An open letter from John Cleese to the people of America

and another 1, the word " solder" as in to join metal objects, primarily tin sheet, is spelt  s o l d e r  not with 2 d's and no "l" as in sodder listen to this http://jewelrymaking.about.com/od/solde … -0-ab_gsb, so, what type of block is she using? ,,,,,, and to think there is so much concern about the VN's to understanding foreigners! hehehehehehehehe

Awesome!   Of course, J.C's many admirers always knew
he would save civil-isol-ation from  Arm-a-rikkity-a.     

Appropriate?  YES!!!    ..but too little, too late..?

We will wait.   Apprehensively but Appreciatively.     

Deeply Too

Is this not a similar/same letter Mister Cleese penned in 2008?

Guess it does not matter who is s-elected.

Keep the monarchy and other things, but I would gladly accept the metric measurement (SI) system. 

7Steven wrote:

Is this not a similar/same letter Mister Cleese penned in 2008?

Guess it does not matter who is s-elected.

Keep the monarchy and other things, but I would gladly accept the metric measurement (SI) system. 

Steven, I think you are correct..its been around a while but nevertheless a timeless bit of tongue in cheek comedy writing from Cleese!

I think this thread is offensive, inappropriate and very funny.

As a note for those who are less than aware of British slang words; Trump means "Fart".
This isn't any reflection on the president elect .......... not at all - honest.

Fred wrote:

I think this thread is offensive, inappropriate and very funny.

I totally agree Fred..

We trust in your good character, Fred.

Like the Trust/Trump analogy.  In. Offensive.

And we Appreciate your Appropriate-ness   

Honestly!       

Hello everyone,

This thread has been removed from HCM forum and is now on the Expat Cafe - open discussions.

I invite all participants/future participants to share only in regards to the humorous context of post #1 and not to share any political criticism.

Thank you,
Bhavna

Thank you to the lady for her kindness in returning the thread to the forum, and in a better section than it was in at first.
I would echo her comments about not being politically naughty, just sticking to the funnies.

Let's get it right, our friends from the US are just the same as us Brits, but they say, "Toe mate oe" where as we pronounce it "corr ek tly".

Hmnn...   Dunno, Fred.

The upside of such a downer meant me looking for the original
on the (open?) internet.   WoW!!   What a revelation!
(did it really begin with Sarah Palin? - or earlier?)

So even pretended Evil is a good thing..?

I read John Varley's reply.  More Mirth.

I also uncovered my racist thoughts (about you) too, being
averse to both blond locks & blue eyes; my envy, my bad.

So all around, a good thing to prompt our thinking..?
..but his 2.1% of us who can is about right...     

..but mine is still wrong...   

Will I ever be able to think my way out of an open paper bag..?

That is the Question...       

Bazza139 wrote:

H

I also uncovered my racist thoughts (about you) too, being
averse to both blond locks & blue eyes; my envy, my bad.
Will I ever be able to think my way out of an open paper bag..?

That is the Question...       

"To be, or not to be?" That is the question.
As I've stated many times, I love Willy.
My blonde locks and full pouting rosy red lips shouldn't put you off me, but my eyes are green.
I also have extremely nice large chest I keep clothes in as I don't have any shelves.

Now back to JC's supposed letter to America. Mister C is an odd dude who has made some excellent stuff about hotels and parrots but is a bit old now and his career is very Norwegian blue, so I will give mention of a dead dude I used to listen to a lot before he shuffled of his mortal coil (Back to the speech with that question again).

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/article … a-by-theme

Alistair Cooke, RIP

I refuse to pronounce any word:  kahn-TRAH-vur-see.

NFL football puts to shame the boring spectacle that the Brits consider the 'real' football.

Am hoping the tax man will waive payments for any years prior to 2012.  Personally, I threw out all my old tax records for tax years 1776-1987.

cccmedia

Conned too? (Con-Travel-Verse-See)
But Bill did not pay his taxes either.
So much for the Death or Taxes stuff.

Socrates said it better.  after all,
his wife (Xanthippe) inspired Bill to write
'The Taming of the Shrew'

..and where would the magic be if we
replaced a pound of flesh with a 1/2 Kilo..?

Same as the Brits?   Where would the world
be without all the Tribal squabbles..?

Fools are full of Answers.

You will never get me to begin saying thrice, chuffed, whilst, learnt, bin, or trainers in the context of 'shoes'.

..or a 'shoo-in' too...   (too many toes?)

..but then, being chuffed is for chumps...     

Bazza139 wrote:

Fools are full of Answers.

I'm sorry, I have no answers to your questions.

I stole this from the site I linked to at the end and, much as I'm not either way really into the politics of PC, I did find this amusing.

Nelson

It's 200 years since Lord Nelson's famous naval victory over the French and Spanish at the Battle of Trafalgar. To kick-start the anniversary celebrations, an actor dressed as Nelson, posed for pictures on the River Thames at Greenwich.

But before he was allowed to board a RNLI Lifeboat, safety officials made him wear a lifejacket over his 19th. Century admiral's uniform.

How would Nelson and the country have fared if he had been subject to modern political correctness and health and safety regulations? We would all be speaking French now!!

You are now on the deck of the recently renamed 'HMS Appeasement!'

Nelson - Give the order to hoist my signal Hardy.

Hardy - Aye Aye Sir

N - Hold on - that is not the signal I dictated to my signals officer.

H - Sorry Sir.

N - England expects every person to do his duty, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religious persuasion or disability. What gobbledegook is this?

H - Admiralty policy I'm afraid, Sir. We're an equal opportunities employer now. We had devils own job getting 'England' past the censors, lest it be considered racist

N -Gadzooks, Hardy Hand me my pipe and tobacco.

H - Sorry Sir, All naval vessels have been designated smoke-free working environments.

N - In that case, break open a cask of rum. Let us splice the main brace to steel the men before battle.

H - The rum ration has been abolished Admiral. It's a part of Governments policy on binge drinking.

N - Good heavens Hardy, I suppose we had better get on with it. Full speed ahead.

H - I think you'll find there is a 4-knot speed limit on this stretch of water.

N - Dammit man, we are on the eve of the greatest sea fight in history. We must attack with all dispatch. Report from the crow's nest, please!

H - That won't be possible Sir.

N - What?

H - Health and Safety have closed the crow's nest sir, No harness. They say that the rope ladder does not meet with regulations. They won't let anyone up there until a proper scaffolding can be erected.

N - Then get the ships' carpenter without delay, Hardy.

H - Unfortunately he's busy knocking up wheelchair access to the fo'c'sle, Admiral.

N - Wheelchair access? I've never heard anything so absurd. H - Health and Safety again, Sir. We have to provide a barrier-free environment for the differently abled.

N - Differently abled? I've only one arm and one eye and I refuse even to hear mention of the word. I didn't rise to the rank of admiral by playing the disability card.

H - Actually Sir, you did. The Royal Navy is under-represented in the areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency.

N -Whatever next? Give me full sail. The salt spray beckons.

H - A couple of problems there, too Sir. Health and Safety won't let the men aloft without crash helmets. And they don't want anyone breathing in too much salt - haven't you seen the adverts?

N - I've never heard of such infamy. Break out the cannon and tell the men to stand by to engage the enemy.

H - The men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral.

N - What? This is mutiny.

H - It's not that Sir, It's just that they are afraid of being charged for murder if they actually kill anyone. There are a couple of human rights lawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks.

N - Then how are we supposed to sink the French and the Spanish?

H - Actually Sir, we're not!

N - We're not?

H - No Sir, The French and Spanish are our European partners now. According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we shouldn't even be in this stretch of water. We could get hit with a huge claim for compensation.

N - But you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil.

H - I wouldn't let the ship's diversity co-ordinator hear you saying that Sir You could be up on a disciplinary.

N - But surely you must consider every man an enemy who speaks ill of your King.

H - Not any more sir. We must be inclusive in this multicultural age. Now put on your Kevlar vest, it's the rules.

N - Don't tell me - Health and Safety. What happened to rum, sodomy and the lash?

H - As I explained Sir, Rum is off the menu, and there is a ban on corporal punishment.

N - What about sodomy?

H - I believe that is to be encouraged Sir.

N - Thank God for that - In that case - kiss me Hardy!

You would too.   Find it funny, O Furry one..

As (only one) of the weapons the 'Authority' use
to control us free-thinkers to protect us from our
errant acts, I doubt you would recognise your role.

Yes, it was insidious at first, sneaking in slowly like
the capitalism now too obvious in Communism, but
the pendulum of the pit swings both ways.

We care.   We don't want you to lose your head.

Burnt but brave, singed but still signed

The collective conscious     

As (only one) of the weapons the 'Authority' use
to control us free-thinkers to protect us from our
errant acts, I doubt you would recognise your role

I am sheep number 1.
Four legs good, two legs bad.

No one controls my mind because I never believe a word I read unless I know (or want) it to be true.

the pendulum of the pit swings both ways

I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition. Poe meets Python.

PS ~ Don't try to beat me at misquoting, paraphrasing and taking the urine out of famous rubbish because I'm great at it .. and very cute so people love me.

Just because Fred said..?

"PS ~ Don't try to beat me at misquoting, paraphrasing and taking the urine out of famous rubbish because I'm great at it .. and very cute so people love me."

      ..and there's the rub...    ( Many ) People hate me more,
..and I'm better than you at descriptive metaphysics...
      ..without even trying...           

Epistemology doesn't rule me either: or.   Bad or

Epistemology doesn't rule you .... in your opinion.
I will think of something very clever to say after my sweet and sour chicken.

..gotcha..!

Bazza139 wrote:

..gotcha..!

Not at all.
Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I enjoyed a sweet and sour chicken instead.

Uh-Huh... 
              ..the excuses are as many as the reasons are few...

So?   Now I suffer profound disappointment in you.     

Yet another fallen hero?   ..or just another has-been husband..?

Let's hear what your better half has to say...   

I have never been a hero save one day when I rescued 36 children and a pet hamster from a burning bus.
A fallen angel, no - THE fallen angel is more likely. I have many infernal names, Fred the flatulent being just one.

My wife does not post here, nor does she read the forum.
This is a happy situation for me as she'd find out about my cameras if she did.

Unashamed thread advertising alert

https://www.expat.com/forum/viewtopic.p … 573#527221

Aren't you worried Michelle will tell..?

..and why so few photos?   

You obviously need Marketing 101     

Bazza139 wrote:

Aren't you worried Michelle will tell..?

..and why so few photos?   

You obviously need Marketing 101     

Michelle is unaware, and I'm engaged in some more serious marketing at the moment.
I demand fame and fortune for my few photos, my wallet and me.

That's Ok.   Que sera...

Still, little girls tend to get very cluey very quickly.
..and have more nounce than parents think they know.
Add a little genetic inheritance..?   But if you're happy...

I'm not with your blog.  I expected better from you.   

I don't blog - I demi-blog with the odd photo.

Ah!   ..that explains the oddness...     

No. A long history of weird explains my oddities. Too much beer, bikes that were too fast and biker chicks that were about the same.

That's not odd.  It's the (old) normal.

Read the joke about the store that sold husbands

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct … oaRlhW7F9w

It confirms the real deal.   Although the original one
I read held that the girls loved beer as well.

But hell; why would you want more..?   

Congratulations Fred and Bazza for the best  postings...I salute you! 

By the way Fred..in your amusing post about Nelson and the last item ...'Kiss me hardy" it is rumoured that Nelson actually said 'Kizmet Hardy" which means  fate, destiny, fortune, providence, have faith.

Fame at long last..?   Aw, shucks...     

But really, we're just researching nicer ways to be naughty.

It is your dedication to destiny drives us.   Nuts.     

Does the wife shop do trade ins?

Geez Fred.   When will you learn to read the fine print?

..the old oxymoron, NO REFUNDS...!!!   

                 We all weep. 

Bazza, I think both you and Fred would make a good double act! , like Cheech & Chong, Morecombe and wise, Fred and Ginger etc....

I will be in Hanoi in March...so if you are around Bazza...possible a few cold ones would be in order??