Facing discrimination abroad: Should you stay or leave?

Experiencing discrimination in a foreign country

In 2016, a French expat in Tokyo recounted her "first bad experience as a foreigner." She was standing in the subway when the doors opened, and a Japanese man wanted to enter but hesitated. "He stared at me with a disturbing intensity. He looked disgusted." The man quickly moved to another wagon. She was sure he avoided entering because of her.

Shocked, she realized she had never experienced discrimination in France. "I am white; I never had any problems. Now, I understand what others might feel. We often talk about this for black or brown immigrants, but I never applied it to myself, even though I was an immigrant in Japan. I learned my lesson." Despite this and a few other similar experiences in Japan, she didn't question her stay. Weighing the pros and cons, she decided that these incidents of discrimination weren't enough to drive her away. "I came to Japan to work and learn the language. I stayed until I achieved my goal."

Now, back in France after a couple of shorter trips to New Zealand and other European countries, she fondly remembers her time in Japan. "It was my first long stay abroad." Although she faced other "minor unpleasant experiences" during her travels, nothing deterred her from traveling. "I think others go through much worse daily. Maybe I'm making a big deal out of a sideways glance when others face truly horrible things and can't say anything."

Recognizing discrimination as an expat

Indeed, other expatriates endure much harder-to-handle situations daily. Discrimination can occur anywhere and anytime: on the street, in transportation, or in the workplace. The challenge for foreigners is first to recognize it. It's not always apparent when you're being discriminated against.

In the workplace, for instance, you might be tempted to accept usually unacceptable things or ignore "small slights" to stay in your employer's good books. These issues may not even be related to being a foreigner but could be about the technical aspects of the job. While the means of addressing these issues may vary (depending on country's laws against discrimination, workplace abuses, etc.), the psychological damage can be significant. Discrimination is particularly insidious because it targets the individual's identity: expat are discriminated against because of their origin, gender, disability, etc. They are denied their identity, mocked, and broken.

The long-term consequences of such an environment are evident. It's essential to recognize that discrimination doesn't have to be "dramatic" or frequent to be classified as such. Once discomfort sets in and daily life as an expat becomes burdensome, it's time to reflect. This necessary reflection is challenging, as the expat regularly faces these discriminations.

Taking a step back despite the challenges of being an expat

Reflection is crucial for making the right decision and not reacting "in the heat of the moment." However, depending on the seriousness of the situation, immediate action is necessary for safety (contacting immigration services, for example), particularly in situations threatening your physical and/or mental health, such as abuse, assaults, or psychological violence.

After identifying the causes of discomfort, consider how much this feeling affects your daily life abroad:

• Has life become unbearable?
• Does the discomfort disappear or persist, even when not in uncomfortable situations?
• Can you still enjoy simple things in your expat city (walks in favorite neighborhoods, etc.)?
• Have you formed friendships or relationships? Do these relationships provide relief?
• Do you remember the early days of your move? Were you happy or not? How do you recall them today? Do you feel unhappy?
• Has your self-confidence been affected? Have you become fatalistic?

Persistent discomfort tends to overshadow everything, including joyful situations. When every day in the host country becomes difficult, you will obviously start wondering whether you should stay or leave.

Stay or leave: How do you decide?

Before answering this question, start with the right mindset: whether you decide to stay or leave, your expat life hasn't been a failure. Sometimes, people stay for the wrong reasons. They want to prove to others that they are brave. They don't want to be the ones who leave, but the ones who endure. This decision often has severe psychological and physical consequences because it means staying against your will. Similarly, leaving with the mindset of being "the one who failed" is also not the right option.

Making the right decision means thinking about yourself first. What were your dreams back then, and how have they evolved? To rediscover them or create new ones, it might be wise to return home, move to another country, or even stay but away from the toxic environment (in cases of workplace discrimination, for example). Whatever the decision, it should come with the necessary support to regain self-confidence and move forward.