Colombian "Family"

@Jack.Sparrow5 Great observation and question! I will try to provide a succinct answer, while doing my UTMOST BEST to keep my so-called "negativity" in check 😅

1.

Colombian culture is very family-oriented. Also, for most young women who date/pursue foreigners, the POINT of their lives is to provide for their family, child, or BOTH. That is always #1 priority. Not being a good girlfriend or partner, not building a future with us, not being monogamous, NONE of that stuff. It's all about bringing in more money to take care of her family (and, in many cases, fund her Social Media lifestyle). One can almost never find a Colombiana under age 35 (or even 40) who is genuinely interested in us as PEOPLE. Without money to throw at them - and lots of it (the hotter the woman, the more money she demands/expects) - without money, to them we're basically invisible. At best, nuisances.

2.

Colombian people have closed social circles, but if we're "good enough" (translation: give the woman enough money and gifts, showing off your wealth - real or perceived), they'll very soon introduce us to their families. Whether or not we're actually ready for that. However: They aren't introducing us as "The man I am dating seriously, the man with whom I might have a family and build a future". No. They are introducing us as, "The walking ATM, the primary cash source who is the reason I am gone for long periods sometimes instead of being home taking care of my parents and/or child". Bonus: If you're a tall white man, there's also the sense of "pride" that they're showing off their WHITE person, not a moreno or negro person (remember, it's a deeply classist, colorist, and therefore inadvertently racist country).

PS: This is worth repeating: I am not trying to be "negative". These are just "facts on the ground" from my obviously but unintentionally biased perspective and research. However, many Colombians - the few willing to talk about this stuff candidly - can confirm everything I wrote. Think "narco culture".

Anyway, lemme provide some context:

• My sample Size: approximately 25 women, 2 of whom I had long-form, genuinely intimate situations and conversations with.
• My sample Location: Almost entirely in Barranquilla (north coast), with a few women being in Cartagena and Medellin, and 1 young woman in Cali.
• My sample Time: over 17 months

Of course, one most take all of this info with a grain of salt, but DO think about it when interacting with her. Maybe ask her some questions (but not directly, they know how to emotionally manipulate men and tell us what they THINK we want to hear). Find a "sly" way to tease the truth out of her. I am quite confident that your results will align with my research.

Good luck! Maybe keep us posted as to how things progress with her.

Chinedu's observations are pretty much on the money.

But...the family is the central unit for most gente de bien . If that's not the case you may be hanging out with women who are not going to be good wife material.

Especially in the past, perhaps not as much now, families were large and include cousins, nephews, aunts and uncles, and they get together as a group for everything, along with close friends they can trust - because it's not easy to trust just anyone, "no dar papaya" is the operative phrase.  Foreigners are suspect because many are seen as transitory people who can take advantage of you and then just vanish...

If it's the money that matters most that's a sure sign that you are barking up the wrong tree.  It's the heart that matters most to the ones worth pursuing, and they do not take falseness or betrayal lightly.  They can get that anytime from so many Colombian men...

@Jack.Sparrow5

One girlfriend of the woman you are meeting is okay the first time  because they are more scared of you than you are ( or should be) of them

After that its just taking advantage of the " rich" gringo giving away " freebies"..

Colombia is good for having fun, not for serious relationships...espescially for old geezers looking for younger women

I agree with Chin except the statement " the hotter a woman is the more demanding she is".

They all or mostly think the.are hot, narcisists , always taking selfies..even the 3s and 4s..expect the Kim Kardasian treatment.

All thiink they can be " fans only" stars. Venecos the same.

And they.are probably right, with AI ,foto shop and all the desperate Incels in NA and Europe ( and even in Latín America and world wide), I bet even I could make a killing at it.

I am sure there is truth in the notion that it's all about the money for Colombian women.  But there is a misguided perspective in these observations.  Intimacy is about understanding what it closest to a person's heart and life.  For many Colombians (male and female) that still is family.  If the concept is that a young, attractive Colombiana should be happy to leave her family so as to be "intimate"  (which I assume refers to sex and adjusting to his life) with a foreign man, I have trouble seeing what is wrong with that Colombiana's perspective.  A Colombiana who brings her family into the picture is being intimate.

The OP has posted this before, or something similar....  not sure if on this forum or another.

@jstrain We agree 100%. That's what I would expect... introducing the man to their family, that's intimate and wonderful and great!

What I was talking about wasn't necessarily the introduction itself, but the REASON for the introduction: the man is the ATM, and she wants to show the family her new ATM.

After all, if the woman was financially self-sufficient, she likely wouldn't be dating a foreigner, and especially not a middle-aged, non-wealthy, average-looking foreigner.

At the end of the day, for them it's all about money 🤷🏾‍♀️

So, given all of the above, it sounds like Colombia is not the place for a foreign man to find a genuine long term relationship. I have heard that it is the same walking foreign ATM view in Brazil, Venezuela, Philippines, Thailand.  I guess if you are going to go there, expect to be used as an ATM, then get out when you are done?

    So, given all of the above, it sounds like Colombia is not the place for a foreign man to find a genuine long term relationship. I have heard that it is the same walking foreign ATM view in Brazil, Venezuela, Philippines, Thailand.  I guess if you are going to go there, expect to be used as an ATM, then get out when you are done?        -@where2go

Exactly, that would be the most pragmatic and realistic expectation.

Now, because there are no absolutes when talking about human behavior, there MIGHT be a chance of meeting a genuine woman who wants a genuine relationship with us... I've seen it a few times here in Colombia... however it is ALWAYS been a woman aged 55+ and in pretty bad shape (never exercised in her life, has health issues). So, if a man is willing to deal with that, then more power to him ("Love Is Love")!

That being said... the one exception I heard of, was a young lady (late-20s) from a tiny pueblo outside of Medellin (I forgot the name of the town).. she was from a good family, and comported herself accordingly, She tended to their family corners shop in her semi-rural community, she wasn't on social media, didn't take sexually suggestive pictures, and didn't aspire to be a "narco chica". The dude was like 17 years older than her, a white man from Europe, who lived there in that same pueblito doing some volunteer work and teaching languages online, and he spoke FLUENT SPANISH, with the local dialect too (amazing!).  Apparently after knowing her and her family for a while, they got married and had a kid, and are still together to this day living more financially stable (but still humble) life together. This happened like approximately 10 years ago (again, I heard this story 2nd-hand from a fellow tutor who lives in Medellin).

So anyway... the genuine successes are SUPER-RARE (even rarer than Vibranium... a fictional metal, mind you 😆), but... when one DOES hear about these edge cases, it truly warms the heart, and helps remind us that - despite being surrounded by awfulness and LDFG - some Good People STILL exist... even in Colombia 👍🏾

some Good People STILL exist... even in Colombia 👍🏾

With all due respect, your tone comes across as scornful, despectivo, and it only shows how little you know of Colombia and its people.

ChineduOpara took the words out of my mouth, could not be more precise and accurate especially his first response, word for word spot on.

Know that I love my life here in Colombia and would not have it any other way.

I have a handful of authentic Colombian male friends from Medellin, Bogota and Barranquilla (age range from 30 to 55 yo) with whom over the years speak from their heart, UN-filtered about the dating/family culture and the bottom line is that us foreigners face almost insurmountable odds with finding a woman who will bring any "true value" into a marriage/serious relationship.

Especially so for myself, 6'-7" blonde haired green eyed California surfer guy, there is no way I can escape this so I live solo in my apartment, my man-cave, and have created a life that I could have never imagined.

I have 34 years of travel in Colombia (initial 4 month stay in Bogota 1990) and now have almost 15 years in Medellin, full time, still constantly exploring every region, making friends and have had a few very serious gf over the years, some lasting a few months to one lasting over 5 years, so have experience with women from about every region (Paisa, Costena, Choco, Cali and Rolas).

Have seen it all and have earned the hard way some scars about the culture/family here especially how it relates to the cultural views about us gringos.

I meet available women every day when I am out and about, I could strike up a conversation with 10 different women in a few hours out and about, on the metro or in a restaurant or shopping at EXITO, get their numbers and have some conversations even some dates............I have given up with finding a Colombian woman for a long term relationship, again my physical appearance is a handicap here, I look like a German walking ATM. No thank you.

Just my real take but based on 34 years of travel and many gf from all regions here in Colombia.

It is what it is and BTW, I love Colombia, what I can and do experience here in one week of travel and everyday life takes 10 years back home in the US.

This being said I am open to a serious relationship but because of what I have laid out in the above I do not look for it, have given up, but this is not to say that I am opposed to it, if it happens ok but if not I carry on.

@ChineduOpara I know a few nice women in their 40s who are not too materialistic or at least will take " no"  for answer, without manipulación

And in relativel  good shape. One bikes a lot.

The issue for me is..too boring.no " chemistry"

I am in A long term relationship now With a Venezolana..kind of fell in during the lonely isolation period during the Covid  and am now emotionally attached after being together 4 years.

If I.would start all over at my age,  I would only be interested in amigas , amigas con derechos and prepagos, nothing serious.

Of course I say that, but then I always manage to.fall into these dysfunctional relationships my whole life.

The saying " nice guys finish last is true" . The users can spot un hombre " con bien Corazon" an empathetic person miles away.

The saying women " hit the.wall" age wise us also true still in Latín América.

They hit 35 or 40 at the latest , their looks, child bearing potential fades, the barrio boys lose interest in them, and their attitudes change radically. Tired of the young guapo bad boys abusing them. They are definitely open to an older foreigner to settle down with and would be a lot easier to put a stop on the manipulation, allttough this could crop up again due to familiar pressure.

@OsageArcher and when were you here last Osage?

I am asking with all due respect.

I agree Chin is a bit too negative and plays the victim too.much, but a lot of what he says is truthfull.

I first finally got to Colombia in 1996, but was first exposed to latin culture as a child living in Ecuador 1959-61.  I married a colombiana in 2000 and we are still married.  I try to visit every year although I don't always make it.

I personally know and am friends with over 100 Colombians, most of them through my wife's large extended family - she is one of 9 siblings.  I am in contact with the family and others daily, through the miracle of modern technology and although I do not claim to understand everthing about Colombia, I understand quite a lot.

They (my wife's extended family and friends) are all honest, hard-working people of integrity in spite of the difficulties and challenges they face in their daily and national lives.  As you may realize it takes only one or two "bad apples" out of every 100 people, to ruin it for the rest - and unfortunately Colombia has more than 1 or 2 per 100.  It is in so many ways a dysfunctional country.

I would suggest that many gringos, especially if they are not "plugged in" to the culture and do not speak fluent Spanish, often meet those 1 or 2 hampones and attract them much more than they get to see, understand and live with, living the same lives as, the gente de bien.  Often the gringos can't seem to tell the difference and they fall in with suspect people, bad company.  And some do it on purpose, especially those who come for the sex trade and expect their dreams to be realized...

I don't know if you know how much those people are looked down upon by average Colombians making 4 million a month, if they are lucky to even make that much.