I'am looking for the parents who really love to have an adopt son!

Miss Dung, its not as simple as that, you should get legal advice in relation to your nephew. I hope you find someone who can help , but make sure you do a background check on them first.

Where the heck is the father of that child?

Maybe like a lot of fathers here, he has run off as its not his problem.Its about time the government made the fathers accountable for thier children. I know so many single mothers that get no help from the fathers of their children, the fathers usually run home to their mummies and into their protect arms.

It's the duty of parents to take care their child. How can you  ask others when your sister don't want to take care her child? She cannot escape from responsibility.If she has some serious sickness we can understand the situation. From your word we understand that  she just want to enjoy her life by ignoring her child. Even that child born with an unknown father, she has the duty to take care.Or why do not she think before she lay down? Here so many easy methods to avoid pregnancy.It's a serious social issue. She cannot avoid that child. And now you begging to others to adopt that child instead of advising your sister! So many innocent children thrown by people like your sister. Is that justifiable?

colinoscapee wrote:

Maybe like a lot of fathers here, he has run off as its not his problem.Its about time the government made the fathers accountable for thier children. I know so many single mothers that get no help from the fathers of their children, the fathers usually run home to their mummies and into their protect arms.

Yes, it is like that, that's why me and my father have to take care of him since long time.
Here in Vietnam especially at my country side, the government cannot help much. You know when my sister and the husband went to the court because she want to divorce, the husband said that he only sign the document when she accept that he will not support anything to the kid and her. what kind of father can do like that with his son?
And you know what did the judge say? They asked my sister if she accept this condition. I though the rules is the husband has to support the kid anyway and the judge will not ask if my sister accept but have to give the decision to the husband. It was really strange for me when my father told me this story of the court. And because my sister, she is so young to think then she just accepted. and it over.
To look for the parent for my nephew, I know i have to check their background, also because now the people have to go to the government to make the document for adopt a son/daughter. So i think even it is hard but i will try my best to do something for him since I cannot keep him as a son in my husband's house.

charmavietnam wrote:

It's the duty of parents to take care their child. How can you  ask others when your sister don't want to take care her child? She cannot escape from responsibility.If she has some serious sickness we can understand the situation. From your word we understand that  she just want to enjoy her life by ignoring her child. Even that child born with an unknown father, she has the duty to take care.Or why do not she think before she lay down? Here so many easy methods to avoid pregnancy.It's a serious social issue. She cannot avoid that child. And now you begging to others to adopt that child instead of advising your sister! So many innocent children thrown by people like your sister. Is that justifiable?

Dear,
I have been trying to support since long time until now without asking back anything, but now i have my life too, i have my family to take care of too.
If my sister thought before she accept him then we dont have this problem.
And if she can think like other lady, she will take care of her son, not me and my father. She just run away too, just like her husband.
So for that i don't beg other people, i just ask if they really love to have a son, you can see that some parents they could not have kid and they really want to adopt one.
That's why i said from the beginning that it is not nice to ask, but if i cannot help, then i have to do something, even bad.
To feed a kid is very easy, but to give him parent who can teach the good things for him is not. That's why the kid need parent but not someone just to feed him like what me and my dad have been doing.

Sadly, that is the law in Vietnam... and many parts of the World.
Good luck.
Sara_Xuan, When you have a son in future, teach him well.
Charmavietnam: it was not too long ago that rape is India was week end bus prank...
and it is the woman's responsibility to avoid rape!
Happy Woman's Day, Vietnam

How ironic today is Vietnam woman day, yet she shares this tragic story about a woman who has a deadbeat husband.  Vietnam government always says, year after year, they're working to improve women's rights, but nothing's really changed.

Sara,
What you ask is not easy.  Yes there are the legal issues involved in adoption.  What about the feelings of your father and nephew.  Children are very special, they need the love from those who have been caring for them.  What are your other options?  How does your husband feel about this?  I know, a lot of questions....

Actually it was your fault. You shouldn't allow her to escape from responsibility. When you start to take care that child you didn't think carefully about your future! Now you are going to deliver one child. Of course you cannot care your sister's child.But I think if you take this step before she compel to take care her child. As a woman you did your part well. But as a mother what she did? I cannot believe a judge did like these. I don't know much about Vietnamese family laws but am sure all over the world if in divorce case children has the right to get maintenance from father until they grow up major. Even if take bribery, a judge cannot verdict like this.Of course there is something missing!

Sara_Xuan wrote:

Dear,
I have been trying to support since long time until now without asking back anything, but now i have my life too, i have my family to take care of too.
If my sister thought before she accept him then we dont have this problem.
And if she can think like other lady, she will take care of her son, not me and my father. She just run away too, just like her husband.
So for that i don't beg other people, i just ask if they really love to have a son, you can see that some parents they could not have kid and they really want to adopt one.
That's why i said from the beginning that it is not nice to ask, but if i cannot help, then i have to do something, even bad.
To feed a kid is very easy, but to give him parent who can teach the good things for him is not. That's why the kid need parent but not someone just to feed him like what me and my dad have been doing.

hELLnoi wrote:

it was not too long ago that rape is India was week end bus prank...
and it is the woman's responsibility to avoid rape!

You are talking rubbish man! What is the relation of rape case and this? Are you stupid or something?
I never say it's her responsibility to avoid rape! I am not a fool like you. What do you know about India? Indian laws? So better shut your nasty mouth!

It's no point to blame Sara and said she shouldn't have done this or that. What she did was very humane. What is past cannot be corrected. She has come to her knees and opened up about a tragic story and seeking compassionate help. So, if you can try to help in some way, or advise her of options, then contribute. Otherwise, your comments will not be missed! In a complex world like this is, you can never tell. Lots of Chinese kids - the earthquake survivors, found takers and starting new lives in USA. I pray that a door will open up, sincerely.

sploke77!
You misunderstood the situation. Actually Sara cannot ask someone's help for that child as his parents are alive with good health. Sara has no right, legally, even if someone want to adopt that child! Did you think about the society? What will happen if mothers start to avoid their children? Who will take care all of them? We know well that all over the world so many orphans throw towards the society by their mom or relatives.So many people making money nowadays in the name of orphans. What sin they did with this society?
In Sara's case simply she can tell her sister to take care her baby. If money is the problem she can claim for maintenance from her ex-husband or if she don't want to take money from him then she can work and take care that child. If she is not willing, here they have legal system which can handle easily these matters! By sympathizing through forum means you are supporting to throw another child to this society.

Sploke77 wrote:

It's no point to blame Sara and said she shouldn't have done this or that. What she did was very humane. What is past cannot be corrected. She has come to her knees and opened up about a tragic story and seeking compassionate help. So, if you can try to help in some way, or advise her of options, then contribute. Otherwise, your comments will not be missed! In a complex world like this is, you can never tell. Lots of Chinese kids - the earthquake survivors, found takers and starting new lives in USA. I pray that a door will open up, sincerely.

Hi,
If you really want to help your nephew seriously, it may not a suitable place to publish your family matter. Most of Vietnamese, in the same situation, often ask help from their family members first, then relatives, next is authority or social organizations.

If you reveal your secret here, your story must be discussed openly anyway and maybe it's a waste of time.

However, all people should keep their own dignity even in the worst situation, stand on their own legs and should not act innocently and pathetically if they really come from good!

Besides, you definitely have no role legally in this adoption or even decide your nephew's life because he has his own alive mom and dad. 

All you can do is advising your sister to contact some orphanages to send her child or take responsibility in this case. It's time to let her involve because you are about to hit your limitation in the role of a gold-heart ant. Why all others must suffer when the offender are free from their misdeed?'

And i wonder why you only "advertise" this case in Expat.com by using English only? Vietnamese parents are not suitable for your nephew? Who is your real "target"? Or you may believe only foreigners can offer a better life for a child? If so, you may keep something in mind rather than helping! Sorry to be straight but it helps to prevent cheating case here!

Lastly, please remember this is forum for active expats or locals who wish to discuss some common matters only, not a place for begging like this!

As a Vietnamese, I am definitely in sorrow and ashamed for this and would never support for this unreasonable matter. All supports may help to make this stupidity happen again in future. Please be strong, good and solid in mind to overcome all difficulties in life and be responsible to behave in a right way!Even if you are a woman, i am sure you can be decisive and strong enough!

charmavietnam wrote:

It's the duty of parents to take care their child. How can you  ask others when your sister don't want to take care her child? She cannot escape from responsibility.If she has some serious sickness we can understand the situation. From your word we understand that  she just want to enjoy her life by ignoring her child. Even that child born with an unknown father, she has the duty to take care.Or why do not she think before she lay down? Here so many easy methods to avoid pregnancy.It's a serious social issue. She cannot avoid that child. And now you begging to others to adopt that child instead of advising your sister! So many innocent children thrown by people like your sister. Is that justifiable?

Obviously you have not understood the way of life in Vietnam.

charmavietnam wrote:

hELLnoi wrote:

it was not too long ago that rape is India was week end bus prank...
and it is the woman's responsibility to avoid rape!

You are talking rubbish man! What is the relation of rape case and this? Are you stupid or something?
I never say it's her responsibility to avoid rape! I am not a fool like you. What do you know about India? Indian laws? So better shut your nasty mouth!

"Fools are such ingenious people." Murphy.
Sara_Xuan, there are Christian missionaries and Buddhist temples as a means of last resort. Your husband and you can pledge a donation and monthly upkeep towards the child. Past mistakes cannot be changed. Now your future happiness is in jeopardy.

So you understand everything? People like you tempt them to do wrongful activities. After that blame the country!

hELLnoi wrote:

Obviously you have not understood the way of life in Vietnam.

You have no opinion as your own in any matter. Just follow some quotes

hELLnoi wrote:

"Fools are such ingenious people." Murphy.

Good advise! Now so many charity business going on. One more child is going to throw that hell!
Past mistakes? If that's a mistake they have enough time to correct!

hELLnoi wrote:

Sara_Xuan, there are Christian missionaries and Buddhist temples as a means of last resort. Your husband and you can pledge a donation and monthly upkeep towards the child. Past mistakes cannot be changed. Now your future happiness is in jeopardy.

To ancientpathos: I knew what i asked is not easy, even it is risk too. My dad doesn't want, but what he should understand after 7 years taking care of his grandson is he could not give the kid good things and didn't teach him well. I have been sending money to my dad every month to support and my husband said nothing about that, but he cannot keep my nephew in his house because we are staying at his parent's house. I don't have option to choose because or i find the new parent for my nephew who can take care of him or we will have a bad boy in the future.
To charmavietnam: I am not trying to give an excuse but I had to leave my family to find the job to support my parent as an eldest sister. When I heard my sister meet that guy, i already said to her to be careful and that she is so young to think of it. But I was far from the family, even my father could not stop her to follow that guy so I only can give her my advice. Then they were married, and i also told her to not have baby so quick since that guy is not a good guy, and if she don't listen to me I will ignore her life. What i said was nothing with her. then what would be happened already happened but I could not ignore the nephew cause of my dad. He want to take care of my nephew. What i could do was to continue to support my dad even I knew that it will not be forever.
Then, last night my mom (who cannot walk cause of her sickness) called me and said that there was the incident between him and other kid and he got blood dropped out a lot from his eyes and of course he had to go to the hospital for that. There were many problems similar like this that happened, so I talk to my dad that he need to think for my nephew, to keep him like this without teaching him good thing is not a solution and it is not good.
When you love someone, you will try to find the good thing for them even it hurt yourself. My nephew is still a kid so I think that he will soon love the new parent if he will have really good parent.

Dear friends,
I know that it is elegal to follow this way.
Whatever you think, i put this post here in English because I already visited many other vietnamese forums. There are not many people, but if I post here, it is not only Vietnamese people who speak English know but foreigner also know it. My target is to look for parent for my nephew, not to choose the parent for him. As more people know as more chance for my nephew.
I can also give the kid to his father but as you can see the judge followed his condition when my sister accept it. and if i can give the kid to his mother, then i am not worry this much.
His parent dont love him, if I give him to them, do you think that they will not leave him somewhere and run away? Many people now do like that.
Even if the judge obliged the father to support, my nephew also have no parent to take care of.
I already thought about the organization where can keep the kid, but I knew that they will not accept cause his parent still alive and have good health.
You are right, maybe to post here is just waste of my time. You can also think that this is cheat case. But I don't have anything from this rather than the good life of my nephew.
However you think of me. I know the life of the country side. Maybe what I can do is just keep supporting my father like this, cause me and my husband cannot take him to our house as i already said that we are staying at the house of my husband's parent.
What I worry is if the social will have a good boy or not. and if my family especially my father can take responsibility in the future if my nephew will do something bad.
About my sister, i don't have any idea to say about her, I give up with her already.
This should be my last post, cause I think I just keep thing like this then.
And say again, I am not here to beg anyone to please take my nephew, but i am here to know if someone really want to adopt a kid. When you meet the need, you can both go to learn for the law of the government about this right?
However, thanks for all of you to visit this post.

This is a sad situation.  Since nobody wants the kid, it seems the best option would send him to an orphanage.  The orphanage I went to in Đồng Nai Province is run by Buddhist monks. There's about 100 kids there; many abandoned since they were babies.  But from the wall of pictures I see, many end up going to college in Huế, get married, become priests and monks. 

I hope some day this kid grows up and becomes the President of Việt Nam, then he can tell his mother and father to f-off, when they grovel in front of him.

If you sent him to the orphanage in Dong Nai that Tran Hung Dao is referring to point him out to me. I live few minutes from that orphanage and will pay special attention to him. Make sure he's well educated, has morals and can be a contributing member of society.

I am a mom and this really saddens my heart when I hear stories like this. Children are a gift from GOD. They do not ask to be brought into this world to be dumped like an unwanted pet. Even animals have feelings too. Shame on the people that think with what's between their legs vs what's between their ears. Before you make a decision think very careful. What goes around will come around to all involved. Karma.

Hi all,

Please note that the inappropriate posts have been removed.
We close the thread for it is irrelevant to the website's purpose.
I would suggest Sara_Xuan to contact social organisations or any other qualified authorities.

Thanks
Armand
Expat.com Team