Courtesy can significantly ease our interactions, especially in a foreign country, but it's crucial to understand the etiquette that's specific to each culture. For example, while a hug might be seen as a warm greeting in some places, it could be viewed as inappropriate in cultures where physical contact is generally avoided. Let's delve into various well-known and lesser-known rules of politeness worldwide.
The art of greeting politely
Expats are often taken aback by the American "Hi, how are you?" when merely exchanging groceries with a store cashier. In Europe, you might receive just a glance, but in America, there's a semblance of concern. This is, of course, a rhetorical question—the cashier doesn't actually expect an honest account of your feelings, but responding is considered polite in the U.S.
The Japanese bow, or o-jigi, is also well-known, though the exact depth of the bow can be puzzling. Foreigners aren't expected to master this form of greeting; a simple nod will suffice. However, for Japanese people, greeting is a meticulous art that varies from casual to highly formal, reflecting the respect owed to the other person. It's not uncommon for companies in Japan to provide training on the proper way to greet.
Conversely, the French custom of cheek kissing is not advisable in Asian countries and even in some European nations like Germany, where a form of "hug" among friends is becoming more popular, likely influenced by American customs. The hugging style differs significantly: it's more casual in the United States and happens in a wider array of situations than in Germany.
Meanwhile, handshakes are typically robust in the U.S., but excessive vigor can be considered rude in other places. In Turkey, a prolonged handshake is appropriate, while in Morocco, it's brief and only exchanged between members of the same sex.
Although it's rare that people relocate to Tibet, if someone greets you by sticking out their tongue, take no offense. This gesture dates back to a tradition aimed at proving one is not a reincarnation of the malevolent 9th-century king Lang Dama, known for his black tongue. Today, Tibetans continue to stick out their tongue briefly as a friendly greeting.
Politeness in relation to personal space and time
Do you find it challenging when people stand too close or engage in physical contact during conversations? Research by the University of Oxford and Aalto University reveals that in some cultures, such physical closeness is crucial for maintaining social bonds. However, tolerance levels for this closeness vary. Knowing the social norms can prevent surprises, such as those experienced in Brazil, where physical contact is more common.
In contrast, in Sweden, the concept of "personal space" is taken very seriously, even among close friends. American expatriate Roger shared on Reddit that he initially stood too close to Swedes during conversations, only realizing after several months why his conversational partners seemed uncomfortable.
Time management also varies by culture. The famed punctuality of the Japanese, Germans, and Swiss even extends to expecting arrivals a bit early, particularly in professional settings. British expatriate Samantha learned this the hard way in Berlin when her colleagues saw her on-time arrival at her first professional meeting as late.
Thus, punctuality is more than mere politeness; in many countries, it signifies deep respect. Conversely, some cultures have a more flexible approach to time. In Mexico, the term "ahorita," which literally means "right now," can range from a few minutes to several hours. Similarly, in China, "Mashang," which translates to "immediately" or "on the back of a horse," can also vary widely in meaning, reflecting a more relaxed perception of time.
Politeness and communication
The significance of indirect communication and the concept of "face" are well recognized in China. An old saying goes, “The face is to the man what the bark is to the tree.” It's crucial to maintain your interlocutor's dignity by avoiding direct public disagreement. This concept can involve intricate nuances.
It's not just about preventing someone from losing face; it's equally about giving face, which might involve public compliments, recognizing someone's achievements, or assigning them responsibilities.
Sarah, an American expatriate working in Shanghai, shares on Reddit how complimenting her Chinese colleagues publicly during meetings or seeking their advice on projects has not only improved the working atmosphere but also helped her gain acceptance within the team.
Unlike in China, indirect communication isn't as prevalent in Japan.
However, in India, especially in professional settings, it's common to convey disagreements or opinions through hints and insinuations to maintain social harmony and avoid direct confrontations. Body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions are critical in understanding these subtle cues. Expatriates often realize that phrases like "maybe" or "we'll see" are polite refusals.
In many cultures, silence is avoided in conversation as if it were an embarrassment. Yet, in places like Finland, silence during a conversation is valued and often seen as a sign of reflection or respect. Finns believe that every word should count, and it's not unusual for their conversations to include thoughtful pauses, considering silence a meaningful part of communication.
From ways of thanking and taking leave to manners at the table or on the street, the myriad nuances of politeness in any given culture are vast and varied.
Courtesy on the road: A global perspective
Pedestrians should be cautious: in some countries, there's no guarantee that cars will stop at pedestrian crossings. While this might be the norm in Switzerland, Japan, or Canada, expect different scenarios in places like China, where drivers are more likely to swerve around you than to stop. However, attitudes in China's major cities are evolving, partly due to the fear of surveillance cameras, leading to more frequent stops for pedestrians.
On the road, the meaning of a headlight flash can vary greatly by country. While it may be used to express gratitude for a civic gesture in some places, in others, like Germany, it can signify a warning about police presence nearby or even frustration that you're driving too slowly on the highway. Particularly on Germany's autobahns with unrestricted speed limits, it's customary—and expected—that drivers vacate the left lane quickly after overtaking and do not linger in the middle lane at a constant speed.
What if you find yourself being overtaken on the right? While this can provoke honks of disapproval in France, it's relatively common in China or India. Moreover, the use of car horns varies widely: in some countries, horns are used liberally for various reasons, while in others, such as in some cities, honking is strictly reserved for averting danger and can be seen as offensive otherwise. Take Paris, for example, where drivers might nudge your vehicle while maneuvering into a parking spot without much concern. In contrast, in Germany, touching another person's car can lead to significant repercussions—make sure your insurance is comprehensive!
