Relationships with Filipinas - Looking for opinions from other expats

Some wise words Nightfish but would/could disagree with age difference. My better half for 11 years is 31 + years my junior, me 63 him 31, 32 next month. No major dramas so far.

Ben my better half has a big family and sure we help them out from time to time but I set many ground rules in place when we first got together,,,,,, I am not an ATM nor ever will be.

I am an Atheist also and each to their own but the reality is 85 to 90% are god fearing souls in PH are good Christians that will take you down no different to other countries. Same as any relationship no matter country. Philippines, Australia or the US.

Cheers, Steve.

@fortnerbrian There a very many beautiful mature adult ladies 50 and above. Kids are all adults. I'm 63 and my fiancé is 53. Check out Leyte and find a province girl. I was there in Ormoc  June to August. I met her through her aunt the wife of my Navy buddy that I have known for over 40 years. Mountain girl!

@fortnerbrian There a very many beautiful mature adult ladies 50 and above. Kids are all adults. I'm 63 and my fiancé is 53. Check out Leyte and find a province girl. I was there in Ormoc June to August. I met her through her aunt the wife of my Navy buddy that I have known for over 40 years. Mountain girl!
-@prs948

True but with the greatest respect prs948 the OP prefers Sports cars to Saloons. The former drives better and is more responsive. 🤣

love cannot be found at a bar that condones payment for sex. and to that end please heed this advice: you can take girl out of the bar,but you cant take the bar out of the girl. 

at the end of the short-lived romance you think youre both enjoying, it is both your dignity and your wallet that is all dried up by the next morning.

Awh, come on - While I understand all the advice being given to Brian, I do feel that most of it would be more relevant to somebody who has never been to the Philippines or somebody who had not given the move much thought. I really do not think that is the case here. Brian admitted to us already that he made mistakes and I am sure he has learnt from them. He has the savings behind him and like he said will have a regular monthly income from his pension.

I am not sure Palawan1's recommendation about using a dating site is much better than using bar girls. Yes there will be some honest. loving girls on there but there will be a whole lot of girls messaging him with the intention of scamming him before he gets chance to set one foot back in the country. Also, some of these dating sites have fake profiles and the dating site sends out random messages to men just to keep them interested and to keep them paying the subscription fees.

I look at it like this - When I visit the Philippines it is for two reasons, to see my girl and to travel, see new places and enjoy a vacation. Also if I was dating in the UK, how much money would I be spending on taking my girl out for dinner, day trips, bowling, cinema and romantic breaks, maybe even foreign holidays.

I will say again, I think Brian has learnt his lesson regarding Bar Girls and that he has a sound plan, better than most. If he uses his common sense which I am sure he will and is prepared to walk away from any girl if he thinks a scam is in the offing, he will be fine.

@bigpearl

I'm sincerely happy the age difference and large family has worked out so well for you and yours.

But, for the OP, the exception doesn't disprove the rule, it only proves there are exceptions.

A 30+ age difference without the backbone to set familial boundaries in this place makes me shudder

Thanks for all the comments guys. 

I was almost in the same situation, eleven years ago. Then I met a girlfriend on Filipino cupid. I thaught it was a good one, but i must also take care for here children and brother, financily. She used all my money, so I stopped after 3 years. Then I found another one. She,s my caregiver. A widow with 4 working children. She,s taking good care for me and sure 99 % procent haver a foreighner for money. That,s no problem if you be honest to each other. So I can advised you to look on a dating side. Filipino or Internatinal cupid, Seek for the good one and try it for 3 month, without spending tooo much money, then you see the reaction. But you have to know: You can trust nobody. Succes.

@Guest6851

Dont mind some of the garbage you might read here. If you weed through everything there is some great insight.

I've seen my share of "bar girls", as I bartended part time for over 15 years in Canada and enjoyed myself to the fullest. They are all over the globe, not just here in the Philippines. That said, I did meet a beautiful honest and caring woman that I married years ago. Thankfully I was finally "maturing" and was tired of my previous life otherwise she probably would not have had anything to do with me.

I guess what I am trying to say is that there are some beautiful, honest, caring woman out there (especially here in the Philippines), you just have to find them, and it would be rare to find one in a bar.

Hi Brian,

I'm like you, top-school MBA, once an accountant (PW), visited the Philippines for 15 years before moving here. I feasted from the beauty buffet in Angeles, mostly bar girls. But they were all short-term relationships, one to several nights. And young. I'm 77 now.

Let me also mention that I had friends who oriented me to the situation with the bar girls here, and after numerous visits over 15 years, considered myself pretty knowledgeable in the wicked ways of (some of) the Filipinas I so admired/lusted after.

The one relationship I had here with a non-bar girl started about 10 years ago, but it wasn't exclusive--I'd be with her one night, the next night or two with a random girl (several, actually), next night with her and possibly another girl, etc. This went on over numerous visits. I met her family, had holiday dinners with them. She had two kids, abandoned husband, seemed cool but kept asking me for money after went back to LA. When I didn't send it, she would unfriend me--then a few months later, say hello and we were back in the dance. I gave her more money than the average random girl, but we're talking only a few thousands of pesos. Long story short, as I was thinking that her kids were about to move out and maybe she could be "the one," she became sufficiently demanding of money without providing services that I realized she was not my friend, I was her ATM. Mind you, I wasn't deluding myself that she was milking me, I just kept hoping it wasn't true until it became clear six months ago. Since I moved here three years ago, she got maybe 40K (some of which was for her kids' school, medical, etc. She thought like a bar girl, which was one reason I liked her.

The next experience I'll mention was that I ran into a girl I liked and had seen several times over several trips on my last trip here before moving here. We had a great time, and I said "you're my gf." I was sending her money from LA, not much--$50 or so here and there, more occasionally. But I made a lot before I retired, so even the red flags (e.g. needing cooking gas again two weeks later, electric bill due twice in a month). We moved in together, and she was the perfect gf for three months. But she asked for large sums (8,000-10,000 pesos) a couple times, and the third time I was suspicious. Then she tried to pull the hospital scam (unconscious, cousin says, give money). My friend helped me pull my head out of my a$$ on that one; she never came home to pick up her clothes and all her stuff. I found out later she had a boyfriend all along. I was of course very upset, I should know better than that. But the small head was in charge.

I highly recommend FilipinoCupid. I met a wonderful girl in Davao, and we were together for two years, up to a year before I moved here. She was a sweetheart, 35 (I was 70) with two beautiful daughters. But it didn't work out, nobody's fault. We're still friends. Of course I supported her during that time, $500/mo plus kids in International School. No more. Healthy relationship.

After a living her a couple of years, I had two girls living with me 5 days a week. They took care of me, and I had some variety on the days they were gone.

But I longed for a permanent relationship--and someone to take care of me through the inevitable decline. back on FilipinoCupid, looking for a college-educated woman 32-45. Met a few, talked to a few I decided not to meet. Then a woman contacted me, not at all what I was looking for. But there was just something about her, and I followed up.... I prefer 4'9", 35 kg., young. She's 5'3", 50 kg. and 52 years old with five grandchildren. But the physical is no longer important with her. Fate (God) put us together, we are truly soulmates. She was living in Cagayan de Oro, across the Philippines in Mindanao. She is a province girl--her first hot shower was in the hotel we stayed at, what's a microwave, etc. But she's smart. And she's a male chauvinist pig's dream. A previous poster mentioned the provincial values--she wants to do everything for me--fastens my sandals, washes the car, fantastic cook, everything. Although her English is very good, I don't understand everything she says, but we communicate well enough. And she won't let me give her money (although I am helping her parents financially--as expected).

Well, I seem to have gotten diarrhea of the keyboard. But my point is that no matter how much you think you are aware of what is happening, you can be with a woman who is not what she seems. The trick is, as I did, to minimize your losses. All I gave to these girls (which wasn't much), I could easily afford.

And keep looking. A fine woman is out there, waiting for a good man like you.

@roberttaymanph

Yes, i agree and you're right.

As i have said many a times before: "you can take the girl out of the bar, but not the bar out of the girl".

You get what you pay for, and for what you pay for right away, seldom lasts forever.

I would like to share some of the types of messages I have received when communicating with women from the Philippines via Facebook and my own personal thoughts on their meanings. Same would apply to dating sites.

1. I have/there is a problem - I am about to ask you for money
2. I have/there is a big problem - I am about to ask you for a large amount of money.
3. I have an investment opportunity for you - I am about to try scam you - send money to me, for me.
4. Are you alone - Is there anybody with you who will alert you to my scam.
5. Age is just a number - Young or old, I do not care who I try to scam.
6. What is your job - I am trying to work out how much cash I can scam you for.
7. I come from a big family - I need lots of cash.

Just a few of the warning signs for me.

@Cherryann01

I would completely agree with you on many of these. most often than not, they are all a warning sign to stay away.

Also i suggest to start some conversations on things such as interests or what keeps them busy every day. how they reply gives a lot of insight of their willingness to actually get to know you and have some sort of actual conversation, not just a "yes, send me money, me love you long time"  sort of exchange..

I would like to share some of the types of messages I have received when communicating with women from the Philippines via Facebook and my own personal thoughts on their meanings. Same would apply to dating sites.

I have/there is a problem - I am about to ask you for money
I have/there is a big problem - I am about to ask you for a large amount of money.
I have an investment opportunity for you - I am about to try scam you - send money to me, for me.
Are you alone - Is there anybody with you who will alert you to my scam.
Age is just a number - Young or old, I do not care who I try to scam.
What is your job - I am trying to work out how much cash I can scam you for.
I come from a big family - I need lots of cash.


Just a few of the warning signs for me.
-@Cherryann01

Yes I think you've more or less covered all bases there Cherryann. Don't forget her 'College Studies'

I actually met my wife right here ... avoid "dating" sites unless you are a red flag expert.

I met my better half on a gay dating site after much vetting and 12 years on, still together. Here or there matters little as long as you are both happy and content.

Cheers, Steve.

I met my better half on a gay dating site after much vetting and 12 years on, still together. Here or there matters little as long as you are both happy and content.
Cheers, Steve.
-@bigpearl

Good on you, very  pleased to hear that things have worked out well for you. Others may not be so lucky.

Hi

You say Cebu, if traveling there include Badian.

I have stopped there many times very nice place.

@Guest6851 go with your gut DO NOT marry don't sell your home (burning bridges come to mind) many have fallen, just in case you ever come back, like a few that had nothing to come back to

best get a little place condo be best more secure as for the girls you wont have a problem I go to Philippines ever year I even lived there for 12 months love it there

if you do marry be careful if you think about it they marry so you can support there family and that is expensive. I married a phil woman who was and still is working in my home country its a completely different scenario

live there love it but always have options 

best of luck   

@Guest6851 Dude it's not that dating a Filipina is the problem.  The problem is you picked bar girls which have one goal in mind which is to extract money.  In American they're called gold diggers.  That's just the way it is.  Don't try to make a 304 into a housewife.  Next it sounds like you fall fast and hard which are two deadly combinations.  Date many girls so that you will be able to identify what it is that you really want.  We all want the box and they all want the banana but you must get beyond that to have a successful relationship.  Personally, I'd never marry again but that's just me.  I believe it's much easier to get into a relationship than to get out of one especially if you've tied the knot or you moved her into your place.  Another thought: with all the beautiful women that want a piece of you why would you just settle for one?  Next are you going to be able to just settle for one.  As soon as you get locked down the beauties are going to come falling from the skies and all you can do is say wow that one would be nice/fun or whatever adjective you want to place there.  Last and not least, your track record is horrendous.  You have two broken marriages and two broken supposed serious girl friends without one success.  You need to think about this seriously as you could end up on the streets with nothing.

To be clear, the same rules apply for all those poor countries in sea: look for a good friend for short company, help, suggestions. Never look beyond that. Never pay lunch / dinner for both, no gift of any form and nature. Not even a single 1$ beer.Do you need a "fun night" so much? You cannot control it anymore? bargirls will be there for you. A brief (as brief as possible) companionship. No "long time" why risk being robbed? The rest of the month you are free to join the beach, a forest, swim, explore the marvels of such an awesome country. Time will pass, time to renew the visa. Rinse repeat. If you are able to remove completely the partner\wife from the equation you will discover how much fun you will have, all your money are safe, more fun will wait for you. All of sea (phil in particular) girls will want from you is drain your account. A walking atm. No if, no buts. You may meet a well educated christian mid class girl (as some suggested) , thinking "hey she doesn't need my money, right?" She does, and she will ask for it. Today or tomorrow, that "urgent problem" call will pop. It's cultural, you will never escape from this. If she doesn't , it's an even bigger red flag. She simply figured out you are "hard to scam" so she will simply work on the long con. Until that monday when you wake up and your saving account has 0$. True, some "claim" they found an "amazing great wife". If you dig a bit you will discover they too are "supporting her\her family". Now i ask you: were you planning to waste your hard earned money on a random asian girl? Trust me, the scams you experienced with those bargirls were just a good sign for you to learn this lesson. Call yourself lucky your loss was minimal and you are still able to pay your rent. Tresure it.