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Last activity 27 January 2017 by sca1een

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Yorkiesmom

Hi

I need help im losing sleep. I want to go to the USA i have two convictions before i was 18 for the same offensive. I have not reoffended since

The problem is they are for prostitution. No drugs involved just a nasty man who preyed on me.
Im now 45 years old so convictions are over 25 years old.

I have met someone who i dearly love i dont want to tell him about my past. If i marry him and applied for a green card would he have to know about my past.

I'm losing sleep can anyone please advise me

GuestPoster2204

I don't think that these would cause an issue on your application, although I strongly suggest to mention it if there are questions about past convictions. Try to gather documentation on these convictions from the court. You and your future husband should also hire a lawyer for your immigration process, pointing to the fact that you were the victim of child trafficking and sexual exploitation of a minor. You were a minor.

As for your relationship, I really suggest that you discuss your past with the man you plan on building a life with. If the relation is serious, it can only strengthen it. As a minor, you were clearly influenced or coerced into this and you were victimized. You shouldn't feel any shame or guilt over this. Whoever did that to you back when are clearly the guilty party. Communication is key to a long and happy relationship. I wish you the best.

GuestPoster2204

I would totally agree of the advice of English2Francais.  If you don't tell him, you'll essentially have a marriage based on deceit.  Free yourself of that guilt and get it out in the open.

cvco

I think there are some secrets that should always remain secrets. There is no reason any human being should know everything about any other.

BUT...and its a huge but....anything that would affect a persons decision to be with you must be told. If for example a person has HIV, you have to say it, that is not going to be a secret. Second, how a person reacts or feels or thinks about something you tell him is not your problem or responsibility. As it is, you are trying to do his thinking for him and you must not. Thats up to him. If he chooses to leave you because you were allegedly a prostitute, that his choice. Never deny a person their right to make a decision for themselves based on whats important to them. If you are not sure that a secret would be accepted the way you want it to  be accepted, thats the test of what to tell someone or not. Clearly, you are very unsure how your secret would be taken and that means you have to tell it. If it breaks the relationship, relax and know that its OK. After all, you want someone who accepts the secret, yes? Of course we all do. So, free yourself for the next person who would accept.

Right now, turn the tables. If he had a similar charge from his past, would you want to know it? Do you have the kind of relationship in which nobody cares about things from the past? How about if he was in prison 25 years ago for incest or rape or armed robbery. Let bygones be bygones? Oh its OK, we dont care about things like that? And how would you feel when later when that old, buried fact pops up in a background check for a loan or license and you never knew about it?

Let me tell you two things from my life. The longer the time goes that you withhold important info, the harder it is to be accepted later. Many people think its better to let a relationship first build strength to withstand revelations later but it will likely backfire, make things worse and be harder to forgive. Second, dark and important secrets never stay buried forever, they come out in the saddest and oddest ways and at the worst possible times.

But this isnt Dear Abby. You are an adult and should know these answers without asking in here. Matters of the heart? Dont lie, period. After all, what are you going to build a future on, a flimsy foundation? Its up to you to get the habit of truth or the habit of lies and you dont need anyone to tell you the consequences of that.

Fred

Secrets can be good.
I have no idea about the green card but I know a lot of men would be very upset to find out their partner used to work in that trade, even if it was 20 years ago and she was forced

sca1een

I understand (at least I think I do) why you are afraid of telling him but still those convictions are on your record and there are no way telling whether or not you'll be asked this question during your interview. But still wouldn't you want a person you love and trust to tell such a thing by himself and not to hear from someone else? As to a legal side of this issue, though I am not an expert but wrote a few pieces for a [link moderated] I'd say those wouldn't be an issue but still the green card marriage interview is to determine whether you are marrying for love and not for a green card so if they ask such a question and it turns out your fiancee had no idea about this, they might think something is fishy. Still, that's only a wild guess since if your interviewer is a woman she may understand why you didn't tell him. It's a gamble. Anyways, wish you luck.

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