Separation from loved ones, especially family members, can lead to homesickness. Some expats find it so unbearable that they decide to return to their home country. Indeed, the distance can deter your plans, cause distress and lead to an urge to return. Returning expats have shared their expat blues with Expat.com.
Being an expat doesn't mean that you'll always be having the best time of your life. You might be excited about discovering new things in your host country, but this feeling is not going to be a permanent one. Sometimes, you will just miss home badly. Even if you got your luggage ready before your flight, you might have underestimated or ignored the emotional aspect of your move abroad. The bitterness of being kilometers away from your loved ones can feel like a heavy weight on your shoulders. It can strike you suddenly or after days, months, or years of living in your host country. Maybe you went through an unexpected event or had continuous thoughts about it, and the result is here; you are considering a return to your roots. It is slowly growing in your mind, and now you can barely ignore it.
Loneliness is not always family-related. Expats can start to feel melancholic when one or some of their expat friends decide to return or move to another country. Expats come and go, and it can be hard when your friendship with them already grew roots. It feels like you got close to someone only to wish them goodbye afterwards. In the end, you may feel like returning as well because nothing is keeping you there. At the end of the day, your family is the only one who will never give up on you.
Every expat has their very own story to tell, like in many other aspects of life. From one person to another, there are so many reasons to reconsider one's life abroad: aging parents, a severe illness, the birth of a nephew or niece, or simply the distance becoming more and more unbearable.
How homesickness made these expats return
Hannah has been an au pair in an Italian family for months. "I really wanted to see Europe, and I was so young. I knew a lot of girls in my hometown who had this experience at my age, and they were happy about it. So I made up my mind." She found an English-speaking family, and it looked so easy in the beginning. "Everything they proposed seemed awesome. I even spoke to the previous au pair, who was adorable. She explained it all to me. But when I first arrived, it was a shock to be alone with strangers (even if we had had several Skype calls). I felt sad and cried a lot, and I missed home." Although Hannah met new people thanks to American connections there, it was not enough. "The mum was hardly satisfied, but I think I was too young to face this situation. I thought she could be a second mother during my stay in Italy, but it wasn't the case." So Hannah made up her mind to return to the US as soon as possible. "I went home for the end-of-year holidays as discussed with the Italian family, but I never returned to Europe after that and never spoke to them again. They tried to get in touch with me several times. I was even contacted by the previous au pair with whom they were still close. Looking back, I'm not proud of myself, but I didn't feel like staying either and keep on deceiving this family. They were relying on me." In the end, Hannah concedes that expat life is not meant for her.
Mara also lived in Italy for a few years. "I initially moved to Italy to participate in an Erasmus Program, then I met someone and thought that life was pretty cool in Italy. Even if they were far away, my family had a special place in my heart, and I missed my parents and siblings a lot. I used to plan a trip back home as often as possible." But as the years passed, Italy was no longer such an amazing country to Hannah. "The heat was insane in summer, public transport was chaotic, and I wasn't able to find a permanent job. It was far from being the Dolce Vita." Then, a family member got ill, and Covid and lockdowns soon followed. Mara really started thinking of leaving Italy. "Not having my people close to me through hard times was quite depressing, so I decided to return home permanently. I cogitated a lot about this, as I had a boyfriend, and we were engaged, although our relationship wasn't the greatest of all. Finally, we decided to part ways (it was way too much for him to come with me abroad)". This is how Mara finally made up her mind to leave. "I'm very happy about my decision, and I've no regrets. I had a great time as an expat, but truly my life is here with my family. I don't think I can reconsider living abroad again., I bought a house; I have a nice job, and I have different life expectations now compared to 10 years ago."
Returning for a new beginning
Returning home to reunite with your loved ones occasionally does not mean never going back to your host country. Some expats were not ready the first time they experienced life abroad. Maybe they were too young, or it was not the right time. The reasons are many. Sometimes, expats are so excited about experiencing new adventures that they don't take enough time to reflect on the harsh separation that it implies. A lot of expats return home in the middle of their stay but decide to move to another country after a few years because they crave adventure. As an expat, learning how to manage homesickness is essential as it is part of the game.
