In Vietnam...

It's an easy one to answer in one word. Superstition. I've seen it from the less educated countryside to university graduates in the bigger cities. I can't think of any off the top of my head, but there are numerous examples of the way the culture thinks.

In Viet Nam if a young child wears a helmet it will damage their neck.

In Viet Nam you can catch AIDS from cutting someones fingernails if you get a drop of blood on you. My wifes mother told her this and they believe it.

After living here for 12 years there are numerous ones. I too get the " don't have a late shower, it's bad for your health." Luckily I'm bald, so no need to worry about wet hair.

My friend gets exasperated if I ask her How are you? / Are you well? etc.

"In Vietnam we do not ask these stupid questions! If I was not well I would not be here, I would be in hospital!"

And not quite the right format, but today I saw a woman piloting her scooter through town with her foot on the handlebars to steer as she adjusted her sandal strap with her right hand, while her left hand was holding the phone she was calmly chatting into. It was love at first sight. Again. 

Brick23 wrote:

My friend gets exasperated if I ask her How are you? / Are you well? etc.

"In Vietnam we do not ask these stupid questions! If I was not well I would not be here, I would be in hospital!"

And not quite the right format, but today I saw a woman piloting her scooter through town with her foot on the handlebars to steer as she adjusted her sandal strap with her right hand, while her left hand was holding the phone she was calmly chatting into. It was love at first sight. Again. 

It's not just Vietnam.
Last year my childhood friend, only since kindergarten, complained to me that I had not asked him how he was or his wife? He added, that it seemed to mean I didn't care.
I was flabbergasted. I didn't know hat to say.
So the next day, i asked my Korean friend (this all happened in The USA, in NJ) and her answer:
"It was obvious he was ok, so there was no need to ask".

Americans have become too touchy feely. Asking questions, but not even listening to the answers.

Getting back to Vietnam. Even superstitions have a basis for the belief.
Vietnam has entered the "modern" world only in the last couple of generations. People were self sufficient. So, seemingly minor illnesses could easily become major.
Clearly going to bed with wet hair can cause a cold and thus lead to complications.

When I hear something like that, I try to understand it's basis.

There are somethings that I can only guess at. I'm not allowed to take any pictures with three people in it.

SteinNebraska wrote:

1) I cannot hand her a toothpick after we eat.  I can hand her the container of toothpicks. In Vietnam if you hand someone an individual toothpick you will argue all day.

I was taught by my father that's it's rude and unhygienic to hand a toothpick by hand because your finger would inadvertently touch something that another person was going to put in his mouth.  My mother OTOH believed that the toothpick was sharp on both ends thus discord would surely happen if it's freely and directly given. 

That same belief also existed in the US and Italy.  When one is given a knife or a pair of scissors, one always "pays" the giver a token amount money so the relationship would not be severed by the sharp blade -- even if the knife is very dull !

I've always followed both rules in my entire life:  my father's lesson on toothpick handling and the American folklore on knife given.  When we left the States, I gave my son-in-law (daughter doesn't cook so no point of giving her any kitchen tools) all my knives.  I counted the number of knives and asked him a quarter for each.  I made a few dollars out of the exchange, he became the owner of very expensive knives, and we still talk lovingly to each other to this day.

Anecdote of a knife freely given:  My sister and her suitor came to visit us some years back in Italy.  They bought a knife to cut their fruits during the weeks of travel, then he put it in my kitchen drawer (without my knowledge) just before they left for home.  Not a week later, he and I had a huge argument in email and over the phone, then he and my sister broke up.  He hasn't had one word of exchange with any member of my family for years now.  I found his knife later among my kitchen utensils, and in the trash it went.

Wxx3 wrote:

Even superstitions have a basis for the belief.
Vietnam has entered the "modern" world only in the last couple of generations. People were self sufficient. So, seemingly minor illnesses could easily become major.
Clearly going to bed with wet hair can cause a cold and thus lead to complications.

When I hear something like that, I try to understand it's basis.

Ditto.

Ciambella wrote:

I was taught by my father that's it's rude and unhygienic to hand a toothpick by hand because your finger would inadvertently touch something that another person was going to put in his mouth.

I thought about this possibility but discarded it when later that day I was at a typical restaurant, finished eating, shook out a toothpick from the "salt shaker" type dispenser, touched at least three of them grabbing my one and the rest slid back inside.  The unlucky soul that takes one of the two last toothpicks in the shaker will undoubtedly use one that has been touched dozens of times and doesn't seem to be that concerned about it.  Maybe because they didn't see someone touch it before them?

SteinNebraska wrote:

The unlucky soul that takes one of the two last toothpicks in the shaker will undoubtedly use one that has been touched dozens of times and doesn't seem to be that concerned about it.  Maybe because they didn't see someone touch it before them?

Everybody knows every toothpick is touched multiple times before it's offered to you but not many people care.  The pass-the-toothpicks-but-do-not-touch is only good in theory and mostly done at home when there's company at the table.

Most of the time, I bring my own toothpicks.  It doesn't bother the host/hostess at all if a guest pulls a wrapped toothpick out of his/her pocket and uses it instead of the offered ones.  Simply say, "I already have one, thank you" or "I don't need it, thank you."

Many families also offer their guests individually wrapped toothpicks, not the ones they use daily.

colinoscapee wrote:

After living here for 12 years there are numerous ones. I too get the " don't have a late shower, it's bad for your health." Luckily I'm bald, so no need to worry about wet hair.

Baldies for the win man!

I'm not sure if it's cultural or just in her family, but every time we went to a Vietnamese restaurant (in Vietnam or Canada) my ex Vietnamese wife would tell me to wait before I picked chopsticks and spoons, she would first "disinfect" them with her small bottle of hand sanitizer, and just then I'd be allowed to use them. It was a bit annoying at first but I got used to it.

WillyBaldy wrote:

I'm not sure if it's cultural or just in her family, but every time we went to a Vietnamese restaurant (in Vietnam or Canada) my ex Vietnamese wife would tell me to wait before I picked chopsticks and spoons, she would first "disinfect" them with her small bottle of hand sanitizer, and just then I'd be allowed to use them. It was a bit annoying at first but I got used to it.

Many locals clean eating utensils before eating. Most don't go to the extreme of using sanitizer.

colinoscapee wrote:

Many locals clean eating utensils before eating. Most don't go to the extreme of using sanitizer.

Ditto. 

How does the food taste when mixed with alcohol in the hand sanitizer, Willy?

Ciambella wrote:

Anecdote of a knife freely given.

Thanks for that explanation. i wondered why when I got my Gf's son a Swiss Army knife, he had to pay me 20,000 vnd.

Her mother died this past Christmas from a sudden blood infection.
Last month she ran across a picture I had taken of the three of them, her sister, mother and her.
(Three people in a picture seems to invite the underworld to take one. )
That caused a day of renewed crying and now blame for me.
What can one say? nothing if wise.
With unexpected tragedy, one always looks for the cause, no matter how irrational. There is no point in the argument. I was just on the long list of culprits.

The first thing I taught my husband after we moved here (he didn't need to learn anything for more than 2 decades when we lived in the States and Europe) was not to start eating until everyone has sat, and before picking up his chopsticks, he must say the meal greeting "Mời cả nhà" (Invite the family). 

It's a requirement "in Vietnam" (there you go, Stein!)

He can omit his self-addressing because I'm the highest ranking in all the family branches here in Central and South Vietnam (a cousin is my counterpart in Hanoi), so being married to me has made him the highest ranking person as well.

The other people at the table would in turn reply one at a time "Cháu mời cô chú"  (Niece/nephew invites aunt and uncle) or "Cháu mời ông bà" (Grandniece/grandnephew invites great-uncle and great-aunt).

In Vietnam, every child learns to say that greeting as soon as s/he is old enough to sit at the table with the family.  It's considered extremely disrespectful if a younger person doesn't say it at the beginning of the meal, and very rude if an older person does the same.

Wxx3 wrote:

Her mother died this past Christmas from a sudden blood infection.
Last month she ran across a picture I had taken of the three of them, her sister, mother and her.
(Three people in a picture seems to invite the underworld to take one. )
That caused a day of renewed crying and now blame for me.
With unexpected tragedy, one always looks for the cause, no matter how irrational.

I'm sorry to hear of your gf's loss, but it's the people in the picture who should've known better, not you.  Had  they wished to stick to their belief, one of them could easily step back, so why didn't she?  If you took the picture without their knowledge but they knew about it later, they could delete it anytime, right? 

I understand grief very well -- been there, done that, have a few T-shirts for souvenirs.  I know how grief can make people do and say the stupidest things, still, I don't think your gf should blame you at all.  If she didn't and someone else did, she should've stood up for you, proudly and loudly.  It's what a good partner does for each other.

Besides, not many people believe in "three in a picture brings death to one" anymore.  Just look at any random Vietnamese FB page, I bet you can find tons of those "three in a picture".  I seriously doubt that every 3rd person in those photos is sitting on pins and needles waiting for the arrival of the Reaper.  I strongly believe that my time will come when it's supposed to, and there's no way that being in a thousand photos with two other people would expedite my expiration.

Another besides, how does the Reaper find the 3rd person?  Left to right?  Right to left?  Close his eyes and just strike?

Ciambella wrote:

colinoscapee wrote:

Many locals clean eating utensils before eating. Most don't go to the extreme of using sanitizer.

Ditto. 

How does the food taste when mixed with alcohol in the hand sanitizer, Willy?

Hard to say, I always mix my food with beer 

Best piece of advice so far:

"In Việt Nam, we don't tip!"

😎

OceanBeach92107 wrote:

"In Việt Nam, we don't tip!"

Depends on the services, Vietnamese do tip. 

They don't tip at restaurants. 

They round up the fare for taxi cab, add more when they have a good conversation with the driver and learn something from him, or if the driver waits for them.

They tip tour guides, drivers, boat rowers, etc.

They tip baggage handlers but not hotel porters.

Vietnamese women always, always, always, always tip hairstylists, nail techs, spa techs, and they do it as generously as they can afford. 

If anyone thinks my comment is off the wall because I'm not a true Vietnamese, ask Gobot how his wife, a true local, tip her stylists and cab drivers.

Ciambella wrote:

OceanBeach92107 wrote:

"In Việt Nam, we don't tip!"

Depends on the services, Vietnamese do tip. 

They don't tip at restaurants. 

They round up the fare for taxi cab, add more when they have a good conversation with the driver and learn something from him, or if the driver waits for them.

They tip tour guides, drivers, boat rowers, etc.

They tip baggage handlers but not hotel porters.

Vietnamese women always, always, always, always tip hairstylists, nail techs, spa techs, and they do it as generously as they can afford. 

If anyone thinks my comment is off the wall because I'm not a true Vietnamese, ask Gobot how his wife, a true local, tip her stylists and cab drivers.

Great points, most of which I imitate.

I should have specified I was talking about mealtimes.

My barber can probably buy a new motorbike soon on the tips I've been giving... 😁

Ciambella wrote:

SteinNebraska wrote:

1) I cannot hand her a toothpick after we eat.  I can hand her the container of toothpicks. In Vietnam if you hand someone an individual toothpick you will argue all day.

I was taught by my father that's it's rude and unhygienic to hand a toothpick by hand because your finger would inadvertently touch something that another person was going to put in his mouth.  My mother OTOH believed that the toothpick was sharp on both ends thus discord would surely happen if it's freely and directly given.

My gentlemanly manners are also rejected by my wife, who will not accept my courtesy of a toothpick - bare or wrapped. It is bad luck she says, she needs to fish it out of the bottle herself. Hmm, so many superstitions, I started making a list when I arrived.

Sorry can't talk now, it's time to go down to the street and burn a handful of fake $100 bills for the ghosts.
💵💵💵🔥 👀