Dating I HCMC

159 replies so far on this topic, must be a record.

Might have been a record if all replies were on topic.
Interesting thread tho

cth wrote:

Might have been a record if all replies were on topic.
Interesting thread tho

Yeah, most of them are off topic .... waiting for someone to mention the kitchen sink

NashCat wrote:

cth wrote:

Might have been a record if all replies were on topic.
Interesting thread tho

Yeah, most of them are off topic .... waiting for someone to mention the kitchen sink

Do you know where I can get someone to fix my kitchen sink ?

Have a conversation at a diinner, does it stay on topic, no,it would be boriing if it did..

OK, I'll get us back more toward the center of the road...

Back to the subject of dating, realtionships, cultural differences, etc., my wife's father died when she was very young. Yesterday we were talking about how long we've been together, etc., and she told me (for the first time) that if her father were still alive, he would NOT have approved of her being with a foreigner. And she said she would have respected his wishes, therefore, she and I wouldn't be together right now.

My wife is Chinese. Any Vietnamese ladies here care to weigh in on this? I would think there may be some very traditional families here who may feel the same way.

Im not a Vietnamese woman, but I had a girl interested in me back in 2006, her mother told her in no uncertain terms that she was only to be with a rich VN man. Mum ended up getting her way, as my friend married a director of one of the biggest banks, even though he has zilch personality and looks to match, mum was overjoyed with what he little girl had done.

That is true.
My auntie just got married recently and that was her case. I believe it was the same when my parents married.

There is definately a chamge in mindset with the younger generation, mainly in the cities, in the countryside where most people, live its still the old values. My friend from Ba Ria was told by her mother she could not marry a certain guy, my friend done what her mother asked.

Hi,
why did u ask a question like that?
I'm vietnamese girl. I think you can not ask like that. Vietnamese girls are very kute. Maybe you didn't find out a good girl bc you long-sealed fate has not come yet.
I hope you r a good guy.

I think it's hard to find a good girl in Vietnam because some if not most are sheltered inside their home.

To find these type of girls you'll have to network. Get to know people you can trust and than ask if they know someone that is a good girl for you to get to know.

Rather than picking a girl off a website or bars that already have a purpose in mind. Girls being recommended usually have to be persuaded but since they don't go out much and listen to their elders they tend to be loyal and caring to their husbands as well.

Again, I hate using words like good or bad but I guess I will have to here.

Good girls are not hard to find, they are everywhere. You can find them in cafes at the markets inside pagodas and yes even at clubs and bars. You can also find them on dating and social sites.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a girl who has made up her mind about wanting something (be it a husband or new motorbike) and then going out and making that plan a reality. It's called using your brain and all the tools at your disposal.
I do not want some subservient girl to wait on me hand and foot, I want (and have) a partner. This is where western men(in general) have the advantage over the local Vietnamese men, the women tend to find our attitudes more to their liking.

Agree Don, it all comes down to what your after. I too dont want what most VN men want, we are different and thats the choice a lady can make if she wants a western man.

I had this conversation with my fiancee today. I told her I can cook for the both of us and do the dishes. She was caught off guard like it was some novel idea. I told her I do this everyday anyways since I live on my own.

I cook all the time but my wife, house helper, and mother in law get mad if I try to clean the dishes. This is fine by me

VungTauDon wrote:

I cook all the time but my wife, house helper, and mother in law get mad if I try to clean the dishes. This is fine by me

I remember when I visited Vietnam in 2002 I was told sternly don't wash the dishes. It's looked heavily down upon. I guess time hasn't change.

khanh44 wrote:

VungTauDon wrote:

I cook all the time but my wife, house helper, and mother in law get mad if I try to clean the dishes. This is fine by me

I remember when I visited Vietnam in 2002 I was told sternly don't wash the dishes. It's looked heavily down upon. I guess time hasn't change.

My mother in law  and wife are the same way ! Except I still do them. They do pretend to get mad. But I also hear from neighbors on how such a good man I am because I do help clean and do house chores. I remember when I lived in D10 off of 3/2. I used to be outside sweeping in front of my house every morning with all the old ladies and they used to smile and say how great I was to my wife haha.

Chris NJ wrote:

khanh44 wrote:

VungTauDon wrote:

I cook all the time but my wife, house helper, and mother in law get mad if I try to clean the dishes. This is fine by me

I remember when I visited Vietnam in 2002 I was told sternly don't wash the dishes. It's looked heavily down upon. I guess time hasn't change.

My mother in law  and wife are the same way ! Except I still do them. They do pretend to get mad. But I also hear from neighbors on how such a good man I am because I do help clean and do house chores. I remember when I lived in D10 off of 3/2. I used to be outside sweeping in front of my house every morning with all the old ladies and they used to smile and say how great I was to my wife haha.

Nice !

try to ask me for date..i wont ask you to marry me..aheheheh lol just kidding..
well yha try speed dating or badoo,.those site is okay many expat tho.
Vietnamcupid is fine but well for those people only whos looking for marriage or money one or the other..

VungTauDon wrote:

Again, I hate using words like good or bad but I guess I will have to here.

Good girls are not hard to find, they are everywhere. You can find them in cafes at the markets inside pagodas and yes even at clubs and bars. You can also find them on dating and social sites.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a girl who has made up her mind about wanting something (be it a husband or new motorbike) and then going out and making that plan a reality. It's called using your brain and all the tools at your disposal.
I do not want some subservient girl to wait on me hand and foot, I want (and have) a partner. This is where western men(in general) have the advantage over the local Vietnamese men, the women tend to find our attitudes more to their liking.

akoaysibrey wrote:

try to ask me for date..i wont ask you to marry me..aheheheh lol just kidding..
well yha try speed dating or badoo,.those site is okay many expat tho.
Vietnamcupid is fine but well for those people only whos looking for marriage or money one or the other..

Ok, very attractive lady.  Let's clarify, does this mean you will ask for marriage if someone try to ask for date or not.  I would really like to just date longer than 3 times before the meet my parents and pay for wedding party happens.  One of the traditions in america is the brides family pay for the wedding, this may be why they are not in a hurry for their daughter to get married.  Wonder if this would change the mind set in asia.

ancientpathos wrote:

One of the traditions in america is the brides family pay for the wedding, this may be why they are not in a hurry for their daughter to get married.  Wonder if this would change the mind set in asia.

Ancientpathos

Be careful what you refer as Asia. In India, the bribe's family not only pays for the wedding; it also has to pay to the bridegroom's family a huge sum of dowry. Apparently, it has not slowed down the business there.

Anatta wrote:

ancientpathos wrote:

One of the traditions in america is the brides family pay for the wedding, this may be why they are not in a hurry for their daughter to get married.  Wonder if this would change the mind set in asia.

Ancientpathos

Be careful what you refer as Asia. In India, the bribe's family not only pays for the wedding; it also has to pay to the bridegroom's family a huge sum of dowry. Apparently, it has not slowed down the business there.

I stand corrected, my experience is limited to Vietnam, Cambodia, Lao Pdr and Thailand.

In Vietnam the bride brings money into the family but the groom takes it away from his...lol

In the past and even still today, the husbands family would provide for them a house or apartment and get the new couple set up for beginning their new life together.

Yes, and the mother inlaw gets a new slave to do what she wants, not so much today but it still does happen.

Lol, new slave....

That's why some families want their daughters to marry rich husbands so they don't get "slaved" too hard.

Trust me, I have heard what mother inlaws have done to some of my friends, not nice. Nowhere near as bad as what the Indians do, but still its not a nice thing.

colinoscapee wrote:

Trust me, I have heard what mother inlaws have done to some of my friends, not nice. Nowhere near as bad as what the Indians do, but still its not a nice thing.

If you want your life, should separate from problematic in-laws That's what we did from the beginning! So no problem. She just visit and help them, that's all! We have no problem with relatives!

Yes, but you know there is still the mentality of, they are my family, I must obey them.You are lucky your wife has a strong will, I also have a lady who tells her family its her life, she lives it how she wants.They try and give her grief, she ignores them as they are usually just after money.

Anyway, with my approach they hesitate to disturb us. Her mom try maximum to separate us from the beginning. My stand was powerful and I gave her a neutral chance to think carefully. Evening I saw she packed everything she had and stay in front of my room.
The reason for the quick decision didn't amazed me as I knew her mom more than she did!
Her mom followed her and reached with some 'relatives' and try maximum to bring her back. Then also I took a neutral and cool think and told them that if she willing to go with you, you may take, otherwise it may be difficult in front of me. After some time her bodyguards understood the situation and take her away!
But still I instructing her to help her family financially. In these situations our (men) stand will be critical!

At the end of the day, if you want to date a VN lady, learn how they do things, if things dont feel right then move on. There are lots of lovely ladies here, I have some as friends and they are still looking for a decent guy. If you are a big drinker, then most VN ladies wont accept that, I had a friend marry a VN lady friend of mine and I warned him she wont put up with his drinking.After about two years of his drinking, she said thats enough, Im leaving. He stopped his drinking as he was drinking every day, and now has a very happy marriage.

When I met my wife, she was mammas girl. She would listen to her mum and do things her mums way. I didn't have a problem with it. I just told her, we not married yet so u do what you want to. But after our wedding and you come live with me, 'we' do 'our' things that fits 'us' best. Sure they can give us advice, but if it's not right for us, we'll push it aside.
That was 10 years ago, we still happily together.
We even work together. Lol

Good to hear, working together, if you can do that you can do anything.

This topic is depressing with so many dating problems . Luckily I find some good stories here and there.

And here I represent a class of 30-something educated girls who find it is very difficult with traditional Vietnam dating world because we studied abroad, we are too independent and too busy with our own career, and we are not so young any more; so we can't fit into the traditional wife image of staying home cooking/raising children and letting her husband doing the big things. And I have many girlfriends who are enjoying single life of career city girls. I don't complain much about that life because mostly it is good, but I do feel I am outsider of society sometime.

194 posts ... glad I never did the dating sessions.

I would classify myself more traditional despite living in a 1st world country with modern values.

When I felt it was time to settle down I just basically e-mailed (yes e-mailed) my mom to find me a wife. She knew someone that was always trying to push his niece to meet me but it never materialized because she lacked self-esteem. She felt because she dropped out of school at age of 12 and considered herself ugly that no foreigner would like her.

Well for me none of that matters. She had better qualities she didn't know she had. It's rare to find someone innocently honest and caring. She also lived a simple lifestyle similar to mines and despite living with her parents and siblings was very independent.

Well since my family knew her family very well it put our trust in each other at ease. And we knew the purpose of meeting each other already was to get married in the end.

But despite my busy schedule I still wanted to see in person the person who I would share the rest of my life with and also allow her the chance to see and get to know me in person. We would have got married without seeing each other in person. But those 10 days spending time with her was worth every day of it and our love for each other grew stronger each day more than before we met when we'd chat online.

So yes my situation may not apply to most since not many have the chance to be referred to someone but at the very least fly out to Vietnam to get to know her. An if you're in Vietnam make it an effort to get to know her family since you'll be getting to know them a whole lot after marriage.

And if it's just dating you want tell them flat out on the first date. I have friends that do the dating scene. Jumping from girl to girl that will bring them satisfaction in life. Sure it can be fun. Everyone has a different purpose in meeting others. Nothing wrong with knowing the purpose beforehand. But at least make it a point to know the purpose so that everyone can be happy and there's no big misunderstanding.

@khanh44: Thanks for sharing your story. It is very unique and romantic in some ways.

However, I think there is nothing wrong with letting love to grow after a period of time. Honestly, I don't know a formula that can be applied to dating/marriage success. I have seen people getting married quickly and I have seen people getting married after a long time knowing each other. In each case, there are some happy couples and there are some miserable couples. It's like a lottery somehow. A lot of time, I think success depending on the character strength of both partners involved, not on how strongly you feel in love at the beginning (though it is also an important factor).

But I feel that when you marry quickly, like after 1 or 2 months, you don't really know the person yet. At that time, love chemistry feels wonderful and it's hard for you to know the bad traits of the person. Only after a period of time when the honeymoon stage wears off, you start to have an understanding whether the person can handle conflicts/bad situations that will definitely happen in long term marriage. I think that true character reveals when crisis happens. You don't even have time to quarrel if you only know the person for 1 month.

In Vietnam, many couples get married for convenience matters. But they make commitment to their marriages and they let love grow after getting married. So they become happy couples. Of course there are others who are miserable afterward too. As there are many couples who are miserable even though they get married on the name of love.

In all cases, I agree that intentions should be clear from the beginning, like, I only want to date for fun, or I want to date to find marriage partner. At least the goal must be agreed upon by both partners.

My wife has always asked me to go out more with my friends, drink and have fun, either that or she's getting bored of me at home!

I married a VN lady with 2 children over 10 years ago, and I can tell you that she has been the best thing in my life along with the girls.

Finding someone that you can spend the rest of your life with is hard to do.

Being older, I can tell you the most important things I have found that work.
someone:
- that makes you laugh
- that you respect
- (in the case of men) that you are physically attracted to
- that respects you
- that is not afraid to work
- if you are lucky that also 'fights' fair
- has good beliefs, my wife is Catholic

As I tell my daughters, you can't choose who you love.
My wife and I don't have a lot in common, but everyday I look at her I thank the good Lord for bringing us together.

CT

ancientpathos wrote:

akoaysibrey wrote:

try to ask me for date..i wont ask you to marry me..aheheheh lol just kidding..
well yha try speed dating or badoo,.those site is okay many expat tho.
Vietnamcupid is fine but well for those people only whos looking for marriage or money one or the other..

Ok, very attractive lady.  Let's clarify, does this mean you will ask for marriage if someone try to ask for date or not.  I would really like to just date longer than 3 times before the meet my parents and pay for wedding party happens.  One of the traditions in america is the brides family pay for the wedding, this may be why they are not in a hurry for their daughter to get married.  Wonder if this would change the mind set in asia.

ahahah why should I ask for marriage after couple of date??and dont worry cause i dont have parents for you to meet,,aheheheh lol!
getting involve with relationship will takes long ..I'd rather to be with no one.rather than with the wrong one..As the oldies in Philippines always saying getting married is not like your eating rice and after you burn your tongue empty your mouth,