Living without dad while he works in Saudi?

There are thousands of families who resort to this, mainly for schooling purposes.  Perhaps someone in that boat can respond and provide the support you are looking for!

I have a friend who's family went back to the states for awhile. Adjusting to American life again was even more difficult. I would suggest trying it for a year. You could always return...?

Best you try it for a time. The children will be settled and a lot happier, well adjusted, which in turn will mean better grades at school etc. 

I have family in Laos and work away in different countries. I sometimes do not get home for 5-6 months, other times every 6 weeks or so. I have found the best thing is communication, being able to talk to family on a daily basis and they can contact you. 

I would never consider bringing my family with me to wherever I am working as some places are in conflict zones others are in harsh demanding environments. Under those conditions I could never do justice to family whilst trying to work. 

They are well settled at home with family and friends and we communicate regularly.

I think it may depend on how old your kids are and if they are fairly independent. I originally considered not moving here with my children, but as they are 4 & 1 they really need to see their father on a daily basis even if just a few hours. We tried Skype over the summer and the 10 hour time difference just made it really hard.

If you have teenagers it definitely may be a better fit back in the home country. If they are older I would definitely let them help make the decision as it will greatly affect them as well.

Do you leave for part of the summer or do you plan to? I will take my girls back to the states for at least 6 weeks so that we can see family & that I can get a break.

I totally get the cost and no driver thing, but are you not on a compound??? I know our compound has activites, but again I think most are geared to the no older than 14 group.

I do, I have a son who is a year and a half and a daughter who is 3 months old. Its very very hard to be away from them, but because they are still young I dont think they will feel the seperation. But still its hard, only way to communicate is via Tango and skype, and going back every 6 months for a week. Its hard, but hey its survival of the fittest. Endure for 5 years and go back home for good! Thats my plan.

Food for thought: as a wife and mother of three, I'm the one who has been "left behind" on many occasions. Ours was because of military employment, but over a 12 year period, please know that it's just as hard on the family as it is on the dad. I've felt like a married, single parent for many years. The older kids have adjusted, but my daughter, who's 8, is growing up without her daddy. We have to get to know and get used to each other every time he comes home, and for days after each visit, we all go into a sense of depression. That's why we're going with him this time when he takes civilian employment in Jeddah.  We would rather "tough it out" as a family, than be a part.

Best Wishes

I have a son who is a year and a half and a daughter who is 3 months old. Its very very hard to be away from them, but because they are still young I dont think they will feel the seperation.

You are wrong about that!  Little children are smarter and more aware than we think.

Hope you can be with them soon.

Trapezius wrote:

I have a son who is a year and a half and a daughter who is 3 months old. Its very very hard to be away from them, but because they are still young I dont think they will feel the seperation.

You are wrong about that!  Little children are smarter and more aware than we think.

Hope you can be with them soon.

Have to agree with Trap on this one.  My wife (SPN1 above) and I have experienced childhood separation anxiety for all age groups - infant through 20+ (yes, I know my 23yo son in not 'technically' a child) and the absence of Mom or Dad is palpable.  Mom deployed to Oman when our boys were 4 and 11 and it was definitely a challenge for me.  I was away at many service schools during our daughters infancy and toddler stages.  Add the boys' own separation issues and Mom wanted to curse me (but she would never do that, right, Hon?) 

Bottom line:  While the kids will recover and adjust, don't make light of their perceptions.  They are very real and most likely will manifest in one way or another.  Do what you can to cut down on the time away.  It's what I'm doing now in preparation for my own departure to Jeddah.

Rigger

Agree with you guys! Thanks for the thoughts again. Will plan on bringing them over maybe in a year or two.

vramakr wrote:

Agree with you guys! Thanks for the thoughts again. Will plan on bringing them over maybe in a year or two.

Hang in there, my friend.   People always assume that Dad has the best of it - being "free" and on his own...   In reality, It means being "free" from those you love and you end of feeling bad because you've dumped the responsibilities of being a father and husband onto your wife.  Families were designed to be a Team Sport, a tag-team sport, that is...   When one is gone, the other suffers and, in turn, the kids suffer.  I know I'm singing to the choir here but wanted you to know we do feel your pain.

Get home when you can to visit and have them join as soon as its feasible.  And, in the mean time, do everything possible to take some weight off your wife and to let the kids know you're still there, you're still Dad and you still love and miss them.  Just speaking from the heart from one who has years of experience on this subject.

R

Rigger,

I absolutely agree with you. It is not easy being seperated and I am not at all enjoying this. While on my part, I have a full time maid back home to take care of household chores and my mother stays with us so she helps a lot in taking care of my kids. The reason why I am unable to bring my family over is because my wife works with the Malaysian Goverment -  Immigration Dept as an Operation Director. It will be a real waste for her to quit her job and come over, the max I will ask her to do is take a year sabatical leave (unpaid) and be here with me. This is because I dont Intend to stay in KSA for more than 5 years I will go back home within this period tho.

Anyway, man proposes and god disposes. Thx for the honest advise guys..

I think that there are so many different situations and circumstances there isnt a one fit all with this.

Personally, I think if my family couldnt live in KSA and wanted to move back to the UK I would move with them. I would rather have a lower salary and less comfortable standard of living than be seperated particularly as we moved here with the long term in mind.

If you come to the country for a short term ie 5 years like vramakr said in his above post then maybe being seperated is ok although very difficult.

At least we should all be thankful for skype / facetime etc. think of when people only had letters to keep track of what was going on back home!

adamb123 wrote:

At least we should all be thankful for skype / facetime etc. think of when people only had letters to keep track of what was going on back home!

Amen, Adam.  You nailed this one.  My first military deployment was to Japan in 1983 and Skype, FaceTime, FB, and the like didn't exist.  You wrote snail mail - and waited - and you waited in line to call home.  Just before I left a high school friend of mine was killed in a car accident.  My group of friends was very close and my soon-to-be bride and I spent over USD $750 on phone calls that month.  A junior enlisted man doesn't make much and I had to take out a bank loan to pay off that phone bill.   Move forward to 2010 and my last deployment.  Skype and Skype phones saved the day.  I wasn't there physically but stilled was present via video for b-days and Christmas!  Thank God for technology - whenever it works...