How different between the rich and the poor in finding love

lamhoang wrote:

A poor, he doesn't have enough money to enjoy life comfortably but he can get a real love. A rich, he has so much money that he can buy anything he wants but if he can buy real love or not. I think that is the different thing between the rich and the poor in finding real love. The truth that it is very hard for a rich to get love, there is a question that he always wonder the girl he says love to if she loves him or loves his wallet? Why he must ask himself this question as if he wants to get love from his money. He conflicts with himself.
Oh, the rich, if you run after a beautiful young girl (you are 63 and she is 25) and say loudly "Little girl, to be my wife please, i am so rich, i can buy everything for you, do what you want" So, please, after getting maried, don't be stingy, don't wonder if she will disappear with all your money or not.
Just let everything happens in nature. The rich, you can flaunt your wealth in business but shouldn't do that in finding love. What do you think?

I'd rather be the poor guy.  Once you find a girl, you know she doesn't love you for your money (because you have none).  If you're a rich guy, then you can never eliminate that possibility. 

But I'm a foreigner, so I will ALWAYS be labeled rich regardless if I have a penny in my pocket or not.  Since I can't change the girl's (or her family's) perception of me, I guess I better choose wisely.

"Love" discussion again?

Ah, money or love.  What is more important? I used this as a topic of discussion once. Most people responded that it was easier to love someone with money than not. This does not mean that they are gold diggers just looking to marry for wealth. Vietnamese woman are very practical. Value system honors the family, especially the elders.  Money means it is easier to provide for the family. 
How much money is a lot? Teachers make about 4 million dong a month when starting out, maybe 20 years later they make 8 million. Teaching 6 hours a day, 5 days a week I make 44 million a month working twice as much as I really want to. Not counting my other income, I am considered rich here and in Thailand. In Chiang Mai, my landlord was 42 years old.  I was interested in dating her.  She would bring her 23 year old daughter on our dates and encourage us to be a couple. Value system was different, mother wanted her daughter to have rich husband.
Life can be strange. A middle age to old fat guy can find himself popular in Vietnam. Ah life is good....

Stay single...and get over the "love" thing
That would solve the problem....

Me...champagne taste, beer money, but better off than many by Viet standards. My wife of 4 1/2 years often remarks "wallet me, money where?" We are still together. Lucky for me.

ancientpathos wrote:

Ah, money or love.  What is more important? I used this as a topic of discussion once. Most people responded that it was easier to love someone with money than not. This does not mean that they are gold diggers just looking to marry for wealth. Vietnamese woman are very practical. Value system honors the family, especially the elders.  Money means it is easier to provide for the family. 
How much money is a lot? Teachers make about 4 million dong a month when starting out, maybe 20 years later they make 8 million. Teaching 6 hours a day, 5 days a week I make 44 million a month working twice as much as I really want to. Not counting my other income, I am considered rich here and in Thailand. In Chiang Mai, my landlord was 42 years old.  I was interested in dating her.  She would bring her 23 year old daughter on our dates and encourage us to be a couple. Value system was different, mother wanted her daughter to have rich husband.
Life can be strange. A middle age to old fat guy can find himself popular in Vietnam. Ah life is good....

Love is love and money has not thing to do with love. Though in the end, Cinderella gets married the Prince, it does not say that love is money and power.

I trust that when you love someone, truely love, nothing is matter anymore, including money. That's why you can see many Vietnamese couples they are happy with their love without money. Some people share the tips how to go out for a date without money but still romantic. The trouble of love or the power of love is just the same

Not only Vietnamese women but anyone who has "practical minded" in love, it isnt love anymore. It becomes perhaps "love money", "love rich"... To me, if a woman gets married with someone she doesnt love and just because of money, she is not different from a prostitute except she only needs to serve 1 client. And I more respect the prostitute who gets jobs to earn money!

Unfortunately, nowadays, many people use love as an excuse... Money is important, especially for the poor; but not all the poor think money is the most important things...

Aibiet,
You are a romantic.  I am happy for you. We differ on our opinion but that is good.  I also think that love is more important than money. Responsibility is more important than money.  Sadly, not everyone thinks the same as us. People have different value systems. My comments are based on my limited experience here and the conversations I have with people in Vietnam.
As for love, I do not think I am capable of the soulmate love everyone is seeking. I do enjoy being with someone but I doubt if I will ever love another like my love for my exwife.

You can always be a rich guy, or a foreigner, and lie about your wealth.  I think the biggest thing is if your girl starts asking you to buy so many things for her, then that's a red flag already.  A genuine girl would be respectful of your money.

charmavietnam wrote:

"Love" discussion again?

Sure...you gotta keep this website active.  Love, money, VISAs...what other topics keep you coming back?  Oh, motorbikes.

Nice concept if you can make it practical in your life dear

aibiet150204 wrote:

To me, if a woman gets married with someone she doesnt love and just because of money, she is not different from a prostitute except she only needs to serve 1 client. And I more respect the prostitute who gets jobs to earn money!

charmavietnam wrote:

Nice concept if you can make it practical in your life dear

aibiet150204 wrote:

To me, if a woman gets married with someone she doesnt love and just because of money, she is not different from a prostitute except she only needs to serve 1 client. And I more respect the prostitute who gets jobs to earn money!

Tks. I have been doing that for many years. Why you have to go with a guy you dont love just for money? I prefer working and feeding my mouth by my own anh/chi oi

mikeymyke wrote:

You can always be a rich guy, or a foreigner, and lie about your wealth.  I think the biggest thing is if your girl starts asking you to buy so many things for her, then that's a red flag already.  A genuine girl would be respectful of your money.

Thanks.  I figured that out a year or so ago.  Ask the parents to take a girl out (to some festival in town) and then the girl invites the whole bloody family.  Her grandmother kept telling me how poor the girl was and I should buy her some new clothes, shoes.  The girl kept eyeballing some jewelry and asked me to buy her some.  Then the grandfather hinted I should rent them all a hotel room to stay the night.  Feeling more like an ATM machine than a live human, I was like WTF and ran off. 

Some people told me the family was testing me to see if I had money and would be able to provide for her after we marry (you test on the first date?).  May have been a culture clash but they failed my test. 

So later that night, I get a phone call.  Apparently after I ran off, they had to ride triple on a motorbike home.  The driver wrecked the motorbike and of course it was my fault.  If I hadn't ran off, they wouldn't need to ride triple to go home...therefore I should pay for medical bills. Maybe it was my fault for being born that caused the wreck...afterall, if I didn't invite the girl on a date, she would have never went and never would have crashed right?   I was like WTF....and ignored future phone calls. 

And then there was this other time...

I could write a book (hmm..maybe I should).

I prefer not to give any money unless emergency but would like to encourage them (self-reliance)to make their own savings

charmavietnam wrote:

"Love" discussion again?

Yep, love again. Topic about love is forever and never gets boring!

Yeah, all of like fantasies than reality

lamhoang wrote:

Yep, love again. Topic about love is forever and never gets boring!

Tran Hung Dao wrote:

Sure...you gotta keep this website active.  Love, money, VISAs...what other topics keep you coming back?  Oh, motorbikes.

Yes. More motorbike discussions. I'm OK with sharing information about having a baby here also.

Don't forget street food and language exchange

charmavietnam wrote:

Don't forget street food and language exchange

Anything about customs, culture and traditions on any topic.

saigonmonkey wrote:

Tran Hung Dao wrote:

Sure...you gotta keep this website active.  Love, money, VISAs...what other topics keep you coming back?  Oh, motorbikes.

Yes. More motorbike discussions. I'm OK with sharing information about having a baby here also.

I would be interested in this topic I love kids btw

Seriously, I want to know how you will raise and take care of a baby from other culture perspective? I have seen once my American boss and French boss taught his childs! It was amazing!

lamhoang wrote:

charmavietnam wrote:

"Love" discussion again?

Yep, love again. Topic about love is forever and never gets boring!

Better than watching television....

It seems the issue of money always comes up as a key element of a love relationship. I suppose it has always been that way around the world. Wealth is a rather relative thing though. If you make $500 a month working and I make $1,000 a month in retirement in your view I'm wealthy.
While if your passport is blue you automatically assumed to be wealthy by others in the world.
Why do so many come on this sight, a sight of expats, and seek an expat to adopt their child, or be a daddy to their child. Are there not plenty of people in VN to handle that?
However, in the end money will never make anyone happy. You don't have to look far to find many a wealthy person who has committed suicide.
I think in the end love is a difficult thing to define, be it for money, looks, abilities. There are many who will tell you they are in 'Love" with you after you say hello. How can that be.

Some say love, it is a river
That drowns the tender reed.
Some say love, it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed.
Some say love, it is a hunger,
An endless aching need.
I say love, it is a flower,
And you it's only seed.

It's the heart afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance.
It's the dream afraid of waking
That never takes the chance.
It's the one who won't be taken,
Who cannot seem to give,
And the soul afraid of dyin'
That never learns to live.

When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been to long,
And you think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong,
Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snows
Lies the seed that with the sun's love
In the spring becomes the rose.

aibiet150204 wrote:

ancientpathos wrote:

Ah, money or love.  What is more important? I used this as a topic of discussion once. Most people responded that it was easier to love someone with money than not. This does not mean that they are gold diggers just looking to marry for wealth. Vietnamese woman are very practical. Value system honors the family, especially the elders.  Money means it is easier to provide for the family. 
How much money is a lot? Teachers make about 4 million dong a month when starting out, maybe 20 years later they make 8 million. Teaching 6 hours a day, 5 days a week I make 44 million a month working twice as much as I really want to. Not counting my other income, I am considered rich here and in Thailand. In Chiang Mai, my landlord was 42 years old.  I was interested in dating her.  She would bring her 23 year old daughter on our dates and encourage us to be a couple. Value system was different, mother wanted her daughter to have rich husband.
Life can be strange. A middle age to old fat guy can find himself popular in Vietnam. Ah life is good....

Love is love and money has not thing to do with love. Though in the end, Cinderella gets married the Prince, it does not say that love is money and power.

I trust that when you love someone, truely love, nothing is matter anymore, including money. That's why you can see many Vietnamese couples they are happy with their love without money. Some people share the tips how to go out for a date without money but still romantic. The trouble of love or the power of love is just the same

Not only Vietnamese women but anyone who has "practical minded" in love, it isnt love anymore. It becomes perhaps "love money", "love rich"... To me, if a woman gets married with someone she doesnt love and just because of money, she is not different from a prostitute except she only needs to serve 1 client. And I more respect the prostitute who gets jobs to earn money!

Unfortunately, nowadays, many people use love as an excuse... Money is important, especially for the poor; but not all the poor think money is the most important things...

bravo for aibiet.
I think we can love a poor but we can't love a person who is so lazy. Right?
Money can't buy love but money makes our life more comfortable include building love. So, money itself is not bad, just the way people use it.
To the girl who just stands in the same position waiting for money that falls down from the sky and to the rich who just wonders if is there anyone loves him or just loves his wallet, both of them will never know what a real love is.

aibiet150204 wrote:

I would be interested in this topic I love kids btw

Seriously, I want to know how you will raise and take care of a baby from other culture perspective? I have seen once my American boss and French boss taught his childs! It was amazing!

Start a thread and I'll be happy to post.

Yes Lamhoang, your right I suspect. But plug any other virtue into your assessment and I think you get the same result. If you marry for looks for example, what happens when that person looks disappear for whatever resin, will they still be loved?
Loved the song lyrics.

albeit,
   Why did you find it amazing? (The way they raised children.) By the way I have never seen that topic on here, but it would be very interesting to know the cultural differences in this respect.

bta87 wrote:

albeit,
   Why did you find it amazing? (The way they raised children.) By the way I have never seen that topic on here, but it would be very interesting to know the cultural differences in this respect.

My name is aibiet btw You will know why I feel amazing when I post the topic!

Sorry Aibiet!! Just glad you knew I was speaking to you.

Can we get back to discussing the economy?

Sure, just go to the thread that discusses that issue. This one happens to be discussing something your not interested in.

Tran Hung Dao wrote:

charmavietnam wrote:

"Love" discussion again?

Sure...you gotta keep this website active.  Love, money, VISAs...what other topics keep you coming back?  Oh, motorbikes.

Should I live there?,
I used to live there and want to ask questions,
I want to learn English,
I want to learn Vietnamese,
I want to share in language exchange,
Hi,I'm new,
It's too hard to search on Google,so I want to ask you.....,
My company can help you,
I'm happy,
I didn't check previous threads and want to ask the same question,

bta87 wrote:

Yes Lamhoang, your right I suspect. But plug any other virtue into your assessment and I think you get the same result. If you marry for looks for example, what happens when that person looks disappear for whatever resin, will they still be loved?
Loved the song lyrics.

bta87, sorry i won't answer your question, you are not my love. Just can tell you that, it is really hard to define about love but i am sure it in not what a person who just loves money think.

Maybe you are very surprise with the thinking of Vietnamese or Asian. But you can easy to understand. At first, you need the material value ( you need food, drink, basic for life) and when the basic demand is enough, the human want more ( need more beautiful clothe, good food, new style car )..
You are right, I am also a vietnamese but not a vietnamese woman but i know. This life is difficult here where people dont have many choise for their life. And with a lack of knowledge, they think Money = Happy. It's so stupid! Espcial the women, all of their dream is get married with a rich man instead who she loves. Although she does not love him, Money is enough.
I alway think, the happy is i can stand myself, earn myself money, do what i want, marry with who i love.. That's all!

For the question of topic . I think with a poor man, you can find your real love. Who can love you although you are poor, she loves you, not for any reason. For rich man, it's difficult to know, she loves us or our money.

Extract from:
THE  MASTERY  OF  LOVE:
A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship
(A  Toltec  Wisdom  Book)
DON  MIGUEL  RUIZ

Lovers make an agreement that says, "I like you; you are wonderful and you make me feel so good. I'll bring the flowers, you bring the soft music. We'll dance, and we'll both go to the clouds." It's beautiful, it's wonderful, it's romantic. It's no longer a war of control; it's about service. But you can only do that when the love you have for yourself is very strong.

Relationship is an art. The dream that two create is more difficult to master than one. To keep the two of you happy, you have to keep your half perfect. You are responsible for your half, and your half has a certain amount of garbage. Your garbage is your garbage. The one who has to deal with that garbage is you, not your partner. If your partner tries to clean your garbage, she is going to end up with a broken nose. We have to learn not to put our nose where no one wants it.



And it's the same with your partner's half. Your partner has a certain amount of garbage. Knowing your partner has garbage, you allow her to deal with her own garbage. You are going to love her and accept her with all of her garbage. You are going to respect her garbage. You are not in the relationship to clean your partner's garbage; she is going to clean her own.

Can you see the possibilities a relationship offers? Explore the possibilities. Be yourself. Find a person who matches with you. Take the risk, but be honest. If it works, keep going. If it doesn't work, then do yourself and your partner a favor: Walk away; let her go. Don't be selfish. Give your partner the opportunity to find what she really wants, and at the same time give yourself the opportunity. If it's not going to work, it is better to look in a different direction. If you cannot love your partner the way she is, someone else can love her just as she is. Don't waste your time, and don't waste your partner's time. This is respect.

Thanks citsym, sage advice!

You want to eat that steak so badly. But you offer it to your significant other. That is true love.

Ok bad example. Doing long motorcycle riding is my passion. I can spend months on the road with just me and the bike. But I know my significant other is not into my hobby but she's willing to travel along with me because she loves me.

I know the long motorcycle rides can be taxing on the body. I hate being cramped into a bus. I don't have the patience to sit still or have someone dictate my whereabouts. But I take the bus.

That is what love is to me. Being unselfish, making sacrifices to make others happy because it will make oneself even more happier.

All this talk about money and sex is just the gravy smothered on steak. It just drips and drips until it runs dry of lust. The real meat of the problem is waking up each morning having that everlasting happiness in the simplest way of enjoying each other's company.

Khanh44,
   Well put, thanks!

Love is one thing, marriage is another.  It is like bacon and eggs.  Think of love as eggs, it is a days work for a chicken.  Marriage is bacon, a lifetime commitment for the pig.

The question should be about marriage.  Marriage is a lifetime commitment when children are involved.  Is it better to marry someone with money or marry for love?  Money if managed wisely will last forever.  People tend to fall in and out of love. My 10000 dong worth, people should only get married to have children.

Citsym wrote:

Extract from:
THE  MASTERY  OF  LOVE:
A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship
(A  Toltec  Wisdom  Book)
DON  MIGUEL  RUIZ

Can you see the possibilities a relationship offers? Explore the possibilities. Be yourself. Find a person who matches with you. Take the risk, but be honest. If it works, keep going. If it doesn't work, then do yourself and your partner a favor: Walk away; let her go. Don't be selfish. Give your partner the opportunity to find what she really wants, and at the same time give yourself the opportunity. If it's not going to work, it is better to look in a different direction. If you cannot love your partner the way she is, someone else can love her just as she is. Don't waste your time, and don't waste your partner's time. This is respect.

I think anyone will wish to find the true love of his/her life. And yes, how can you name it as "true love" if you cannot love the way she/he is??? I think I can be brave enough (okay, I think only, and in Vietnamese culture, it does not sound right!!!) to go to the man I have to wait for long-time to say: "hey guy, to me you're perfect. Let's give a try!"

But I would never go to something perfect.  Why? You're the only special one in the world, if you find something perfect to you, it means it is perfect to only you! But if you see something perfect, it means it's perfect to all.  And yes, I'm selfish! And "out of control" sometimes, you cannot expect me not to be jealous in the hard competition to find the perfection.

Love is a long, long, long, long, long,... story!!!