LETS HAVE A LAUGH BUT NO FILTH

A guy in america duck hunting, after a day of no luck he at last sees a duck, boom! the duck falls and hits a barn roof on the way down landing in the farmers field next door, he climbs through the thick hedge.

On his way to pick up the duck a big burly farmer shouts what are you doing?

Oh im just collecting my duck.

Your duck? the farmer shouts, it's mine!

Sorry no it's mine I shot it.

Get out of my field it's mine.

But I shot it its mine.

Ok here in Texas we settle things the the Texas way, we kick each other in the balls the last man standing has the duck.

Ok since I have the the duck I will have first kick.

He takes 3 steps back and runs and kicks Boom! right in the family jewels.

The guy falls to the floor rolling around screaming and holding his crutch gasping for air 10mins goes by he manages to get up, oh my god that hurt.

Ok my turn.

The big farmer looks at him and leans in and puts his head close to his, it's ok mate you can have the duck. 

Gardening

A Texan Moves To Canada in January

January 10th:
It's 5:00pm and it's starting to snow. The first of the season and the first one we've seen in years. The wife and I took our hot buttered rum, set a warm fire in the fireplace and sat by the picture window watching the soft flakes drift down, cling to the trees and cover the ground. It was beautiful.

January 11th:
We woke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight. Every tree and shrub covered with a beautiful mantle. I shoveled snow for the first time in my life and loved it. I did both driveway and sidewalk. Later, a snowplow came along and accidentally covered up the driveway with compacted snow from the street. The driver waved and smiled. I waved back and shoveled again.

January 12th:
It snowed an additional 5 inches last night and the temperature has dropped to 11 degrees F. Several tree limbs have snapped from the snow. I shoveled the drive again. Afterward, the snowplow came again. Now the snow is brownish-gray.

January 13th:
It warmed enough today to cause slush which froze again when the temperature dropped. Bought snow tires for both cars. Fell on my ass in the driveway, $145.00 to the chiropractor. Nothing broken. More snow.

January 14th:
Still cold as hell. Sold the wife's car. Bought a 4x4 to get her to work. Slid into a guardrail anyway with considerable damage. Another 8 inches of snow last night. Both vehicles covered with salt and crud. More shoveling for me. The god damned snowplow came twice today. Grr!!

January 15th:
It's 8 freaking degrees outside. More freaking snow. Not a tree on our property that hasn't been damaged. Power was off most of the night. Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles and a kerosene heater, which tipped over and nearly burned the damned house down. Managed to put out the flames, but suffered 2nd degree burns on my hands plus lost all my eyelashes and eyebrows. Car slid off the road on the way to the emergency room, it's totaled.

January 16th:
More god damned white s**t keeps coming down. Have to put on all the clothes we own just to get to the freaking mailbox. If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch who drives that godforsaken snowplow, I'll tear open his chest and rip his heart out. I think he hides around the corner till after I've shoveled. Power is still off. Toilet froze. Roof has started to cave in.

January 17th:
Six more inches of this white crap and sleet and no telling what the hell else will happen. I wounded the snowplow asshole with an ice ax, but he got away. Wife left me. The car won't start. I think I'm going snow-blind. I can't feel my damn toes, and I haven't seen the sun in weeks and more damn snow is forecast. Wind chill is 22 below.


January 18th:
A blizzard came last night and it's still raging. Three more feet of snow with four foot high drifts, thirty kph winds, visibility reduced to about twenty inches, wind chill is 40 below. I packed my bags, called a cab, built a lethal trap for the snowplow man, set the house on fire and headed out to the street.  If I can make the twenty five feet from my flaming door to the street, I'll set the trap, get into the cab and attempt to make it to the airport. I'm going back to Texas! Anyone who says 'burn in hell' has never seen a Canadian winter.

Hospital radio, not too naughty but if you are prudish dont look or listen.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wx9NlC35iu8

goodolboy wrote:

Hospital radio, not too naughty but if you are prudish dont look or listen.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wx9NlC35iu8

Poms do great comedy, way ahead of Americans.

mouse in hole

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b9BfbSwvEwo

mouse in hole

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b9BfbSwvEwo

colinoscapee wrote:

goodolboy wrote:

Hospital radio, not too naughty but if you are prudish dont look or listen.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wx9NlC35iu8

Poms do great comedy, way ahead of Americans.

You ever seen the movie "Sex Lives Of The Potato Men" if you like Northern base life humor & can understand it........have a look you will kill yersel min.

Any idea how to post WhatsApp videos ? I have a few today virus related..

Jlgarbutt wrote:

Any idea how to post WhatsApp videos ? I have a few today virus related..

Not easy I think but I am no expert. I get some from friends whatsapp & they are easy others seem impossible......but hey  what I do is look at the title & many are on Youtube.

Some stuff I found online but the internet is too slow to link right now.

Paramedic 1: They're all dead!

Paramedic 2: Yeah, but did you notice how clean their asses were?
_____________________________________________________________________

Day 2 without sports:

Found a young lady sitting on my couch yesterday. Apparently she’s my wife. She seems nice.

____________________________________________________________________

I'm old. I'm so old that I remember when washing my hands didn't take an hour!

____________________________________________________________________

Not a joke. Just a good explanation.

Kurzgesagt – In a Nutshell The Coronavirus Explained & What You Should Do

VietCanada wrote:

Some stuff I found online but the internet is too slow to link right now.

Paramedic 1: They're all dead!

Paramedic 2: Yeah, but did you notice how clean their asses were?
_____________________________________________________________________

Day 2 without sports:

Found a young lady sitting on my couch yesterday. Apparently she’s my wife. She seems nice.

____________________________________________________________________

I'm old. I'm so old that I remember when washing my hands didn't take an hour!

____________________________________________________________________

Not a joke. Just a good explanation.

Kurzgesagt – In a Nutshell The Coronavirus Explained & What You Should Do

Seems the link is not formatted correctly. Here it is:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BtN-goy9VOY

'wash your hands as if you've just cut up some jalapenos and want to put in your contact lenses next'.

sanooku wrote:

VietCanada wrote:

Some stuff I found online but the internet is too slow to link right now.

Paramedic 1: They're all dead!

Paramedic 2: Yeah, but did you notice how clean their asses were?
_____________________________________________________________________

Day 2 without sports:

Found a young lady sitting on my couch yesterday. Apparently she’s my wife. She seems nice.

____________________________________________________________________

I'm old. I'm so old that I remember when washing my hands didn't take an hour!

____________________________________________________________________

Not a joke. Just a good explanation.

Kurzgesagt – In a Nutshell The Coronavirus Explained & What You Should Do

Seems the link is not formatted correctly. Here it is:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BtN-goy9VOY

'wash your hands as if you've just cut up some jalapenos and want to put in your contact lenses next'.

Was that made for people with learning difficulties?

cricket

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OH5zVxs4Eio

goodolboy wrote:

cricket

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OH5zVxs4Eio

I needed a laugh

They live amongst us!!!

Game shows

colinoscapee wrote:

They live amongst us!!!

Game shows

I'm shocked.

Kurzgesagt – In a Nutshell

is a you tube channel.

In their words:

"Description
Videos explaining things with optimistic nihilism.

We are a small team who want to make science look beautiful. Because it is beautiful.

Currently we make one animation video per month. Follow us on Twitter, Facebook to get notified when a new one comes out.

FAQ:

- We do the videos with After Effects and Illustrator. "

VN 0:00 / 6:09 Optimistic Nihilism

Sorry, I saved the thumbnail and not the large photo.

SteinNebraska wrote:

https://i.imgur.com/sdja97K.jpg

Picture speaks for itself. Reality is, for a whole year, he's hardly touched his beer (unless it's a different bottle and he's drunk up to the same point when 2nd picture was taken  ).

Responsible personified!. 

he is so lucky

SteinNebraska wrote:

https://i.imgur.com/HTNkBCs.jpg

Your best post so far,lol.

colinoscapee wrote:

SteinNebraska wrote:

https://i.imgur.com/HTNkBCs.jpg

Your best post so far,lol.

Agree. Best post this year especially.

A gift

This is a coronavirus special edition. Now you can really get things done because you have both the time and a round tuit

Silly can be defined as social distancing in a lift - I took this earlier today and they're actually serious

[/url]

SteinNebraska wrote:

https://i.imgur.com/HTNkBCs.jpg

Hopscotch?

This is part of a series called "Big Ideas Series" They have a website and a YouTube channel. It's mostly about astrophysics and cosmology but this episode features a neuroscientist who speaks quite a bit about language and communication. A topic that might interest any EFL teacher.

The Richness of Time

Here's the blurb:

"
World Science Festival

504K subscribers

Join a physicist, a neuroscientist, and a linguist as they explore the deep enigmas of time. Time feels like it flows, but does it? Time seems to have a built-in direction, from past to future, but is that real or merely a quality imposed by the human brain? Time on earth elapses at a uniform rate, so why does the human experience of time seem so varied? How do various neurological afflictions change the perception of time? And underneath it all, how does human language impact our ability to think about time and fully experience its rich and mysterious contours?

PARTICIPANTS: Lera Boroditsky, Dean Buonomano

MODERATOR: Brian Greene"

Enjoy!

Maybe we should retitle this thread "Diversions in the Time of Covid" or something so we can share things to do while in quarantine.

The great filter.

Another good video from Kurzgesagt.

This comes from the question of why we haven't seen any signs of intelligent life out there.

Enjoy!

Why Alien Life Would be our Doom - The Great Filter

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mdlTIG0yHnE

goodolboy wrote:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mdlTIG0yHnE

I most strongly object to that video on the grounds of underwear safety issues

We are divided between those who need no instructions for wearing masks and those who flunked Halloween... 😷~🤡

Indices wrote:

sanooku wrote:

OceanBeach92107 wrote:

We are divided between those who need no instructions for wearing masks and those who flunked Halloween... 😷~🤡

Private messaging is not so 'private' afterall. Friends of forum have special access to our messages (or content)

Maybe i'm paranoid? Doubt it.

There is no such thing as 'privacy' on any social media site.
If you are not promoting anti-government terrorism, planning a crime or involved in some sort of sexual deviation why worry ?

sexual deviation - well thats my "nap time" spoilt