You MIGHT No Longer Be an Expat If...

- You demand pigao with your rice.
- You know what punchline is coming when someone says, "Llegué en mi Dodge..."
- You can identify all fifteen types of verduras under your salt codfish stew.
- You come to a one-year-old's birthday ready to party it up.
- The only time you don't eat chicken with rice and beans is when you eat rice and beans with chicken.
- You accept that driving in Puerto Rico is the struggle for dominance between three groups: the reckless, the clueless, and the hapless. BONUS: you automatically switch to the most opportune of these groups at every moment in a rapidly evolving situation.
- You have a dicho for every occasion.
- You happily consume mondongo and morcilla, even knowing what they are made of.
- When someone calls you a yal, you cover the ears of the small dog riding in your purse.
- You have plantains and chickens out back. BONUS: you can't scrub out that stain where plantain sap dripped on your skin.