Making Friends in Portugal

We have been here since 2018 & have met & made friends with loads of lovely & friendly Portuguese people, we live in the algarve, we will never be fluent in the language but so long as you try & speak a little even if it only a word here & there they will come back at you & help you. I agree COVID is hindering progress but stick with it, is there a cafe near where you live if so try going in there daily when restrictions lift & you will find that the locals will get used to you & start speaking to you & before you know it your making friends. A tip always say bom dia (if you go in the morning) or boa tarde (afternoon) that’s how we started good luck

Hi,

I live on the Silvercoast in a smallish town with only a handful of Expats. People are reserved, but very friendly. They will not approach you, you will have to make the first steps. In my experience most react very positively and I have made friends. We invite each other to dinner, go shopping together or for coffee, talk, exchange books. The conversation is in English or German. Some asked me to help improve their English in exchange for teaching me Portuguese. And I took them up on it. We meet regularly twice a week for coffee and chat and learning.

I am a single female, middle-aged and especially some (few) women do react hostile to me. There are several shops I can not go shopping, I will not be served or so badly, that I have to leave. In the market I overhear some snide remarks, to which I respond with a bright smile. Strangely it's the younger women.  If I have to put a percentage, I would say 90% of the people I meet react very positively and about 10% are hostile. I can't ride the bus. I took the bus to Lisbon together with my daughter and grand daughter (6). It was an almost traumatic experience. Several of some rugged looking young people (18-ish) actually stood up and had speeches at us how we are destroying Portugal. 'You come here, fall in love with our country and then buy our houses and our people have nowhere to go and the prices go up and you destroy our beautiful country.' In short, the speeches took about 1 hour and the bus driver was clearly on their side. We took the train back. I wouldn't recommend the bus, unless you look rugged. (I am renting, just to mention.)

If you invite them they will come and will invite you back. You have to know them a little before of course. My friends are all professionals, nurses, bankers, business owners. Maybe that makes a difference in accepting foreigners? I am guessing here.

Good Luck to you, it will happen, you will make good friends!

Butze

Hi @Butze, This is very weird indeed ... I don't know what these young people are and in what context that really happened. Covid brings out the best and the worst of people. it's here and everywhere else.

I admit that there is a nationalist tendency, which is even late in comparison with the other European countries, where this began several years ago. Brexit is not an example of this?... But here it represents a small percentage of the population, mainly the one that is suffering most from the confinement resulting from the pandemic.

Hopefully this will pass and all becomes better for everyone. Let us understand what the pandemic has taught to us.

Butze, I sincerely regret these less positive experiences you've mentioned here.

Hello Johnny PT,

That bus ride was in the summer of 2019, before COVID. From their choice of words I took them all for ‘young socialists’. They were all quite fluent in English. I was wondering then if that same socialist indoctrination in school happens here as in so many countries at this time? I haven’t had the courage to ask my friends.

Butze

Thank you for your replies. Yes Covid is bringing out the best and worst in people. But we’ve been here 2 years now. We sometimes feel white and black is acceptable but since we are brown, not so much. Butze it’s very unfortunate you had that experience. We too do get hostile treatment but it’s more subtle never that loud. My wife many times feels they are remarking under their breathe about us. Feels weird. But to be fair we have moved places 3 times so new people all the time. Thank you anyways.

Mind you, we are supposed to be Portuguese as Goa has been part of Portugal for 450 years. And we don’t really like to be called Indian as we are not. We share so much of the Portuguese culture just the color of our skin is different. 😊 . And of course the language cause after india took over they discouraged speaking and learning Portuguese that now hardly anyone speaks.

@Butze: Ok, I can see that kind of young people who have approached to you. These political concepts are not taught at school. Did that approach happen in early September 2019?

@Maxvictor: Goa ceased to be part of Portugal 60 years ago, in 1961, after 450 years of colonisation. I admit that there are still such preconceptions in a certain section of the population, and I deeply regret this. But look, our prime minister is of Goa descent, his father was born in Goa, and that is not why he is not prime minister...

Butze, I think I know what happened to you. Probably you were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Every year, at the beginning of September, a political event takes place near where you live, which attracts thousands of people, especially young people, more for music and socializing than for politics itself. It's easy to find out what kind of event is by searching it on internet... But there are also other musical events in the summer, near Setúbal, propitious to gatherings of these young people.

You should minimize what happened to you.

Just to end my participation in this topic opened by Maxvictor:

I would like to say to you both that you should not associate these less positive experiences with personal attacks. Ignorance and difficulty that some of them have in putting themselves in the shoes of others trigger it. Unfortunately, from what we have seen on TV, social networks, trips abroad,... intolerance and ignorance are a global phenomena.

I've also felt this in my own skin, ridiculous preconceptions... and just because I'm a Portuguese citizen.... and I'm talking about european countries... members of the EU... all I need is to cross the border....Plenty of preconceptions, clichés, ignorance...  and I don't need to look much further, there are here too, in this forum, in its various languages available ...

These kind of negative feelings do worse to those who have it than to those who are subject to it. As Butze says, we must keep moving on, with a bright smile   

All the best to you both 
Best regards.
Johnny

Hi! I have been living in Portugal for 8 years and I have only 1 Portuguese person I can call a friend and I met that person in my home country, so he's an exception. I have a lot of local acquaintances but none I consider friends because when I thought they were my friend, they treated me as if I was not. All my friends are expats and they all have the same problem! So in my opinion, Portuguese people are nice and warm and friendly but that does NOT make them your friend, that makes them an acquaintance. Going to lunch and dinners apparently does not make them your friend. Expect them to offer you assistance/advice or anything like that to integrate better into the society and have a coffee or two but you will know who a friend is when it comes to the "big" life moments like emergencies, wedding/baptism invitations (bigger than a birthday party here) and other family-oriented events. For example, if you get them a nice bottle of wine and a card for Christmas and all you get is a text, that's your answer.

I don't mean to sound negative, I just observed that Portuguese people don't have that void we have of having friends because they filled that void for themselves years ago in school/university etc.

Additionally, the younger women here are VERY catty and the men can't be friends easily with a woman (if he is dating/married) and the partner isn't friends with you. In other words, if you have a male friend, expect to be friends with HIS partner. If the partner doesn't like you, don't expect for him to defend your friendship.

It is a rough world out here!

Hi Blue Dudha,
Welcome and thanks for sharing this

You've made an interesting analysis with some knowledge. Most of the times it's like you say. My suggestions to overcome this:

https://www.expat.com/forum/viewtopic.php?id=909130

Why not participate in courses such as dance (Ballroom dances, Latin dances, ...), meditation, yoga, learn foreign languages (portuguese), painting/drawing, cooking, sports, gymns, ... Even if you think you're not good enough. The important thing is that you like what you are practicing/learning.

Try to establish initial relationships, and then everything becomes easier. In all these courses, they usually organize dinners, events... of course after this Covid...

Become a volunteer in social institutions/Voluntariado em instituições de carácter social:
Participating in events/social areas related with solidarity matters is extremely important. And you can find there true friends...

Eg. refood/fight against food waste, food bank against hunger (banco alimentar contra a fome), ...


The Re-food Movement
http://www.re-food.org/en

Banco Alimentar:
https://www.bancoalimentar.pt/https://www.bancoalimentar.pt/quero-ser-voluntario/

(...)

Make yourself known to the other. The portuguese are reserved and most of them do not take the first step. It is as it is, it's part of the culture...

But I recognize that it is difficult. And it is not only between expatriates and portuguese. Even between portuguese it was much easier before...

Best regards

Me and my wife are moving soon too from India. Perhaps we can be friends.