Looking for advice or opinions about a girlfriend.

You are confused so you already have the answer. Im vnmese girl and i know girls here prefer western guys to vn guys.
And you should know vn girls very smart, they know what they want and they know how to get it.
Dont be fooled by another guy she tells you. He can gives her tickets, visas, diamonds, houses...(by she telling) but it doesnt matter if she loves you, even you give her nothing.

Anw, good luck to you and be conscious!

That was such a long and complex story about you.

Well, first of all, there is no doubt that she really love you. It's true that i can see through your telling.

Vietnamese girls always want to try their love, whether if that men is truely love or not. That's obviously!

She is just considering about you and chance of living abroad of the other men.

An advice for you (just my opinion): try to ask her (just to try, even not real): How about if i come to VN and i will prepare for you to go to the US?

Then track her behavior,may be the most important thing for her now is not love but to go to the US. Perhaps...

Hi,

I have no idea about dating site. I created an account in a site introduced by my friend but deleted the account after 1 week. So boring there.

She is just 20. Innocent and unstable, especially she has some nice men loving her around. I don't know if she really understand what love is or it is an imagination. Everything you told above sounds common about young girls.

Just don't love her more before meeting her.

OP em oi!
Did you feel the smell of "Green Card"? :-)
@ Dejavu
Excuse me?
Innocent and unstable?
Here kids hang out with their boyfriends under 15 !
They know everything better than you 

charmavietnam wrote:

OP em oi!
Did you feel the smell of "Green Card"? :-)
@ Dejavu
Excuse me?
Innocent and unstable?
Here kids hang out with their boyfriends under 15 !
They know everything better than you 

Me?

charmavietnam wrote:

@ Dejavu
Excuse me?
Innocent and unstable?
Here kids hang out with their boyfriends under 15 !
They know everything better than you 

Dear charma,

I know kids can have a gf/bf since they are 12. But we cant say " they are mature" bc they start dating at the early age. I don't think they know what love is and the word " I love you" just means " I like you". I just believe they are still innocent and that's why they practice the Korea movies or get effected by everything around them. Agree?

I know a girl.. has 2 rich boyfriends. just like.. doesn't love. What's the problem here when she doesn't ask them for money or anything but they always treat her like a queen and take her around many countries and never ask to sleep with her.

She has had many bfs that she couldnt remember the quantity. But she usually asks me what her bf's behavior means. That's why I believe relationships and innocence are different.

Regards

Dejavu.dot wrote:

charmavietnam wrote:

@ Dejavu
Excuse me?
Innocent and unstable?
Here kids hang out with their boyfriends under 15 !
They know everything better than you 

Dear charma,

I know kids can have a gf/bf since they are 12. But we cant say " they are mature" bc they start dating at the early age. I don't think they know what love is and the word " I love you" just means " I like you". I just believe they are still innocent and that's why they practice the Korea movies or get effected by everything around them. Agree?

Like my friend. She is at the same age, has 2 rich boyfriends. just like.. doesn't love. What's the problem here when she doesn't ask them for money or anything but they always treat her like a queen and take her around many countries and never ask to sleep with her.

Isn't it better than me? still single!

Regards

Good saying!

You should just come to Vietnam as soon as possible ...
About replying short or talking in a strange way , this feeling is creation of your mind. She may have problem or just chatting with other friends .. .
But still ,,
It's better to face the reality than being in darkness for long...
Because , I know , if your relationship break up , you will be so sad .. and that girl will not even know your pain ..
And if that girl really loves you , that's the best thing you will have ever in your life ..
I suggest you , don't let her go .
Meet her soon and make her as your own or you may get late . Nothing in certain ..
Heart can change . Lover come , lover goes
Wish you luck in love my friend

Will be back soon:-)

QuynnTr wrote:

charmavietnam wrote:

OP em oi!
Did you feel the smell of "Green Card"? :-)
@ Dejavu
Excuse me?
Innocent and unstable?
Here kids hang out with their boyfriends under 15 !
They know everything better than you 

Me?

No dear :-)
OP = Original Poster (of this thread) :-)

My  is hurting again. In my opinion, your 20 yr old cyber girlfriend is very "immature". Some young people are mature but most are not. Simple as that.  You live in San Jose, CA., right?  The last time I was there many years ago it was bustling with  many Vietnamese. Vietnamese women are not that much different in Vietnam than they are statewide. The only difference is that they have become westernized. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, although some may argue, but it is just my opinion. Someone  here wrote that " Vietnamese women are very smart, they know what they want and how to get it ". Smart and clever are two different things. Don't confuse the two! The real answer is that the man is "a fool". A person can not be forced to do something unless that person allows it to happen.    I suspect the 3 week absence you experience from her is also the same time she meet the other guy online. She already told you that she is not a virgin so that eliminates the "innocence". Right now she is not asking you for money or anything so we are not going to label her a "gold digger" just yet. I think that she is enjoying the fact that someone is interested in her and giving her attention since she isn't marriage worthy according to VN standards. In Vietnam from my observation, the men are not as forward as Westernized men. I am not saying that it is a bad thing, it differs from culture to culture. My suggestion is you hold on to your money and don't go a hopping over to VN right away. That is unless you have only half a brain and one eye. 

In my opinion, i never believe in online-love. You cannot know each other clearly just via chatting, emails. People can hide their bad sides, only show you good sides.

In your story, I think the girl is still too young to know really what love is. If it is possible, I think you should fly to Vietnam to visit her. 

MIA2013 wrote:

My  is hurting again. In my opinion, your 20 yr old cyber girlfriend is very "immature". Some young people are mature but most are not. Simple as that.  You live in San Jose, CA., right?  The last time I was there many years ago it was bustling with  many Vietnamese. Vietnamese women are not that much different in Vietnam than they are statewide. The only difference is that they have become westernized. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, although some may argue, but it is just my opinion. Someone  here wrote that " Vietnamese women are very smart, they know what they want and how to get it ". Smart and clever are two different things. Don't confuse the two! The real answer is that the man is "a fool". A person can not be forced to do something unless that person allows it to happen.    I suspect the 3 week absence you experience from her is also the same time she meet the other guy online. She already told you that she is not a virgin so that eliminates the "innocence". Right now she is not asking you for money or anything so we are not going to label her a "gold digger" just yet. I think that she is enjoying the fact that someone is interested in her and giving her attention since she isn't marriage worthy according to VN standards. In Vietnam from my observation, the men are not as forward as Westernized men. I am not saying that it is a bad thing, it differs from culture to culture. My suggestion is you hold on to your money and don't go a hopping over to VN right away. That is unless you have only half a brain and one eye. 

Mia2013: well said btw, I'll send you a message by the end of this month
OP: Are you Vietkieu? Not offensive but is it more difficult to find a girl for VK guy in SJ rather than an online one? Wait a minute if I miss anything, so you asked the girl to be your girlfriend (officially!) and she said yes already or you just assume that she agreed to be your girlfriend through her reaction by "online dating"?!? I'm not giving you an advice since I dont see myself as a "current" typical VNese girl so here is my 2vnd opinion: ask your VK friends around who are living in SJ and frequently back to VN (which I believe a lot) how they think about your whatever relationship now. Head back to VN and plan something with your girl for a bit suprised plan so that you can "smell" her better on what she really wants from you "a guy" "real love" or "green card". Anyway, I believe "physical conversation, touching, eyes contact, impression, etc" much better than online conversation. Good luck with that!
Other VN girls' posts [presumably]: I'm glad to see a lot of "innocent VN girls" as you said! Can you introduce me some??? My VK and foreign friends would love to know them. Haha

Oh, read this topic I learned 2 things:
1. What's is OP?  Thanks Charma.
2. Vietnamese girls are smart... Oh yeah. I am a old woman, I don't know this, maybe nowadays many things are changing.. . My students, IT girls, I think they are very normal. Even don't know how to  use their advantages to make man do something for them... I must teach them more... Especially, they should learn English more... to become smarter... I hope they will have many chances to get married with foreigners if they want!

I really don't understand these people who "meet" someone online and think you know the person.  I guess it's just loneliness or desperation that leads people to believing they've found their soul mate after a few months of chatting. Never mind never actually meeting the person or having any idea of their culture or language.

aibiet150204 wrote:

MIA2013 wrote:

My  is hurting again. In my opinion, your 20 yr old cyber girlfriend is very "immature". Some young people are mature but most are not. Simple as that.  You live in San Jose, CA., right?  The last time I was there many years ago it was bustling with  many Vietnamese. Vietnamese women are not that much different in Vietnam than they are statewide. The only difference is that they have become westernized. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, although some may argue, but it is just my opinion. Someone  here wrote that " Vietnamese women are very smart, they know what they want and how to get it ". Smart and clever are two different things. Don't confuse the two! The real answer is that the man is "a fool". A person can not be forced to do something unless that person allows it to happen.    I suspect the 3 week absence you experience from her is also the same time she meet the other guy online. She already told you that she is not a virgin so that eliminates the "innocence". Right now she is not asking you for money or anything so we are not going to label her a "gold digger" just yet. I think that she is enjoying the fact that someone is interested in her and giving her attention since she isn't marriage worthy according to VN standards. In Vietnam from my observation, the men are not as forward as Westernized men. I am not saying that it is a bad thing, it differs from culture to culture. My suggestion is you hold on to your money and don't go a hopping over to VN right away. That is unless you have only half a brain and one eye. 

Mia2013: well said btw, I'll send you a message by the end of this month
OP: Are you Vietkieu? Not offensive but is it more difficult to find a girl for VK guy in SJ rather than an online one? Wait a minute if I miss anything, so you asked the girl to be your girlfriend (officially!) and she said yes already or you just assume that she agreed to be your girlfriend through her reaction by "online dating"?!? I'm not giving you an advice since I dont see myself as a "current" typical VNese girl so here is my 2vnd opinion: ask your VK friends around who are living in SJ and frequently back to VN (which I believe a lot) how they think about your whatever relationship now. Head back to VN and plan something with your girl for a bit suprised plan so that you can "smell" her better on what she really wants from you "a guy" "real love" or "green card". Anyway, I believe "physical conversation, touching, eyes contact, impression, etc" much better than online conversation. Good luck with that!
Other VN girls' posts [presumably]: I'm glad to see a lot of "innocent VN girls" as you said! Can you introduce me some??? My VK and foreign friends would love to know them. Haha

He's not VK.  A western Vietnamese would know better.

Adhome01 wrote:

I really don't understand these people who "meet" someone online and think you know the person.  I guess it's just loneliness or desperation that leads people to believing they've found their soul mate after a few months of chatting. Never mind never actually meeting the person or having any idea of their culture or language.

The only thing I can conclude is some people have to learn the hard way.  Anybody who thinks that chatting with someone online is real, and they've somehow found a dating loophole is delusional.  The fact is, if you want to get to know somebody, you need to live near them.  That means, if you want to marry a girl from Vietnam, you need to move to Vietnam.  But some guys won't make a hard choice like that (because they have an "awesome" condo in the suburbs of California, and a Toyota pickup that's nearly paid-off) and instead waste months or years of their lives pursuing a relationship that not only has almost no chance of working, but has a high probability of crashing in a fireball worthy of a 1930s German airship.

That's assuming Mr. One-Post isn't trolling us, which I'm not sure isn't the case at this point.




.

Trolling works for me.....I caught some Mahi Mahi and black fin Tuna in Key Largo, FL. 

Dejavu.dot wrote:

Dear charma,
I know kids can have a gf/bf since they are 12. But we cant say they are mature bc they start dating at the early age.

Then what is the criteria of 'maturity' in your opinion?

I don't think they know what love is and the word  I love you just means  I like you.

  Em oi! here in this forum, there are many 'matured' people under your definition. Do you think all of them or many of them or some of them know well  "What is love?"

I just believe they are still innocent and that's why they practice the Korea movies or get effected by everything around them. Agree?

Totally disagree! I never think that they are INNOCENT but ignorant! Movies may influence in some matters but not all. Will they do communal violence after watch a that sort of movie? or rape someone from the influence of a mere movie? or kill someone ? They are aware of what they are... and what they should do  when they live in a society.

I know a girl.. has 2 rich boyfriends. just like.. doesn't love. What's the problem here when she doesn't ask them for money or anything but they always treat her like a queen and take her around many countries and never ask to sleep with her.  She has had many bfs that she couldnt remember the quantity. But she usually asks me what her bf's behavior means. That's why I believe relationships and innocence are different. Regards

Yeah, many girls court rich boys and make these kind of stories to convince people like you 
Her boyfriends take her 'many countries' ? She don't have a family? Nobody ask her? So they rent 2 rooms in hotel?
Em oi! as you mentioned, is this Korean Drama?    If this is a real story, who believe that she never sleep with them?    Is she Mother Theresa?
To understand the real TRUTH, you should follow her some days! Anyway, fantastic script!

Hello again,

I guess I am now Mr. Two-Post. First of all I wanted to thank everyone for their opinions. I don't think I ever said she was my soul mate. I just needed some other opinions to think over.

@DanFromSF - I am not trolling. Good call on the Toyota. Not a pick-up, but a Land Cruiser.

Anyway it seems charmavietnam was pretty close. It wasn't the smell of the "Green Card" but the smell of "Money". Today she tried to hit me up for money. It wasn't for any emergency, but for a monthly allowance.

She's not in any hurry. She said she doesn't need the money. She wants me to think about it. So there it is in black and white. Am I hurt or sad? Not really. More like disappointed.

I wonder how many guys fall for that? Probably a lot. While I have not lived in Vietnam. I had visited back in 1997 when I was 15. It was a great experience to see the country. I know a lot has changed since then.

I didn't have a lot of experience meeting people online, so I wanted to get feedback from others who may have experienced something similar to my experience.

I understand there are good and bad people in any country. I will plan to visit Vietnam at another time. I don't have any problems with living abroad as long as I have a good job there. Something for me to consider in the future.

@MIA2013 - I trolled for salmon in Monterey Bay.

I think both Dejavu.dot and charmavietnam have brought up some very valid points. One thing I was surprised with was how she asked for money without it being some kind of emergency. Thank you both.

I suggest you never give a Dong to her 
If you search the archives of this forum, can see some 'experienced' westerners ( I think some UK guys or US) posted their dilemma    and complaints!

charmavietnam wrote:

Em oi! here in this forum, there are many 'matured' people under your definition. Do you think all of them or many of them or some of them know well  "What is love?"

Why do you keep addressing people as Em?  I'm sure you don't know their sex or age with 100% certainty and therefore it's a bit degrading.  How about addressing them by their login name instead, in the same way Dejavu.dot addressed you?


.

charmavietnam wrote:

Then what is the criteria of 'maturity' in your opinion?

Em oi! here in this forum, there are many 'matured' people under your definition. Do you think all of them or many of them or some of them know well  "What is love?"

Totally disagree! I never think that they are INNOCENT but ignorant! Movies may influence in some matters but not all. Will they do communal violence after watch a that sort of movie? or rape someone from the influence of a mere movie? or kill someone ? They are aware of what they are... and what they should do  when they live in a society.

[color=#0A0EF4]Yeah, many girls court rich boys and make these kind of stories to convince people like you 
Her boyfriends take her 'many countries' ? She don't have a family? Nobody ask her? So they rent 2 rooms in hotel?
Em oi! as you mentioned, is this Korean Drama?    If this is a real story, who believe that she never sleep with them?    Is she Mother Theresa?

Thanks for your reply. I cant tell you what my definition of "maturity" is. It is not about "being able to give birth". Many people are still a child although they can be 40-50 or even 70 years old. " Being a child" here doesn't mean bad. The innocence can be from lacking experiences or from having many experiences.

What is love? Pls watch this video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2bH_ZqpHY0   

Sure they rent 2 hotel rooms. A wise experienced girl will always know how to choose their partners which are suitable to their standards. Not run around him and do everything to satisfy men.

robert_jpop wrote:

Hello again,
I guess I am now Mr. Two-Post. First of all I wanted to thank everyone for their opinions. I don't think I ever said she was my soul mate. I just needed some other opinions to think over.

You're welcome. I believe you know what to do next.

DanFromSF wrote:

Why do you keep addressing people as Em?  I'm sure you don't know their sex or age with 100% certainty and therefore it's a bit degrading.  How about addressing them by their login name instead, in the same way Dejavu.dot addressed you?
.

Thanks for your justice Dan. Yes I am 100 years old. Don't know my gender either!

Online relationships are in so many ways different from an actual one. Its easier to have convo online and easier to feel comfortable with someone. Things also could also be changed quickly since there are lesser personal interaction. Its just one click to go offline... Really, online is only gonna be good as real when you meet her. Visit her, spend time with her and see/feel where the relationship is heading when you're together. And its a plus to show her you are taking her seriously

I guess we can officially label her a "gold digger" (Kanye West's song) now that she has hit you up for some money. 

Mr. Two-post needs to come over to Vietnam and spend several months here, getting to know the ladies. Note I said ladies - not just one - many. Anyone who has never been to Vietnam and never had any experience with the women here will get eaten alive by them.  I'm dead serious - especially if they're between 20 and 30 years old. No need to elaborate more. Just listen to what I'm saying. Don't even think about an "online relationship" with a VN girl, and be very careful with an "In-person relationship".  My apologies to the VN ladies posting on this forum. I think you know what I'm talking about anyway.

ngattt wrote:

Oh, read this topic I learned 2 things:
1. What's is OP?  Thanks Charma.
2. Vietnamese girls are smart... Oh yeah. I am a old woman, I don't know this, maybe nowadays many things are changing.. . My students, IT girls, I think they are very normal. Even don't know how to  use their advantages to make man do something for them... I must teach them more... Especially, they should learn English more... to become smarter... I hope they will have many chances to get married with foreigners if they want!

Haha really? Im VNmese, i used to work and live aboard for awhile and all vn girls around me and in VN are very smart we proud of that. And i think many people think like me.
You disargree? You think little of vnmese? im not sure you are vnmese.

And you said you are an IT teacher and IT girls are very "normal"?
Haha yea, i can tell.

@OP: Is she a educated person? I think some young girls dont have time to surf dating Website, if she spend more time for studying in university. At that age (20), she must study first, she will have many chances to date with a Vietnamese man...

I dont know why, when men find a girls, they dont think about educated, just sexy or beautiful first. I know men always like beautiful women, I like handsome men too . But if you want to get married with a girl, you must think further. If she is a educated woman, she will know how to take care family and teach your children become good people... If she spends much time for studying, she dont have time to cheat anybody. Certainly, not all educated girls/ women are good, I know.

QuynnTr wrote:

Haha really? Im VNmese and all girls around me are very smart we proud of that. And i think many people think like me.
You disargree? You think little of vnmese? im not sure you are vnmese.

And you said you are an IT teacher and IT girls are very "normal"?
Haha yea, i can tell.

Yes, I am normal, very normal . Just work hard to achieve my goal, like this: how to get higher degree and how to buy some big things in my life, how to teach well, how to make me more beautiful everyday ? Its enough for me . I'm really simple. You will know in very very near future !

Nga, what are you apologizing for?  I don't see anything you have done wrong.

ngattt wrote:

@OP: Is she a educated person? I think some young girls dont have time to surf dating Website, if she spend more time for studying in university. At that age (20), she must study first, she will have many chances to date with a Vietnamese man...

Yes, I am normal, very normal . Just work hard to achieve my goal, like this: how to get higher degree and how to buy some big things in my life, how to teach well, how to make me more beautiful everyday ? Its enough for me . I'm really simple. You will know in very very near future !

Are you sure you understand the meaning of these words : smart and normal.

Btw i argree with you that at her age 20, she should be in university in stead of dating website.

Dejavu.dot wrote:

Thanks for your justice Dan. Yes I am 100 years old. Don't know my gender either!

LOL!

I just find it odd that Charma knows people's names, even if they are login IDs, but still chooses to use Em and Anh.  For Pete's sake, acknowledge people for who they are, not some generic pronoun.

Life s so short, should try and do what things U need to do. If not, U ll REGRET wit in the case hving nice things re waiting for U. I proud of M Vietnamese. But  .......ll be sad for anyone to see a bad Vietnamese girl:(. Good luck to everyone.

saigonmonkey, you are so right! You have summed up the situation here in just a few words!
But, no one seems to realize that this is not a democratic country and it has been at war for almost 50 years before becoming reunited as one whole country and enjoying peace now.
Because of these facts, most Vietnamese people did not have a regular education like we do. Therefore, the country is almost 50 years backward compared to most of the world; not to mention in 1975, it was one of the poorest countries in the world. That means the whole country is uneducated and even now education in Vietnam is still very limited; that's why kids from wealthy families ( 1 per cent of population) go abroad for education!
Now a lot of foreigners are coming to Vietnam, bringing in new technologies, more money, new jobs....most Vietnamese people think that foreigners are wealthier and have better lives (which is true mostly). And that's why we have the kind of problem "saigonmonkey" mentioned in his post.
So, guys, be careful, whether you date on line or in person! Wish you all the best of luck!

DanFromSF wrote:

Nga, what are you apologizing for?  I don't see anything you have done wrong.

When I edited my post, I always click "Quote", hic! And I made 2 duplicated post!

QuynnTr wrote:

Are you sure you understand the meaning of these words : smart and normal.

Btw i argree with you that at her age 20, she should be in university in stead of dating website.

Ah, I meant I'm not smart, just normal but hard-working. Normal ==> smart.
Everything I have now, because I'm a hard-working person.

zabrinale wrote:

saigonmonkey, you are so right! You have summed up the situation here in just a few words!
But, no one seems to realize that this is not a democratic country and it has been at war for almost 50 years before becoming reunited as one whole country and enjoying peace now.
Because of these facts, most Vietnamese people did not have a regular education like we do. Therefore, the country is almost 50 years backward compared to most of the world; not to mention in 1975, it was one of the poorest countries in the world. That means the whole country is uneducated and even now education in Vietnam is still very limited; that's why kids from wealthy families ( 1 per cent of population) go abroad for education!
Now a lot of foreigners are coming to Vietnam, bringing in new technologies, more money, new jobs....most Vietnamese people think that foreigners are wealthier and have better lives (which is true mostly). And that's why we have the kind of problem "saigonmonkey" mentioned in his post.
So, guys, be careful, whether you date on line or in person! Wish you all the best of luck!

Is Vietnam really bad like this? And what is " regular education" here? What is "educated and uneducated "?

And

1% kids from wealthy families go abroad for education=> does it mean they are educated and higher class ?

You are wrong Dan 
What if I know their sex?
But I used that not only for sex but to address younger than me 
If they complain it as degrading, then I will consider that.
Is their any rule in this forum about addressing?

DanFromSF wrote:

Why do you keep addressing people as Em?  I'm sure you don't know their sex or age with 100% certainty and therefore it's a bit degrading.  How about addressing them by their login name instead, in the same way Dejavu.dot addressed you?

ngattt wrote:

DanFromSF wrote:

Nga, what are you apologizing for?  I don't see anything you have done wrong.

When I edited my post, I always click "Quote", hic! And I made 2 duplicated post!

QuynnTr wrote:

Are you sure you understand the meaning of these words : smart and normal.

Btw i argree with you that at her age 20, she should be in university in stead of dating website.

Ah, I meant I'm not smart, just normal but hard-working. Normal ==> smart.
Everything I have now, because I'm a hard-working person.

charmavietnam wrote:

You are wrong Dan 
What if I know their sex?
But I used that not only for sex but to address younger than me 
If they complain it as degrading, then I will consider that.
Is their any rule in this forum about addressing?

Regardless of whether you know their sex or their age, you know their names.  Why do you choose not to use it?  It is demeaning to refer to a woman as "em oi!" when you know her name and she addresses you with your name.  Why do you not see this?

Whether it is a forum rule or not is a strawman argument;  this is a matter politeness.  Addressing a woman as "em oi!" is not polite after she has addressed you by your name, and you know hers!