Child abduction (Jordan is not a member of the Hague convention)

Hello everyone!

A few years ago I was one of those many foreign women asking for advice on marrying a Jordanian man.  Well, I went for it. After three weeks spent together in Jordan he kicked me out saying I was not good enough. Night before my flight back home he begged me to stay but I felt that was not the right thing to do.

After returning to my home country of Finland I found out I was pregnant. With twins. Boy and girl. Can anyone imagine a bigger gift? Now, for those thinking of marrying a muslim read carefully.  Even though he had basically told me where the door is, having being told about the pregnancy I felt the decent thing to do was to tell the father. I only I had not.

Maybe the pregnancy made me emotional or maybe it was my own refusal to admit defeat (everyone had told me it would never work with him) , but I decided to give him another chance. He was so excited, so happy, so desperate to come to Finland for the birth. I worked hard to get him a visa and the night before the scheduled c-section he arrived in Finland.

When the babies were born he was extremely attentive towards them. To me, no. Soon enough he had to go back to Jordan to work. It has been some time since I posted here but I do not remember if I mentioned he owns a barbershop in Amman.  Anyway, the twins were not easy babies. I slept sitting up, both babies ready to be breastfed pretty much every half an hour.

By the time the twins were five weeks old my husband was long gone in Jordan. My little girl had started to sleep in her own bed at night. She slept exceptionally well for a baby that young. My son, however, suffered from tummy pain and he needed to be next to me every second. They were both so young and there were days when I walked holding one in a baby sling and the other on my shoulder for hours. Seriously hours walking around my apartment. One morning I woke up really early because I felt something was not right with my son who slept next to me. He felt way too warm and seemed very very uncomfortable. Long story short, I took him (having my daughter there too of course) to the hospital and after extremely painful tests I was told he had bacterial meningitis and the doctors could not tell me whether he would pull through or not.

My sister and my mother took care of my girl while I stayed in the hospital with my baby boy. Ever since he was born I called him auringonnousu, that is sun rise in Finnish. No matter how tired I was, every morning I was always up to wait for him to open his huge blue eyes and it was exactly the same sensation as the sun rising. Hospital was horrible. I was encouraged to go have lunch (I had not left his side for three days, no shower, nothing) and when I came back I could hear the screams the second I entered the corridor. These savages had decided it would be a good idea to use a basically newborn baby who was close to death as a training doll for trainee anesthesiologists. Funny enough, the second I entered the corridor there was a nurse walking towards me who turned straight back and ran to the room where my son was "treated" to notify them I was coming back. When they saw me a QUALIFIED anesthesiologist (I hope that is the correct term) was FINALLY called in and it took him one try to insert the needle. Later the nurses actually came to me to apologize, one of them crying. Doctors never showed their faces.

This experience left me feeling disgusted and hopeless. I felt disappointed in the way little children were treated in Finland and how I was made to feel like a bully for not letting the medical staff train with my tiny baby, sticking needles to his body trying to find a vain.

Eventually we were discharged and went home to my baby daughter. Soon my husband came to visit us (I had arranged him a visa to visit Finland multiple times a year, I believe he was entitled to spent 90 days of that year in Finland. When my son was sick, however, he was nowhere to be seen. Later on he sent me a an "official"letter from Jordan stating that I had given my son a "virus" and almost killed him. My Arabic speaking friends noticed straight away this letter was written by him with some fake stamps to make it look official. Just another way for him to discredit the wonderful job I had been doing raising our children.

Still, I was so happy to have him around when he finally came to Finland! I felt I could share the love I had towards the twins. Someone understood how much I loved them. Next thing I knew was him crying to me how his grandfather was dying. We needed to visit Jordan before he died. For some reason I still do not understand I said yes.

We had to change flights (connected flight) in Ankara, Turkey. There we somehow lost my little girl's passport. My husband went crazy. Panicking, running around. When the passport was found he was so so happy. The flight from Ankara to Amman my little baby daughter cried the whole time being held by her father. I still refused to even think about not holding my baby boy every second of that flight. Later, when I have had painfully long torturous moments thinking about those hours I have understood I was probably still so traumatized of almost losing my son that I should never have been asked to go anywhere apart to talk to someone who actually wanted to help me. Yet, I trusted my husband.

We arrived in Amman early morning. Sun was coming up. I had my ten year old son, the sweetest child you can find, a child who had for ten years been begging for a brother, with me.

We arrived at my husband's parents' home. I had seen them before, I had been there before, as had my eldest son. Yet, no one even said hello to us. They simply took the twins from my arms and all of a sudden there were more than 50 people in that tiny apartment. Me and my older son had not slept all night. When everyone else left and my husband said he needed to go to work my idiot brain finally told me things were not ok. By this time my ten year old was so tired he was sleeping sitting up. I was trying to shake him, wake him up. He tried to get up but could not. He was just so exhausted. I was thinking of just grabbing the babies and running to the streets to get a taxi but with my older son basically sleeping all I could was sit there with my husband's sisters running around screaming haram  this and haram that.
When my husband finally returned he took us to a hotel and brought us some food. We were so so tired, the babies too, that we slept immediately. The next day I woke up still so tired. It really was exhausting.
When my husband said he could take the twins to his mother for a few hours I was ok with that. My baby girl was sleeping when she was carried away. My baby boy on the other hand was up, and for some reason I said to him what I had always said to my older son whenever he went anywhere: "I love you, don't ever forget that".

A few hours later I got a text message saying "The twins are no longer Finnish citizens. They will now stay in Jordan."

He had not gone to work. He had gone to the police station to get a document disallowing me to leave the country with them.

I don't listen to music. I don't . But lately I couldn't help but hear this song. The lyrics spoke to me-

" I gave you everything
You took me to the moon
You were the strength I needed
Why’d it end so soon

Take it day to day
I’m trying
Trying to block the memories
In my head
They said
Pain it comes in waves
So dive in
They weren’t lying
There’s no denying it

[Chorus]
Oh no the vertigo’s coming
Can’t keep me on my feet
God knows I’m trying to be someone
My vision’s failing me

I live like I’m dying tomorrow
God gave me one last chance
To take all the time that I’ve borrowed
And make a new man

Feels like I’m burning out
Wondering why it changed
Wish I could turn around
Put it back in place

All it will take is time
You said it’d heal the wounds
Bring back this life of mine
Cuz it left with you

Take it day to day
I’m trying
Trying to block the memories
In my head
They said
Pain it comes in waves
So dive in
They weren’t lying
There’s no denying it

Now it has been more than three years. But if I stop and allow myself I get this surreal dizzy feeling I got when I received that message. I seriously considered jumping off the balcony but I couldn't because of my brave son who was so strong, too strong just because he had to be.

Everyone's experience is unique. Mine was a nightmare. I was conned, tricked, lied to, betrayed. And my babies were taken from me in such a cruel way. I know they suffered immensely. The only consolation, at the moment, is that they have each other. But I already see the signs of what is to come. The rare pictures or messages I get explain how my daughter does not like to leave the house. She likes to clean. My son one the other hand loves to go out and meet people. Coincidence in a muslim country? Sure...

When me and my older son returned home to Finland I felt so much pain. I felt the pain would be so much less if they had just been hit by a car and died. Then we could have closure. But I knew then and there that I was facing a life of games and torture.

Last July my now ex-husband (only in Finland, my lawyer, despite being paid closer to 10000 euros did not manage me to get a divorce in Jordan) came to Finland to sign papers for shared custody.

The agreement was for him to return the children to me after a few weeks but he changed his mind. After all spring telling me how the twins deserved a life outside of the Middle-East.

It takes a lot from a person to decide what to do in a situation like this. So many times I have begged God to let me forget my twins. But I know that will not happen. This torture will never end.

My children were born in Finland to A Finnish mother. It makes them the same religion than I am according to Finnish law. I am Christian.

I have had to endure so much pain and it has only been three years. By the time he starts trying to find my daughter a husband from Saudi Arabia (he told me his plans recently) I believe my Christian patience will have reached it's limits and I will just die of sorrow.

I still have hope to save Jamal and Dalia, my twins, from such a controlling man so they could enjoy life in the free world.

And finally. My husband was handsome. He was funny. He was cute. He was sexy. He made me laugh.

So for you girls thinking of getting involved with a Jordanian: don't.  At least think twice.