Relationships

Ancientpathos,

Although I'm married, I do hang out in bars in my free time - sometimes my wife even joins me. I/we enjoy talking to the girls working there, (the ones who speak good English) and have learned a lot about Vietnamese culture from them. But, like you, I've wondered how many of them really just want to meet an ex-pat and get a free ticket out of Vietnam. So I straight-up ask them. Surprisingly, although most would like to meet and have an ex-pat boyfriend, they would prefer to stay in Vietnam so they can remain close to their family. I don't know where you're meeting all these girls who only want the marriage visa. I've been here 7 years and only met a handful. Given they know I'm not a potential candidate for a relationship, I don't see why they would lie about their intentions to me.

It's not only your experience here in Vietnam. It doesn't mean I want to blame all Vietnamese girls. Really this lust come from their dream about the States. A majority of Vietnamese citizens wish to go U.S. The dream to fly U.S, of course you know well what for. Yes, money.. that is the villain here to make their dream. Almost every Vietnamese belief that there is a Big 'money tree' there with a million branches which carries 'Benchamin Franklin', 'Abraham Lincoln', etc.
I remember a saying - "Money is the opium which give kick to man".
So it's quiet natural like any other majority of people, Vietnamese girls also want to go abroad and make money. Not only to U.S, they want to go many other nations. The benefits are:
1. They will get a foreigner husband
2. They can fly by air sometimes
3. If possible they can make their own savings for future, and so on.
We read so many cheating incidents reported by previous or present visitors of Vietnam. When I come first time here, I heard and read one Mai's story written by one U.S. guy and published in some blogs. anyway it depends our destiny and caution. If we careless, of course they will exploit that chance then climb over our head and poo!

Ken Charma

I see, mu mom always told me that, let marriage with a foreigner. ha ha
I dont think so, it's only good to make friend.

saigonmonkey wrote:

Ancientpathos,

Although I'm married, I do hang out in bars in my free time - sometimes my wife even joins me. I/we enjoy talking to the girls working there, (the ones who speak good English) and have learned a lot about Vietnamese culture from them. But, like you, I've wondered how many of them really just want to meet an ex-pat and get a free ticket out of Vietnam. So I straight-up ask them. Surprisingly, although most would like to meet and have an ex-pat boyfriend, they would prefer to stay in Vietnam so they can remain close to their family. I don't know where you're meeting all these girls who only want the marriage visa. I've been here 7 years and only met a handful. Given they know I'm not a potential candidate for a relationship, I don't see why they would lie about their intentions to me.

We should dig their mind very deeply for details . Then only we understand them well. It's very difficult to read their mind. Need time. Bar/club meeting not enough to learn a girl or boy :
I have an interesting story about this. I worked with a Korean Boss. Many times  he compelled me to drink some wine. Even though I denied politely he continue his 'invitation' torture. One day I decided to share drink with him in that company party and drink too much red wine, vomit and intoxicated. Actually he belief that we can easily dig one's mind if they are in intoxicated. Anyway, when I intoxicated he get nothing. This I understood after sometime when he gave another treat to a newbie who joined with our team.

Ken Charma

Greetings from California. I am contemplating a move to either Vietnam or Thailand.  Most websites rave about Thailand.  The verdict is not so clear on Vietnam. 
One worry is all the warnings about stifling heat & humity.  Also the simple things....saynIm home and don't want to go out...what's on the TV?  Anything in English?
I am a good looking, fit guy who is lucky enough to have a better than average pension....so I would like my lifestyle to be better than here.....and it's not bad here!
Any and all perspectives are helpful.

I read your post.....I am thinking of making a move away from the US.  Maybe Vietnam or Thailand. Why Vietnam for you?  Most website rave about Thailand.....mixed revues on Vietnam.
Your take?  Thanks

saigonmonkey wrote:

Surprisingly, although most would like to meet and have an ex-pat boyfriend, they would prefer to stay in Vietnam so they can remain close to their family.

Bar girls, they love the party life so an expat boyfriend is all they need. These girls know how to talk so its not likely they would make themselves sound desperate by saying they would. If given the chance, I reckon most of them girls would go.

Ready2jump wrote:

Greetings from California. I am contemplating a move to either Vietnam or Thailand.  Most websites rave about Thailand.  The verdict is not so clear on Vietnam. 
One worry is all the warnings about stifling heat & humity.  Also the simple things....saynIm home and don't want to go out...what's on the TV?  Anything in English?
I am a good looking, fit guy who is lucky enough to have a better than average pension....so I would like my lifestyle to be better than here.....and it's not bad here!
Any and all perspectives are helpful.

Greetings and welcome to Vietnam!
I lived in Thailand earlier some short term and came back again here. Why should you scare little hot or humidity when you are grown and lived with fire?
I think it's better for you to relax here from your heavy tax.
So many of our members living here peacefully. You can see their postings if you check this forum.
Anyway, decision is yours!
Good luck!

Ken Charma

thanhmai296 wrote:

I see, mu mom always told me that, let marriage with a foreigner. ha ha
I dont think so, it's only good to make friend.

Yeah, even if children do not wish, their parents mislead them because of poverty... or greedy mind, Mai!
Greedy is vested in our blood, no escape!

Ken Charma

cth wrote:

saigonmonkey wrote:

Surprisingly, although most would like to meet and have an ex-pat boyfriend, they would prefer to stay in Vietnam so they can remain close to their family.

Bar girls, they love the party life so an expat boyfriend is all they need. These girls know how to talk so its not likely they would make themselves sound desperate by saying they would. If given the chance, I reckon most of them girls would go.

So many of students hates to learn English. But for the above mentioned reasons they compel to learn. When I have free time usually I go and sit in Ben Thanh park to relax and also help to converse with students from nearby Universities. Nowadays so many of them cut class and go park to meet foreigners to learn English. I was watching them long time. One interesting thing that I understood is, most of them visiting park to make some 'alliance', or even they wish to go outing with foreigners.Not only for learning English. When they meet a foreigner one of their 'must' question is: 'Are you married?'. So many students skipped very nicely from me after they know I am not a bachelor!

Ken Charma

cth wrote:

Bar girls, they love the party life so an expat boyfriend is all they need. These girls know how to talk so its not likely they would make themselves sound desperate by saying they would. If given the chance, I reckon most of them girls would go.

Your profile indicates you are not yet an ex-pat. So exactly how much time have you spent in bars in Vietnam to be so sure about this?

Not to get into a debate about the intentions of others, but I stand by my original post. Yes, there are party girls in the bars who only want an ex-pat boyfriend to fund their lifestyle. But there are also quite a few who work every day/night at the bar, finish at about 2 or 3 a.m., go home, go to bed, and sleep until time to get up and go to work again the next day. Not much time for partying with that schedule.

In my point of view, it depends on what kinds of girl you met and from what place you met them. If you meet the right person, you will be very happy as real Vietnamese women are loyal and love their loves with all their heart.

Not trying to debate. You made a point, based on what them girls told you.
You 'straight up' asked them, u think they would 'straight up' tell you?
Again, my point is if the chance came up, most would jump at it.

cth wrote:

You 'straight up' asked them, u think they would 'straight up' tell you?

Yes - the ones I talk with would, because I've known them for years. And they know what most of the other girls they work with think as well.

I would like to know where Ancientpathos meets most of the girls he thinks want a marriage visa. Maybe he'll come back to us with that info sometime.

it is all depends what you want, to find a good girl then don't look in bars, specially not the ones who are working there. coffee shops is a better option, about money, think this is the same as every where else in the world. as they say no money no honey but all depends on the girl. off course most vn women like to be married to an expat of overseas guy due to better way of living then what they have here, the respect and treatment compare to a vn guy. help with their family etc what is normal in VN culture, you not only marry your wife but also marry her family. if you can accept this then you can make a change in your relationship. Many think that life overseas is so much better and dont appreciate what they have got here. they have no idea the cost of living overseas when they found out most aare happy to stay here. specially living  overseas with no help of their family to raise kids or help in the house etc. good luck to find the right one and stop looking at a bar or karaoke place to find the right one.

my fiance only got to know me because her relatives were telling her 'so many girls want to live outside Vietnam for good life.'

I do want to live in Vietnam but relationship is all about compromise. I told her after her paperwork is done we'll fly back to Canada and live there for few years and she can decide if Canada is where she wants to live.

Yes I do think most girls want to marry a foreigner for the visa but if you treat them nice they'll be loyal and caring for you for the rest of your life. One way to make sure they don't leave you after they've arrived in America is to really get to know her family.

thanhmai296 wrote:

I see, mu mom always told me that, let marriage with a foreigner. ha ha
I dont think so, it's only good to make friend.

Your mum prefers you to be married with a foreigner?

Why dont you think so???

I dont know, just I dont think about marriage with a foreigner.
))

thanhmai296 wrote:

I dont know, just I dont think about marriage with a foreigner.
))

Maybe it might work out right. WHo knows?

What about a relationship with a foreigner?

^^ Im trying to understand you Mr. Manager

thanhmai296 wrote:

^^ Im trying to understand you Mr. Manager

In this case, we have to communicate more. I would also like to know more of you.

Don't call me Mr manager. Hahahahhaa

lostsouls wrote:

thanhmai296 wrote:

^^ Im trying to understand you Mr. Manager

In this case, we have to communicate more. I would also like to know more of you.

Don't call me Mr manager. Hahahahhaa

I suggest both of you should chat through pm:D

Ken Charma

charmavietnam wrote:

lostsouls wrote:

thanhmai296 wrote:

^^ Im trying to understand you Mr. Manager

In this case, we have to communicate more. I would also like to know more of you.

Don't call me Mr manager. Hahahahhaa

I suggest both of you should chat through pm:D

Ken Charma

Hahahha. Thanks, ken.

Maybe I am in the minority here but I've been married 3 years (on 23/5) to a wonderful Vietnamese woman who 1 Never planned or thought she would marry a  foreigner  and 2 has no plans to leave Vietnam. She wants to visit my family someday but has made it very clear that she will not move away from her family.

VungTauDon wrote:

Maybe I am in the minority here but I've been married 3 years (on 23/5) to a wonderful Vietnamese woman who 1 Never planned or thought she would marry a  foreigner  and 2 has no plans to leave Vietnam. She wants to visit my family someday but has made it very clear that she will not move away from her family.

In Vietnam, family comes 1st for them & nothing else comes close.

almost people think that US is the best - political, social,legal, education, human, entertainment. That's why they wanna live in US.
Like me, I want my children can study and live in US to to get the best education, the best civilized society...
With an oriental views, I love my family and wanna stay in Vietnam to take care of them. However, we will consider what is better when we choose somewhere to live.

Those vixens have never actually gone anywhere far.  They often end up somewhere between disappointment and disgrace.  Most are consumed by regrets, while others get by on false pretense.  I have yet to meet one that actually realized her American dreams.

Also, if you don't want to be surrounded by those who only want to know you because they want to go to America, then don't wear American memorabilias or talk about America all the time.  A certain image draw a certain crowd, right?

If you don't want to go back to America then that's a pretty good way to fend off any ladies that want to marry you for the visa. You might be limiting your dating chances but at least she would not be marrying you for that reason if you manage to find someone.

If you want to compromise the living place tell them you might travel back after a few years. Don't do the going back and getting them the visa straight away because they think they want to live there. It's still a risk. It would only have to be inevitable if you actually want to go back.

But it's really up to you.

Girls in bars being honest, thats the funniest thing I have heard in a long time.

VungTauDon wrote:

Maybe I am in the minority here but I've been married 3 years (on 23/5) to a wonderful Vietnamese woman who 1 Never planned or thought she would marry a  foreigner  and 2 has no plans to leave Vietnam. She wants to visit my family someday but has made it very clear that she will not move away from her family.

You can add me to that group.

Ken Charma

thanhmai296 wrote:

almost people think that US is the best - political, social,legal, education, human, entertainment. That's why they wanna live in US.
Like me, I want my children can study and live in US to to get the best education, the best civilized society...
With an oriental views, I love my family and wanna stay in Vietnam to take care of them. However, we will consider what is better when we choose somewhere to live.

As I stated earlier, you too have 'that' in your blood Mai! If you are undergoing a narco analysis test it will reveal
Who told you that U.S. only has the good education system?

Ken Charma

I would say that he is quoting what the girls are saying, many people in Viet Nam think that the education system in the US is the best in the world.I beg to differ.

Stereotyping and hasty generalization almost wiped out the Jews.  Education?  Well, that is only as good as what the graduates make it out to be...  But to say one system is better than another, without having gone through both, it is just like palm reading, a lot of mumbo-jumbo.

What are you on about.

But, to get back to the topic, I know a few folks who are very good at not attracting unwanted attentions.  All you have to do is get a page out of these guys' book and you are set.  You can go anywhere under the sun, without ever having to look over your shoulders.

thanhmai296 wrote:

almost people think that US is the best - political, social,legal, education, human, entertainment. That's why they wanna live in US.
Like me, I want my children can study and live in US to to get the best education, the best civilized society...
With an oriental views, I love my family and wanna stay in Vietnam to take care of them. However, we will consider what is better when we choose somewhere to live.

I beg to differ, Mai. Its true that all Vietnamese that I knew wants to get out of Vietnam & move to USA. But USA is not all that good as Vietnamese percieved.

Take Singapore for example. Singapore is a 1st world country & its still evolving. The pace is so fast that citizens couldnt keep up with probably the highest living standard in South East Asia. Many people are struggling to pay bills, loans even though they're average income earners. Many Singaporeans want out of the country & move to Malaysia, Indonesia, Thailand. So do you think USA is in any way better?

As for childhood, this is my personal opinion. I grew up in a village in Malaysia & my chilhood was catching spiders, playing in the drains, rain, getting myself all dirty, etc. what do kids play nowadays? IPAD, IPhone, LAN games, things to do with technology. Wheres the childhood fun? These are what the kids in Singapore & around the world are doing.

What I can say is Singapore's kids for example going to school are facing ernomous stress. The education now is totally different from past decades. you dont get 1+1=2 type of teaching in elementary 1 anymore

I dont know if you understand what I've written.

Thanks everyone for their input.  I am amazed at the amount of responses. Maybe i need to go to the bars...lol  Or perhaps i should just auction myself for a marriage visa...

ancientpathos wrote:

Thanks everyone for their input.  I am amazed at the amount of responses. Maybe i need to go to the bars...lol  Or perhaps i should just auction myself for a marriage visa...

Hahahah.

No need to find girls at bars. I believe most of us have experiences with them. I had my fair share with bar girls in Singapore too

Just keep an open mind & eyes. You'll find your soulmate soon.