When you are moving abroad for your career, your family will be those coming along. This typically puts them in a somewhat vulnerable position – as they are moving to a new location where nothing awaits them. And while the move may be a great thing for your career, the transition you will be making affects everyone.
Start with an honest conversation
Explain to your family the reasons behind the move, the benefits it may bring, your expectations for it, and potential difficulties. Do your best to answer any questions they may have —and address all of their concerns. Ask questions about what matters to them, their anticipations, and what you could do to make this transition easier.
Idea: Set up a family dinner where you discuss everything about the move with your loved ones. Tell them to come up with questions and do your best to answer them all – or brainstorm solutions if concerns are brought to your attention.
Include your family in the decisions you make – even if they seem minor
Do your best to include your family when discussing the move details, planning, and even minor decision-making. This will help them feel heard and as "part of a team". And when people feel that they are part of the decision-making process, they are also more likely to feel a sense of control and ownership over the situation rather than being passive participants swept along by a sequence of circumstances.
Idea: List all the concerns your family may have about the move and brainstorm solutions as a team.
Do your research together
Research is a big part of planning your relocation – and settling in later. It's also a great opportunity to uncover the fun in this transition. You can task each family member with an assignment that they may find interesting. Turning your relocation into a family project will help add a sense of adventure to what otherwise would probably be quite a stressful experience.
Idea: You could ask your kids to look into the theme parks they would like to visit in the area or fun restaurants they would like to eat at.
Give your children extra motivation
Children may need special care during the relocation process. They will need to leave behind the routines they are used to and the surroundings they are familiar with. The hardest part of the move may be saying goodbye to their friends, teachers, and childhood places that they hold dear.
Idea: A good way to help your children adjust to the new environment is by turning the experience into a game. Encourage your kids to learn words and phrases in the new language. Even knowing simple greetings can help them build new relationships faster and feel more "ready" for their new life. Learning new words can be a fun new competition in the family, with each of you racing to learn the most words by family dinner time – and the winner getting a metaphorical or real prize.
Find a support network
No matter how confident you may be in your ability to handle the move independently, having a reliable network of people to turn to in case you get overwhelmed can be invaluable. And, as unique as your experience may be, there is one lesson most expats learn sooner or later – we are all walking a path already treaded—and fellow-expats can be of great help as you and your family adjust to a new destination.
Seeking out a community in your new destination can be a significant step towards stability — whether it's an expat group or forum, international meetups, or inviting expat colleagues over for dinner.
Idea: When building your expat network, make sure to encourage your family members to develop their networks as well. Your children can make new acquaintances at school or college, and your spouse (if they are not currently working) could meet new people at the gym, hobby spots, parent groups, and more.
Encourage your family to explore
One of the best aspects of being abroad is that everything is new. There are countless things and locations to explore, which neither you nor your family should miss out on. Help your family see cultural immersion as an adventure. Shift the focus from what you are leaving behind to what you are gaining: new experiences, opportunities, people, and destinations.
Idea: Ask your family to help you plan your first trip or family day in your new destination. Encourage them to research interesting locations, turn to local expat forums for help, go for mini-exploration trips nearby, and more.
Lead by example
As the one initiating the move, you will also be the one setting the overall tone. When challenges come up, your family will look at your reaction first. This is when you need to stay calm and maintain a positive and open attitude. Do your best to approach your relocation and anything that comes with it the same way you want your family to approach it. Leading by example doesn't mean that you need to have all the answers or always be in a good mood. But do your best to be a stable emotional anchor for your family.
Idea: Whenever you run into challenges during your relocation, set up brainstorming sessions with your family and come up with solutions to your challenges together.
Stay connected with your home
Accepting new things is a big part of relocation. But so is keeping in touch with your life back home. Make sure your family members can easily reach loved ones back home and plan your trips home together. It's often important for new expats to know that home is just a call and plane ticket away.
Idea: If traveling back home often is problematic because of your work schedule, consider inviting family members from back home over for a visit. This can be a great way for your family to keep in touch. Plus, having relatives or friends visit you abroad can further motivate you and your loved ones to explore your new location.
But what if your family can't move with you?
The situation gets even more complicated when your family can not relocate with you. There may be several reasons why this could be the case. Maybe your kids are in school and can not stop their studies, or your partner may have a job they can not leave. Whatever the situation may be, relocating without your loved ones can be very tough. Justifying the relocation, as well as helping your family adapt to the new living situation, gets even more complicated. So, how do you make the transition easier for your family?
The best place to start would be the same as in our scenario above: have an honest conversation with your family about how the move will benefit you and why it's the right decision to make.
Next, hold a Q&A session where your loved ones can ask any questions they may have or raise any concerns. Take the time to look into all of them carefully. If any questions shed light on potential problems, set up brainstorming sessions to tackle them together with your family.
Plan how you will see each other while living apart. This could be about scheduling regular visits, negotiating extra trips back home with your company, checking with your kids' school for homeschooling options when they are abroad, etc.
Decide on the best way to communicate when you are away from each other. Maybe you will want to set up video call times—or maybe there is a chat app your family prefers to use. You may even want to use different means of communication at different times of day. Do your best to make communication effortless.
Encourage your family members to keep pursuing their goals and interests despite your unconventional living arrangement. Emphasize the fact that this is temporary, but it makes no sense for them to put their lives on hold. And when things get back to normal, all of you will be happier knowing that you have used this time wisely to develop your interests and goals.
Overall, helping your family adapt to a new life abroad is about support, motivation, and honesty. Even though you are the one initiating the move, at the end of the day, you are all in it together. Do your best to keep your loved ones involved in every decision, discuss challenges together, and brainstorm solutions. Relocation can be a great opportunity to bring you even closer to each other—and experience a remarkable adventure.
