LETS HAVE A LAUGH BUT NO FILTH

If your ex-wife and a lawyer were drowning, and you had to choose,

would you go to lunch or take in a movie?

Yes!

I was at a bulimic's bachelor party the other night.

The highlight was when the cake came out of the girl.

The greatest invention EVER made

INT'l VISA APPLICATION INSTRUCTIONS

Please read carefully, as you will be given only one copy of this form to fill out.

First name: John Smith

Last name: ...

I can almost see her blush!

This sort of behaviour never gets old.

With all the negativity being expressed of late,

allow me to offer an example of a positive post.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

Because they are really good at it

How are they so good?

Easy, they paint their balls red and hide in cherry trees

What is the loudest sound in the jungle?

Giraffes eating cherries.

When the babysitter gets bored, you just know trouble is brewing.

Classic! Things to do during a lockdown.

Anthropologists have uncovered a cache of sealed jars near the city of Terme which could shed light on the sudden collapse of the mysterious all-female Amazon tribe.

The warrior women, though proficient in archery and horseback, likely starved to death because they couldn't get any jars open, say experts.

source:Babylon Bee (fake news you can trust)

Recent job interview transcript

HR- What would you say is your greatest weakness?

Applicant- I would have to say that it's my honesty.

HR- I don't think that's a weakness.

Applicant- I don't give a f*** what you think.

It has been estimated that 25% of expats residing in VN are being prescribed medication for mental health issues.

This has me very much concerned. It means that 75% of us are running around untreated.

A horse walks into a bar, wearing a zebra mask. Bartender says, "Hey, why the wrong face?"

"Yeah, I'm ugly! I went to the proctologist, and the doctor stuck his finger in my mouth!"

R. Dangerfield

(R.I.P.)

A horse walks into a bar, wearing a zebra mask. Bartender says, "Hey, why the wrong face?"
-@Aidan in HCMC

I first heard that with a giraffe mask & "Why the long face?" 😉

@Aidan in HCMC do you know the difference between a oral thermometer and a anal thermometer?….. the taste!

One of the ways the locals avoid the intense sunlight when stopped at a red light.

Classic!

Best friends

A horse walks into a bar, wearing a zebra mask. Bartender says, "Hey, why the wrong face?"
-@Aidan in HCMC

I first heard that with a giraffe mask & "Why the long face?" 😉
-@OceanBeach92107

Chinese bartender?

MAc

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/w … e-29381245

Seems the UK met office has issued a yellow snow warning.

I thought everyone already knew about that.

@Fred

Perhaps Brits may not know to "watch out where the huskies go" ?

I went out today and got a scooter for my wife.

I thought it was a fair trade.

I went out today and got a scooter for my wife.
I thought it was a fair trade.
-@Aidan in HCMC

was it pre owned?

I went out today and got a scooter for my wife.
I thought it was a fair trade.
-@Aidan in HCMC
was it pre owned?
-@goodolboy

both

I went out today and got a scooter for my wife.
I thought it was a fair trade.
-@Aidan in HCMC

Sounds like you got a good trade as you never rode her hard.

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/w … e-29381245
Seems the UK met office has issued a yellow snow warning.
I thought everyone already knew about that.
-@Fred

You know eternal wise words, "Do not eat yellow snow"

-@goodolboy

Future drumsticks at KFC.

Never tell jokes to eggs

They just Crack up

We were talking way too much about beans in another thread about the Cost of Living here, so I figured we could move the conversation to this thread with a money-saving idea I discovered...

Av sin that

Now I know for certain that I am growing old. I'm even considering testosterone replacement therapy.

How was this confirmed to me? I was browsing some old 1960s photos, and when I looked at this picture, the first thing I thought was, "MY GOD THOSE SEATS LOOK COMFORTABLE!"

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Now I know for certain that I am growing old. I'm even considering testosterone replacement therapy.
How was this confirmed to me? I was browsing some old 1960s photos, and when I looked at this picture, the first thing I thought was, "MY GOD THOSE SEATS LOOK COMFORTABLE!"
.
.
.
.
.

-@Aidan in HCMC

I also saw the seats and how nice they looked (especiallythe seat on the right), but no testosterone required here as I immediately moved my gaze up to their knockers.