The Staring in Malatya, Turkey

I ignore it for the most part unless they're really aggressive, and in that case I speak up. Oh well.

Im not sure what to say. The reason why they stare is because you are different and that's what makes your super interesting. If I were you I would give a heads up or say "Hi, do I know you?!" "Can I help you?" Always stick with the tourist story. You are here for a while... You love Turkey... Share an innocent story like "you received government funding to learn Turkish" spare a few Turkish words here and there with an accent. Next time they will stop staring and will invite you to their homes for food.

For single men, I suggest you only try to be friends with college grads. Men from higher income levels. They are more civilized and used to dating. Other than that avoid men at all costs. Nothing but trouble trust me.

Best of luck! In solidarity!

"For single men, I suggest you only try to be friends with college grads. Men from higher income levels. They are more civilized and used to dating."

Funny you mention this. I was thinking about this recently and realized this applies across the board in different countries and cultures. "Civilized" is the exact & appropriate word. Some men have no shame, and to them I say "Çok ayıp!".

: )

True that. It's the same in the U.S. too. But I think it is more so in closed off cultures where sexual conduct is a taboo because of religious reasons. Men don't learn how to treat a woman because they don't socialize through a "date culture."
I'm doing my field research in Ankara, writing a loooonng dissertation. Will be here a year and then off to Hawaii!

Turkish are ignorant I stay in esentepe and leaved here for 8 months but the same ppl keep staying and being rude just be careful and don't walk alone

OK guys.. For those who come to live in Turkey in cities other than Istanbul, Ankara, Izmir, Antalya and perhaps a few more coast cities, you should know:

1) It gets more conservative as you go further in Anatolia. Especially, if you look different - and you don't have to be from another country either, it could be that you live in Istanbul and just enjoy wearing summer dresses - expect people will stare. The norm "staring is rude" does not apply in Turkey. I don't think they do it out of ignorance or disrespect, it's just that in smaller cities conservative people live in majority and "outsiders" attract attention. Why is that?

First, I think, this is related to the way in which we, as human beings, process information. We group things in "similar ones" and "different ones" --Naturally, a different among numerous similar singles out, attracts attention. The way we give reaction to those who are "different" among us... now that's worth studying.

With regard to Turkey, here is what I observed:  The idea of society as existing for the mutual benefit of individuals and the defense of their individual rights is a product of western social imaginary. This understanding is quite new for the rest of the world and for Turkish people as well. It is also against the notion of moral order where a human being is considered "proper" only when embedded in a larger social whole, in which religious and social rules/norms are significantly influential. All religions have rules that heavily regulate, categorize, and limit sexual conduct. Islam is no different in that context. It's a matter of socialization. Under the circumstances, people who are used to living a lifestyle where pursuit of happiness (this includes satisfying bodily pleasures) is praised, suffer. Where ever you are.. in Turkey, India, Tennessee. Am I right?

2) Don't walk anywhere alone if you feel unsafe

Cheers,

@ dlyazi

Sorry you're having a rough time where you are. How long have you been there? Is there anything beautiful or positive there that you can focus on instead of the negative attention you're receiving? Have you made any friends? Things will get better once you figure out how to get around the unwarranted attention. Hopefully you have a few compassionate  friends there that'll help make things a bit better for you. Try to enjoy what you can, it's not all so bad, right? : )

After a challenging year in Malatya I then moved to Istanbul for a while. Needless to say it was pretty amazing. These days I find myself in Ankara and it is even better. The people are very welcoming and I've met some great friends. I must admit I don't experience any of the challenges I went through in the Eastern part of Turkey. After being in country for over a few years my tolerance has grown drastically due to me being a bit more understanding of others and their culture.