Dating - How do you date?

we pay for all

I think you pay...all

Maybe I'm too old 60 but the man should always pay period , things have not changed that much I don't think?

This is a really good question and I think it highlights some very important differences between Asian culture and perhaps the current western culture. Even more important was it was international women's day a few days ago and for those of us women who are fighting for equal rights. And I think it's a bit hypocritical if we always expect a man to pay for us.

Equal rights for women should mean equal everything.

Personally if I go on a date I will always offer to pay half, even if the guy insists that he pays all of it I will at least offer to pay my duty. I think this also shows the guy that I am not a Golddigger and I am quite an independent person that can afford to pay for my own meals and drinks.

Of course here in Thailand I don't think Thai women think the same way. Which is fine I have no problem with that.

I think another aspect that is worth mentioning is the man feels empowered when they pay for all of the evening. Sometimes when a woman offers to pay they feel a bit confused or perhaps less of a man?

Either way it's a very interesting topic and there are a lot more layers to the psychology to this question than we think.

I wooed my now wife by cooking for her and thus avoided the issue of who pays.
But in general I think the one who initiated the outing or meal should pay - and over a longer period it should roughly even out ("I pay today, you pay tomorrow"), but even if not, generosity should prevail.

Baby phat gosh you brought up some interesting questions , if I see a woman I'm interested in and I ASK her out , I feel I should pay , do you women realize if a woman in a , let's say restaurant comes up to me and says , " gosh I think you look like a nice man and I'm attracted to you , well that never happens but if it did , even if I was married, I would politely say no, but I would be extremely flattered! , and if I saw her on the street I would greet her with hello, but reverse that , and the woman would call you a stalker, or say I'm married you creep, and if she saw me on the street she would say that's that dirty stalker, maybe even call the police , see as a man it's so difficult to put yourself "out there" where as a woman you got nothing to loose , so yes it's not equal , and if you think offering to pay half is equal , ha your fooling yourself, we take all the risk , as the guy who is "hitting on me" that's how your labeled, so you women in dating at least hold all the "cards " so to speak,  equall pay and job equality is a problem for women we must address, but dating , you women are totally in charge , so if I can get a date I'm very very happy to pay ,it's the least I can do, , remember it's not equal for us men when it comes to dating , , and now that we are on the subject, old men 60 like me have no business with 25-30 year olds , I find it disgusting, I have 3 daughters in there 30s and if they showed up hanging onto one of my daughters , well I would be writing this from jail. Babysitting young girls is out of line , I just hate it because I think of my own daughters , well that's a lot ha, but , jeez let us pay , it's not demeaning in anyway and does not imply you can't pay yourself, I honestly think equality is great but dating is where it stops , how about what I taught my two sons , that no matter how far along in the "process" you are , if the women says no , then it's no, I quess you already know we don't have to tell our daughters that!!! So no it's not or never will be equal with dating!

I think you should keep it simple. If the girl asked you out then you may split the bill but otherwise you pay for everything. Also if you see that a friendship can develop then you do not want to get into the habit of paying for everything

If the guy/man invite expect he has to pay..as adriaan92 said if the friendship develop..thats it..

yes  man has to pay

it depends. can take turns to pay

unless you're dating a gold digger. then yes you pay all

Both partners should pay for the outing I never let my boyfriend pay for everything he is an expat just as me and what will happen if all of his salary he spend on me that is not fair he came to earn money here just as me and if I let him paying everything for the outing it will be like I'm using him.. When I participate with the paying for the outing I feel less pressure and I can relax and enjoy the evening with him.. I feel more free to love him .. Otherwise if he pays for everything I will feel guilt I would reproach myself if I spent his hardly earned money

In the beginning its 50 50 or she pays. In the end once a relationship i usually pay almost if not all

As a gentleman, I will consider it appropriate to pay for all especially when I'm the one asking her out.  Occasionally they offer to pay half and I'll just let it be if that's how she feels

I once saw a video about this topic. Just as a man doesn't expect the woman to have sex with him on every date, a woman shouldn't allow the man to pay for every one either! We , men, appreciate even the gesture or suggestion of paying. A gentleman will have the chivalry to pay but he appreciates the gesture. Also, I really like the comments that suggest women pay for drinks for example. We all know how the job industry works and how women are underpaid in comparison with man. Thus, the lady can suggest payment for appetizers or drinks and the man pays for the main course. I hope I benefited you all. And I hope you all have wonderful dates. 🌹🌺💮🌸💐🌼🌻

I am very straightforward about this, especially in our case as filipinas we are stereotypically categorized as 'golddiggers'. I am an expat and don't earn much compared to westerners, when a guy asks me out I usually say 'that would be nice, but coffee in this and that cafe is costly for me, I have my flask and my 3 in1 all time favorite nescafe, we can meet elsewhere a park or something, sit on the grass, and talk' If the guy says, I'll pay  for the coffee, then all good. I would want the guy to pay of course, it's a woman thing I want to be treated special but on the other hand I don't want to feel pressured into  being extra nice to the man just cos he bought me a cup of coffee. The freedom to be who you are, cos you don't need a man to feed you. Lol

Furthermore, I've been to a couple dates where in I paid the bill, cos I did the invite. My motto is, 'your invite, your pay'. And if your girl wanted to go out, be honest about it, tell her you don't money,and when you do have, treat her on a nice dinner. Always be straightforward whether you have or haven't.

interesting motto interesting topic. A bit realistic a bit fantastic ,)

i pretty much always pay if i dont like the date am with or dont want to develop anything further. if a relationship develops, i like to cook so we dont have questions like who pays

The best way to get rid of the person you don't like.... no guilt, come back without any weight 😀

If I invite I pay but if I am invited........ I still end up paying all 😳

sorry bubu

No worries, shammim...... good thing is that I am never forced to pay. Actually my gf was so stunning n gorgeous that I cud never ask her to pay 😊

hahaha am sure she pays one way or another

Being stunning should have nothing to do with who pays. Do you go out with her because you like who she is or just for her looks? If you went out with her just because of looks, then go for it! I married a pretty handsome guy and I usually paid 75% of the time because he was making half my money... and in the end he ended up being a gold digger... He only sees money and nothing else. He abandoned his son because he didnt want to pay for his upbringing! Whats the point that you look good and you are an asshole or a bitch and a gold digger? Looks are deceiving... I learned it the hard way!

lol.... how you know every thing, are you a telepathist 🤓😜

@ Plapla....Sorry to hear about your experience. I used two words - stunning and gorgeous. With that, what I wanted to say is she was a beautiful girl but also had an amazing personality. Honestly, I got slave to her beauty and attitude. But I agree with you that look can be deceiving

Plapla , gosh sad to say but true , we men are simple creatures, yes we are first attracted to her by looks body etc., then if she's really nice etc , then it's a plus , but at first it's strickly looks, if some man says he was attracted to you because of you personality, then he is a liar , leave immediately!!! He just might be a gold digger, a man must find a woman physically attractive, if not he's not interested in you really, good thing is men are attracted to all shapes and sizes , so we are such "pigs" but this is always the case physical attraction always first ,

50- 50 is the best option ... but girls always wants boy pay

Personally my view is the man should be happy to pay it might be an old fashioned view these days but chivalry should not be ignored nor should it be confused with sexism there are plenty of women who no doubt earn more money than myself but please the idea of 50/50 split is for your mates not  for your dates!?

So true!

when it comes to who\ s paying, i think the one asking for the date womans r pretty simple too when it comes to what we like lol, we fall for beauty and charm just as the men do, what we see is what we like, and no one see the brains first ya ? so physical attraction comes first, it is nature

it's not possible in date

Friendship = Sharing
Love = Kill Yourself

SimCityAT wrote:

When I go on a date we split the costs. For example she pays for the drinks and I pay for the movie. How does this work in your country? 

I give the lady a false telephone number so my wife doesn't find out.

I usually don't like letting a person pay for the date unless we have been together for some time. (Men or women). I find that letting men pay sometimes makes them feel entitled to more than just company and conversation.

That being said- dating in Bulgaria was nice because it was usually cheap- a walk in the park, or a cup of coffee (which costs just over a euro for the two of us) so it really didn't matter who "paid." But then, I never got serious to bigger dates, so not sure what happens then. It seems that Bulgarians tend to go out in groups, then for coffee and walks and then it is at home dating... going out usually seems split until they are serious- like living together.

That being said- even friends (not dating) will tend to offer to pay the bill for small treats or coffee.

are you from China?? Haha

As an English gentleman, I simply can't allow the lady to pay for anything.
It would be rude.
Obviously not as rude as telling her you don't  want to see her again because she's getting fat, but still very rude.

Plapla wrote:

Being stunning should have nothing to do with who pays. Do you go out with her because you like who she is or just for her looks? If you went out with her just because of looks, then go for it! I married a pretty handsome guy and I usually paid 75% of the time because he was making half my money... and in the end he ended up being a gold digger... He only sees money and nothing else. He abandoned his son because he didnt want to pay for his upbringing! Whats the point that you look good and you are an asshole or a bitch and a gold digger? Looks are deceiving... I learned it the hard way!

Which is why I believe in playing this by ear. Who pays and who pays how much for what. If both people are happy with the arrangement, the non verbal one, then everything is peachy. But the problem is always that however you start a relationship will set the patterns. Things get taken for granted. And what I see always as very important is that both sides make an effort to make the other person happy. And this is not so much about amounts of money but rather the intention becoming visible.

stepool1970 wrote:

Personally my view is the man should be happy to pay it might be an old fashioned view these days but chivalry should not be ignored nor should it be confused with sexism there are plenty of women who no doubt earn more money than myself but please the idea of 50/50 split is for your mates not  for your dates!?

Sorry but I don't see this. If there is a connection it makes no difference who pays. I had women pay for the whole date before. It is about give and taken. Of course, the next time I would pay for the whole thing. It shows the other that he or she is worth more than what you have in your wallet to you and that a potential relationship in general is way about financial guidelines. The whole dating rule thing is a mess anyways. Balance is important. And no rule can create it. And true chivalry does not come through politeness. Or "being nice". It shows in situations where your true self shines and you can't help but express that you care. Because anyone can act nice, but being real and able to connect on a higher level of who pays and who contributes what, is natural and long termish. rather than "he was so nice when we met" leading to the obvious where one party gets warn out eventually realizing that all the effort may not be worth it, especially when the other party only takes and expects and put little energy into the partnership. because what it all comes down to is being partners. and saying the man should always pay is no difference than saying cleaning dishes and cooking is a womans job because it makes some men feel good. as it makes some women feel good when a man pays the bill. respect individualism. everyone is different in terms of needs and everyone has something to give. the question is are you willing to give it. and if you are, then that might be a sign that the relationship can work out.

shammim wrote:

hahaha am sure she pays one way or another

Well we all have paid one way or another?
Just part of the process, unfortunately.