Indonesian marrying a US citizen in the US

Obviously I can't offer any suggestions when it comes to your family, as that is an entirely personal issue.  However, with that said, there is a GREAT organization of Indonesian women, called KPC Melati:

http://www.kpcmelati.org/

This organization has been the driving force behind several changes in the law in recent years, most notably the rights of children of mixed Indonesian/non Indonesian marriages which now includes their Indonesian citizenship up to majority age.

You would be very wise to join this organization and take advantage of the great advice and guidance you will find there.  Also, simply Google KPC Melati as there are quite a number of other links relating to them that you might find useful.

Finally, there are a number of very savvy and helpful young Indonesian ladies on this forum who I am sure would be happy to share their own personal experiences, particularly as they relate to family and religious issues, when falling in love with a foreigner as a Muslim lady.

Good luck!   

Oh, and as far as your question..."will the US embassy ask for parental consent from me because I'm an Indonesian?" the answer is absolutely not, so long as you can prove your legal age.

Thank you so much for replying, I'm going to check out KPC Melati now.

Mimi, you are 23, and thus an adult.  Don't let yourself be intimidated by anyone when it comes to matters of the heart, and your happiness.  Then again, when I say "anyone" when it comes to family, that isn't so easy.  What I love most about Indonesia is the great importance of family.  That is your biggest challenge. 

When (as an American), I fell in love with my Balinese wife to be, some 16 years ago...I too was very worried how they would "accept" me.  My choice was to deal with that head on, to meet them, and to be totally honest with them.  I gladly converted to Hindu to marry Eri (required as you know that both parties be of the same religion), and there was never a thought that I would take her away from Bali, and move back to the states.

If "your man" is a good man...chances are very good that your family will come to understand and appreciate that. 

Three sons with Eri later, and quite a number of years behind us, this was the best decision I could have made, and her family is my family with no reservations or hesitancy. 

Just so you know, a prior divorce is no hindrance to a legal marriage here in Indonesia so long as the party (even a foreigner), who was previously married can produce valid divorce papers. 

Moreover, there are many thousands upon thousands of foreigners who have married Indonesians, so you are not in any sort of a unique situation.

Again, good luck to you!

Yes, I understand what you mean. This isn't even an easy decision for me, I love my family maybe it's selfish to even think about not involving them in such a big decision. Of course I'd love them to get involved and stuff but it's so complicated that I think I'll do what I think is right. All my life I've been doing what my parents tell me, what to study, where to go, where not to go, etc. A previous relationship failed bc of family reason and at that time I didn't think about what made me happy as I just wanted to make my family happy,   every decision in my life has been made by my parents and I don't regret that but now I just think that I have the right to decide who I want to spend the rest of my life with.
My bf is a good guy, he does want to know my family and have a relationship with them but I just can't introduce him to them bc I know how it'll turn out. He has kids, christian, has tattoos and my parents are so traditional when it comes to things like tattoos, religion. I just don't think I can ask him to convert to Muslim and remove his tattoos just to be accepted by my family. He's a really good guy but knowing how difficult my parents can be I don't know how I can show them that my bf is a great guy.

Thank you so much, I appreciate your advice and I think you're right eventhough I'm not sure I can apply it in my situation.

Ubudian wrote:

Mimi, you are 23, and thus an adult.  Don't let yourself be intimidated by anyone when it comes to matters of the heart, and your happiness.  Then again, when I say "anyone" when it comes to family, that isn't so easy.  What I love most about Indonesia is the great importance of family.  That is your biggest challenge. 

When (as an American), I fell in love with my Balinese wife to be, some 16 years ago...I too was very worried how they would "accept" me.  My choice was to deal with that head on, to meet them, and to be totally honest with them.  I gladly converted to Hindu to marry Eri (required as you know that both parties be of the same religion), and there was never a thought that I would take her away from Bali, and move back to the states.

If "your man" is a good man...chances are very good that your family will come to understand and appreciate that. 

Three sons with Eri later, and quite a number of years behind us, this was the best decision I could have made, and her family is my family with no reservations or hesitancy. 

Just so you know, a prior divorce is no hindrance to a legal marriage here in Indonesia so long as the party (even a foreigner), who was previously married can produce valid divorce papers. 

Moreover, there are many thousands upon thousands of foreigners who have married Indonesians, so you are not in any sort of a unique situation.

Again, good luck to you!

well done sir!!! proud of U, where "love" isn't just a word. But sacrifice, respect, and honesty.

RainInTheForest wrote:

Yes, I understand what you mean. This isn't even an easy decision for me, I love my family maybe it's selfish to even think about not involving them in such a big decision. Of course I'd love them to get involved and stuff but it's so complicated that I think I'll do what I think is right. All my life I've been doing what my parents tell me, what to study, where to go, where not to go, etc. A previous relationship failed bc of family reason and at that time I didn't think about what made me happy as I just wanted to make my family happy,   every decision in my life has been made by my parents and I don't regret that but now I just think that I have the right to decide who I want to spend the rest of my life with.
My bf is a good guy, he does want to know my family and have a relationship with them but I just can't introduce him to them bc I know how it'll turn out. He has kids, christian, has tattoos and my parents are so traditional when it comes to things like tattoos, religion. I just don't think I can ask him to convert to Muslim and remove his tattoos just to be accepted by my family. He's a really good guy but knowing how difficult my parents can be I don't know how I can show them that my bf is a great guy.

Thank you so much, I appreciate your advice and I think you're right eventhough I'm not sure I can apply it in my situation.

dear, I'm so sorry for Ur condition. The best thing U need to do is to be honest with Ur family. If u are sure enough that he's a good guy, why U doubt him? Let him meet Ur parents, of course with social and cultural adaptation, so Ur family could accept him with respect. Teach him about ur culture and social values, so cultural shock wouldn't happened once he entrance Ur life. U needen't to show his tattoos to all Ur family at the first meet right? He can wearing long sleeves batik or anything that polite. If he loving You I think there's nothing way to hard. Just need to know each other, and all that U need is patient, honesty, respect and focus. I'm not suggesting U to married quietly, without involving Ur family. Because as a daughter and as mom, that's totally unaceptable for me. All parents want is just their kids happiness, no matter how conservative are they. If ubudian, successfully made it. Why Ur bf not try then?.. Tell me if I'm wrong.

RainInTheForest wrote:

I'm an Indonesian muslim (23 y/o) and my bf is a US citizen and is christian (28 y/o). He has kids from his previous marriage. We really love each other. But I hide the relationship from my family because I know they'll ask me to leave him since he's not a muslim and is divorced with kids, my parents are really strict about this. We're planning to get married in the US on fiance visa for me because we can't get married in Indonesia without parental consent letter from my parents. I've read so many articles related to this issue and I've read everything helpful on the US embassy website, but I'd be so thankful if anyone here who has experienced the same thing would kindly share their experience with me. Our plan itself won't happen within this year, we're trying to save money and everything first but we'd like to prepare ourselves before we do our plan.
What I'd like to know is 'what documents do I need to provide?' 'will the US embassy ask for parental consent from me because I'm an Indonesian?' And also I know we need to provide proof of our relationship and I've read that pics of my bf with my family will be helpful, but as you know that my family doesn't know about the relationship so there are no pics of them together 'is this gonna be a problem?' I'd be so thankful if anyone would like to give me useful and helpful informations. Thanks you so much in advance.

Regards,
Mimi

You are very open and one can see that you are serious with your plans and trying now to look for best advise.

After reading your post, I was asking myself what the real status is of your relationship, how long you both are together already. It is not clear whether your boy friend and the kids are living in Indonesia respectively you both met here or is it a kind of long distance relationship and you hardly spend time together.

With 23 years you are an adult but still young, your boy friend is 28 years old separated and has kids from his previous marriage. Is he ready to be father of another child in the event that you wish to get pregnant after you married ?? Will you both be financially secured etc ?? How is his relationship with his ex and how with his kids ??

Don't get me wrong but love can make one blind sometimes and it would be bad if things would not work out with both of you and on top your family may don't give you the support they are supposed to do.

However in the end you must decide for yourself, it is your life and your future.

Not an easy topic indeed. But if you'd care for my advice, I'd suggest you talk to your parents about your boyfriend. Honesty is the best policy,and they are your family. You need to think about the words you will use,carrefully. If you live alone and not in your parents home,you can also write them so you can say everything that might change their mind/the way they think without arguing with you.
Every good parent wants only the best for their kid(s) but you can always stand for your choices and tell them that you are an adult who has the right to decide everything yourself. But dont forget to tell them that you love,care and respect them so much,and that they should be happy for whatever choice you make in life.
Tell them that your boyfriend is a good guy,respectful,responsible and that he loves and cares about you as much as your parents do. I hope he is

Age is just a number, its the individual/personality that people needs to find out. As long as you put all yourself to it, you should do what you think is right to do. Its your own life after all, you need to be brave.

About the religion difference,I guess one must sacrifice. Or you can just go to Las Vegas where getting married only requires a couple of documents. Then you can always make a wedding Party here.

Anyways, talk to your parents first. You never know what they will think! It will be much easier when you get help and support from your family.

I hope all goes well. The best of luck!

About the documents that you need to get married in the US, you should call the US embassy and ask them. I am sure they will be glad to help,or look on their website.

Mimi,

I may not know how to give you advice on formalities or paperwork for your marriage issue, but I can only say one thing. Let your parents know about everything.
It may not be easy the first time, but after awhile, they will accept it at some point.
My father was a very "strict" person when it comes to who we're dating (we are 4 sisters by the way.., imagine??). Three of them were having a hard time convincing my father of how good their partners are. Trust me, it's one hell of a ride. To make the story short, they got married anyway, have kids and still happy now. They were so brave, come clean and told my father every single thing for him to know. After awhile, his heart melted, He got along with them very well. And when I saw him holding his first grandchild?? Priceless!!

Family is family, parents are parents. You need to be honest and deal with it bravely.

Hope things will work out nicely for you.,

Ubudian wrote:

Obviously I can't offer any suggestions when it comes to your family, as that is an entirely personal issue.  However, with that said, there is a GREAT organization of Indonesian women, called KPC Melati:

http://www.kpcmelati.org/

This organization has been the driving force behind several changes in the law in recent years, most notably the rights of children of mixed Indonesian/non Indonesian marriages which now includes their Indonesian citizenship up to majority age.

You would be very wise to join this organization and take advantage of the great advice and guidance you will find there.  Also, simply Google KPC Melati as there are quite a number of other links relating to them that you might find useful.

Finally, there are a number of very savvy and helpful young Indonesian ladies on this forum who I am sure would be happy to share their own personal experiences, particularly as they relate to family and religious issues, when falling in love with a foreigner as a Muslim lady.

Good luck!   

Oh, and as far as your question..."will the US embassy ask for parental consent from me because I'm an Indonesian?" the answer is absolutely not, so long as you can prove your legal age.

Ubudian: Thanks for sharing the useful information.!

As I wrote earlier...

"Finally, there are a number of very savvy and helpful young Indonesian ladies on this forum who I am sure would be happy to share their own personal experiences, particularly as they relate to family and religious issues..."

And as usual, they have come forth with excellent advice IMHO, especially about honesty and trust with family.   

Wanita dari Indonesia!  They ROCK!   

I am in the same boat as you. I wants to find a legal way to bring my Fiance here from Indonesia. I'm not rich so I would take a lot of saving to go there and bring feedback here. That's 3 plane trips.

As at December 2017 an Indonesian wishing to marry overseas (if never married before) requires N1, N2, N3, N4 & N5, if widowed/ widower or divorced they require previously mentioned and N6 documents
Previous marriage books/ death certificate if that’s the case
Upon marriage abroad and legalised in country of marriage you MUST within 1 year of when marriage took place return to Indonesia to make legal
If issues with parents consent are a problem and you are legal age to marry any living relative and or x 2/3 adult Indonesian friends is accepted (copies of ID etc)  as written permission (it HAS always been the case for many many years but not widely known if anyone argues this they are wrong it’s written in law always has been)
If children have been born out of wedlock to the newly married parents and both are child’s parents new birth certificates can be obtained within Indonesia but both must be registered on KK
When registering the marriage in Indonesia take all legal documents, birth certificates, passport, ID, photos together and separate translations of all and all legalised from Indonesian Embassay in county of marriage to local registry office in Indonesia, upon you will receive either marriage books or certificates

Just to add both bride and groom MUST follow protocol from both home countries to marry, I know as an example France is extremely difficult for French expats to marry none EU citizens and can take quite some time to get legal documents