Marrying a moroccan woman

dags wrote:

06 September 2014 12:06:42
Re: Getting married with a Moroccan Girl . what should you do ?!
Re certificate of no impediment.
I am in a bit of a problem.  I was intending to get married to my Fiancee in November.  The problem is the uk and British embassy will not issue me with a certificate of no impediment.  I can not get one from the zimbabwe as at the moment I am stateless.  It would have been ideal to get married in Morocco.  The alternative I have now is bring my fiancee to uk on a fiancee visa. 
Is there any way I can do without the certificate of no impediment.
Secondly how do I prove I am a Muslim.  My birth certificate does not show ones religion.
REPLY

I just hope that you're aware, many moroccans marry for the sole intention of obtaining a visa to Europe. Please do not rush and marry a moroccan. You can do a google search 'moroccan marriage scam' and see for yourself. Take your time. Be wise.

Thanks for the advice.  I am always trying to be cautious however it's always hard to go into someone mind and see what they are thinking.  By the same thought would a woman go as far as having a child with a man for a visa.  I hope that would not be the case.

Yes she would, to answer your question directly. Having the child in the UK (or even simply of a UK-resident father) would give her a far better chance of getting residency herself, which is what many of these women want. As soon as they have that, they divorce the unfortunate partner and have a life of ease on half of his fortune (divorce laws in the UK) and Social Security.

Of course, it's not just women! There are plenty of Moroccan guys who hitch themselves to unattractive or old foreign women for the same reason - to get, firstly, a visa and secondly, residency in Europe or the States.

Unfortunately, as you say, no one can look in the mind of another and know the truth for sure. But common sense helps. If an old man or woman in their 50s or 60s has a relationship with a Moroccan of the opposite sex who is in their 20s, then it's pretty obvious to see what's going on.  The lucky Moroccans are the ones who manage to ensnare someone nearer their own age. Why don't they marry another Moroccan? After all, there are plenty of unmarried Moroccans! Because they want to leave the country and will put up with anything to do so.

Yes, some of these marriages work out.  But the majority doesn't.

You did ask and this is my opinion. I have seen this time and time again. The foreigner states, "Oh, s/he loves me" or "S/he is a decent person", despite all common sense and evidence to the contrary. Many of these Moroccans ask for financial subsidies until the marriage. If that happens, the thing to do is simply to ditch them. But people don't listen, they just sail ahead, thinking that they know best and that the experience of 1000s of other ripped-off foreign partners won't apply to them.  They marry, then regret it a few years later when they have lost most of their money and are alone again.

This leaves me in a situation weather to marry or to remain single.  I wish I had found someone in the UK.  The problem I have discovered is that most of the ladies I have come across want toy boys.  It's more about sex for them than a relationship
They will not go out with someone even a year older than them. Yet in other cultures the woman will marry a guy older for family commitments.  I think I need time to think before I jump in the fire.

dags wrote:

This leaves me in a situation weather to marry or to remain single.  I wish I had found someone in the UK.  The problem I have discovered is that most of the ladies I have come across want toy boys.  It's more about sex for them than a relationship
They will not go out with someone even a year older than them. Yet in other cultures the woman will marry a guy older for family commitments.  I think I need time to think before I jump in the fire.

Yes, there is a culture of youth in the UK. People don't usually marry others whose age is far different from theirs.

But think about it! There are plenty of comfortably-off older guys in Morocco whom younger girls could marry. Why don't they? They are obsessed with leaving the country because they think the streets are paved with gold. And they can be in the right circumstances. There are actually blogs on the net where Moroccans discuss the best way to trap foreigners! These blogs give exact details of what to do to get rid of the UK partner and then claim benefits for ever and to get as much money out of the unfortunate dupe as they can.

Please try to slow down at the very least. I don't know your age, but from what you say you aren't in the first flush of youth. You are vulnerable to the blandishments of a young person.

My advice would be to forget it. Find someone in the UK. It is possible!

I will try to be careful.  Yes I am not young.  The woman I met is near her 40's so I can not say she is young . She is the 3rd of 5 girls.  First two are married last married.  The two call it middle from the back not married.  Her family would want her married from what I can see. I have communicated with her for 2 years . Also met her family mother aunt and uncles. When I tried to suggest she comes to uk on a fiancee visa.  She refused saying she can not do so.  Her other sisters married with her family there and she would not want to disappoint her mum.  However I will wait until next year while I think all this over.  Thank you for your input.

dags wrote:

Thanks for the advice.  I am always trying to be cautious however it's always hard to go into someone mind and see what they are thinking.  By the same thought would a woman go as far as having a child with a man for a visa.  I hope that would not be the case.

Of course they would! In fact, that's what they want, as without having a child, if the man decides to divorce her, she would have to return back to her home country, but being a mother of a British-born child, she would stay. I've lived in a moroccan community (Ladbroke Grove area of London), and you will find quite a number of single moroccan women, with a child (also in other areas of the UK). They arrived in the UK, via the marriage route. And once they are settled, and no longer need the man (they were only needing him for a visa), they get rid of him, hence their single status. This is why I keep repeating, such marriages of this type (bringing someone from a 3rd world country), generally don't work, because obviously, the motivation of the person from the 3rd world, is to move to a first world nation, and marriage is their ONLY route. And I mean it... their ONLY way out of their country, and to live abroad.

dags wrote:

This leaves me in a situation weather to marry or to remain single.  I wish I had found someone in the UK.  The problem I have discovered is that most of the ladies I have come across want toy boys.  It's more about sex for them than a relationship
They will not go out with someone even a year older than them. Yet in other cultures the woman will marry a guy older for family commitments.  I think I need time to think before I jump in the fire.

At least in the UK, you know the marriage isn't motivated by money & visa. By marrying in morocco, most of them are motivated by the money and visa on offer, hence why most of these marriages don't last more than a few years. I think it's a mistake to give up searching in the UK, and assume the answer is in a country such as morocco, as you will find out, it's clearly not, quite the opposite I'm afraid. I don't know why many men, including myself in the past, decide to look abroad, when there ARE the right type right here in the UK & elsewhere in the Western world. I think it's laziness. Because going to a 3rd world country, having a Western Passport, it's very easy to get married. It's effortless. But here, it takes time, patience, and effort. I think people tend to give up too easily, and then say there isn't anyone suitable here, and decide to search abroad. They are making a big mistake. Many realize it too late unfortunately.

It would appear that all women are fake . It does not matter what background.  Those born and grew up in this country are not in any way better.  My reason for looking abroad is because I have failed to find someone here.  It has also to centre on religion.  Does not matter what country.

On your profile, you say you're a Muslim. Are you saying, these Muslim women in the UK, want toy boys? As above, you said most of the ladies you came across, want that, and not a relationship. I don't believe that at all. You must be looking in the wrong places.

dags wrote:

Those born and grew up in this country are not in any way better.

At least you won't have those niggling doubts in your mind, whether the person is using you for the sole intention of obtaining a visa then residency later on.

dags wrote:

It would appear that all women are fake .

Yes, it's not easy to find the right one. But flying off to morocco isn't going to solve the problem and be the answer. Would only worsen it. As later on, you will again be single, actually not even that, but divorced, and worse off financially. Then what? Fly off to a different 3rd world country and try again?

Maybe I am looking in the wrong places.  In uk there discrimination despite one being Muslim.  Secondly those divorced are the ones who prefer to quote age.  Certain cultures will not mingle.  I was not looking for a spinster.  Rather a partner.  Last they will not want to relocate.  So how can a marriage work.  That is why I started looking abroad.  I will marry a divorced person any day.  However in the time I have looked I have discovered that most I met are hypocrites.

Yes maybe a different country.  Will have to look into that.

I don't know how things are in Leeds (if that's where you're located). Some people use the mosque's Marriage Bureau. Birmingham Central Mosque has a popular one, according to a show I had watched in the past. Where people put down their details, and they do a search, according to ones needs. I do admit it's getting increasingly difficult to find someone suitable, but I still believe there are plenty of options to consider, and morocco shouldn't be one of them, as it hasn't got a particularly good reputation when it comes to marriage success. If you're going to look abroad, there are plenty of places to look, and I for one, wouldn't choose a country in Africa.

Thank you for all the advice you have given.  I think I will try approaching the mosque for help. No need to rush.  Yes I am in Leeds.  It would be nice to find someone nearby.  As you have said there a lot of things to consider.  Travel.  Visa depending on the motive.  If its meant to happen it will.  I have lost nothing being alone so far.  In fact I have peace.  If there is someone out there I will find. 
Once again thanks for the advice.

dags wrote:

Thank you for all the advice you have given.  I think I will try approaching the mosque for help. No need to rush.  Yes I am in Leeds.  It would be nice to find someone nearby.  As you have said there a lot of things to consider.  Travel.  Visa depending on the motive.  If its meant to happen it will.  I have lost nothing being alone so far.  In fact I have peace.  If there is someone out there I will find. 
Once again thanks for the advice.

Totally agree. Well said.

I was actually in a similar situation as you in the past.  I decided to get married, and those I came across here in the UK, were not to my taste. I gave up searching (maybe too easily and too early), and chose to go to morocco (to meet the family of my moroccan neighbours of 15 years, for possible marriage), thinking it will solve my problem of not finding someone conservative and family-oriented, amongst other values I was seeking. I couldn't be more wrong. What I realized in morocco, is they will put up an act to impress you. What I mean by that is, if you tell them that you're looking for someone religious, then they will act as that person, by wearing the hijab and whatever else required, in order to convince you. I was sent photo's of that person, fully covered, hijab, and everything. Later on, when using their computer in morocco, I found pictures of her in very different clothing. Even the manner in which she carries out salah, was incorrect.

I had trusted my moroccan neighbours (another mistake), who told me, she is the type I'm looking for. What one needs to know is, they are happy to plan behind your back, if it benefits their family. So they didn't care about me at all, and were happy to deceive me, in order for their family to benefit, by bringing her here. I ended up losing quite a lot of money on this relationship. I had completed all the paper-work, travelled 5 times, and everything was done. By the way, you did mention fiancee visa. I had also asked her that in the past, as I was sick of all the paper-work that had to be done in morocco, as it's much easier in the UK, but I don't think they would be provided with one, as she told me she can't get it.

All in all, it was my fault. I rushed, I was too trusting, I didn't do my homework and carry out a thorough research regarding moroccan marriage scams, I gave up the search too easily and too early in the UK, I didn't look at other options, such as searching in other Western countries (where visa won't be a motivation for marriage). I'm 26. I'm not desperate at all to settle down. My family is religious, and kept telling me it's my religious duty to get married. I agreed with them, and went ahead to get it done. I've learned a lot over the course of the relationship. And based on my experience and knowledge, I advise people wishing to go to morocco, not to do so, as most likely they will end up the same way I did, or worse. While it's true we can't judge everyone the same, but what makes that person any different to the other scammers? It's very difficult to tell, as lying is very common in that country. They will tell you everything that they know you want to hear & will agree with. They will all act, as they know what the plan is. It's funny how they were so "kind" and "friendly" when I was there, and the moment I told them I no longer want to continue, they all started shouting and swearing, wanting to fight me, revealing their true colours. A lot of people come back, and tell me, "the family were so nice". Of course they will be "nice" if you're there to take their daughter to Europe. Try telling them that you don't want the relationship any more, then see how nice they really are...

Avoid morocco like the plague

No need to fight with each other.... If your intention is right and you are asking Allah's help in everything with true heart than i believe everything will go fine....

You will find bad and good people in every nation.....in every color and in every religion...so don't blame the whole nation itself....

May Allah protect all of you ..Ameen

fjkhan wrote:

No need to fight with each other.... If your intention is right and you are asking Allah's help in everything with true heart than i believe everything will go fine....

You will find bad and good people in every nation.....in every color and in every religion...so don't blame the whole nation itself....

May Allah protect all of you ..Ameen

Terrible terrible advice. This type of advice is the type that leads to all sorts of disasters.

If we will start thinking like this than no need to get married...its better to stay single ......

I will listen to all advice given
However at the end of the day it will be me who has to decide.  Yes there are bad people in every community.  There are so many divorced women in the UK from all cultures  of Islam.  I once went on single Muslim and a lot of divorced Pakistan women.  Who is the problem here the man or woman. 
So to single out one group is wrong
I blame it on the times we live in.  If you raise a child in the UK and one abroad.  They will have different ways of approaching life .
Anyway as I have said I will take my time.  I have taken 2 years .

fjkhan wrote:

If we will start thinking like this than no need to get married...its better to stay single ......

It's much better to stay single & at peace, when the likelihood of being exploited, emotionally & financially ruined, then divorced, when you marry from a 3rd world country...

dags wrote:

I will listen to all advice given
However at the end of the day it will be me who has to decide.  Yes there are bad people in every community.  There are so many divorced women in the UK from all cultures  of Islam.  I once went on single Muslim and a lot of divorced Pakistan women.  Who is the problem here the man or woman. 
So to single out one group is wrong
I blame it on the times we live in.  If you raise a child in the UK and one abroad.  They will have different ways of approaching life .
Anyway as I have said I will take my time.  I have taken 2 years .

Maybe because of arranged marriages? I don't know, but I suspect that's the reason why you came across many divorced Pakistani women.

Arranged marriages are problematic, and so is marrying from a 3rd world country. It's quite obvious why such marriages have a high failure rate.

Dear Brother,

From my own experience, successfully marrying a moroccan woman has a lot to do with class.
If you marry one from a rich to middle class family, it will be less a burden on your pocket- obvious you may think.
Marry one from a poor background and you will need to get an answer on how much the dowry will be (very important), but be warned- if her siblings are unemployed and doing nothing at home, YOU will be expected to be a 'bridge' to Europe, as many think Europe is paved with gold.
Again, if she is from a poor family, you will be expected to send a 'western union' payment to them on a regular basis- make sure your income can cover this- and when you go over there to visit, you will be expected to pay for everything, from trolley loads at Marjan to dining out at Pizza Hut!.

If you get one that is not a gold/visa digger, chances are that you will have a beautiful, caring, passionate and loyal wife......but be warned, if you are hot-tempered, and struggle to say sorry first in an argument, the marriage won't work LOL!.
Good luck & do Istikarah!

TariqTaz wrote:

Dear Brother,

From my own experience, successfully marrying a moroccan woman has a lot to do with class.
If you marry one from a rich to middle class family, it will be less a burden on your pocket- obvious you may think.
Marry one from a poor background and you will need to get an answer on how much the dowry will be (very important), but be warned- if her siblings are unemployed and doing nothing at home, YOU will be expected to be a 'bridge' to Europe, as many think Europe is paved with gold.
Again, if she is from a poor family, you will be expected to send a 'western union' payment to them on a regular basis- make sure your income can cover this- and when you go over there to visit, you will be expected to pay for everything, from trolley loads at Marjan to dining out at Pizza Hut!.

If you get one that is not a gold/visa digger, chances are that you will have a beautiful, caring, passionate and loyal wife......but be warned, if you are hot-tempered, and struggle to say sorry first in an argument, the marriage won't work LOL!.
Good luck & do Istikarah!

The majority of such marriages (where people ask online about paperwork), are to girls of a lower class. No offence to these men who are planning to marry a morocan woman, but I assume, in most likelihood, they met online. Girls from a middle to upper class, don't marry strangers they find online on Skype/Facebook/Marriage Website etc. This is what the uneducated/lower class girls do, and why most of these marriages fail, because a visa/money is their only motivation & interest. They are unable to go abroad using their own skills, whether it's a skill that's in demand/academic qualification in demand etc Marriage is their ONLY route out of moroco, and hence they are eager to marry anyone that is willing to provide them with visa & money. Europe may not be paved with gold, but for sure, it's heaven compared to moroco, hence their desperation in moving abroad. These girls are penniless in morocco, but in Europe they are not.

TariqTaz wrote:

Dear Brother,

From my own experience, successfully marrying a moroccan woman has a lot to do with class.
If you marry one from a rich to middle class family, it will be less a burden on your pocket- obvious you may think.
Marry one from a poor background and you will need to get an answer on how much the dowry will be (very important), but be warned- if her siblings are unemployed and doing nothing at home, YOU will be expected to be a 'bridge' to Europe, as many think Europe is paved with gold.

Again, if she is from a poor family, you will be expected to send a 'western union' payment to them on a regular basis- make sure your income can cover this- and when you go over there to visit, you will be expected to pay for everything, from trolley loads at Marjan to dining out at Pizza Hut!.

If you get one that is not a gold/visa digger, chances are that you will have a beautiful, caring, passionate and loyal wife......but be warned, if you are hot-tempered, and struggle to say sorry first in an argument, the marriage won't work LOL!.
Good luck & do Istikarah!

Hello.

I do agree in part with what you say, even though I have met plenty of rich Moroccans who are still rapacious and money grabbing. Yes, if you marry a woman who comes from a rich family there is far less likelihood that you are going to be asked continually for money and presents.

However, why would a rich woman want to marry a foreigner? It's a rare occurrence. Rich women don't need a visa or money. They have a good life in Morocco and can make a good match in conventional terms. They can leave the country
whenever they like and, you know, I'd rather be rich in Morocco than in the UK! I think you have been very lucky and I congratulate you on a successful marriage.

Unfortunately, as you have pointed out, women from a poor background are simply gold diggers who will expect their families to be kept in idleness and regular "presents" not only for them but for their families too. They are not in a position to improve their lives in Morocco, so will take any route out. I strongly advise people not to consider a relationship with anyone at all who asks for money once marriage is on the cards.

By the way, this goes for gay guys who enter into a relationship with a Moroccan guy. The gay foreigner is generally older than the gay Moroccan partner and the motivation is the same - "Get me out of Morocco".

That's all.

This goes for North Africa in general. Coming from an Egyptian background, unfortunately marriage's of convenience/sham marriages are the norm in the region, and there are even forums & blogs where they discuss the best tactics to use, and quickest way to get the passport they are seeking (such as having a child with the foreigner, and so on, which explains why there are many divorced single-parent North Africans in the West).

Also many who are in the process of "marrying" a foreigner, are in fact already in a relationship in their country, have a boyfriend/girlfriend, or even married to someone there, and the entire family knows of the plan to "marry" a foreigner, come over, obtain residence, then bring over their real partners once they've finished making use of the foreigner, who's only purpose is to send money and obtain a visa for them. This explains why there are many men, who end up going back to their country, and bringing over their real partners, after they've divorced the foreigner.

Anyone who knows about Morocco, knows that Moroccans first choice and preference, is marriage to a Moroccan, or Arab, not a Asian, African, European, American etc, which explains why many of these mixed-marriages don't work, and they end up later on married to someone from the same background & culture. Nothing wrong with that, but these foreigners don't seem to be aware of it, and in fact, I've heard stories where the Moroccan will tell the foreigner, that they prefer the foreigner, over other Moroccans, due to so-called negative aspects of Moroccans, which foreigners don't have. They will convince you that they genuinely want to get married, but can't find someone suitable in their country, which is all a lie. I was in a relationship with a Moroccan girl, who told me, "Moroccan men don't take care of their family, they are hot-headed, not serious about their responsibilities, don't want to work, send the woman out to work to earn money, hit them, treat them badly, cheat on them etc". This is the girl, who's sister married a Moroccan a year into our relationship. Hmm.

My comments don't apply to every North African/Moroccan. Due to the high failure rate of these mixed-marriages, with those from the West, one needs to be careful. Otherwise most likely, they will end up in a financial & emotional ruin. Emotional as well, because not only would you have been asked to send money after money to their country, but a lot of these divorces start by them making a claim for domestic violence shortly after arriving in the country. There has been cases of men arrested after they've been accused of things they never did. This is another tactic they use to quickly obtain residence and divorce from the man, as it they will receive a domestic violence visa. Here is a real case of this tactic being used:

"A Pakistani woman who made a false rape allegation against her husband has been allowed to stay in Britain under a new law. The 27 year old woman was living in Oldham on an expiring student visa with no right to stay in the country when her family arranged for her to marry a 34 year old British-born NHS worker. Just three weeks later she went with her sister to a police station and complained that her husband had imprisoned her in their home and repeatedly raped her. Her complaint qualified her for a domestic violence visa, granted under immigration rules pioneered by the Labour government’s solicitor general Vera Baird and announced in March 2011 by the coalition home secretary Theresa May.
Greater Manchester police arrested and charged her husband with multiple rapes. Despite the discovery of 166 discrepancies in the woman’s story, her husband was held in custody for nine days, then forced to live outside his home town for 12 months on bail until he gathered telephone records and a debit card sales receipt that disproved his wife’s allegations."

Here is more news about this serious problem:

express[dot]co[dot]uk/news/uk/421170/EXCLUSIVE-Government-urged-to-probe-bogus-migrant-brides-crying-rape-just-to-get-UK-visas

Most Westerners are not aware of these things, or that such laws allow the foreigner to make false claims in order to stay in the country and obtain a passport, and even get you imprisoned! The foreigner is FULLY aware, while the Westerner is ignorant, and THAT right here, is the problem. They know the laws better than you, and take advantage of them to the FULLEST!

Again, I repeat, my comments do not apply to every single one of them. But that you must pay heed to the consequences, which is very disastrous to both your pocket and sanity. I've seen what it has done to people. Bringing over someone they thought loves them, supporting them and their family in every way, only for them to get repaid, by getting a knock one day from the police, handcuffed, and taken away for questioning. It happens, has happened plenty of times, and there is no reasons why it won't happen to you.

laduqesa wrote:

I'd rather be rich in Morocco than in the UK!

I for one, certainly agree with you on that. I wish many of them (seeking to go abroad), choose to stay and make a living in their country. They may not realize it now, but life in Morocco can be a lot better than the UK, if they decide to make an effort, get an education, work, and earn their own money, or even go abroad, work there after completing their studies, and invest the money in their country. Sadly many choose the easier option, of doing absolutely nothing, sitting around chatting online, waiting for a gullible person to take them abroad to live off the hard-work of them & later on the tax-payers. That pains me. I dislike parasites & moochers. If they want to travel abroad, they should do it at their own expense, not of others, and use "marriage" to get what they want. I'm sure the family can gather enough money for a student visa, they can pursue their studies abroad, get a job there or back home, but no, they want someone else to pay for all of that. The girl I was in a relationship with, her cousin, his parents gathered money & paid for his studies in France. He didn't bum around, chatting & wasting his time online seeking a French girl to marry, to take him there and to get him into University.

On the subject of the woman wanting to send money to her family.  I do not come from north Africa.  However its normal for anyone who comes from the third world to support their families.  I am a man and yes I send money to my mother whenever I can.  I would not stop a woman from doing the same.  The culture of the west is totally different.  Send your parents to a home.  It's only normal to do that. 
As for women using men. I have seen a lot of my people.  They have come to the uk married and most are now divorced.  There are a lot of single mothers from all ethnic groups british included.
I am divorced and paying maintenance and not from a morrocco woman but from someone I knew from back home.  So each relationship should be treated separately. 
The aim is not to rush.  I have known a woman for 2 years.  Yes she may leave me if I decide to marry her maybe not.  Who can for tell the future of a marriage especially in the west.  Families break down every day. 

Let's just say there are good and bad people in every  culture.

Hi Dags

Yes, I totally agree. Women (or men) should support their families left behind in the developing world. It's when they start asking their fiancées to support the families - and not just with regular payments but to sort out frequent alleged disasters -  way before marriage that this is a point of suspicion. And after marriage, the British-based partner had better realise that he will be supporting not only his own family, but also his partner's. For ever. Or at least until they divorce him/her.

Totally agree  with your post
I mean, I went to Morocco for marriage, and after day one, her brother asks me- this is in perfect English- 'can I come to Europe?'
I laughed it off at the time- but later in the marriage I had to borrow money so this guy could get a visa for France!
If I had my time again, I would:
- marry a girl from at least an 'OK' family
- make sure her brothers/sisters were already working.
- not assume that most sister pray & wear hijab
- have a really good job
If you are on an average UK salary- forget it!!

This is so true
It's fine if you have a large amount of excess income to send to family in need- that's great
But if you are just getting by in these recessionary times....it going to be a struggle
And I agree- it's a payment for life!

That's true as well, but especially when you are young (and foolish).....you think everyone is nice, Morocco for example, is a place where everyone prays, no one ever drinks, the families are all nice etc
There is no harm in learning from the experience of others, take warnings and opening one's eyes to this often cold, cruel World we live in

TariqTaz wrote:

Totally agree  with your post
I mean, I went to Morocco for marriage, and after day one, her brother asks me- this is in perfect English- 'can I come to Europe?'
I laughed it off at the time- but later in the marriage I had to borrow money so this guy could get a visa for France!

I must have misunderstood earlier that you married into a rich family and you said upthread that your marriage was successful. Clearly yours is a cautionary tale, yet another of 1000s.

Your experience is typical. The continual demands for large sums of money eventually break the marriage down and the Moroccan spouse departs with half the assets and then lives on SS for ever. Or worse, as mentioned earlier, makes claims that there has been spousal abuse to get a special visa to remain.

dags wrote:

On the subject of the woman wanting to send money to her family.  I do not come from north Africa.  However its normal for anyone who comes from the third world to support their families.  I am a man and yes I send money to my mother whenever I can.  I would not stop a woman from doing the same.  The culture of the west is totally different.  Send your parents to a home.  It's only normal to do that. 
As for women using men. I have seen a lot of my people.  They have come to the uk married and most are now divorced.  There are a lot of single mothers from all ethnic groups british included.
I am divorced and paying maintenance and not from a morrocco woman but from someone I knew from back home.  So each relationship should be treated separately. 
The aim is not to rush.  I have known a woman for 2 years.  Yes she may leave me if I decide to marry her maybe not.  Who can for tell the future of a marriage especially in the west.  Families break down every day. 

Let's just say there are good and bad people in every  culture.

No, you got it completely wrong.

No one is saying don't send any money to those in the 3rd world. I have family in Egypt that I send money & provide as much support as I can.

The problem is, when people request far more than they need, and when many of those requests are based on lies ("my mother has been taken ill", "my brother needs" etc). Within less than 2 & a half month, I was sending payments to Morocco totalling around £1,000. With the much lower cost of living in Morocco, and with converting sterling to dirhams, I would consider that more than providing support. They clearly made the decision to live off me. Now that is the problem. There is a world of difference between supporting someone to get something they may lack, or be short of, and for someone to sit at home, bumming around, sending you an email at whim, and then expecting to go later to Western Union to collect payment.

TariqTaz wrote:

Totally agree  with your post
I mean, I went to Morocco for marriage, and after day one, her brother asks me- this is in perfect English- 'can I come to Europe?'
I laughed it off at the time- but later in the marriage I had to borrow money so this guy could get a visa for France!
If I had my time again, I would:
- marry a girl from at least an 'OK' family
- make sure her brothers/sisters were already working.
- not assume that most sister pray & wear hijab
- have a really good job
If you are on an average UK salary- forget it!!

The higher the salary, the more exploitation, demands, requests, and expectations. Just like someone with an average salary, they will quickly lose a lot of money, and find themselves in the same situation as those with lower incomes because of higher spending. Wanting a property in Morocco, good car and greater spending power.

laduqesa wrote:

TariqTaz wrote:

Totally agree  with your post
I mean, I went to Morocco for marriage, and after day one, her brother asks me- this is in perfect English- 'can I come to Europe?'
I laughed it off at the time- but later in the marriage I had to borrow money so this guy could get a visa for France!

I must have misunderstood earlier that you married into a rich family and you said upthread that your marriage was successful. Clearly yours is a cautionary tale, yet another of 1000s.

Your experience is typical. The continual demands for large sums of money eventually break the marriage down and the Moroccan spouse departs with half the assets and then lives on SS for ever. Or worse, as mentioned earlier, makes claims that there has been spousal abuse to get a special visa to remain.

Hello there
Sorry for the misunderstanding
I married into a poor family, and yes I'm advising caution.
Only after I went bankrupt 5 years ago did my wife finally realise we could not support ourselves AND another family abroad.
So I have a marriage- but no credit cards!!!

oinkoink wrote:

TariqTaz wrote:

Totally agree  with your post
I mean, I went to Morocco for marriage, and after day one, her brother asks me- this is in perfect English- 'can I come to Europe?'
I laughed it off at the time- but later in the marriage I had to borrow money so this guy could get a visa for France!
If I had my time again, I would:
- marry a girl from at least an 'OK' family
- make sure her brothers/sisters were already working.
- not assume that most sister pray & wear hijab
- have a really good job
If you are on an average UK salary- forget it!!

The higher the salary, the more exploitation, demands, requests, and expectations. Just like someone with an average salary, they will quickly lose a lot of money, and find themselves in the same situation as those with lower incomes because of higher spending. Wanting a property in Morocco, good car and greater spending power.

My goodness, I didn't think of it like that!
yes completely right!
On an average salary & being completely in love as well as foolish- I went bankrupt in 5 years
My wife's family seem to always need money- someone's baby sick, one needs the optician, fridge broke down, boy needs book, girl needs trainers etc etc
I did turn down a demand from the wife early in the marriage because 'I'm coming from Europe- I need my own car and appartment'...!?!
Any holiday there- which was atleast once a year = on average £2,000 spending money- I say 'spending money' but her family would spend this money....e.g. an uncle- all year ok- see's us, and it's like, oh my back, my back'- ok uncle here's 200 dhs to see a Dr!
I've begun to break into a cold sweat whenever I hear the words 'attuny floos!...

TariqTaz wrote:

My wife's family seem to always need money- someone's baby sick, one needs the optician, fridge broke down, boy needs book, girl needs trainers etc etc
I did turn down a demand from the wife early in the marriage because 'I'm coming from Europe- I need my own car and appartment'...!?!
Any holiday there- which was atleast once a year = on average £2,000 spending money- I say 'spending money' but her family would spend this money....e.g. an uncle- all year ok- see's us, and it's like, oh my back, my back'- ok uncle here's 200 dhs to see a Dr!
I've begun to break into a cold sweat whenever I hear the words 'attuny floos!...

That sounds so familiar. I've seen it 1000 times before. And from the inside. These "disasters" are a pack of lies, as you have realised if only from your story of the uncle's back being fine all year till he sees you and your wife. I congratulate you on staying together even though she was clearly an accomplice and a part of this cheating you of every penny you had until, as you recount, you were declared bankrupt.

As for the credit cards, don't worry about them, they are very un-Islamic! 

laduqesa wrote:

TariqTaz wrote:

My wife's family seem to always need money- someone's baby sick, one needs the optician, fridge broke down, boy needs book, girl needs trainers etc etc
I did turn down a demand from the wife early in the marriage because 'I'm coming from Europe- I need my own car and appartment'...!?!
Any holiday there- which was atleast once a year = on average £2,000 spending money- I say 'spending money' but her family would spend this money....e.g. an uncle- all year ok- see's us, and it's like, oh my back, my back'- ok uncle here's 200 dhs to see a Dr!
I've begun to break into a cold sweat whenever I hear the words 'attuny floos!...

That sounds so familiar. I've seen it 1000 times before. And from the inside. These "disasters" are a pack of lies, as you have realised if only from your story of the uncle's back being fine all year till he sees you and your wife. I congratulate you on staying together even though she was clearly an accomplice and a part of this cheating you of every penny you had until, as you recount, you were declared bankrupt.

As for the credit cards, don't worry about them, they are very un-Islamic! 

Yes, very true.......and there is no temptation to fill up a trolley in Marjan and stick it on the card!
As for staying with wife, well that's the other thing that was mentioned earlier- after being desperate for marriage, the  woman becomes desperate for a kid- and when you have kids it's harder to walk away.
The fact she is still with me suggests it wasn't a straight forward gold digging job- but you get older and wiser.
Would I do it again- I'd be single for a much longer time , and learn to run a mile whenever someone mentions floos, mon-eey, western union, arra arra etc