Heartache

Sounds to me like he threw out his fishing rod to catch something and he did.

To be honest, I doubt he is sick. If he is, get him to produce some evidence, its obvious he has access to the internet so he can do this.  You have sent him 3k which goes a long way here for medical help. He may feel he has hit the jackpot and cant let it go. I would be very wary, heard this type of story many times.

He must have been your guide for the ladies too right?

You have given him about $2K which is a gang of money for an old Viet. As Colin said, that will go a long, long way in Vietnam. Bless you, for your generosity but I have a funny feeling you have been taken for a ride. Employ a quality Viet friend and get a 2nd opinion.
$2K would help a bunch of Vietnamese people, and not just one.

Nice scam ... probably.

yamcha wrote:

He must have been your guide for the ladies too right?

What are you on about?

GaVinh wrote:

Hi , I’m very happy to be a member of this site , I love Vietnam and plan to return in the near future. I was there between June and September last year ... it was magical . I met some beautiful people . An elderly man approached me in HCM and offered his services as a guide to the Mekong. He was a nice ol bloke , a war veteran, and he carried a diary of other people’s feedback of previous tours . Unfortunately I was already booked to visit the area . Fast forward 2 months . I crossed paths with this gentleman again . He explained how it was low season and business was slow . So I agreed to to go back to the Mekong again , to get some cashflow going his way . It was totally worth it . For the last few weeks in Vietnam I felt good about making someone’s life easier , whilst seeing the real Vietnam . I tipped very generously all the while . However , since returning home , my old friend has regularly asked me for help ... and I have , to the tune of about 3k nz... i have told him this couldn’t continue as I’m not an extremely wealthy guy . He tells me he is in hospital and is begging for my help daily. I thought about asking to see a pic of him in hospital, but I do not want to disrespect him . At the end of the day .. I cannot be his pension fund . This is making me feel bad .. I guess I’m looking for advice on how to handle this , and if there are any other organisations that are available to help these sort of people? I fear not . Any input appreciated . Regards Kiwi Gav 🇻🇳🇳🇿

In the six months since I returned here, I've had two "friendships" go in this direction.

I decided to focus on the good I'd already done, so I remarked that I was grateful to have been able to help.

Then, in both cases, I stopped communicating with them.

It's not a "judgement" or a condemnation.

Rather, it is an assessment and recognition that what I'd perceived as a true friendship was something less.

Believe me, there are Vietnamese people who will never ask you for a đồng, even if they are on their deathbed.

Of course, the title of your thread is likely the real issue for you.

You allowed yourself to become vulnerable in response to the 'loving' way in which you were treated.

In reality, this isn't much different from what foreigner men often experience when dating some Vietnamese women.

I feel for you in your heartache, because I've already experienced something quite similar here.

I found it to be a good time for a reality check, asking myself if the 'friendship' would even exist in the first place if it weren't for my income or my nationality; the hope of a pathway to U.S. citizenship.

Luckily I have made a good fellow American friend here (first connected through Expat.com) and we get together regularly, mostly to talk about how our lives are going.

Hopefully you have someone who can help talk this through with you.

Your post here indicates you are ready to do so.

Cheers!

Do you really need advice dude?  You are a grown man right?  I think you should send him more money.

yamcha wrote:

Do you really need advice dude?  You are a grown man right?  I think you should send him more money.

A bit like your question on another thread about which motorbike you should buy or have bought.

Your a grown man DUDE, figure it out yourself.

****

@Yamcha:
Please read the forum etiquette and refrain from personal attacks.

In 1999 I visited a little town SE of Hanoi with my girlfriend, Ry. We visited Ry's aunt and uncle who lived in a modest little house. Ry gave her aunt a gift of 50,000 vnd (about $5 at the time). Her aunt was so happy she broke into tears.
Your gift of $2K is about 400 times that much.

GaVinh wrote:

Hi , I’m very happy to be a member of this site , I love Vietnam and plan to return in the near future. I was there between June and September last year ... it was magical . I met some beautiful people . An elderly man approached me in HCM and offered his services as a guide to the Mekong. He was a nice ol bloke , a war veteran, and he carried a diary of other people’s feedback of previous tours . Unfortunately I was already booked to visit the area . Fast forward 2 months . I crossed paths with this gentleman again . He explained how it was low season and business was slow . So I agreed to to go back to the Mekong again , to get some cashflow going his way . It was totally worth it . For the last few weeks in Vietnam I felt good about making someone’s life easier , whilst seeing the real Vietnam . I tipped very generously all the while . However , since returning home , my old friend has regularly asked me for help ... and I have , to the tune of about 3k nz... i have told him this couldn’t continue as I’m not an extremely wealthy guy . He tells me he is in hospital and is begging for my help daily. I thought about asking to see a pic of him in hospital, but I do not want to disrespect him . At the end of the day .. I cannot be his pension fund . This is making me feel bad .. I guess I’m looking for advice on how to handle this , and if there are any other organisations that are available to help these sort of people? I fear not . Any input appreciated . Regards Kiwi Gav 🇻🇳🇳🇿

You have a good heart but done enough for him, Cut the contact is my advice & dont dwell on it after you cut him loose.

Thanks kind people . Get some new material yumcha

Wow @GaVinh, you're a much nicer person than I'll ever be. I'd never send an acquaintance like this so much money. Heck, it took all of my goodwill to send CAD$1000 in Vietnam when my former mother-in-law was sick, imagine a "tour guide".

Cheers ... I’m done with the generosity now . I’m pretty sure my old mate is a good man at heart . He should be on a pension

GaVinh wrote:

Cheers ... I’m done with the generosity now . I’m pretty sure my old mate is a good man at heart . He should be on a pension

Can't really blame him for trying if he's broke. I'm glad to hear you stopped being his provider, I personally would rather use that money on a sugar baby 

Good, that you stopped being so generous. Started with handsomely tip, you became an easy target. He could start new trend to target foreigners for easy money. Enjoy your time in Vietnam

GaVinh: nice story, you should feel proud of your generosity. Come back some day.

Oceanbeach: "Rather, it is an assessment and recognition that what I'd perceived as a true friendship was something less." 

Yes, simple assessment and no judgement. For some, survival is a struggle, and it can sometimes ask too much of friendships.

It's nice to help others when you can. But don't feel obligated if you're not able to or have better use for your money.