Different folks, different strokes.
Have a great dominican day all!
Tom.

My greetings Tomas,
Your wife seems a wonderful lady.  You are blessed 

That's evidence that there are some very good ladies on that Island who have it all, beauty and inner qualities.

I think planner has written her thoughts in another thread. To sum it up:
1. You have to live in RD.
2. You need to take it slow to know people..
3. Good women generally don't care about meeting gringos.
4... smth I forgot.

Anyways. I think regular tourists are not exposed to quality women that's why I have been more keen to use online dating where a found my long-term dominican girl-friend. There are many kind of women on those online dating websites but  if you are smart and sort the gold-diggers away, you can find some rare flowers.

Tomas, I also requested that local ladies post also.  Any opinion is welcome, even from a Gringa.   My friend Pete, who you will meet in a few weeks is also lucky.  I want to hear from all about his topic, not just ex-pats.  Stay well my friend.

Stan, prove you wrong about what?
I doubt you will find very many Dominican Ladies posting here
for the world to see. Most of them know what they want &
how to get it. There is NO shortage of intelligent Ladies here.
Catalina& I met on Dominican Cupid.

Tomas Cabrera wrote:

Stan, prove you wrong about what?
I doubt you will find very many Dominican Ladies posting here
for the world to see. Most of them know what they want &
how to get it.

I agree. I don't think many dominican women read any Expat.coms. They don't spend even much time on internet at first place.

Tomas Cabrera wrote:

There is NO shortage of intelligent Ladies here.
Catalina& I met on Dominican Cupid.

How funny. I met my long-term GF at the same place 

Here is my view on online dating daminicanas :

- You can have a good ressourcing of contacts even if you don't live in RD.
- Many of them are very decent and not the kind the regular tourists meets in vacation.
- Like in the real life, you need to take it slow: some are nuts or they just want to find a second boyfirend or ask for money to a naive guy who is impressed with boobs and big nalgas. Some dissapear, some new profiles enter.
- The "good women" won't take you seriously or waste time chit-chatting until you go and meet them in person.
- Like all online dating, the risk is that the person can be different from the imagination you grow before actually meeting them.
- If she shows long-lasting interest, odds are she really really likes you but you need to MEET her.

My view as well!
Worked for me for about 4 years!

Liking someone is the same as liking kallaloo before you taste it, Just damnned foolish.  True like comes from meeting them, not some imagined fantasy. Ypu can have apparently have much in common, but until you get to know them on a personal level, you really know crapola about them. Tomas & a few others did it the right way, fell in love when he got to truly know her.  Do the same & you be cool dude.,

You are right Gipsy, you need to taste the dish before buying it 

However, call me overly confident but my guts haven't told me wrong until now. My GF was exactly as I imagined her before getting to know her in person. And I did online dating for only 1 month before meeting her.

I have also met regular dominicanas coming at the resort for weekend with friends or family and they were not looking for a gringo. I took that as a fling, no hurt feelings, just a moment of fun. I never went crazy over any of them. I kept contact with some of them at friendly level and they have all been very cool with me.

I have been turned down many times too. Just becasue you are a gringo doesn't mean they will automatially like you.

The use of the word "like" in this context is wrong.  They do not automatically "like" you, it is what you represent that they like.  The you in YOU has not a whit to do with it.  You are a commodity, a ticket to a step up in their lives. Like is a misnomer, an unwanted appellation  to be saddled with, & they are known to use sharpened spurs.  Beware of being"liked" by what amounts to as a total stranger in a strange country.  Gut feelings, remember, can turn into a stomach ache.

Ok here is the post of a guy I found extremely powerfull even if he has had very different experiences from mine, he says a lot of things that are true. It is worth to see the other side of the coin. I respect all the views (My comments below).

gabe30 wrote:

After traveling back and forth to the DR for last 4 years, the one thing with all the girls whom I dated that was common was "money." My advice to anyone looking to go to the DR, is to forget relationships.

Forget any type of commitment. Just go out there and do as many women as you can possible can. (Same for women). Now, you may ask yourself, "well why would I do that? I looking for a life partner." Well, I too was on the same journey. But after getting my heart carved out again and again, from Dominican women, I came to realize that the world we live in today is not the same as it was back in the 60s or 70s when our parents got married.

With all the social media in today world, ie. facebook, tweeter, myspace, etc,  one can forget commitment. I came to realize that no matter how much a person wants a relationship to work, if the other partner doesn't put forth the same effort, it wont work and their NOTHING u can do about it as we all have freewill..

My advice for anyone wanting to start a relationship with a woman from the DR is to forget about it. You will find yourself spining around in circle like the hamster and clock and timing is ticking. Instead, you should Go there, don't get serious, meet as much women, [Moderated] as much as you can and forget the whole long distance relationship.

Long distance relationship is a joke. Also, try to learn basic Spanish so that that you don't get taken advantage off. To me, a new light has came on. Will probably get alot of bashing for this post, but it's okay cause if I can save one person from making the same mistakes I made, then, by all means, my effort wasn't a waste.
I see Domincan women and men as cheats, back stabbers, unfaithful, pathological liars, users, gold diggers, and majority of them love the bad boy. Yes, they may have told u that they want the nice guy that will be family oriented, etc..,  but truth be told, domincan women cant get enough of the bad boys (same for women all around the world).

I've always wonder why domincan women would choose a guy that they know wasn't good and allow that same guy to impregnate them and then leave them to take care of the child all by themselves. But this is common in the DR. Water seeks its own level. The men didn't force the women to open their legs. They were the one that made that choice. Here is another piece of advice,  Watch the single mothers.

And in all, have a good time. NEVER again will I try to do any sort of relationship with any women in the DR. For me, it's just, lets get some beer, and afterwards, come to my spot, and let's get to business. But, like I said, would probably get alot of bashing for my opinion. I am just calling it how I see it.

I wish I could take those 4 years I wasted back. But I cant. Hopefully, this will help someone else who is very naive hearing all those stories about how a guy in his 40s went to the DR, to pick up a 18 or 19 year old, brought her back home and happily married her. Reality states that in many cases, the guy will find out the real truth. How the girl was just acting all along. And now, he girl is messing around with other guys, all because the girl missed her adulthood. She didn't get a chance to bang as many guys as she wanted and get that out of her system. She wonders what she missed out on.

Guys, if u do decide you want to get married, marry when u are in your late 50s then. When you are in your early 20s, 30s, and even 40s, just bang everything that moves. Life is too short, doing relationship wondering as to whether or not your partner is messing around is crazy. Even if they are messing around, what can you do to stop them from messing around? Nothing. As we all have free will to do as we choose to.

Forget monogamy. It rarely exist in today world.  With all that I said about the Domincan women, I have to admit, they are beautiful people, One of the most (if not, the most) beautiful people in this world, but, not everything that shines is Gold. ALot of them are heartless. They will use your ass up until they find the next sucker to use. There are some good women out there, but it's like trying to find needle in a haystack. Also, watch if a Dominican women has a tatoo on her body. That is a sign that the girl may not be marriage material. Learned from a friend that a girl with tatoo on her body in the DR is a huge red flag when searching for commitment. Also, make sure that her family (mom and father) are still together. If the father is not there, the relationship is going to be difficult  to maintain. A father plays a HUGE role in a woman's life. So, this will be another red flag.

Watch the women whom are telling you their problems right a way at the start. More than likely, they are gold diggers just ready for u to open your wallet for them. All in all, NEVER EVER EVER EVER give a dime to a Dominican woman unless she is your wife. I made this mistake myself. But, through experienced, I had to  learn the hardway. Love and money doesn't mix in the same sentence. You may think that alittle 2-3 pesos here and there wont hurt, but, more than likely, it will back fire on you when u find out that she is taking your money and screwing other guys. Will feel like a real sucker then... If a woman truly loves u, she will not be telling you her problem nor asking your for money. Only the gold diggers does that and the majority of the women you are going to meet out there are that. Not that there arent gold digegrs here in the states. Yes they are. But in many cases, the women here are upfront with you. They tell you this is what they want, blah blah. With the girls from the DR, they are pathological liars. They will tell you their problems. My baby is sick, my grandmother is dying, on and on.  But, there also are some good ones also. Maybe I;m looking at the wrong places or maybe it's only me that has had these experiences. So all in all, forget relationship with a Dominican women. Take everything they say to u with a grain of salt.

Well,

this is what happens when a guy comes to find love in Sosua or Boca Chica. I mean seriously if you are in your 40s and you date 18-19 old, or you are in your 50s and you "date " 25 years old, I mean come on...Do you expect a serious relationship and be happily married ? There are always expetions but that's why they are called "exceptions".

There are 2 ways to deal with dominicanas: Either you are looking for vacational fun booty call or you are looking for a beautiful lady who will be a reliable espouse in the long run.
Both exist.
I call it the "Mermaid Factor", they are beautiful, make you feel good about yourself, boost your ego, they behave sweet and girly, no wonder guys go nuts for these women. Like Mermaids, behind the pretty face there can be some traps.
Thing is to pick wisely.

If you hang out in touristic places you will likely meet cheaters, liars, gold-diggers, heartless bit*es. But hey  let's be realistic, it is like you are going around shouting out "Sleep with me and take my money". If you show off as a prey you will be looked a a prey.

PS.

Can someone better informed than me explain:


1- Why tatoos are a red flag ?
(I guess because only hookers do tatoo in RD - None of my gf had tatoos).

2- No dad at home = Red flag
Well that is 90% of dominicains..Not sure why that is a red flag.?

Tattoos are not acceptable here socially.  A tattoo will be a red flag.

No dad at home  usually means raised in poverty, no male role models,   and mom  might be the wrong kind of role mode.

planner wrote:

Tattoos are not acceptable here socially.  A tattoo will be a red flag.

Actually I have noticed only hookers and street rogues have tatoos in RD.

I have a tatoo in my arm and my exGF grandmother was very suprised to see it 

planner wrote:

No dad at home  usually means raised in poverty, no male role models,   and mom  might be the wrong kind of role mode.

I agree, single mothers are often the most poor and sometimes work the hell out to raise the children. Very often the runaway dad doesn't give a peso.
I would say it depends on education but the dominican girls in poor areas raisen with no male at home tempt to fall pregnant very early (sometimes as young as 14) and go after abusive guys who will reproduce the image of a indiferent dad.

Then when they are tired of the bad guy style they start to look for a gringo.

My own "policy" has been zero children rule.

Single mothers are too much work to handle.
-> if you want to bring her and the children at your homeland; the runaway dad will have to approve! And most of them will ask for money if you want their approval.
-> It is a "package deal" you bring her AND her children that you will raise, not to mention the paperwork.

Tatoos have not been a problem for me.

Tomas Cabrera wrote:

Tatoos have not been a problem for me.

It depends on the background of each and every one but generally  they are signs of "de la Calle" in RD.

Some feedback on my last GF.

I know I will get the "I told you so" line but it is very hard to know people on online dating.

So I knew "K", wonderful contact, we clicked together right away. She is 30, no children, has a job and seems very independent although her family are poor and she doesn't make a lot of money herself. While chatting and skyping with her she looked an amazing person, mature, over the average dominicana in terms of culture and knowledge, more close to european mindset of women.

So after only 1 month of chatting I thought I don't want to waste my time chatting for many months and it would be much better to know her in person before progressing with anything. And it was a good choice.

We had a good time, she was patient, caring and would do anything to please me. She came to pick me to the airport, got me a taxi to the place I have rented. She brought breakfast food to my place so I didn't have to go out and buy food.

Now on the bad side, there were a couple of red flags that turned me off completely:

Like all the dominicanas, she likely thinks we have money in abundance and we pick it on the trees...She had no consideration for the money I was spending while being there. She would get annoyed why I wouldn't pick a better hotel for weekend or why would I complain about the restaurant being too expensive. She made me buy things for her family, her sister wanted a good wine and her mother wanted fish from Puerto Plata. I know this are mundane things but that indicates me she wanted to please her family with my wallet.... Also she talked to me a zillion times she wanted to move away from her parents and that she had found some good cheap appartments - I assumed she was expecting me to pay for her appartment even if she didn't asked it directly. I had a open talking with her and she was basically saying that a guy should financially support his GF and that also the dominican guys give money to their GFs (really, no joke... ?). The last killer was she asked me to lend her 80 USD for her personal Xmass expenses  and getting good looking for me (clothes, nails and salon) and she would give it back to me the 31st and of course she "forgot" and never mentioned it again. I don't care about 80 USD but it raised more red flags that the North Korea Army on parade....
As soon as I was on the plane back home I told her I was not going to pursue this relationship and she was kind of "But I got you to my life and know my family etc etc" . I bet her family doesn't care who she is dating.

That said, just walking in the streets and going out in Santiago center, I saw very very beautiful young ladies. No doubt RD is a fabric of beautiful women.. I came to conclusion that you need to live in RD to know good persons. It takes a lot of time, energy and money to know those women in distance.
So long story short, the more they are poor the more they look at you as a savior to take them out of the cr@p. My previous GF family was more middle class and I never had such expectations in so little time. It is very important to know their social class. They are very good at no scaring you in distance but when you know them on daily basis it is another story. Thing is when they are looking for foreign guys in first place, that is because there is a reason. Standard line I get is that dominican guys are not nice, cheaters etc etc...But in reality if they are willing to put up for a distant relationship it is not just because they like white guys, there are other expectations in the secret agenda.

It is not necessarily all bad. If you accept the culture and the mindset and if you want a beautiful dominican woman you know what you are signing for. And the more they are beautiful the more they are high maintenance. So the deal is very clear.

I didn't mean to vent but my last impression in this country is everything is about Money ! If you have money  you can even marry Miss RD if you want among lovers, mistresses and friends with benefits.

Well, here we go again.
I must be incredibly lucky or there are a lot
of bullshit stories going on around here & elsewhere.
Or, just possibly, there are a lot of really stupid guys out
there that are blind as well & don't look before they leap!

After looking for the right Dominican Lady
for  4 years or so, I found my Catalina.
While looking around the North Coast as well
as Dominican Cupid for those 4 years I met
an awful lot of wonderful Ladies. 60 percent were really
"keepers", but I finally found Catalina.
We've been together five years, almost 3 being married.
No problems at all.
We jointly own & paid for, (half each) our own home.
Tom, NOT a rich retired Canadian.

Eri we told you so.  Glad you figured it out before it cost you an arm and a leg.

Bob K

Bob K wrote:

Eri we told you so.  Glad you figured it out before it cost you an arm and a leg.

Bob K

  I was expecting this from you Bob. I was too enthusiastic for a long long time..Just being some more realistic now.

PS. I was in Sosua for the weekend of 26th, could have taken a coffee together. Maybe next time

Tomas Cabrera wrote:

Well, here we go again.
I must be incredibly lucky or there are a lot
of bullshit stories going on around here & elsewhere.
Or, just possibly, there are a lot of really stupid guys out
there that are blind as well & don't look before they leap!
.

Tomas, I am very glad you found the rare pearl.

But yes, you ARE lucky and you live THERE.

Believe me, living in RD is totally different from knowing them in distance. All you have to do is to jump in car and take a coffee with them. It is way easier than taking a plane ticket and all the logistics you need to put in place when in another country.