Nature of Turkish guy

@marktmorgan Thank you for your optimism. Yes, he's not the problem, it's the Turkish culture. I'm just not accustomed to it. It's very different than what I'm used to with American men. So now I have some questions for you. I hope you can answer them. Or at the least, point me in the right direction.

1. We started out as friends. Over these 9 months our relationship has become stronger. When we started out our relationship was more of a 50/50. He would give me a gift so I would give him a gift or I would do him a favor and then he would do me a favor and we both were happy with that arrangement. But now our relationship has changed. He has given me 2 expensive gifts. Beautiful and breathtaking. I then gave him a gift but he seemed uncomfortable and kind of unhappy. And then he ended up giving me yet another gift. Am I reading him wrong? Or at some point in this Courtship am I supposed to stop giving him gifts? And he doesn't want me to do anything for him anymore.  He doesn't want me to help him with his laundry or his dishes. He says it's "HIS JOB". He seems to enjoy doing things for me and giving me gifts and I do admit that I LOVE the attention. He doesn't refuse me anything.  I've NEVER been treated like this before. But I don't feel like an active participant in this relationship and it feels a little lopsided. Is this the way they do it in Turkey? I don't know what the Turkish dating customs are.

Ok, firstly I am not Turkish, my parents are native South Americans and I was born and raised in London.

But, I have always preferred to give gifts than receive them, with my last partner it was a couple of Hermes bracelets, a Gucci bag, a bottle of vintage Bollinger a Liberty advent calendar and front row tickets to see Pretty Woman the musical with champagne at the interval and a 5 star hotel.

But crucially, I don't expect anything back whatsoever. I like to give to the one I love. 😀

Was he disappointed with the value of your gift or that you felt the need to reciprocate?

Personally I think that washing up together is more fun!!

Do American guys really not have a romantic bone in their bodies? 😞

So don't make it a competition just cook him a lovely meal and accept graciously...easy for me as I am a Cordon Bleu trained chef 😇

If he's not happy with that IMO then he's a control freak.

@marktmorgan Cooking something for him is a great idea. Thanks for the suggestion. I appreciate it.

Lol, I was married to an American for 12yrs, her idea of cooking was shall we say an 'acquired taste' 😆

Good luck!!

"I might be a bit late to write a comment, I am a 27-year-old Turkish man. It surprised me to see some people on the internet 'liking' individuals from our country, and in the comments, I often came across stories of deception/abandonment or sudden marriage proposals. Our people can be very good and very bad (unfortunately, there is no balance between goodness and badness). I would like to write about things you should pay attention to:

Things you may encounter in bad people:

Excessive jealousy: As a society, we are a jealous nation and we like to experience emotions very intensely. However, I'm not just talking about men who are jealous because your clothes are too sexy; there are types who will lock you at home and not let you meet anyone. Stay away from these people.

Arrogance: Culturally, we have always been taught to be polite, respectful, and courteous elsewhere (foreign lands). However, please note that we are a very multicultural country/people, and the family structure and culture of every person in Turkey are not the same. If someone is not behaving respectfully to you and your surroundings (especially if they don't make comments like 'thank you' or 'well done' to the waiter when you go out to eat), this person may have been raised in a different culture. Be careful.

Are you in a serious relationship?: In our culture, there is no concept of dating for a long time. The longest period is 4-5 months (it can be a year if people love each other very much and relax). If he doesn't introduce you to a family member or one of his closest friends during this time, he probably likes your bedroom performance or is using you (to obtain citizenship or for other purposes). Pay attention.

Apart from what I mentioned, our people are generally good. I am still surprised; some people appreciate our beauty (inner and outer beauty). I am a bit happy about that. And yes, we are a nation very open to love; we can easily risk our lives for the person we love. I hope you meet someone who makes you happy. Greetings from Turkey <3"

I accidentally wrote the message twice because our country's internet is very good. Sorry :')

@Akin Dülger I find Turkish people men and women to be very nice, friendly, approachable and kind.  Love Türkiye and the people😍

@Akin Dülger Thank you so much for your reply. I really appreciate it. Your words are very helpful. You help me to better understand my situation.

I am relieved because he has introduced me to his 9 year old twins and a close friend of his and his friends wife. And he has shown me to his sister during a video call they were having. I wasn't supposed to notice but I did.

He's already a citizen so it's not that. And we haven't had many bedroom encounters. He seems intent on cultivating the emotional aspect of our relationship instead of the physical. Which I appreciate.

But we run into trouble because I was born and raised in America. I am accustomed to going after something when I want it and getting it. I've never been shy about men. Shyness never made sense. If a woman is interested in a man she shows him and then does what she can to get him. But if I understand correctly in Turkey it is the man who goes after the woman.  He's like an exotic bird doing some kind of mating ritual. It's an amazing display to see. He will strike poses he thinks I will find sexy, and I do. He does things around the house for me all the time but is more likely to be happy about the task if it is a big job and requires physical strength. He's a large man and he likes to show me how strong his is. He also likes to show me his intelligence by solving the problems of daily living. He loves showing off for me in many ways and I like it too. He reminds me of a peacock. Fanning out his beautiful feathers and strutting around. Attracting the females. When I first met him he had a long list of women that he would talk about and visit. Now, he works and comes home. We live in the same building and our rooms are across the hall from each other. I know when he comes and goes and every time I knock on his door to borrow something or speak with him about something he is alone.

He's definitely in control of this relationship. It's his decision if he wants to spend time with me. If he wants to talk to me about something. He decides if he's interested in what I have to say. Sometimes he wants to talk and I just listen.  He decides if he wants my help with something or not. And if I get too aggressive and try to push something that I want he cools off. He pulls away. Sometimes for a couple days sometimes a couple weeks. The first time this happened I thought our relationship was over. But now I realize that this cooling off allows him to reestablish his control in the relationship. It's taken me a long time to figure this out on my own. 

And patience is another thing I am learning. I have NEVER been a patient person. Never saw the need for it in my life. I have never waited for anyone in my life. I would have moved on. But for him I wait.

We seem to be really in tune with each other. There's so much feeling that emenates from him. He knows things about me that I haven't told him. We went on an errand together one day. We crossed a bridge. Mostly I'm ok with bridges but occassionally I get anxious. On this day I was anxious but I didn't say anything.  He knows I don't like elevators but I never told him about the bridge thing. We completed our errand and on the way back he didn't take the bridge. This is just one example. The longer I know him the more this happens.

I have to say this is THE MOST deep, complex, meaningful and satifying relationship I have experienced in 54 years of life. It saddens me sometimes that it took me so long to find him. I wish I had more time.

@azmarina91I'm really glad to see you happy. Sometimes, I don't come across very good news about my country, and our president (it may sound strange) doesn't seem to like Turkish people much. Because of this, Turkish people go through very challenging mental processes (for example, there are people who mistakenly think of us as Middle Eastern Arabs ). Feeling understood is a beautiful thing; I hope you have a wonderful life with the person you love!

@Akin Dülger don't feel too bad, here in America our president doesn't like us too much either. We get to vote for a new president next year. Maybe that will change.

Thank you very much for your kind words. Murat talks about going back to Turkey in a couple years to visit his family. I hope I am fortunate enough to accompany him on this trip. I am eager to see Ankara and experience the hospitality of the people. I have heard and read some very complimentary things.

I am 54 black African woman dating a Turkish man 59, a widower. We met online a 2nd month now. In a very short time after our video calls and messages he expressed an intention for a serious relationship. He called me his wife and given me his surname. He insisted that he should see me everyday in video and I should let him know where I am. I am not used to this but I am trying to let him know my movements. It is Tough. Is this love or Jealous and protection and we have not even meet physically. He introduced his business to me and he always inform me of his business trips to other cities in Turkey. The problem is language (he knows very little English) so he tasked me to start learning Turkish and I will serious do it starting December 2023. It is real frustrating as we video call for just a hi and a few words like How are you and I love you. He can write greetings in the morning and goodnight and a few in the afternoon but with a lot of flowers, kisses etc. His Children are grownup, two married and one engaged. I asked him about the culture, my colour and religion of which he is comfortable. His parents are deceased and has 4 siblings. He has not introduced me in video to any of his friends or family.  But he greats my friends in video. He has confirmed to come visit me in Africa for one months early 2024. 

However, there was a moment suddenly for a week  we did not communicate. I dropped a late Good morning message (he usually does first every day between 6 and 7 a.m but that day he didn't) so he didn't answer. I was hurt and stopped any further contacting. After 3 days he dropped  me good morning and good night messages but I didn't  respond he kept on contacting each morning and evening but it was like I wanted him to tell me the reasons why he stopped communicating. So I dropped him a message to end the relationship!!.  He quickly responded that he loves me very much but there was no a reason to date why he was stacked. We are now going well and I asked him again if he still into his plan for the visit. He confirmed that the plan is fixed and I should plan my leave so that we can be together for a month.

I have read a lot in the internet about Turkish men and their culture especially marrying black race. Please help me if this relationship will take me to Marriage. It is real emotionally affecting me as I love him.

I am 54 black African woman dating a Turkish man 59, a widower. We met online a 2nd month now. In a very short time after our video calls and messages he expressed an intention for a serious relationship. He called me his wife and given me his surname. He insisted that he should see me everyday in video and I should let him know where I am. I am not used to this but I am trying to let him know my movements. It is Tough. Is this love or Jealous and protection and we have not even meet physically. He introduced his business to me and he always inform me of his business trips to other cities in Turkey. The problem is language (he knows very little English) so he tasked me to start learning Turkish and I will serious do it starting December 2023. It is real frustrating as we video call for just a hi and a few words like How are you and I love you. He can write greetings in the morning and goodnight and a few in the afternoon but with a lot of flowers, kisses etc. His Children are grownup, two married and one engaged. I asked him about the culture, my colour and religion of which he is comfortable. His parents are deceased and has 4 siblings. He has not introduced me in video to any of his friends or family.  But he greats my friends in video. He has confirmed to come visit me in Africa for one months early 2024. 

However, there was a moment suddenly for a week  we did not communicate. I dropped a late Good morning message (he usually does first every day between 6 and 7 a.m but that day he didn't) so he didn't answer. I was hurt and stopped any further contacting. After 3 days he dropped  me good morning and good night messages but I didn't  respond he kept on contacting each morning and evening but it was like I wanted him to tell me the reasons why he stopped communicating. So I dropped him a message to end the relationship!!.  He quickly responded that he loves me very much but there was no a reason to date why he was stacked. We are now going well and I asked him again if he still into his plan for the visit. He confirmed that the plan is fixed and I should plan my leave so that we can be together for a month.

I have read a lot in the internet about Turkish men and their culture especially marrying black race. Please help me if this relationship will take me to Marriage. It is real emotionally affecting me as I love him.

I am 54 black African woman dating a Turkish man 59, a widower. We met online a 2nd month now. In a very short time after our video calls and messages he expressed an intention for a serious relationship. He called me his wife and given me his surname. He insisted that he should see me everyday in video and I should let him know where I am. I am not used to this but I am trying to let him know my movements. It is Tough. Is this love or Jealous and protection and we have not even meet physically. He introduced his business to me and he always inform me of his business trips to other cities in Turkey. The problem is language (he knows very little English) so he tasked me to start learning Turkish and I will serious do it starting December 2023. It is real frustrating as we video call for just a hi and a few words like How are you and I love you. He can write greetings in the morning and goodnight and a few in the afternoon but with a lot of flowers, kisses etc. His Children are grownup, two married and one engaged. I asked him about the culture, my colour and religion of which he is comfortable. His parents are deceased and has 4 siblings. He has not introduced me in video to any of his friends or family.  But he greats my friends in video. He has confirmed to come visit me in Africa for one months early 2024. 

However, there was a moment suddenly for a week  we did not communicate. I dropped a late Good morning message (he usually does first every day between 6 and 7 a.m but that day he didn't) so he didn't answer. I was hurt and stopped any further contacting. After 3 days he dropped  me good morning and good night messages but I didn't  respond he kept on contacting each morning and evening but it was like I wanted him to tell me the reasons why he stopped communicating. So I dropped him a message to end the relationship!!.  He quickly responded that he loves me very much but there was no a reason to date why he was stacked. We are now going well and I asked him again if he still into his plan for the visit. He confirmed that the plan is fixed and I should plan my leave so that we can be together for a month.

I have read a lot in the internet about Turkish men and their culture especially marrying black race. Please help me if this relationship will take me to Marriage. It is real emotionally affecting me as I love him.

@loraintz Learning Turkish is probably the best thing to do to improve and maintain a long distance relationship. I am lucky that my man already knows a fair amount of English though I am currently taking Turkish lessons as well to better understand him.

I have done a lot of searches on Google about dating Turkish men, about what Turkish men are interested in, in a relationship. All the articles I've found have been very helpful and I recommend doing the same.

For me and my Murat, it's not so much what we say to each other but the things we DO for each other and how we FEEL toward each other.

I think that when you finally meet your Turkish gentleman and are able to establish some sort of physical connection, even if your just holding hands, I think this will help establish more of an emotional connection as well. And that emotional connection will help you sort out what's going on in the relationship. It will help you to feel his true intentions toward you.

Murat likes making some decisions for me and I know with a certainty that he does so with my best interests at heart. At all times. Somehow, Turkish men have been taught to be responsible for women and to truly care for and nurture them.  I am constantly amazed by this. It is a lost art.

If you have any specific questions you'd like to ask, feel free. Though I don't know how much help I can be because our situations are very different. But I will try.

Best of luck to you.

@Irimnz, Thank you very much for your positive perspective about Turkish men. Sure, I have been searching a lot about Turkish  men and their culture. It is fine with me, like family oriented same with Africans. I have started learning some Turkish and I will do it comprehensively in December. I believe by the time he come visit ( April and  May 2024) I will be good in Turkish.

For sure when he comes it will determine the next stage or future of our relationship.   I have a lot to discuss with him when he comes as I don't know how soon he would like to Marry ( hoping for this) as I am an employee. This is critical.

Have you relocated to Turkey for your Murat? If not, have you been in Turkey for a long time? If yes, how do you perceive marriage between  a Turkish and black woman/race. I searched but I can't get a lot of information.

@loraintz

Irimnz, Thank you very much for your positive perspective about Turkish men. Sure, I have been searching a lot about Turkish  men and their culture. It is fine with me, like family oriented same with Africans. I have started learning some Turkish and I will do it comprehensively in December. I believe by the time he come visit ( April and  May 2024) I will be good in Turkish.

For sure when he comes it will determine the next stage or future of our relationship.   I have a lot to discuss with him when he comes as I don't know how soon he would like to Marry ( hoping for this) as I am an employee. This is critical.

Have you relocated to Turkey for your Murat? If not, have you been in Turkey for a long time? If yes, how do you perceive marriage between  a Turkish and black woman/race. I searched but I can't get a lot of information.

@loraintz I have not been to Turkey yet though there are plans. Murat moved to the United States 7 years ago and became a citizen. We live in the same building. I am very lucky. We live across the hall from each other and even that feels too far away. When Murat retires he plans to split his time between Turkey and the U.S. I can't wait to go. I want to meet his family and friends and see his homeland.

Oh, I just remembered. I'm also watching some Turkish television on YouTube. It helps me learn the language but also familiarizes me with Turkish customs. It's actually been very educational. You might look into that too. 

@Akin Dülger

Thank you so much. I needed this precious information badly at this time I am dating a Turkish man. We truly love each other though we have not met. I pray the same feelings rule us when we meet in a about 4 months to come. 

@lrimnz

Good of you. Thank you for the advice. I will do. Turkish is a must learn. This is the only way I can speak to my man I love.

@Kate1818

hey i met a turkish man 2 months on a night out he stays im my town in scotland and we see each other 1 night of the week he is a very busy guy running a shopping centre and another business, he also has these friends that he calls brothers and he seems always busy with them when im with him he is so respectful and does everything for me i just feel he is very controlled by these friends or brothers he calls them they come first ive not met any of them yet is this normal?

Turkish guys often display warmth, hospitality, and a strong sense of family values. Rooted in a rich cultural tapestry, they appreciate traditions, enjoy diverse cuisine, and possess a zest for life. Known for their friendliness, Turkish men often prioritize genuine connections, creating a harmonious blend of modernity and traditional values in their personalities.

@honeylethreyes27You will know when he is done using you and starts dating younger woman right in front of your nose. So many I have met over the last 2 1/2 years living hereThey know they have power over the woman here. We are years away before women here cab start on the road to gaining the power and strenght they will need to hold a relationship together for a long period of time. Of course there are exceptions and I can only go by from what I have seen, but I definately would not want to be in the shoes of a Turkish woman. All I can say is protect yourself, and you can do that by having a way to support yourself so if he strays you can kick him to the curb.

@salem2cool The reason he does not want o go out in public is kind of obvious wouldn't you say. He is either married or has a serious relationship with another. Don't know your age difference but that could also be a reason. Guess who is going to be evebtually hurt. Get out before you get more emotionally attached. Best advice I can give you.

@mikealOne of the resons for the low (HAHA) divorce rate numbers are the women are scared they cannot take care of themselves and or their children to go to the step of demanding a divorce. I can only tell you this because in the last 2 1/2 years I have now lived here I would say at least half of the Turkish men I have met are charting on their wives, and are even open about it. Women here need to be come stronger and not put themselves in the situation of not being able to take care of themselves in the event of a cheating husband.

@N.maria

Hi Maria

i have been dating a turkish man for

3 months. is it normal for him not to introduce me to his friends when he sees them at any place. 

@meli12385

Think of five things you don't like about him. It has to be at least five different things. Write them down so that you can get clear on them and so you remember.

Next, write down three reasons it will never work out. Or three reasons that it will never be happy or any good.

Next, write down the first bad impression of him. Think about the first bad thing that you ever thought of him. What was the first ever bad impression that he ever gave you? 

Next, write down one final thing that you really hate about him. What's something you just can't stand about this person?

Keep this paper and read it whenever you start to develop feelings for him again. Keep it safe, and read it as many times as you need to.

After that, just take steps to separate yourself from him and start a new journey without him.

@florencechatadza01 A marriage to try, no way, marriage is gor life, both husband and wife (divorce is no option)

@salem2cool Just mention financials and see how quickly he backs off (marrying under UK (or Dutch) law might protect a bit (please make sure you made the right provisions). If he backs out, it is clear, if not, you could consider (perhaps).