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hardest decision of my life..i need advice.

Last activity 24 May 2012 by 3bairns

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1on1

Hi everyone newbie here.

I have to make some agonizing decisions very soon and i really don’t know who to turn to or where to begin but I can only hope that someone on this forum can relate to my situation.

I recently met and married an English man and have agreed to move to London with him. The problem is me..i never went to college, and have few skills that can land me a job in America let alone overseas. I am over 50 and live in a rent controlled apartment. If i decide to move to the UK then i will certainly lose my flat in the US. I run a stall at my local flea market and have been doing so for many years. I don’t have much marketable skills and i am terribly afraid that if i give up me flat and later on find out that the decision to move to UK was not right for me , then i would no longer have a place to call my own as i cannot afford to pay market-rate for another apartment.

Its a gut wrenching decision for me as i have never lived overseas as well and this coupled with the fact that i have few skills to offer, makes my upcoming decision to move, a very agonizing one. You may wonder why the flat is so important when infact i have a husband that i can look forward to in a new life together but when you have few options in life, and have few possesions in life, it does become extremly important belive it or not.

Let me just quickly add that, no i cannot just have someone pay the rent while i go and " investigate " London. The management will find out and i may lose the flat for sure. I don’t have any relatives in the states i live in to help facilitate my relocation or any other form of help... if i leave for the UK it would mean losing my flat and i am going nuts over what to do.

any advice would be helpful..but just to repeat, there is no chance of me holding on to the flat if i decide to relocate.

thanks

1on1

VidoDido

Hi 1on1,

You are actually talking about change that will happen in your life, a change that is associated with loss; this makes me remember a few words for Paulo Coelho saying that:

"When faced by any loss, there's no point in trying to recover what has been, it's best to take advantage of the large space that opens up before us and fill it with something new. In theory, every loss is for our good"

You have got to see which way would you prefer to go, and which way you better see yourself in.

My personnal opinion is to go to London, to be together with the man that you choose, this might be the company of your life so don't let it go.

Good Luck with whichever decision you may make :)

Regards,

1on1

thanks..i will need to decide one way or the other..so far i am only seeing the fear of something going wrong with my relocation and me losing my home which i could not get back..its giving me such stress right now i dont know if i even have a question to ask or just an opportunity to get all my stress out..i hope i make the right decision in the end..having few options in life has severly limited my options in this particular case..but i hope to better my life at some point in the future.

VidoDido

I think we create our own fear by thinking about negative outcomes to whatever we want to do. If we can cause this feeling to ourself, it make sense that we can also change it.

If you manage to replace your negative thoughts with thoughts of successful outcome, this will help lower your fears.

I totally understand the confusion you are in at the moment but you have got to choose based on your priorities and interests and either ways, risk is there just be positive about tomorrow as it may be carrying the best for you ... who knows???!!! :)

vi2009

I hear you completely.. I must tell you I was in the same situation as you are now. 3yrs ago I was working in united states was in a good position.. doing great at work, settled etc. I got married and had to move to the country where my husband lived.. It was a tough decision.. we are in UK now and the present market situation sucks. I am still jobless and at home.. I always dream about the life i had, being independent and had everything in my control.
Although I am enjoying my married life but at the same time cant do justice to my career which i have lost.
I know i couldn't give a solution for you but think wisely life is not bed of roses.. think about the circumstances you would have to face moving to different country and would you be fine to be home or do something different than what you were doing all your life..Hmmmm to tell you i liked being in US much better than living in uk. But if your heart says you would be happy with the person you love and that would be enough for life.. just go for it!! This is what i felt 3years ago and i did it... maybe you can do it too!
Good luck!

1on1

vi2009-

I cant tell you how supportive your response was...its really nice to hear from someone who's gone through it. I know its basically a one-way road for me (ie going to UK) as i will have severed my ties from my past more or less...but i reckon at the end of the day,i wont know what i'm missing until i try it out. I've been hearing of the lousy economy all across europe..i guess one reaches a point when one just can't wait any longer..

and your right about how we think grass is always greener elsewhere..its living in the hope that things could be better for you if only you could try something new, at this point, try i will.

with thanks
1on1

3bairns

You said that you run a stall in a flea market, have you looked into whether you would be able to do the same in London? 

Or how about an online business, using sites such as Ebay, Etsy, Facebook, etc to sell items.  All of those sites are pretty user friendly, if you are up and running on this forum you should be able to set up a virtual store for yourself online.  Then you can get out and explore markets and antique shops in your new home to find products to sell in your own shop. 

Etsy has a pretty good community set up for helping people get started, you can read articles about a variety of topics on running your Etsy shop here:  etsy.com/blog/en/category/seller-handbook/?ref=sell_blog_more

PS I dont have an Etsy store, but have lots of friends who have used it, so I can try to answer questions or maybe someone else can help. 

Good luck!

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