Culture Difference- Our kid is too much touched by stranger...

Hi Ms Jeanine

So sorry to know the situation that you and your kid got. It is Vietnamese culture that when people see a lovely kid, they usually touch his/her face, or just take him/her in arm. Sometimes it is not nice when they do too much to make the kid feels not good and make parents are worried. Therefore, I think you should stop them by using Vitenamese language because most of Vietnamese people can't speak English.

Hope everything will be going well with you here in VN

Tuyen

Hi Jeanine,

You are definitely not alone on this; my friends and their children have the exact problem, especially those with kids the same age as yours.  It is difficult, you don't want to offend these people.  But, sometimes you are going to have to let them know that enough is enough.  Your liberty is at stake.  If you can't communicate that to the individuals themselves, speak to management about it.  I am quite sure that they will understand and be able to pass on your concerns.  The problem gets worst as you go farther away from the main districts.  Good luck.

Howie

hsing

It is a sign that they are very glad in your son and very curious about him.

You raise several issues and let me try to answer shortly some of them:

1. Asking for your permission: it is a given that the parents will permit. It would never cross the Vietnamese that the parents would deny what they see as a nice and goodwill gesture. You would offend them if you say no (though they would comply). In the west, I would never dare walking to a cute, small girl and talk to her out of fear of their parents. In Vietnam, I would never be afraid hoisting up a small boy in the air to make him laugh knowing that his parents would be glad and take it as a sign of goodwill.

2. The kid being bothered: Kids in general adapt easily so they may be bothered to begin with, but they will get used to it. If your kid is of a very shy nature, I would recommend leaving him at home or limit your shopping/eating to upscale/expat area where he will get it less often. Same thing if you are concerned about the hygiene from all the touchings.

3. Last and not least: you as a parent being concerned. What I discern in between the lines is that you probably are the one most bothered by all this. Well!!!. the question is more an adjustment of the mind to see the positive, just like everything you see in Vietnam. None of my friends is bothered by it. They see it as a great opportunity. Now, they can finally eat in peace not having to take care of their (blue-eyed, golden haired, dynamic two year old) kids since the restaurant staff volunteer to take care of them. Back home, they would either have to hire a babysitter or suffer through the meal each time they want to eat out.

BTW, what I am saying here applies to Thailand as well, so it is not only in Vietnam. Don't know much about China but I recall seeing throngs of kids running after foreigners touching them in some documentaries and movies.

hsing wrote:

Hi, everyone,

we are new in HCMC, we are from Germany, my husbend works here.

Now we meet culture difference and I think, it bothered our kid.

When we go out to have dinner or shopping. There are local people (Waiters, Sellers etc.) to come to my kid and touch his face, or just take him in arm even without asking us, or even my kid shows that he does not like it. Our kid is 20 months old, sometimes he got confused or scared.

Sure, the local people are friendly. But sometimes it is too muc. We travelled also in China before, it happened not so much like this here. The people in China smiled to him or just told us that he is cute. ( Of course, as parents we were happy about it)

Do u have some similar experience here?

greetings
Jeanine

hi, i'm a Vietnamse , i thinks it's become vietnamese tradition, when an adult see a kid, they usually touch his cheek and talk "thật dể thương"(so cute).....so if you dont like that attitude, only have a way that u let your son at home when you go out.

Thank u Howie (or Wild_1). I think i should learn to say 'Thank u' and 'That is enough for my kid'in Vienamese.

Thank u Anatta and hot_boy. Sure! I know, that is the way how the vietnemese shows emotion when they see cute kids. As parents, we are happy about it. In Germany as well, peopel like him, just with another way. I will not leave my son at home because of this, i think I can try to tell local people when it is enough to touch. And thank u for his/her complement.

A "cam on" and a smile from you would do the job.  Or, a smile and a soft hand in between your child and the stranger will do, too.  Come to think of it, with the right gestures, I don't think any person on this planet would get offended with a mother trying to protect her child.

But, don't leave the kid home over this.  It is your liberty.

But, don't leave the kid home over this.  It is your liberty.

thanks Wild_1 for this comment. my daughter is just 2 months old and i took her out only once in KFC. the tactic i used is to put my baby inside the table. in this way it was not possible for anybody to come near my baby. people here are unaware about the hygiene aspect. a nice smile from the mother side should be ok.
everybody here "prescribed" to keep the baby at home which was ridiculous. i will also not think of keeping my baby at home for this issue.

I agree with you vicci. Hygiene is also my concern when they're touching my daughter cheeks. Good thing my daughter is old enough (3yrs old)to know if someone wants to touch her cheek she immediately put her hands in her cheeks to cover it so that the person can't touch her cheeks.

hi, Adjura,

ur daughter can protect herself already.

hsing wrote:

hi, Adjura,

ur daughter can protect herself already.

Yes Hsing, she's smart. Maybe she also gets hurt when somebody pinched her cheeks that's why she's doing it.

hsing wrote:

Hi, everyone,

we are new in HCMC, we are from Germany, my husbend works here.

Now we meet culture difference and I think, it bothered our kid.

When we go out to have dinner or shopping. There are local people (Waiters, Sellers etc.) to come to my kid and touch his face, or just take him in arm even without asking us, or even my kid shows that he does not like it. Our kid is 20 months old, sometimes he got confused or scared.

Sure, the local people are friendly. But sometimes it is too muc. We travelled also in China before, it happened not so much like this here. The people in China smiled to him or just told us that he is cute. ( Of course, as parents we were happy about it)

Do u have some similar experience here?

greetings
Jeanine

Hi Jeanine,

I understand your situation and I was so mad once when this happened to my baby niece. My advice is you should react gently (I did strongly) to those people and it is ok to do that. Sometime some people just dont know how annoyed they're causing to the others and if you dont stop them, you have to bear them.

Hello Jeanine,

I believe Anatta said it best.

We have a son who just turned two and is a swedish-blond blue eyed kid with a wide smile. When we arrived in HCMC a few months ago, we could not walk down the street without having someone stop to touch him, pinch his cheeks, mussle his hair, pick him up and play with him. We were startled at first because this happenned all the time and pretty much everywhere we went, hour after hour, with all kinds of different people and sometimes with whole groups of people gathering around him and touching,pointing and taking pictures with him.
My son sometimes took it really well, sometimes, when in a bad mood, would grunt and run away from them and hide behind my legs.
To make this short, he's gotten used to it now, and so have we. Sometimes when it gets bothersome because we need to get somewhere or we find that they are going too far (a couple times, waiters would just pick him up in their arms and take him somewhere where we couldn't see him  - such as the other side of a restaurant kitchen counter - to show him to someone else or give him something, and that would make us panicky ) it is also ok to just say to the person '' look, enough now''.
You can do this by smiling, giving your child something to play with or just taking him to the bathroom with you. It will not offend them and they will leave your kid alone.

This now makes sense to me now. When I was living in California with my Vietnamese grandmother, I remember one day my grandmother came into the house with an American newborn, blue eyed baby. Grandmother was so happy and smiling playing with the baby. I was shocked and wanted to tell her where she got the baby from. My older sister was shocked too and we all thought someone had lost a baby.

Luckily the baby belonged to the neighbors next door. I invited the mother into our home as I'm sure she was shocked seeing a nice elderly grandmother taking her baby and bringing her into another home.

I guess that kind of helped introduced us to our neighbors. On another day when the mother was worried about the baby being sick, she came over to ask for help and advice on the baby. Luckily my mom was home and she helped take a look at her and showed our neighbor how to care for her.

Yes, we know people here show friendly emotion with other way. At the beginning I just worry about Hygiene problem. But now, we have a good way, just say hello with smiling, and take my son back...