Moving back home isn't as easy as it seems, especially if you've been away for a couple of years or more. People who repatriate are often likely to feel different – and even uncomfortable with many social aspects of their home country. Virginie, a French expat who had been living in Turkey, talks to Expat.com about the reverse culture shock she experienced when moving back to Paris, and gives out some tips on how to cope with it.
I've always believed that stepping into the Departure Terminal of Roissy Charles de Gaulle would be the biggest turning point of my life – making me feel disoriented. After spending several years in Istanbul, moving back to France proved to be a surprising experience – I had lost all my landmarks, and memories seemed outdated. I very soon felt lost, and I realised that I have to build up ties all over again. Everything was so unfamiliar, and this is perhaps what is often described by many as a reverse culture shock, making you feel like a foreigner in your own country.
Facing the unknown
The almost immediate shock for me was that of seeing my relatives after so long – some who had never left France, others who had already come back, and those who managed to come back to Paris for a short time before they head off again. With some, I had been in close touch while I was living in Turkey, but with many, we had to go through explaining what we had been up to for the past three years.
What's interesting about this process is that it also brings its share of surprises and readjustments! This is, for example, when you learn that a close friend of yours has quit everything to engage in the LGBT movement or politics. Many others have settled down, and choosing the right nursery has become a priority.
The more insidious changes – though they are more difficult to point out – are learning that some of your old friends have chosen different paths driven by new values and ambitions. Getting together with people you have known is a process through which you have to get to know (again) these people with a familiar face, and tactfully probe their opinions and vision of the world. This might be an uncomfortable path, but it's also a golden opportunity to let go of your first or old impressions, and to build new ties with people you had once been close to.
Facing reality
I felt some disconnection from the physical and social environment in Paris although old stones had preserved their stunning looks, and people still rushed along the busy Saint Martin Canal and pilled on line 13.
But for the rest, everything seemed so different and new. I could never believe that my city would ever feel so unfamiliar with all the new stores (how Tout-Paris changed into a Swedish vegan bistro in such a short time?), new fashion trends (summer in Paris can be chilly, but wearing tap-socks?). All these may seem like small details but in reality, require a certain adaptation period. Things had changed since I last lived in this country, and I had to accept it.
I also got back in touch with the French language, my mother tongue, but I never expected that speaking French could ever be challenging. I wasn't immediately able to figure out how much the language had evolved in the past few years with new expressions heard on the news and the streets. It will take me some time before getting used to spelling words in the new, simplified way, without feeling that I'm betraying my favourite authors Baudelaire and Mallarme.
Old habits die hard
I honestly cannot blame a dozen of neologisms or the local grocery store's change of ownership for the difficulties I'm experiencing with my new environment. Even if my city, culture, and friends seem unfamiliar, I cannot deny the fact that I've also changed – a lot more than I had believed.
When I moved to Turkey, I had to redefine myself according to my new surroundings – adapting to a new country, people, attitudes, cultures, and a different way of life probably shaped the new me which now finds it hard to find its bearings. All the little things such as the way of dressing up, the social interaction, and the concept of politeness are striking at first.
More profoundly, this is an evolution in ways of thinking that have been influenced and moulded by other linguistic and cognitive structures and a different collective subconscious. You have learned to think differently and, in my opinion, this is truly the root of reverse culture shock. Paris, as a whole, hasn't changed dramatically, but my vision of Paris has changed. Norms and customs I was used to now seem unfamiliar since I've learned and adapted to a new way of living and new customs abroad.
On a more positive note, this feeling of disorientation was only a small transition period, which is now fading away. I am already more comfortable in my city and environment. This reverse culture shock has brought me something priceless – it has increased my awareness of how all cultures and habits are related.
It's not difficult to see the world from a different point of view and to switch from one culture frame to another even if it requires a little bit of effort. We should not necessarily be dependent or be held captive by our cultural heritage like many are tempted to think. It can be quite refreshing to be able to have different opinions and adopt news habits that can change your life for the best.
