Never the same again

Ma'am, please accept my humble condolences on the loss of your husband.  I know things must seem pointless right now, but just take one day at a time and decide whether this is really the end, or actually a beginning.

I went through a similar loss one year ago, a loss that left me devastated and questioning my own continued existence.  Not a single day goes by where I don't think about her, but gradually I've gotten to a point where I can smile again.  The pain is still there, but as with all pain, it subsides with time.  I hope the same for you.

Great to have a quick reply here.
I am happy for you that you can smile again.
When I read your message it gives me hope
that one day the pain will subside.
But some lifes though just end too soon!
I lost my mother when I was 8 years old
and now my husband so soon.
I live my life from day to day,
that's the best I can do.
But for me, for his family, for his relatives
it's hard to bear.
I wish it was me who had gone first.
I depended very much on my husband.
I mean, I am a very shy person and he did everything for me.
For instance, when something was broke in the house,
he asked de plumber to come.
So much things he did for me.
Now I stand alone in life,
I have to cope alone with everything.
If for instance I had gone before him
I'm sure he would be able to cope better with life then me.
I'm not a very social person because I'm shy, quiet personality and don't go out much.
That makes it all more difficult.
For now I live one day at a time
still can't believe what happened.
Ok, I'll leave it here.
Have to get up early for work tomorrow.
Take care.
Thanks for your messsage.

I'm so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you. I'm similar to you in the sense that i depend on people a lot, and i'm scared of the unknown. No one has the answer as to why things happen, only God knows. My situation was very different from yours but the pain i felt was very real and i honestly thought i'd lose my mind, literally. Being in that kind of pain it makes you feel so alone, like your world has stopped and the world around you is going on as usual but you're in a dark hole and you're in a cold world of your own, and no one understands your pain, and their kind words don't seem to be enough.

I don't know if you're spiritual or not, but i'm a Christian, and during that difficult time i turned to the only person that truelly understood my pain, and the only person who could literally reach where the pain was and sooth it like a balm. Jesus. I'm not talking about any religion, just Jesus himself, and His personal relationship with everyone.I know it sounds crazy to people who don't know Him, but all you have to do is ask Him with all your aching heart and you will, i promise, literally FEEL the difference. He's real, and He helps. He knows exactly what you're going through, He loves you, and He cares more than you know. He is closest to us(every single person,believer or not) when we're hurting the most.Even if you don't believe it, just try, it can't hurt to do so...and i find music can be a very real and deep thing, so if you have the time, listen to the song 'He's Concerned' by Cece Winans.

It also sounds like apart from the heavy pain you're feeling, the idea of you actually stepping forward on your own is overwhelming, but it's only natural to feel that way, your sense of comfort has been removed and now you have to pick yourself up, but you're not alone, i'm sure you have family and friends who love you dearly! Don't be by yourself too much at this time, it's comforting to be around people who love you.

And when you're ready, don't feel guilty about taking pleasure in anything beautiful that makes you smile. I'm sure you know that your husband loved you too much to see you live in pain for too long.

Take comfort in the very real saying that 'this too shall pass', your husband's life with you, the beautiful moments you shared were a gift to you that you'll always have and remember. But the pain, it will fade, and when you're ready to let go of the pain and live again eventually,you won't feel the pain anymore. You won't forget it, but you won't feel it. And you will be happy again, BELIEVE that! You're a lot stronger than you know, and i believe you'll find just how strong you are as you grow through this process and time in your life. I'll have you in my thoughts and prayers. And if you ever want to talk more about it, my email address is mkitava@yahoo.com

God bless you. with love, Melissa