LETS HAVE A LAUGH BUT NO FILTH

Diagram these two sentences:

Time flies like an arrow.

Fruit flies like a banana.

Got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both ‘lefts,' which on the one hand is great, but on the other, it's just not right.

Don't you just hate it when people answer their own questions? I do.

(from a friend)

I had a dream last night that two of my best friends and I died and went to the Great Beyond 😇

The gatekeeper said: "Welcome, but be careful not to step on any ducks!"

Sure enough, when we got through the gates, there were ducks everywhere.

Almost immediately, one of my friends accidentally stepped on one of those dang ducks.

The gatekeeper appeared with one of the ugliest woman I had ever seen and chained her to my friend for all eternity.

With all those ducks just waddling around underfoot, a couple of days later my other friend also stepped on one.

Just as before, the gatekeeper appeared with one of the ugliest women I had ever seen and chained her to my friend for all eternity.

This made me even more cautious about the ducks, so I managed to go a whole month without stepping on one.

Then one day, the gatekeeper appeared again: this time, with the most beautiful woman I had ever seen…and chained her to ME!

In shock, I told her I wasn't sure what I did to deserved to be chained for all eternity to such a lovely woman. And she replied:

"All I know is, everything was fine until I stepped on a duck today..."

😳

I said "San Francisco"...

Was cool when I was young: Waist pouch for men.

Useful as anti-pickpocket bag for Ben Thanh Market on a crowded day: Waist pouch for men.

Was cool when I was young: Barry Manilow.

Still annoyingly cool in Vietnam: Barry Manilow.

Never cool when I was young: Kenny G.

Annoyingly cool in Vietnam: Kenny G.

Always cool even to this day: Mr. Miyagi from the Karate Kid.

    I said "San Francisco"...-@OceanBeach92107

Macramé

Sequins

Tie-dyed Shirts

@Aidan in HCMC

Also Members Only jackets.

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who's best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together.

The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”

“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God's holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”

They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn't have started with the circumcision.”

by Mitchell Hauser

    A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who's best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together.
The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”

“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God's holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”

They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn't have started with the circumcision.”


by Mitchell Hauser
   

    -@Travelfar

its funny we can make fun of our lets call it "Western religions" for simplicity but if a Muslim was included in that joke you would be living in fear of your life till the day you die!!

How is the U.K. weather like Islam?

Because it's either Sunni or Shi'ite

    How is the U.K. weather like Islam?
Because it's either Sunni or Shi'ite
   

    -@Aidan in HCMC

hahahahaha

@goodolboy

Well DUH! Took me a damn minute (or two).

I kept wondering how Herman Munster fit in the joke, FFS

Well, I got the same thing for Christmas as I got for my birthday. High.

Merry Xmas

Not all jobs in construction are the same. Enlarging a hole already drilled can be boring. Joining two pieces of metal together can be riveting. 🤪

Finally, a decent selfie for my profile photo...

@OceanBeach92107

WTH is that? Turtle?

    @OceanBeach92107
WTH is that? Turtle?
   

    -@Aidan in HCMC

Supposedly 🐢

Google Lens translation...

@OceanBeach92107

Well at least they're not begging, but something tells me their work/business visas might not be up to snuff.

Break dancing?

@OceanBeach92107

LOL! His head is his airbag!

Watching Netflix the other night I realized that Disney has devolved into such a mickey mouse company.

Yeah, I know, that's a goofy comment.

Well then, here it comes.

Brand new year, same old questionable life choices, I guess.

Happy New Year to all!

My wife and I rarely argue.

She's very intelligent so quickly realises she's wrong.

May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the arse of anyone who ....ucks up your New Year. And may their arms be too short to scratch it.

@Aidan in HCMC

Begpackers. It was getting very prevalent before 2020.

    @Aidan in HCMC
Begpackers. It was getting very prevalent before 2020.
        -@MyGuess

?

Sorry. I'm not sure which of my comments you are replying to.

Whiteboards are remarkable.

I'm looking forward to Tết - Lunar New Year in Việt Nam:

The Year Of The Mother-In-Law!

Oops...

I meant, The Year of The Dragon 🐲

    I'm looking forward to Tết - Lunar New Year in Việt Nam:
The Year Of The Mother-In-Law!

Oops...

I meant, The Year of The Dragon 🐲

    -@OceanBeach92107

long ago my teacher told me not to worry about spelling, cos in the future there will be a thing called "auto correct"  & for that I am truly grapefruit!  -@goodolboy

I've been using this great program which converts speech-to-text. I could go back to typing, but for now I chew snot.

@Aidan in HCMC,

The man who invented auto-fill has died. May he rust in piss

    @Aidan in HCMC,
The man who invented auto-fill has died. May he rust in piss.
   

    -@Lennerd

No preying allowed in the forum...