Is my Tunisian boyfriend just using me

First rule of relationship: if you cannot trust your partner, end it.  No ifs, ands, or buts.

Second rule of relationship:  if one person asks the other person for money at the start of a relationship, that act equals a big red STOP sign. 

Third rule of relationship:  it doesn't matter the ethnicity, the religion, or the culture in which the person was born and grew up, no man should rely on a woman for his living.  He may rely on his mother up to a certain age, but if he's old enough to involve in an adult relationship, he's old enough to support himself and contribute to the care and maintenance of his own family (his wife and children).  The only exception is if he's disabled and cannot work, but that's not the case here. 

His complain that "it is very hard to find work" is not an acceptable excuse.  It may be hard but it's not impossible to find work as long as one is willing to work.

Tunisia is neither the poorest country in the world nor one with highest unemployment rate.  The GDP per capita in Tunisia is US$12,000.  That's almost double or even triple the GDP of Vietnam, Laos, Cambodia, or India.  If people in those countries can find work or create work for themselves, then there's no reason a young and healthy man in Tunis cannot do the same.  Selling fruits on the sidewalk, patching up bicycle tires at street corners, going door to door offering sharpening service, picking up recycling materials, using muscles in daily labourer, etc. there are many ways to earn an honest Tunisian dinar.

Think twice before sending another $20 of your hard earned money to a man who doesn't have problem asking for a handout. 

And think hard before moving your children to a country where their future is doubtful at best.  If your boyfriend insists that it's hard for him to find a job in Tunis, what do you think your American children's chance would be?  Are you willing to be the sole income earner to support yourself, your children, and your husband in a country where you and your children will certainly encounter language problem and culture shock?  You can do that with any lazy bum on the streets of NY and spare yourself the upheavals.

In Tunisia dating is considered to be a very serious matter. The responsibility of taking a  wife is a thing that is supposed to be very serious. It is inappropriate that he asked for money from you, for many reasons the first being that you are courting online and every precaution must be taken for you both to feel safe and secure in the relationship (my opinion). The other is that culturally he shouldn't ever take your money (an Islamic idea).

It is true that for some it is hard to find a decent job in Tunisia. It is also true that for some the idea of finding a Tunisian woman is daunting, I have talked to some people about marriage between two Tunisians and the customs, if I was a man I wouldn't want to do it. The man has to pay for the whole wedding and the families on both sides demand things for the wedding costing him anywhere from 10 thousand to 30 thousand dinar. Most Tunisians have to go into debt to get married.  It's no wonder many Tunisian men look outside their country to find a bride.

That being said; he should prioritize you and the one thing he has to talk to you: the money on his phone. He shouldn't ever ask you for money! If he was from your country and asked you for money before you were living together or even in a committed relationship wouldn't you feel weird? I would! Internet dating may feel intimate but it has to have boundaries too.

I met my husband online, we talked everyday for 6 to 8 hours. While I was sleeping he sent me texts and pictures of 2hat he was doing, I did the same. It made us both feel safe and sure of each other, also it was fun. He never asked me for money infact when it came time to come to Tunisia he tried to find a way to buy me a plane ticket, it was nearly impossible for him to do so. My husband isn't rich, he worked hard to save money to furnish our house and take a month off work when I came. After we were married I insisted on combining our money, he didn't want to, but I explained to him that's part of my culture's idea of marriage.

I would never have continued with him if he gave me any red flags. There are just too many risks in this kind of relationship to look past red flags.

I'm sorry but I agree with the commenter above, for your own sake it's best to trust your gut!

Yeah I wasn't planning to move to Tunisia, if I didn't have a child I probably would as it's beautiful, but we have talked for three years everyday,there is many things that happened where I now don't fully trust him and taking a second guess of it all. So about the cell thing,does anyone know if that is true? And truly I appreciate all the feedback , definitely helps me realize

I use orange.  They don't take my money. There are different ways of buying mobile data from them some are only good for 1 day and others last 30 days. It is possible he's buying it wrong. For example if you buy 150 mb of data it lasts one day if you don't use it you lose it but if you buy 650 or 1 gb it lasts a month so it won't disappear.
3 years is a long time. Have you visited him in Tunisia?

Absolutely, I have seen the same story many times over the years, don't send any more money, you mention you are a single mom, your priority is at home with your child, not sending money to a Tunisian guy who is taking you for a ride. Stop it immediately and drop him like a hot potato

Totally agree with ciambella the man is looking for someone to exploit.

I was supposed to go last year but I got cold feet, I don't offer him any money and if he's kinda hinting he needs some I'll just remind that I have bills, says he understands but than few weeks later acts like I have so much,I know we live very different,and he's from South ,we talk everyday,so I think that's what has sucked me in..we joke alot and he can be very kind,but lately I noticed he's getting very into the "a wife is supposed to welcome her husband home,do this and this" like he can never be wrong and I must treat him like a king, I was also supposed to be flying there end of next month,but he wants me to rent a place by the ocean,and I stressed to him I can't go blowing my money with rent,food,and tickets,so it has been alot of red flags,I guess it just gets hard as I want him to have a good life and be happy and I wish we lived closer,but even three years has proven you don't fully know someone you once thought you did, I appreciate everyone's take on this post as it helps open my eyes more . I truly don't believe all Tunisian men are bad either,I feel like if mine got out there more to look for work he'd be great,he says he has a diploma for being a barber,but acts like there's no good place in Tunisia either to cut hair🤔 idk I'm just tired of trying to push him to want better

Actually, GDP per capita in Tunisia is expected to be 4207.03 USD by the end of this quarter, according to Trading Economics global macro models and analysts expectations. In the long-term, the Tunisia GDP per capita is projected to trend around 4416.29 USD in 2020, according to our econometric models. Life is tough here for many or most. If he says he can't find work, it's likely to be true. But still no excuse for asking a woman for money. In Tunisian culture, that's a no-no.

Well there are barbers on every block and the jobs don't pay much. Depending on what his city's like he mY not be able to get a job as a barber.
I hope he's joking when he says that stuff about marriage while he's complaining about having no job, like seriously?
If you go to kiwi .com and leave the dates open you can get pretty cheap tickets. Not that I'm saying that you should come but just incase you end up ignoring your gut😉
My husband is proof that not all Tunisian guys are bad, but he's the exception to the rule.

FormerAtlantean wrote:

Actually, GDP per capita in Tunisia is expected to be 4207.03 USD by the end of this quarter, according to Trading Economics global macro models and analysts expectations. In the long-term, the Tunisia GDP per capita is projected to trend around 4416.29 USD in 2020, according to our econometric models.

Depends on the type of GDP, the figures are vastly different.

According to the CIA World Factbook, Tunisia ranked 132 in the world in 2017 with GDP at $11,800.  I'm pretty sure the CIA know their data.

Index Mundi reported that Tunisia GDP per capita when adjusted by purchasing power parity (PPP), which is much closer to real life value than nominal GDP, is $12,000 in 2017.

Trading Economics, the same site that gave Tunisia the nominal GDP of $4303.96 in 2017 reported the country's GDP per capita PPP as $10,849.30 for the same year.

ANGULARMOMENTUM wrote:

Well there are barbers on every block and the jobs don't pay much. Depending on what his city's like he mY not be able to get a job as a barber.
I hope he's joking when he says that stuff about marriage while he's complaining about having no job, like seriously?
If you go to kiwi .com and leave the dates open you can get pretty cheap tickets. Not that I'm saying that you should come but just incase you end up ignoring your gut😉
My husband is proof that not all Tunisian guys are bad, but he's the exception to the rule.

Year 2017 Spain unemployment rate was much higher than Tunisia and right now it is almost the same rate in both countries.

When a man really wants to support himself that man always finds an honest way to make a living despite of the situation of the place he lives.

This fellow had three years to make a difference but he did not do much about it instead of show his woman that he is man enough to take care of them, he more or less tried to rely on his woman, when he really knows that his woman is not another "sex and the city girl" but a single mother.

That only is enough to evaluate how capable this fellow is to live up to a family man roll, this one is still a boy in a mans body or a pretty weak, incapable man with another intention than pure love in his mind (at least in this period of his life, excuse my language) If he really loves OP then he would have done everything to be her man. So far he has done nothing.

When there are so many obvious facts on the table against it, so called red flags, we others should never encourage a single mother to take the benefits of the doubts of her own mind. That may will not only destroy her that will may also destroy the future of her child.

"A single mother that's sacred thing"  as Rod says to Jerry Maguire   

Ciambella: No argument intended or wished. However, personally, I wouldn't trust the CIA figures. As you rightly say, it all depends on the source.

Well the economic gap in Tunisia is very wide and there definitely 3 to 4 different types of income. In the south I would say most people get minimum wage or less putting their income around 4500 td a year. But in Tunis the income is higher for most people. I'd like to see statistics that remove the income of the top 10 percent of people earning in Tunisia, that would paint a better picture.

Just looked at Wiki and the IMF and the UN both place Tunisian GDP even lower! Most confusing.

Most likely.  I was scammed big time.  He wanted to come to the US; but if that did not work out he wanted me to partner with him in a rabbit farm.  I thought I was being a philanthropist and agreed to help him.  I had already seen the poverty in his country.  After a while I got suspicious.  A male friend agreed to accompany me on a surprise visit.  There were a few rabbits, so a token gesture.  When we arrived at his parents home he showed up in a brand new Peugoet  (sp?)  houseful of new furniture all the teenagers had real leather coats.  etc./    He said a lot  of the rabbits had died lol    Please be careful.  ****  When I visited the US Embassy before I returned home, they said they had emailed him to come in for an interview but he never showed up!

I was in a similar boat. I met someone (a real actual person and not a fake profile) from Tunisia on a Facebook page that we both liked.  We were getting alone just fine,  I am usually pretty good when it comes to reading people, yet today he asked me for money which I obviously didn’t give. It didn’t feel scammer-like but that might be because we are all catching on and they have to come up with different tactics. He wasn’t pushy, however he laid on a little guilt trip when I refused.   I’m actually really disappointed in myself for thinking this was going to work and was real, but it is what it is.  Lol

I agree entirely with you

Very wise words.

Allan Mellor wrote:

Absolutely, I have seen the same story many times over the years, don't send any more money, you mention you are a single mom, your priority is at home with your child, not sending money to a Tunisian guy who is taking you for a ride. Stop it immediately and drop him like a hot potato

so agree with the other comments drop him like a brick!!!

Be careful girl!
When starting to ask for money it's not a good thing!

Another question for you...who’s idea to convert to Islam? If he is asking this of you and money...it’s completely a red flag.
From experience, I wish better for you and know that you can do better. Don’t fall for the over the top declarations of love either;)

Hi, I'm new to this page, but I've been online video calling my Tunisian boyfriend for 1 year and I'm going with my gut feeling, and I'm going to tunisia in march, though I wish now I booked my flights earlier , cos I'm really excited to meet him..
I've read hundreds of posts from women who have been burnt by their men, and that's really sad, so it's not like I haven't been well warned, but I believe seeing is believing, and what do I have to loose, I get to travel his country, with a very handsome, cute guy, enjoy our time together, maybe, take him up on his offer and marry him lol..
I'm from New Zealand, and if it wasn't so strict in visa applications, and making it difficult to prove a relationship  , I would %100 help him to get residencey in my country, to give him a better future.. in fact, I would help a few men, I have met over the years who are still my friends, to come to my country, just because, they are decent men, who are trying to get out and seek a better life, then being wasted away to nothing, because they are stuck in poor situation..
Well that's my rant.. wish me luck, I'm gonna need a good air conditioner in my car  lol WHeeeeeeee!!

pourquoi demander notre avis puisque vous êtes excitée de le rencontrer, il est très beau et mignon croyez vous qu'il attend après vous, des filles il doit en avoir plein les poches, lorsque  vous serez bien plumée, vous comprendrez. Si vous l'emmenez dans votre pays après un mariage n'oubliez pas que tout son salaire 's'il travaille' partira dans sa famille en tunisie. Il ne vous a pas fait le cou que sa mère ou son père sont malades ou qu'il doit payer son service militaire pour vous soutirer de l'argent ça ne saura tarder. L'amour rend aveugle ouvrez bien les yeux vous comprendrez toute seule et lorsqu'il aura les poches pleines il se mariera avec une tunisienne

Hello. I have only just joined this forum. I'm reading posts that were written over a year ago.
Yours caught my eye. I resonated so much with what you had to say. I am in the exact same position.
I would be interested to hear an update on your post and, if indeed you have now visited your boyfriend in Tunisia and how it all went?  Are you still with him? What did you think of Tunisia etc...

I hope you read this. Would love an update.

Hello.
I would be very interested to know if indeed you went to Tunisia to see your boyfriend and how it all went. Was he genuine? What did you think and like about Tunisia. Are you still with the man you met on the internet and was he all that you'd thought he would be?
I've been with mine 2 years. Whilst I'm due to visit next year now , due to COVID -19 . I'm still very
sceptical  about  him and his country . In a way I'm glad I'm not visiting this year as planned.
I've already made previous excuses for not visiting. Yes, he's good looking, kind , has moral and values
BUT??? I'm still not 100% convinced.

As I said would love to hear feed back from you about your visit.

Kind Regards.

Hi Territess
Are you in the same position of love felling  with Tunisian guy

Hi!
Be careful! I think he's using you yes!
Run away from him!
Kisses

Did you go? Does he make you feel pressured to come? Mine does.

he's probably just fooling you and looking to make easy money . Ps :  a lot of tunisians get close with foreigners girls with papers residency purposes as its hard to immigrate :p  usually , ones who ask for money arent worth it , i would never ask a girl for money not a single penny no matter how rich she is , get to know him more and tell him that you're sorry and can't send him money and see what happens next

Elaine~Robbins wrote:

Did you go? Does he make you feel pressured to come? Mine does.

Have you been to Tunisia before?

Hello. Can I suggest , if you haven’t already? Go to the Tunisian Love Rat forum.sorry to say , he sounds like he’s a rat to me. Sorry

I was also gonna recommend tunisian Love Ray forum. Many women with many experiances there.

Hi
I'm 39 and I been married to my Tunisian husband for 5 years now, we're very happy and he is a good man.. I went to Tunisia more than 20 times, it's a beautiful country and people are very generous, to be honest I never had any bad experience when I was there or with my husband.. his family are very good people and even his friends.. just don't think that's all the Tunisian men are bad.. just go and see and experience by yourself and then you can judge x

I totally agree with you

if this man who wants to marry you is not responsible, and cannot sponsor himself as a single, do you think he can get a family responsibility? you are already a single mother, so you know what does it mean to take care of a child without a father, you can just imagine that you marry him and you get pregnant, you will have to take care of 2 kids and a jobless man, LOL

If you are looking for a husband of BF, set a bar that he should be at least able to sponsor himself, and his future wife, in every country in the world there are opportunities of work, but the lazy guys who are looking for a foreign older lady to give them money are available everywhere, when the good guys go to work, these men go to gym just to find someone who will be attracted to them and sponsor them

Hey

true

ziadabidi wrote:

hi

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