Can the thrilling expat journey also encompass a 'return home'? Living overseas poses unique challenges for couples. How do couples manage homesickness? Is it better to suppress your memories, or should you rekindle them with a vacation back home? When is the ideal time to take a break?
The unbreakable link between moving abroad and returning home
First, let's address a common misconception: returning home does not indicate a failure. Living abroad can indeed incorporate trips back to your home country. An expatriate isn't bound to leave their homeland forever. If homesickness becomes too much, or if you yearn to reconnect with your loved ones beyond just video calls, then considering a trip home is wise. This urge to return for a vacation doesn't necessarily signal a problem. Sometimes, everything is fine, but the need to reconnect with your roots, memories, and loved ones becomes a new priority.
However, it's important not to rush your travel plans. Timing is crucial. Remember, you are not alone in this journey; consider your partner's feelings about the move. Couples often experience living abroad differently. This isn't unexpected, as even non-expatriate couples face similar dynamics. You may live together, but you have distinct lives, personalities, and approaches. Listen to both your needs and those of your partner.
You know it's time to go home for a vacation when:
- Family discussions of 10 minutes turn into 3-hour conversations.
- The frequency of calls increases from twice a week to twice a day.
- You are more up-to-date with the news from your home country than from your host country.
- You've accumulated a fatigue that nothing seems to alleviate.
- You need to recharge your batteries with your loved ones.
- You dream of your hometown.
- All your vacation plans point towards your home country.
- You want to take a step back to better appreciate the journey.
- You want to reassess your decision to relocate overseas.
- You miss your family and friends.
Balance expectations when planning your vacation
Consider the necessary compromises before you set off for a vacation back home. You've decided to visit your family home, but how will the trip be organized? Is your partner joining you? Are you both free to leave on your chosen dates? Will you have the opportunity to visit both your family and your partner's family? Keep in mind that it might not be possible to have the ideal vacation at your preferred time. Check your employment contract abroad, and understand your vacation entitlements and those of your partner.
How long do you plan to stay? Compromises are essential, depending on what your employer abroad permits. Also, consider your partner's schedule. Could your vacation plans be delayed by a few months? Would you rather leave immediately for a short period, even if alone, or wait to enjoy a longer break back home? All these considerations require a clear understanding of your goals and listening to your own needs. Some expatriates are comfortable waiting years to organize a lengthy vacation with their partner in their home country, while others, overwhelmed by homesickness, opt for shorter, more immediate trips, sometimes traveling alone if schedules don't align. There is no one-size-fits-all solution; the best plan will be the one that works for both you and your partner.
How to deal with homesickness as an expat couple
Sadness, discomfort, fatigue, feeling blue—no one is immune to homesickness, yet people on the outside often fail to understand this sentiment. Living abroad is still widely perceived as an invariably idyllic adventure, burdened with persistent stereotypes about the expatriate lifestyle. However, expats frequently face the same daily routines as everyone else—commute, work, sleep—just in a different environment. Rest assured, feeling nostalgic can be soul-soothing as you reminisce about the "good old days" with fondness. But when nostalgia turns to melancholy, it can skew your perception of reality, making your expatriate life seem dull and joyless.
To fight homesickness, it's crucial to open up. You have a significant advantage—your partner. You are not alone, and discussing your feelings is vital. Communication is not only essential for maintaining a relationship but is particularly critical in expatriation. Share your emotions and seek support from your partner. Spend quality time together exploring new activities, socializing with friends, and meeting new people in your host city. Keep in touch with loved ones back home. Use these experiences to evaluate your feelings of homesickness and, together with your partner, decide if it's time to return home for a break.
Remember, returning home should not be seen as a failure. Feeling guilty will only diminish the enjoyment of your visit. Instead, view these trips as a celebration—a welcome return to your roots that provides the perspective needed to continue your expatriation journey.
