Short jokes

Fascinating stuff

A young Arab boy asks his father, "What is that weird hat you are wearing?"

The father said, "Why, it's a 'chechia' because in the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun."

"And what is this type of clothing that you are wearing?" asked the young man.

"It's a 'djbellah' because in the desert it is very hot and itprotects the body." said the father.

The son asked, "And what about those ugly shoes on your feet?

His father replied, "These are 'babouches", which keep us from burning our feet from hot sand in the desert."

"So tell me then," added the boy.

"Yes, my son?"

"Why are you living in Dearborn Michigan , and still wearing all this shit?

I just got sacked from my job with the Lifeline crisis centre.

A guy called Mohammed phoned and said, "My girlfriend left me so I'm lying on the railway track at Sydney Central waiting for the train to come".

I swear, all I said was,"Remain calm and stay on the line".

Is that real.

OUR First positive step in the war on terror

PLEASE DON'T FORGET NEXT SATURDAY!       
WALK NAKED IN ENGLAND DAY
  Don't forget to mark your calendars.

As you may already know, it is a sin for a Muslim male to see any woman other than his wife naked and if he does, he must commit suicide.

So next Saturday at 1 pm, all English women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighbourhood terrorists.
Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort.

All patriotic English men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their houses to demonstrate their support for the women and to prove that they are not Muslim terrorist sympathizers.

Since Islam also does not approve of alcohol, a cold 6-pack at your side is further proof of your patriotism.

The English government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist activity.

God Bless England

That's not real.....The answer should be......Because I can

And again Jeff


A professor at Wayne State University in Detroit was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies.  To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many people here believe in ghosts?"

About 90 students raise their hands.

"Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?"

About 40 students raise their hands.

"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"

About 15 students raise their hand.

"Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"

Three students raise their hands.

"That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"

Way in the back, Hamad raises his hand.

The professor takes off his glasses and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."

The Middle Eastern student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, "So, Hamad, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?"

Hamad replied, " Oh Hell, from way back there I thought you said goats."

Robyn1954 wrote:

That's not real.....The answer should be......Because I can

What are you doing , reading this " SHIT "?

Torn between oh my god that is so awful and sad..........and then well.    If he is a prick......stay on the line......

Robyn1954 wrote:

Torn between oh my god that is so awful and sad..........and then well.    If he is a prick......stay on the line......

I'll let you in on a little secret, it's really all about him being a Muslim, ( but we're not allowed to say that on here ).

Robyn's good value, I can get 2 laughs from the one joke.

Religion has nothing to do with it........maybe it has in that religion tends to indoctrinate a belief system which fills a persons spiritual space in people's lives. No judgement in that statement because everyone has a need for more than the everyday. Sometimes it can be extreme ...or sometimes not. Depending on the upbringing and experiences of people's lives....

Robyn1954 wrote:

Religion has nothing to do with it........maybe it has in that religion tends to indoctrinate a belief system which fills a persons spiritual space in people's lives. No judgement in that statement because everyone has a need for more than the everyday. Sometimes it can be extreme ...or sometimes not. Depending on the upbringing and experiences of people's lives....

Let me remind you, that this is a jokes thread, come back when you can find a sense of humour, ( mind you, you are making a lot of us laugh ). because the upcoming Blonde  jokes, will be going way, way, over your head, ( you don't happen to be one by any chance??? )

Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for  them
to



line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy,



beautiful



big breasted, nude model danced before them.




Each priest had a small bell attached to his weenie and they were told



that



anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be



ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.




The beautiful model danced before the first candidate, with no reaction.




She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests



until she got to the final priest, Carlos. Poor Carlos. As she danced,



his



bell began to ring so loudly that if flew off,  clattering across the



ground



and laid to rest in nearby foliage. Embarrassed, Carlos



quickly scrambled to where the bell came to rest.




He bent over to pick it up.




Then all the other bells started to ring.

GREAT TRUTHS

During these serious and troubled times, people of all faiths should
remember these four great religious truths:
1.. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's Chosen People.
2.. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
3.. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian
world.
4.. Baptists do not recognize each other at the liquor store.


GOOD SAMARITAN 
A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good
Samaritan.

She asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the
roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?"

A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd throw up."


DID NOAH FISH?
A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of
fishing when he was on the Ark ?"
"No," replied Johnny.  "How could he, with just two worms."


THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD
A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of
the most quoted passages in the Bible - Psalm 23.  She gave the youngsters a
month to learn the chapter.

Little Rick was excited about the task - but he just couldn't remember
the Psalm.  After much practice, he could barely get past the first line.
On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the
congregation, Ricky was so nervous.

When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly,
"The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know."



UNANSWERED PRAYER

The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused
and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon.  One day, she
asked him why.

"Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his
messages.  "I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon."

"How come He doesn't answer it?" she asked.


BEING THANKFUL
A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, "So your mother says your
prayers for you each night?  That's very commendable. What does she say?"

The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!"


SAY A PRAYER



Little Johnny and  his family were having Sunday dinner at his
Grandmother's house.  Everyone was seated around the table
as the food was being served.
When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.

"Johnny!  Please wait until we say our prayer." said his mother.  "I
don't need to," the boy replied.

"Of course, you do "his mother insisted.  "We always say a prayer before
eating at our house."

"That's at our house." Johnny explained.  "But this is Grandma's house
and she knows how to cook"

I was sitting at a stoplight yesterday,
minding my own business,
waiting on it to turn green.

A carload of bearded, young, loud Muslims,
shouting anti-American slogans,
with a half- burned American Flag duct taped on the boot of their car
and a "Remember 9-11" slogan spray painted on the side,
stopped next to me.

The light changed, the Muslims praised Allah,
shook their fists, hit the gas & darted off ahead of me.


Suddenly an 18-wheeler came speeding
thru the intersection
& ran directly over their car,
crushing it completely,
killing everyone in the car.


For several minutes
I sat in my car thinking to myself,
"Man... that could have been me!"


So today;
bright and early,
I went out and got a job
as a truck driver.

Ha ha.."are you blonde...?????
True story
Easter I came from Melbourne to Hanoi..?.On the plane sitting next to me was a very pregnant Aussie woman. Complaining.......so I said all you have to do is go ahhhhhh ohhh and you will go business class and not have to stand in line with you're other baby and husband........oh no she said.........I have travelled the world......ok I thought.....she didn't want advice.....during the trip I thought I might have a gin and tonic.....yummmm as I hadn't been drinking for months.....so I asked for another one.....everyone was settling down to sleep....not me! So I asked for another one and seeing that didn't do the trick...I took a Valium .....no result......so I rang the bell. No madam was the reply we are all out of gin.....so I asked politely .....what do you have?    Wine was the answer. That will do.Three wines later I was in an na land ......asleep. Woke up at Saigon ....thinking I was fine.....walking out of the plane ...I heard this Ms Robxxx would you like a chair......that would be lovely I replied.....thru. Customs......going tru business class.....I happen to turn and noticed the lovely pregnant women across the way.....without thinking....I waved at her.....sometimes pure stupidity gets you through first.........

Robyn1954 wrote:

Ha ha.."are you blonde...?????
True story
Easter I came from Melbourne to Hanoi..?.On the plane sitting next to me was a very pregnant Aussie woman. Complaining.......so I said all you have to do is go ahhhhhh ohhh and you will go business class and not have to stand in line with you're other baby and husband........oh no she said.........I have travelled the world......ok I thought.....she didn't want advice.....during the trip I thought I might have a gin and tonic.....yummmm as I hadn't been drinking for months.....so I asked for another one.....everyone was settling down to sleep....not me! So I asked for another one and seeing that didn't do the trick...I took a Valium .....no result......so I rang the bell. No madam was the reply we are all out of gin.....so I asked politely .....what do you have?    Wine was the answer. That will do.Three wines later I was in an na land ......asleep. Woke up at Saigon ....thinking I was fine.....walking out of the plane ...I heard this Ms Robxxx would you like a chair......that would be lovely I replied.....thru. Customs......going tru business class.....I happen to turn and noticed the lovely pregnant women across the way.....without thinking....I waved at her.....sometimes pure stupidity gets you through first.........

Yawn!!! now that would HAVE to be a true story. Maybe you should start a " traveling advice " thread?

what?

Robyn1954 wrote:

what?

You gave the fat woman travel advice. Maybe that's your calling, giving travel advice to fat women, etc? i.e, hairstyles for fat women while they are traveling.

Here's one for Robyn1954
Video Link

DirtyPierre wrote:

Here's one for Robyn1954
Video Link

haha I wouldn't even worry about a getting my money back..

It was a true story......without predujuce".....people are people all over the world. Some with good intention and some with not good intention.........the trick is to find the good intention...and leave the rest to themselves........karma works evenually.......hopefully without causing to much damage to others...........look around and you can see it .......sometimes not immediate ....but definely evenually.

She wasnt fat......she had a live baby inside.....it was her decision

That's funny....her hair looked good.......she just looked tired

Robyn1954 wrote:

She wasnt fat......she had a live baby inside.....it was her decision

Of cause she was fat, that's what happens when a woman gets pregnant?
I hope the baby was live.

Robyn1954 wrote:

That's funny....her hair looked good.......she just looked tired

How was the babies hair?

Offensive........it was meant to be a funny story on travelling

Maybe you should live in Dubai ...seems to be much more suited to your blogs ie character

Robyn1954 wrote:

Offensive........it was meant to be a funny story on travelling

The best jokes are always offensive to some one, best to stay away from this thread. I think you must have missed a few things out in your "funny  ' story . ( like the funny bits i.e )

Robyn1954 wrote:

Maybe you should live in Dubai ...seems to be much more suited to your blogs ie character

I don't think they, ( like you ), would see the humour in our jokes, Muslims definitely cannot laugh at themselves, and will not tolerate anyone else making jokes about them, or their so called God. ( now you are making me be serious ).

Enlighten me on the offensive ....and the funny bits.......and how I may have offended you

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfwu_TG3K7M

Maybe we should pass the same law here in Aussie??!

I wonder if our pollies are as smart as this guy,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Mustafa Kemal, also known as Attaturk, who was the founder of modern Turkey, resolved the problem of women wearing burquas wisely.

He decreed that Turkish women could wear whatever dress they wished, but all prostitutes, by law, MUST wear a burqua.

The problem went away the very next day.

Robyn1954 wrote:

Enlighten me on the offensive ....and the funny bits.......and how I may have offended you

" Offensive........it was meant to be a funny story on travelling ", this is your post, why do you think I would be offended???  and the funny bits,   should have a question mark after it, because I'm still looking for them.

Tutenkamen wrote:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfwu_TG3K7M

Why are they not wearing Burqua's?

@robyn1954, whatever your smoking , can I get some. Are you French by any chance? Because that will explain everything if you are

My blog was never to offend........it was meant to be a light hearted story of my travelling experience.

(the rest of the post is moderated)

Ha ha ha Chris , bullseye

Robyn1954 wrote:

My blog was never to offend........it was meant to be a light hearted story of my travelling experience.
From your reaction / play with interpretation .....what can I say?????
Except you are either taking the piss out of me or you are a genuine serial piss head.
Other than that.......you maybe have a genuine soft spot or intolerance for anyone like yourself or others like yourself............so basically my day has been shit.......so go fuck yourself. Goodnight

Guess I won?  1 out of 3 isn't bad, and i don't drink anymore, and " intolerance for anyone like yourself or others like yourself. ", means exactly the same thing.