Who pays the bill?

If you are with a group of all males or all females and you are eating out for no particular reason (if it is for a reason like to celebrate someone's achievement then likely he/she will pay) then it will be fair shared. If you are with a group of more female than male (no boss or someone of significantly higher status/income), usually it will also be fair shared. If you are with a group of more male than female (no boss or someone with significantly of higher status/income) then it might be fair share or only shared between the males or the females pay less. Even if you are a foreigner (usually being considered to have higher income) you do not always pay, if you do make more you might pay more or you pay all sometimes but not all the time.

Unwritten rule from experience ... If you invite people out then some would expect you as the one making invitation to pay the bill.

If I go out with suppliers, they pay. If I go out with extended family, foreigner pays. Those are about the only scenarios where I go out.  On the occasions when I go out with other foreigners that I know we generally just try to pay the bill every other time.

I love watch the locals fight over the bill at restaurants, quite humourous to watch.

colinoscapee wrote:

I love watch the locals fight over the bill at restaurants, quite humourous to watch.

I guess I've never paid attention.  Fighting to pay, fighting to avoid paying or fighting to try to somehow split the bill?

SteinNebraska wrote:

colinoscapee wrote:

I love watch the locals fight over the bill at restaurants, quite humourous to watch.

I guess I've never paid attention.  Fighting to pay, fighting to avoid paying or fighting to try to somehow split the bill?

Its all about bravado, in front of others.

SteinNebraska wrote:

If I go out with extended family, foreigner pays.

We're very fortunate that after hundreds of outings, we're still exempted from paying when we go out with the family.  They pay every time including our anniversary.  The only exceptions are our birthday parties -- although last year, they treated us to pre- and post party meals/drinks.

During my siblings' 3-week visit from the States last year, everyone (hosts and visitors) took turn to pay.  Still, my husband and I were exempted.  The reason?  "Aunt and Uncle are old and don't have that kind of money."  I suspect it's more than likely because of my ranking (I'm the family matriarch) and not because of my age.

Ciambella wrote:

SteinNebraska wrote:

If I go out with extended family, foreigner pays.

We're very fortunate that after hundreds of outings, we're still exempted from paying when we go out with the family.  They pay every time including our anniversary.  The only exceptions are our birthday parties -- although last year, they treated us to pre- and post party meals/drinks.

During my siblings' 3-week visit from the States last year, everyone (hosts and visitors) took turn to pay.  Still, my husband and I were exempted.  The reason?  "Aunt and Uncle are old and don't have that kind of money."  I suspect it's more than likely because of my ranking (I'm the family matriarch) and not because of my age.

It doesn't count as "going out", but don't forget the great pizza party you hosted with your "stimulus" check... 😉

OceanBeach92107 wrote:

It doesn't count as "going out", but don't forget the great pizza party you hosted with your "stimulus" check... 😉

We went out to eat with the family all the times.  My nephew has always paid.

The only good thing Covid brought to us was that pizza party.

Ciambella wrote:

OceanBeach92107 wrote:

It doesn't count as "going out", but don't forget the great pizza party you hosted with your "stimulus" check... 😉

We went out to eat with the family all the times.  My nephew has always paid.

The only good thing Covid brought to us was that pizza party.

I like to pay for our meal because I am Older Brother 😉

Take care of Younger Sister...

Funny, I always feel the need to visit the toilet just as the bill comes.

goodolboy wrote:

Finny, I always feel the need to visit the toilet just as the bill comes.

I have mates like that in Australia, happens when it's their shout for a round of drinks.

colinoscapee wrote:

goodolboy wrote:

Finny, I always feel the need to visit the toilet just as the bill comes.

I have mates like that in Australia, happens when it's their shout for a round of drinks.

Yea, I can relate to that too, strange that really, never quite figure it out why my bladder reacts like that.

goodolboy wrote:

colinoscapee wrote:

goodolboy wrote:

Finny, I always feel the need to visit the toilet just as the bill comes.

I have mates like that in Australia, happens when it's their shout for a round of drinks.

Yea, I can relate to that too, strange that really, never quite figure it out why my bladder reacts like that.

The whole just going to the loo skill is an art learnt over the years. Bit like the one where you're entering a bar and someone rushes to open the door first, hold it open and so be the last one in... thereby avoiding gertings the drinks in

goodolboy wrote:

colinoscapee wrote:

goodolboy wrote:

Finny, I always feel the need to visit the toilet just as the bill comes.

I have mates like that in Australia, happens when it's their shout for a round of drinks.

Yea, I can relate to that too, strange that really, never quite figure it out why my bladder reacts like that.

Sometimes do you look at your iPhone and finding something serious messages when the bill comes??

@jalgarbutt I agree with your assessment that when you invite people to lunch, dinner, or to drinks, expect to pay the bills. This unwritten rule is very strong and expected often in most honor-shame cultures, including Vietnam.

Emotions and money are tied together. Emotions are rooted in your gut and they sit in your heart.

It's easier to feel a bowl movement, faster heart rate, or some other emotions (mad, sad, glad, afraid) when someone or the bills touch the string that ties your money to your heart and gut.

No wonder some people go to bathroom, fight, argue, get glumpy, just walk away when it's time to pay the bills.

I didn't think the idea that whoever invites pays was limited to honor-shame cultures.  I always thought it was a universal unwritten rule in the West as well.  Maybe not.    Maybe having spent most of my life in Hawaii in a sort of hybrid culture has given me a different perspective. 

Libhero wrote:

@jalgarbutt I agree with your assessment that when you invite people to lunch, dinner, or to drinks, expect to pay the bills. This unwritten rule is very strong and expected often in most honor-shame cultures, including Vietnam.