Advice for a vulnerable mum in Hungary from a concerned friend

David Aldous wrote:

Expat community, please help!

Living in Czech Republic for three years I understand what the expat community can do.

I am in need of information and advice for a very special person. Rose worked and lived with me for nearly 2 years in Edinburgh in 2013/4. She moved home and had a wonderful child with a boy she didn't really know. Now she is in an abusive (emotional and physical) relationship. They have to live together because she has to look after her kid and can't work much.

Rose has looked into getting help leaving but isn't getting much advise. What I would like to know is if there are any programs the government supply, like help with housing. I know Hungary is different from Scotland but a council flat and benefits are available here and I'm hoping there are similarities in Hungary. Especially when it's a vulnerable single mum.

I'm a civil servant and know customers sometimes need to push for answers and I am pushing Rose to demand answers to questions she has. At this point she is exhausted.

She lives in a small town near Eger which has no advise centre. Whatever information you can give me would be so helpful. I want her to get out of her house away from this guy, her daughter is now being emotionally affected.

Thank you for reading this,
David

Is she Hungarian? 

If not, why doesn't she and the kid just leave the country asap?

Are you looking for a shelter for battered women?

Council housing doesn't exist here as far as I know.

She could contact NANE to discuss her options.

Sorry to hear about the problems your friend is having.
The name,"Rose" makes me think she is Hungarian.
( My auntie was named Rose and from Hungary)
I honestly doubt they have a system in place here like they would have in the UK.
People on ,"welfare" here are required to work, clean up the park or streets and then I've heard they get paid a very samll amount, Under $250. per month.

I've seen women cleaning the lawns in the city parks and they lug around a clean trash bin where they store their personal itmes.
They live in a shelter which tosses them out during the day hours so they have no storage lockers.
Every district has district owned flats that they rent to under privilaged people.
Having a child to care for might help your friend be on the list .
It may take awhile to get a place that way however.
Our friend got a flat by the district  15 years ago because he was divorced and his wife got their apt. He was stuck living back home with his parents and he had enough of it.
It was some sort of rent controlled apt.
He passed so can't ask him any information.
She would defo have to be a HU citizen though.
You might think abut going int her local city hall and asking sme questions abut getting her own place.
My best advice is if she has family or friends where she can stay with for a few months who are willing to help watch her child while she finds a job that wuld be the quickest way to go.
I looked at the web site that Mr. F mentioned , NANE. Looks like a good place to start .They may help her with any district owned flats by giving her a recommendation or they may know of group homes for mothers.

Marilyn Tassy wrote:

Sorry to hear about the problems your friend is having.
The name,"Rose" makes me think she is Hungarian.
( My auntie was named Rose and from Hungary)
I honestly doubt they have a system in place here like they would have in the UK.
.....
You might think abut going int her local city hall and asking sme questions abut getting her own place.
My best advice is if she has family or friends where she can stay with for a few months who are willing to help watch her child while she finds a job that wuld be the quickest way to go.
I looked at the web site that Mr. F mentioned , NANE. Looks like a good place to start .They may help her with any district owned flats by giving her a recommendation or they may know of group homes for mothers.

Good info Marilyn.

If Rose is under threat of physical violence, she needs to get out of there quickly. 

And she'll need to make sure she's covering her tracks and cannot be found by her abusive partner. 

In the UK, there is help from the authorities and organisations but here, I don't think it will be very responsive from government but the organisations might be more on it.

My heart goes out to your friend and I wish her and her child all the best and a quick and safe resolution to her problem.

fluffy2560 wrote:

Marilyn Tassy wrote:

Sorry to hear about the problems your friend is having.
The name,"Rose" makes me think she is Hungarian.
( My auntie was named Rose and from Hungary)
I honestly doubt they have a system in place here like they would have in the UK.
.....
You might think abut going int her local city hall and asking sme questions abut getting her own place.
My best advice is if she has family or friends where she can stay with for a few months who are willing to help watch her child while she finds a job that wuld be the quickest way to go.
I looked at the web site that Mr. F mentioned , NANE. Looks like a good place to start .They may help her with any district owned flats by giving her a recommendation or they may know of group homes for mothers.

Good info Marilyn.

If Rose is under threat of physical violence, she needs to get out of there quickly. 

And she'll need to make sure she's covering her tracks and cannot be found by her abusive partner. 

In the UK, there is help from the authorities and organisations but here, I don't think it will be very responsive from government but the organisations might be more on it.

Just google vilolance against women hungray. Its quite shocking,

Dear David!

I am based in Hungary. I am terribly sorry that your friend is in trouble.
Please contact NANE  36 80 505 101 NANE is an organization helping women to get out of the abusive and violent relationship.
Office hours: Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday 18-22, Wednesday 12-14
It is anonymous and she can call for free from mobile.

Don't waste any more time!
Good Luck!!!

Yes, please contact that agency NANE ASAP.
Your friend may be so down that she can't do it for herself.
There is life "after death".
My beloved mother had 4 children with my abusive father who got her BFF pregnant( Have a half -bro I've never known).
My mother had the forsight so save tiny bits of grocery, bill paying funds to save us from our father.
She was able to take us all away to a rental home after our father lost our home and most of our belongings.
He bought items on credit and never paid the bills or even went to work.
He left all of us high and dry.
My mum was a saint and after moving us out she even allowed our father to stay with us for a short time even though she had filed for divorce.My mom could give as good as she got and sometimes better. Not many women can do that physically.
This is very upsetting to hear about your friend.
Perhaps worst case, if you are able to, send her some funds for a hotel while she finds out what the gov. can offer to do for her.
So many people suffer in silence, it's good she shared with you.,She must trust you very much.
Please keep us updated on this situation, perhaps between all of us we can figure something out to help your friend and her child.

bea39 wrote:

Dear David!

I am based in Hungary. I am terribly sorry that your friend is in trouble.
Please contact NANE  36 80 505 101 NANE is an organization helping women to get out of the abusive and violent relationship.
Office hours: Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday 18-22, Wednesday 12-14
It is anonymous and she can call for free from mobile.

Don't waste any more time!
Good Luck!!!

Do you or anyone know if there's that system here in HU where someone in an abused and controlling relationship can use a code word in certain places which is enough to tip off the doctor/pharmacist/whoever that they need help? 

In the UK it's "Ask for ANI".   

Mrs Fluffy and I have had for years a system of code words to signal if either of us is in trouble and need help.  I travel a great deal to sometimes funny places. There's always a small risk of  being kidnapped, robbed or otherwise forced into a difficult situation under threat. Mentioning the code word in a casual conversation would be enough to trigger a call to the authorities/police.