Marrying Vietnamese woman

   My message for your friend:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vh0r7puPjd4

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Biology at work..?

Men want sex: Women want security.

..so (if) the stereotype strikes, she (might) get a permanent residency (or receive compensation) & live happily ever after, & (maybe) the baby might inherit his DNA..?

So far; so good...     (happiness is inevitable)

..what on Earth could go wrong..?       
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My experiences with Vietnamese girls.

Their priorities
#1 Money
#2 Family
#3 Relocation to the West
#4 YOU  ... (the position falls lower depending on your age, looks and shape)

excuse me Bazza139
men want sex i agree with you ,  but women and especially asian wants money
money comes #1 in their life and #2 relocate to foreign country
and ofcourse as the women are humans too they need sex too but it comes in #3 in their lives after money and relocating to other country
and believe me i have seen many women from there are indescribable incredibly sex manics

hi simple answer , for how long she will stick with him ? she will never leave him as long as he is giving her money  , and beside money what she is seeking ? dude seeking only money and obtain citizenship in his country

username01 wrote:

... and ofcourse as the women are humans too ...

Good thing you admit that women are human too.

This is not self-evident with limited intellect.

you are welcome Andy and i'm happy for you that you are married to asian woman and paying money on her more than what you pay when you are married to western woman , good luck and she might have several western boyfriends while she is your wife , it's called ( asian women nature)  or interests , you can name it the way you like

username01 wrote:

you are welcome Andy and i'm happy for you that you are married to asian woman and paying money on her more than what you pay when you are married to western woman , good luck and she might have several western boyfriends while she is your wife , it's called ( asian women nature)  or interests , you can name it the way you like

My Asian wife (and the same goes for my relationships with other Asian women in the past) is modest and I need a fraction of the money I needed in the West early on.

If you have a fashion chick with an urge to go to brand-name fashion houses, show off her ass and fake tits, full of tattoos, smoking and drinking alcohol, and you've probably picked her up in a bar, don't be surprised if she costs you a fortune.

Every man who chooses a woman to suck him out is his own fault.

It doesn't surprise me at all that you have had such experiences.

username01 wrote:

you are married to asian woman and paying money on her more than what you pay when you are married to western woman , good luck and she might have several western boyfriends while she is your wife , it's called ( asian women nature)  or interests , you can name it the way you like

That's incredibly rude to malign someone's spouse when you've never met either the husband or the wife, and know nothing about them.

How do you feel if a stranger comes up and says the same thing about YOUR wife?

no Andy , no baby , in general Vietnamese women are like that , whether she is from the bar or a village or student her goal is foreign boyfriend to spend on her money and relocate to another country , and she will make you spend money on her family too if she could , plus most of them will file you for divorce once they obtain citizenship in your country
, and my ex girlfriends they were not working in bar or clubs they are just normal Vietnamese women , and they were with me just because i'm a rich man , it's as simple as this , no money = no Vietnamese girlfriend or wife , but in the west a lot of western women would accept a poor men and they don't give a ,,,,, about money end of story good luck to you

if a stranger came to me and say the same thing about my Vietnamese wife then i would say that he is right , end of story

Thank you all so much for your knowledge, wisdom and comments. I think we are much more naive about this scenario than we even thought. Ohhh my goodness I think things are going to get worse. Thanks again.

username01 wrote:

no Andy , no baby , in general Vietnamese women are like that , whether she is from the bar or a village or student her goal is foreign boyfriend to spend on her money and relocate to another country , and she will make you spend money on her family too if she could , plus most of them will file you for divorce once they obtain citizenship in your country
, and my ex girlfriends they were not working in bar or clubs they are just normal Vietnamese women , and they were with me just because i'm a rich man , it's as simple as this , no money = no Vietnamese girlfriend or wife , but in the west a lot of western women would accept a poor men and they don't give a ,,,,, about money end of story good luck to you

Just because it happened to you doesn't mean it has to happen to everyone.

It seems normal for frustrated losers to talk badly about all Asian women because of a failed relationship.

There are a few others in this forum who insult all Asian women because they are frustrated by their failed relationship.

Leave Asia and find a woman elsewhere instead of scolding Asian women.

Nash0098 this is exactly what we are concerned about. He doesn’t seem to have much money left for himself anymore and he’s on a decent wage.

***

Well, that escalated quickly 

***

I think Andy is not the one with the problem.

It certainly did escalate quickly. I do think everybody’s experience is different and I suppose like anywhere some are happy unions, others are not. We have other friend who is very happily married to his Vietnamese wife and she is obviously very much inlove & this shows when they are together.

Hello everyone,

Please note that some posts have been moderated. It's ok to disagree with each other however, please note that personal attacks/insults will not be tolerated on the forum.

Thank you,
Bhavna

GertrudeW wrote:

It certainly did escalate quickly. I do think everybody’s experience is different and I suppose like anywhere some are happy unions, others are not. We have other friend who is very happily married to his Vietnamese wife and she is obviously very much inlove & this shows when they are together.

Sorry for your thread.
I will now hold back. 

@GertrudeW

There is another current thread about this topic.
There people post about the symptoms you have to watch out for to find a good woman.
And there are also some who write about how happy they are with a Vietnamese woman.

There are women (and men) all over the world who only want money and luxury.
If you can interpret the people a little you can quickly see if someone is good or bad.
Of course there are also dazzlers who can be very convincing.
But I think rather rarely.

Thanks Andy. I will have a look at other post. I agree there are good and bad felatkonships. It’s trying to pick it and you don’t want to believe somebody is doing the wrong thing.

GertrudeW wrote:

Nash0098 this is exactly what we are concerned about. He doesn’t seem to have much money left for himself anymore and he’s on a decent wage.

No cure for love, unfortunately for your friend. But, no worries. Leeches fall off once blood is gone .. she'll dumped him once the money dried up. Then your friend is cure and wiser

nash0098 wrote:

GertrudeW wrote:

Nash0098 this is exactly what we are concerned about. He doesn’t seem to have much money left for himself anymore and he’s on a decent wage.

No cure for love, unfortunately for your friend. But, no worries. Leeches fall off once blood is gone .. she'll dumped him once the money dried up. Then your friend is cure and wiser

Oh, no. Another one who has had bad experiences with Vietnamese women and now lumps them all together.

It is slowly becoming exhausting to read the same nonsense again and again.

Andy Passenger wrote:

nash0098 wrote:

GertrudeW wrote:

Nash0098 this is exactly what we are concerned about. He doesn’t seem to have much money left for himself anymore and he’s on a decent wage.

No cure for love, unfortunately for your friend. But, no worries. Leeches fall off once blood is gone .. she'll dumped him once the money dried up. Then your friend is cure and wiser

Oh, no. Another one who has had bad experiences with Vietnamese women and now lumps them all together.

It is slowly becoming exhausting to read the same nonsense again and again.

Oh no my friend. I have both good and bad. But, the common denominator between them is money, which is understandable since Vietnam is poor. And if it's becoming exhausting for you to read again and again, maybe it's true .. there's more leeches than good.

*** Oh no my friend. I have both good and bad. But, the common denominator between them is money, which is understandable since Vietnam is poor. And if it's becoming exhausting for you to read again and again, maybe it's true .. there's more leeches than the good ones ***

The common denominator is knowledge and understanding.

You need to have an understanding of yourself. Only then can you be objective and know the difference between being in love with love and being in love with another person.

If you lose yourself in another person, and the other person goes away, you are truly lost. And if you are not grounded in reality, every bad emotion you can imagine will consume you.

Have a good time, enjoy knowing other people, but don't lose yourself in the process.

nash0098 wrote:

Andy Passenger wrote:

nash0098 wrote:

No cure for love, unfortunately for your friend. But, no worries. Leeches fall off once blood is gone .. she'll dumped him once the money dried up. Then your friend is cure and wiser

Oh, no. Another one who has had bad experiences with Vietnamese women and now lumps them all together.

It is slowly becoming exhausting to read the same nonsense again and again.

Oh no my friend. I have both good and bad. But, the common denominator between them is money, which is understandable since Vietnam is poor. And if it's becoming exhausting for you to read again and again, maybe it's true .. there's more leeches than good.

No, luckily there are more positive comments.

I've already said it in another post that everyone is to blame if they are exploited.  If a woman is only out for the money, you can easily tell (whether Asian or not).  If someone is not able to recognize that he has to look for the guilt in himself.

"I've already said it in another post that everyone is to blame if they are exploited.  If a woman is only out for the money, you can easily tell (whether Asian or not).  If someone is not able to recognize that he has to look for the guilt in himself."

Of course, the guilt belongs to the gullible.  But if you think women here are like back in Canada or the West, who seeks your love over money and their family .. the gullible bells are ringing. Don't get me wrong, it's a cultural thing. I like Vietnam, this is my 5th trip back. I am comfortable now going on a first date and get asked "what's my job and how much I make" before she get to know my name  ... and she's one of the good one

nash0098 wrote:

Of course, the guilt belongs to the gullible.  But if you think women here are like back in Canada or the West, who seeks your love over money and their family .. the gullible bells are ringing. Don't get me wrong, it's a cultural thing. I like Vietnam, this is my 5th trip back. I am comfortable now going on a first date and get asked "what's my job and how much I make" before she get to know my name  ... and she's one of the good one

Uhmm....   no, she's not...   "one of the good ones. " Apparently you haven't found the proper venue to REALLY see "one of the good ones."

My wife never asked me about my job or how much money I made. She never even asked for money. We're "married" - went through the wedding party with her family and friends - but the paperwork isn't completed - so legally we are not married. She has not once asked to have this done quickly because she knows we will get it done ASAP.

Are they interested in financial security? Of course, who isn't? But to assume that this is their number one priority is not only naive, it is also insulting. To many it is the #1 issue, but it is NOT the most important to MANY Vietnamese women. My wife had two offers from men who would buy her a home and give her plenty of money to live on - she refused because she was looking for someone to spend the rest of her life with and love - not be a paid prostitute.

She is not interested in coming to America OR becoming a citizen - she would prefer we all live in Vietnam - but she will come to America if I ask her to. I have known her for more than two years and I have seen what type of woman she is. And...  she is NOTHING like those being discussed negatively in this thread. I'm 58, and have had a number of relationships - I'm not naive or gullible.

So please...  stereotyping ANY group of people negatively is never a good thing. It is often wrong and based on incorrect perceptions AND their inability to judge relationships. It's always good to be cautious, but sadly too many here fall into the category of cynical. If I thought as many here do, I would never even look at other Vietnamese women again - why? They are "all out for your money."  LOL

Get a dna test of the baby before you end up with a lifetime of unnecessary expenses.
Some relationships do work.i have been married 10 years to a Viet women. My wife is a traditional viet, with a genuine family.

Oh troi, how did I miss this entertaining thread!   I am not going to beat a dead horse, but we have been over this topic how many times?   It is patently obvious some people are vacuous as a hot air balloon, but hey, they can learn the hard way. 

However, people base their opinions on experiences and until they have others, nobody is going to change them.    I don't want to opine at the present moment because i would prefer to be rational than commenting out of emotion.

FYI - Uhmm....   no, she's not...   "one of the good ones. " Apparently you haven't found the proper venue to REALLY see "one of the good ones."    Agreed.

Nash 0098 hit it on point, please tell your friend look for ones at his appropriate range of age, even better if she lives in the west and want to be back home  for retirement.

I am Vietnamese, married to Vietnamese lived and raised children in USA. I would put Vietnamese women on pedestal, but not all. They are loyal, dedicate, sacrifice for the family, these are characteristics I see from my mom, sisters, wife, and others through out the wars and hardship of the 80's.

It's getting really irritating listening to mostly men talking about why and how Vietnamese women fall in love and get married.

Perhaps the women will begin to speak up here, but I doubt it.

There's too much of a men's club atmosphere here for them to feel comfortable doing so. 

One reason I know this: even many of our male posters are not comfortable sharing personal thoughts in this forum.

I recently posted, asking for feedback about the challenges an Expat (male or female) faces when raising the child of a Vietnamese citizen while here in Vietnam.

I received some public replies to the post (mostly suggestions) but I received a HUGE number of responses in my Private Mailbox, all very personal first-hand experiences.

Every one of them mentioned their discomfort at sharing personal stories in this public forum.

So first, let's not be under any illusion that we are having a "fair and balanced" discussion here.

Second, those of us who have descended from European stock,  who emigrated from their homelands to North America for a chance at economic prosperity, would do well to consider the fairly recent history of love and marriage in The States.

In the grand scheme of things, it wasn't that long ago that a woman would join a man in a hard yet promising life together, largely because of the opportunity for a better life, for herself and her children.

If the shoe fits, we have many ancestors whose marriages were arranged for them, or who chose their mates largely out of a sense of pragmatism, not romance.

As economic opportunities have blossomed for women in The West, and their fates are no longer tied directly to that of a man, women have been able to choose romantic love over the security of marrying a meal ticket.

Since we all would likely agree that, up till now, the plight of the average Vietnamese woman has been desperate, at best, how can we pontificate as to the "goodness" of some Vietnamese women, but not the others?

It's nice that some of you feel nice, and it's sad that some of you are mad.

I'm not sure your stories are that much different from those of European immigrants to North America; or those who looked for a better life out "West".

At least the Vietnamese women I've known (now, and when I first came here during "The American War") have a sense of a better future being possible for themselves and their families.

That seems to be a bit more noble than the selfish, "NOW!" ambitions of many male posters here, INCLUDING MYSELF.

Personally, I'm hoping that a Vietnamese woman can change ME for the better, while there's still time.

Peace~

Ethos, Pathos, Logos.   

..so Logic does come last...   (eventually..?)

No, especially!

..to those who slept through the biology lessons...

OceanBeach92107 wrote:

Perhaps the women will begin to speak up here, but I doubt it.

I've spoken up, not for myself since my marriage with a Westerner (English Canadian) took place in the States after I already became an American through and through, not just in language and citizenship but also in thoughts, manners, and view of life, after I became financial independent and didn't need a partner to help pay the mortgage or built a college fund for the children.

I've spoken up on behalf of my relatives, friends, and acquaintances, the hundreds of local Vietnamese women who over the decades have married Japanese, Australians, New Zealanders, Americans, Canadians, Germans, French, British, Italians, Dutch, and Spanish. 

Before their marriages, the women came from all walks of life -- poor, middle class, and upper middle class; high school education, college, and graduate degree; they were between the age of 19 and 50 at the time they wedded.  They married for security, for lust, for love, for companionship, and for their disdain of Vietnamese men.  They wanted to move overseas and they want to stay put in their hometowns.  In short, I know MANY, MANY, MANY different types of women who married foreigners, but they all had one thing in common:  they're all from good families and they all live their lives as good women. 

In plain words, they did not work in bars and lounges, did not have Tinder and OKCupid accounts, did not make friends with men online, did not address all foreigners by the familiar "anh" or by the first name no matter the age of the men.

Among those HUNDREDS of women, a great majority have stayed married to the same spouses, have contributed to the family income and happiness by either working outside of the house or stay at home taking care of their husbands and children.  Many of them do both.  The newlyweds among them have only been married for a couple years, the oldest couples were wedded in the '60s, and the rest are enjoying their 20 - 30 years of marriage.

Again, the number of happily married, faithfully married Vietnamese - foreigners I've known is in the hundreds, much higher than the number of all the bad relationships being told on this forum combined.

There are some posters here who boasted that they had many experiences with Vietnamese women and they're all liars, cheaters, adulterers, and gold diggers.  I would like to know where they found those women and what the age gap is between them and the women.

I'm sure there are YOUNG Vietnamese women who are out to catch foreigners with thick wallets, just as there are many American women who have been doing the same thing.  As a local director of the Miss USA Pageant during the '90s, I personally knew many beautiful women in Southern CA (not in the pageant business) whose entire adult lives were devoted to the goal of catching rich boyfriends and husbands. 

As of yesterday, Dec 10, there are 96,908,500 Vietnamese who live in Vietnam, with 979 male for every 1.000 female.  As the median age is 31, my quick estimation says there are at least 25,000,000 Vietnamese women of marriage age.  How many of them are participants of the kind of environment where they meet foreigners on daily basis?  I dare to say the percentage is very small, probably not worth to mention, but if you only expose yourself to those environments, then certainly those women are all you know.

Another thing to consider:  If the women you meet are 30 or 40 years younger than you, if there are barriers in your communication, if you do not share any interests, if the first and last thing you see in her is her youth, pretty face, and toned body, and if you can be absolutely honest with yourself to admit that the biggest thing you can bring into the relationship is not your wits but your bank account, then you will understand that she's doing the same thing to you as you're doing to her: you both are using one another.  You use her for what you cannot find in your home country at your age or circumstance (youth and beauty), and she uses you for what she cannot find in her country (security and better future.)

In short, in that party of two, you both are the bad guys.  No one puts a gun on your temple to make you open your wallet to some women who are in the same age group of your children at home.   No one puts you in a trance to make you believe that just from travelling across an ocean or two, you suddenly become slim, trim, handsome, debonair, 30 years younger, and the best catch in the market.  You're the same person here as when you were in your home country, so why do you act differently, then blame the bad outcome on another person, a woman whose job is to please foolish men?

I've spoken up before without good result, and I wouldn't have repeated myself if not for OceanBeach's comment above.  What I said before and what I'm saying now are not particularly wise or profound.  It's just plain common sense, folks. 

Women and men are the same all over the world.  We all want love and companionship.  We all want comfort, security, faithfulness, and respect.  Our birthplaces and nationalities do not make us good or bad.  Our finance circumstances do not make us good or bad.  It's our characters and self respect that do. So, do yourself a favour and hang out with the women who have good characters and self respect, and while you're at it, pick the ones who are quite a bit older than your offsprings, who wouldn't have any problems being seen as a step-parent.

After all, there are 25,000,000 women of marriage age out there, so why limit yourself to the handful whose top recommendation is the availability for sex at any given time?

Ciambella wrote:

OceanBeach92107 wrote:

Perhaps the women will begin to speak up here, but I doubt it.

I've spoken up, not for myself since my marriage with a Westerner (English Canadian) took place in the States after I already became an American through and through...

I wish I could like this 1000+ times!

Thank you for the details and explanations.  I could not agree with you more!

I find it very sad here the incredible cynicism that is often displayed in threads like these - but Ciambella you very eloquently put things into clear perspective.

Thank you again!

Ciambella, what a great reply. Thankyou.

Wadey

This is obviously a Marraige of Convenience, but BTW 500 Aussie $$ is not a lot of money per week.  I know a masseus that makes more than that and she is legit, all massage and no sex.

Just make sure "Your Friend" lets her and everyone in her family that he is worth more alive than dead, never let on about businesses, insurance, monthly income.  Make sure they know that when he dies, it all goes away..........then he may live to be a healthy older man......

as for the 'bun in the oven'.............two words   Paternity Test.   a child born of a different father than the current spouse is grounds for annulment in Vietnam - don't believe me??  Just ask my sister in law.  She had a one night stand before she got with her now ex-husband, baby was not his, he got the marraige annulled...............she is now with a kid without a father cause the dude that knocked her up is gone as well.

Good luck to "Your Friend".........but I see this as a no starter - its a marraige for money/security and I am usually very confident about Vietnamese Spouses.........not this time.