Vietnam girl only marries me either.....

Sounds like a business arrangement to me. You either think that ass is worth your money or not. You clearly understand she does not care for you, but is willing to sleep with you for a few years in exchange for a better life. I would say, if you have the money she wants, and she is pretty, go for it, as long as you are not going to be sducidal when she leaves. Just sign some pre marriage paperwork to protect yourself, and don't be surprised when she leaves. I used to think Vietnam was a mans world... but I've stared to understand that women figure out how to take advantage of all of rules put on them very well. This is a perfect example.

Say goodbye and move on. Think with your big head, not your little head.

By asking this question on here it means you have doubts, go with your gut feeling and find a lady without such demands.

Thanks on the advice, pal.

I understand what she is going true as she comes from single parent family. Dont have siblings as i went to her vietnam home to say hi to her mother before.

She was sad that I didn't accede to her request and now she found someone who is ok to marry her and let her work in KTV lounge.

She said she thought very long on this and finally came to a decision which is accept the other guy. She said the guy understands what she wants and needs.

I was crestfallen upon hearing this.

I wish and hope the guy is true to her and will protect her in the new chapter of her life but at the same time she will change her mind at the last minute during signing on the dotted lines..

Thanks dude on the response.

She is a hooker, plan and simple - she wants you to pay her to be her boyfriend, you didn't play, so now she found another one - move on, come to Vietnam on vacation, don't contact her, tour the country, believe me, there are a lot of Vietnamese girls that would love to be your friend, without any of the strings attached your ex put on you.  Prostitution is simply receiving money for sex, whether it be a short time bar, or KTV Lounge, or a girl demanding $1000 a month from you.   Good Luck, but IMHO stay away from that one.   Good Luck

Oh, if you think I am being too hard, I have a niece that only dated Vietnam Airline Pilots, she now has three condos in Quang Ba, is she a prostitute??  by definition?? Yes Sir. but I still love her as a family member.

tunnelrat69 wrote:

She is a hooker, plan and simple - she wants you to pay her to be her boyfriend, you didn't play, so now she found another one - move on, come to Vietnam on vacation, don't contact her, tour the country, believe me, there are a lot of Vietnamese girls that would love to be your friend, without any of the strings attached your ex put on you.  Prostitution is simply receiving money for sex, whether it be a short time bar, or KTV Lounge, or a girl demanding $1000 a month from you.   Good Luck, but IMHO stay away from that one.   Good Luck

Oh, if you think I am being too hard, I have a niece that only dated Vietnam Airline Pilots, she now has three condos in Quang Ba, is she a prostitute??  by definition?? Yes Sir. but I still love her as a family member.

Thanks man, on the given advice. Good luck to you too

The good news is that you found out Vietnamese girls are great. So bounce back.  Come for a long visit, stay in Saigon, and try a smaller city too. Population of Singapore is 6 mill, Vietnam is 96 mill, think of how many more nice girls are here, working normal jobs, responsible, helping their big families. Vietnamese look up to Singapore, Saigon wants to be Singapore someday. You're a catch. Be good to her though! 

"[T]o keep a man, you must be a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom"  - Jerry Hall (mother of Mick Jagger's children and later wife of Rupert Murdoch)  Contrary to what MasterofDisaster thinks, if this girl knows how to cook and clean,  she has it all down.

In my 11-years living in Viet Nam, I have seen so many guys get shafted. Many times it was due to them wearing blinkers, not heeding advice and not accepting reality. Others I have known were taken by very smart,calculating women.

In this type of situation, It all comes down to who's the smartest and most devious. A "smart" guy will play the game even better and tell her that he's willing to marry her but need to make sure it "works very well in the bedroom" before he makes that big move. It's all about using each other, and coming out on top. (I hope you appreciate the pun).

I met a girl from Can Tho in my last trip to Vietnam. I could see that she was going for the long shot. She was receiving suspicious texts from a guy (I saw them once while she was in the shower, he was totally in love with her and freaking out because she would not answer) and she threw me the famous "I love you" in one of our intimate sessions. She mixed it with a few "em yeu anh" for major impact. She knew what she was doing. A version of myself 10 years younger could have fallen into the trap.

That being said, I personally prefer honest relationships where everything is clear and on the table, I feel it usually leads to less messy end results. So I try to not make any promises I won't keep or say things I don't mean.

***

This is 'love of benefit', which is toxic for anyone seeking a healthy relationship. Unless you move on, sorrow and suffering are imminent.

WillyBaldy wrote:

...I saw them once while she was in the shower...

A misleading image, I am sure.    More writing clarity next time! How about:

"Once when she was in the shower [too much information?] I was secretly browsing photos on her phone like the jealous boyfriend I am, when saw a picture of them..."

gobot wrote:

WillyBaldy wrote:

...I saw them once while she was in the shower...

A misleading image, I am sure.    More writing clarity next time! How about:

"Once when she was in the shower [too much information?] I was secretly browsing photos on her phone like the jealous boyfriend I am, when saw a picture of them..."

I guess it definitely might sound like that, but she was literally leaving her phone on with scrolling messages visible on it. I didn't have to touch it. It's the texts that I saw, not any image. It was just very annoying with all the "beeps" so I had a look and saw some text messages popping up. So it seemed this guy was pretty much having a breakdown, begging her to meet again and asking why she was not responding. Believe me, I did not have to "hack" anything and could not care less.

Hi mate,
are you jocking? you know how many men she Will "love" in 2 years working in KTV?  2 or 3 per day, you can make the numbers

gobot wrote:

The good news is that you found out Vietnamese girls are great. So bounce back.  Come for a long visit, stay in Saigon, and try a smaller city too. Population of Singapore is 6 mill, Vietnam is 96 mill, think of how many more nice girls are here, working normal jobs, responsible, helping their big families. Vietnamese look up to Singapore, Saigon wants to be Singapore someday. You're a catch. Be good to her though! 

Thanks man

WillyBaldy wrote:

In this type of situation, It all comes down to who's the smartest and most devious. A "smart" guy will play the game even better and tell her that he's willing to marry her but need to make sure it "works very well in the bedroom" before he makes that big move. It's all about using each other, and coming out on top. (I hope you appreciate the pun).

I met a girl from Can Tho in my last trip to Vietnam. I could see that she was going for the long shot. She was receiving suspicious texts from a guy (I saw them once while she was in the shower, he was totally in love with her and freaking out because she would not answer) and she threw me the famous "I love you" in one of our intimate sessions. She mixed it with a few "em yeu anh" for major impact. She knew what she was doing. A version of myself 10 years younger could have fallen into the trap.

That being said, I personally prefer honest relationships where everything is clear and on the table, I feel it usually leads to less messy end results. So I try to not make any promises I won't keep or say things I don't mean.

Honest relationship can bring inner peace and synergy. Thats my choice too

singuyen tranpham wrote:

This is 'love of benefit', which is toxic for anyone seeking a healthy relationship. Unless you move on, sorrow and suffering are imminent.

Thanks dude. Learnt new term"love of benefits"

Is this thread a joke? Sorry to break the obvious news to you... you fell in love with a prostitute and she wants your permission to continue being one. Can’t believe you’re even asking for serious advice, you’ve paid for your fun with this KTV girl, your not the only sugar daddy she has around. Don’t be a mug, move on. Plenty of good Vietnamese girls out there.

phikachu wrote:

Is this thread a joke? Sorry to break the obvious news to you... you fell in love with a prostitute and she wants your permission to continue being one. Can’t believe you’re even asking for serious advice, you’ve paid for your fun with this KTV girl, your not the only sugar daddy she has around. Don’t be a mug, move on. Plenty of good Vietnamese girls out there.

Well, u can laugh it off. Hope it brighten your day. Thanks for the advice there:)

Not only me, I sent it to a few of my Vietnamese friends. They all got a laugh out of it but actually felt sorry for you.

phikachu wrote:

Not only me, I sent it to a few of my Vietnamese friends. They all got a laugh out of it but actually felt sorry for you.

Lol. Why feel sorry for me?? Will i get stronger? Yes. Will i get wiser? Yes.
Few years later when I think back, i may smile to myself but will i regret loving her? No.
I am just blessed and thankful that I'm not born in that environment and situation.

Dear Huan07,

Trust your gut feelings...
You already know what to do...


Just do it!

Don’t ever look back!

AJ

Don’t be a tool. She’s poon and she’s only interested in money. Nail her if you can and then head for the hills.

frogstomp wrote:

Nail her if you can and then head for the hills.

And that would make you a better person than she is when you "nail" and run?

Hi,
I'm married to a Vietnamese and would like to give my 2 cents worth feedback.
1) If she really love you,  no money would be mentioned.
2) If she has financial problems, she would not tell you.
3) She would want you to stay in Vietnam
4) She would have a plan to share with you, and want you to come over to Vietnam as soon as possible.
The way I see it, you'll have to touch your heart and ask yourself objectively and seek answers. The worst thing a man can do is cheating yourself.

I think you know the answer to your question. Forget about her. There are plenty of others to choose from. She apparently wants to make all decisions to fit her lifestyle which does not include you except for money.

24 months X $1000 = 24 000 $
For this money every girl will tell you "I love You "
Be Clever !

You certainly drew out all of the Love Experts for 'guidance' 

There are a couple of key things I'm not hearing:

1. Pretend you never met her. Is this truly the woman and situation you've come to imagine for yourself?

I don't see you mentioning if she has children (you might not even be aware) so I wonder if she is divorced or widowed or perhaps even still legally married?

Or has she talked of having children with you?

Would you honestly recommend this type of relationship to someone else who is 'looking for love'?

I know you met her parents in her home, and that's normally a good sign. But I wonder if you understand why she did that, and still wants to 'work' for two more years to reach her business goals?

My gut tells me you have much greater resources than what you have been willing to share with her so far, and she probably knows that.

I also hear you primarily focused on her in what some might call "A Madonna Complex". You see only the very best potential in her, but...BUT... it's the potential for her to "love only you" in a manner similar to the way she loves her customers at the club.

You don't mention anything resembling building a family together with her, OR, becoming a part of her family, supporting HER goals.

2. Do you have a clue what she REALLY wants in life? She gave you a clue with her plan to create her own business, but you seem to have immediately disregarded that.

A Việt kiều friend has shared a profound cultural insight in her private blog. She used a great line from Star Wars to make her point:

"We Are What They Grow Beyond"

From the bread crumbs you've left for us, we see a woman who is both a sex worker AND a devoted daughter. "How crazy is that?" we think. Hasn't she dishonored her family? Isn't she at the lowest rung of Vietnamese society?

But let's start with her parents, the ones she took you to meet; a singular honor in and of itself.

In their culture, those parents have two main goals which are intertwined in life: to somehow become more successful than their own parents (your sweetheart's grandparents) AND, to have their child become somehow more successful--more honored--than they themselves have ever been.

It's highly unlikely that they dreamed of their child becoming a 'bar girl', and it's worth a wager that they continually push her to gain her success in most any other way.

The daughter likely doesn't feel the greatest sense of satisfaction working in the sex trades, yet when she puts aside a little money from every trick and sees her savings grow inexorably, in her mind and heart, she is slowly fulfilling the two most important goals in her life: to eventually gain greater success and honor in her life than that which her parents have attained, and by doing so, to help her parents attain their highest goal and the honor due them through the success of their children.

Now, if you REALLY, deeply and truly love this woman, her goals and dreams will become your goals and dreams.

You will fully commit all of your resources to the success of a family life with her, including the speeding up of her transition from bar girl to successful and honorable business woman.

If I'm right about her, you will also have at least one child together, so she can also fulfill her duty and destiny "to be what her own children grow beyond".

It's not Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty or any other 'western' notion of "true love", and I know the moment I post this, the naysayers will crawl out of the woodwork to defecate all over such 'ridiculous' ideas.

Just ask yourself if you truly believe that together, the two of you can attain greater honor and success than you ever could individually?

If the sex is great too, and you are spiritually connected, may you add great happiness to the honor and success you create together.

~peace~

OceanBeach92107 wrote:

From the bread crumbs you've left for us, we see a woman who is both a sex worker AND a devoted daughter. "How crazy is that?"; we think. Hasn't she dishonored her family? Isn't she at the lowest rung of Vietnamese society?

But let's start with her parents, the ones she took you to meet; a singular honor in and of itself.

In their culture, those parents have two main goals which are intertwined in life: to somehow become more successful than their own parents (your sweetheart's grandparents) AND, to have their child become somehow more successful--more honored--than they themselves have ever been.

It's highly unlikely that they dreamed of their child becoming a 'bar girl', and it's worth a wager that they continually push her to gain her success in most any other way.

You don't even live here, OceanBeach2107, what do you know about what parents teach their children in Vietnam?

LESS THAN NOT MUCH!

When you say, "In their culture...", you are talking about Western culture. Yes, there are many parents here who feel this way, BUT see 2) below.

1) This is NOT the west and if you mistake it for that, you will NEVER understand it. The Asian mind works differently than the Western mind; there are entire books written about this. Read one or two.

2) There are MANY families in small towns all over Vietnam who raise their daughters to understand that when they are 16 or so, they (the daughter) will go to the nearest big city to work. She will do ANYTHING she can to make money to send home to the family while she lives in squalor, working 12-15 hour days or more. If she doesn't send home enough money, they tell her to screw more guys or whatever it takes to send home more. Many times, the father stops working when the daughter starts whoring herself.

3) If a family member comes to visit and reports back that the girl has a motorbike or refrigerator, the family will often demand that the item be sent to them.

How do I know these things? I talk to the local people and I do NOT hang out with Westerners. If you hear the same story dozens of times from women you do NOT know sexually, many of whom have figured out ways to get off their backs, there is truth in it.

-JohnD- wrote:

You don't even live here, OceanBeach2107, what do you know about what parents teach their children in Vietnam?

LESS THAN NOT MUCH!

A perfect description of what you know about me, about when I have lived in Vietnam in the past, what my experiences have been and how much I understand about the vagaries of Vietnamese culture.

-JohnD- wrote:

When you say, "In their culture..." you are talking about Western culture.

No, this isn't me repeating what my friends in Westminster, California, 92683 have told me, though many of them are first-generation immigrants, so I do give proper weight to what they say.

-JohnD- wrote:

Yes, there are many parents here who feel this way...

So we agree, at least in part. What is your problem with my SPECIFIC approach to ONE man and his post?

Am I at fault for not exploring every possible scenario, and not fully exposing the dark side of SOME families to him?

if it's so important for you to get that specific information expressed to him, then why didn't you do it yourself prior to my post, instead of being reactive to what I was sharing.

Maybe anger management would help you focus clearly on what you want to say without falling back in uniformed ad hominem attacks on me?

-JohnD- wrote:

...The Asian mind works differently than the Western mind; there are entire books written about this. Read one or two.

Since you hold yourself to be so well-informed on all things 'me', tell me when (at what age) I first read, "The Ugly American" and other books?

-JohnD- wrote:

...If you hear the same story dozens of times from women you do NOT know sexually, many of whom have figured out ways to get off their backs, there is truth in it.

And there you confirm one of the prime points I was attempting to make to the OP: That while so many in this thread were dismissing his love interest as a whore beyond redemption or rehabilitation, perhaps he could see life as she sees it, 'on her back', and appreciate that maybe, just maybe, she is sincere in expressing her plan to change her life for the better.

Which leads to the MAIN reason I wrote a reply: to challenge him.

You know how so many of these sad stories are scattered about this site. Most of the replies are either nasty condemnations or silly "go for it!" cheers.

Without writing an exhaustive paper on the subject, I was attempting to spell out some real options for him, IF he is as in love (read: 'committed') as he says he is.

Keep coming back...

Yes; a bad ending for you for sure... yet there are so many better choices out there for you!

Problem with chicks working the KTV or Bar establishments is that they will sweet talk and do all kinds of stuff to ensure that you give them what they want and that is Money!!!.

If you feel there's no love in your relationship with this chick, just get rid of her. She will be some other guy's problem. Plenty of good girls out there.

It’s near impossible to suggest or advise anyone that comes to SE Asia contemplating getting into a relationship.

Most will be dreaming of a scenario with a young beautiful woman easily caught with the “bait” of 💰 and not a lot of it.    In their home country the same scenario will require far more capital outlay & a boatload of charm,charisma & personality.

A lot of men are usually in the twilight years of their lives , some are also vulnerable due to loneliness , sexual frustration and personal issues which puts them in the high risk category of being manipulated & taken advantage of.   It’s sad, but it happens a lot.    When the cash runs out , the gifts, exotic getaways & big spends disappear........so does the dream. 

All of the life experience , advice &  educational background in the world won’t help some of these guys when a young attractive woman has got their nutsack in the palm of her hand.   It’s that simple.

A lot of these guys just “lose it”.   

There’s a reason the saying “ There’s No fool like an old fool” has been around for a long long time.

In a way, life is like a business,, Everyone has their “price”.  We are all whores.    Most of us will have taken advantage of another’s weakness for our own personal gain at some stage or another.   It’s just a matter of how hard you play the game.

You’ve got a young attractive woman who wants to upgrade her life , who meets an old man 30+ years her senior who’s looking for some attractive company OR some “arm candy” to pad his ego.......

May the games begin folks. 

And deep down , they both know the rules.....or should.

PAW NOTE 🐾
If your over 70 or look it ,,please don’t be seen at a night club here wearing a baseball cap backwards , and trying to dance in socks & sandals.....and don’t refer to me as “man”.    It ain’t cool.

Said about as well as possible...

Somewhat cynical but I guess mostly accurate. There are exceptions however and older doesn't necessarily indicate stupidity. I was born in Singapore to English parents that died when I was 4 years old, was brought up by the Chinese cleaning lady . . .so I guess I'm half asian despite being English physically.
I have lived in HCM for 7 years, have a Vietnamese wife, half my age, that has stuck with me through thick and thin. An excellent wife in every respect, loyal and my best friend. We are not all whores, neither are Viet women. Mutual gain are not the only motives to being happy, quite the reverse. Every country has its idiots, baseball caps or no baseball caps, no matter colour, religion or nationality. Viet is no different. Young pussy can trap men anywhere, asian or otherwise, and why not ? Its normal. But pussy fades, a good heart never does.

pathixon48 wrote:

Said about as well as possible...

Yeah,
That’s one way of looking at it.

So long as both parties are happy & content with what they’re doing or achieving ,,I can’t see a lot wrong with it.

I know several old guys here that realise they are being taken advantage of,,but they are happy.   They are living out their twilight years in a way they would never have imagined.     Unfortunately for some , they ended up going home broke ( didn’t see that coming either) 😆

One guy said he could be sitting in a dreary retirement home playing cards OR doing something outside the square to finish his life with.    Good luck to him for having the balls to make that decision.

We are all going to end up dead anyway,,so why not liven things up a bit while your running the “bell lap”

Diobas wrote:

Somewhat cynical but I guess mostly accurate. There are exceptions however and older doesn't necessarily indicate stupidity. I was born in Singapore to English parents that died when I was 4 years old, was brought up by the Chinese cleaning lady . . .so I guess I'm half asian despite being English physically.
I have lived in HCM for 7 years, have a Vietnamese wife, half my age, that has stuck with me through thick and thin. An excellent wife in every respect, loyal and my best friend. We are not all whores, neither are Viet women. Mutual gain are not the only motives to being happy, quite the reverse. Every country has its idiots, baseball caps or no baseball caps, no matter colour, religion or nationality. Viet is no different. Young pussy can trap men anywhere, asian or otherwise, and why not ? Its normal. But pussy fades, a good heart never does.

G’day Dobias,
Welcome to the forum.
Obviously there are exceptions,,Yogi is one of them too.  Known the same lady for 6 years & no problems.   

But it’s not hard to find the train wrecks.   I’ve been travelling to, working in and living in SE Asia for a long time and you do see some hilarious & sad situations .   

There are books written about it, TV shows, documentary’s, websites and never ending blogs on the net that don’t really paint the male of the species as the smartest of the two huh....😆

We are certainly cannon fodder for a lot of laughs among western women....and probably always will be.

Yup. When they nail the lid down I don't want a life full of maybe's. regrets or 'wish I had . . '.
I wil say  'Wow, what a ride'. We come , we go, footprints in the sand that disappear with the next tide. So go for it. if it doesn't work what the hell, at east you gave it a go.