Looking for advice or opinions about a girlfriend.

ngattt wrote:

cvco wrote:

Like a cartoon character? Ok fine! Do you have a favorite?

This blog is becoming addictive! help!

Whatever you can make fun , and bring happy for others is ok with me. Hihi.
I have many favorite, but I will tell you later. I am sure I need your help . But I read some your recent posts, I know you are very busy. So, spend time for yourself to relax. Take care.

Dont worry....everything is OK and im enjoying you very much. I have to do my daily work and this trip planning but otherwise OK. We just do what we can, everything will be fine

This thread has been running off the rails for the majority of it's existence.

And speaking of girlfriends......

I didnt mean to give the impression I was angry about lost love in Vietnam or that I hated those women. Not at all. Its life and there is a lot we often have to simply let go of and dont fret about. If two people want to be together they find the way. If one doesnt, its not the end of the world, its something to be thankful about because now you are free to find those situations in which both people can keep saying YES to each other. I dont harbor any bad feelings. You cant force someone to like you, so dont.

Besides, ive changed anyway. All new criteria for a good woman. If she speaks French and drives a old and pretty Citroen, and dresses in the 1930s French fashion and enjoys smoking, thats enough for me. We can marry. Ok? Simple.

Adhome01 wrote:

This thread has been running off the rails for the majority of it's existence.

haha, are we counting? Besides, i just posted about girlfriends, im back on the rails!

lirelou wrote:

Ngatt posted:  :You meant "she is very strong and independent"? Maybe you are right.
Some of Viet men dont want to have a wife who is very strong and independent, make money more than them. They dont feel comfortable with intelligent women."

And sometimes it is not the man who feels threatened. I know one Vietnamese man whose mother sabotaged his wedding plans with a Pharmacist he was in love with because she felt threatened and that the future daughter-in-law would not respect her.

I focused on the last paragraph and missed the whole point.

ASEAN (i dont mean ASIAN) men share a lot of similarities. My take on this is that they dont like very strong and independent types because staying with a "down" woman allows them to remain lazy about their own life and never having to do the hard work of education and improvement. An independent type might leave them soon and then they have nothing. So they keep going after women below the mans own worth because that way he thinks he can keep her instead of working to get up to the mark. I like the strong and independent women for their energy, ideas and willingness to reach high in their life. I would never feel threatened by her, we're going to compliment each other and go places in life.

I wish more people who are threatened by independent women could see that those qualities could add to their life, not hinder it.

eodmatt,

Funny story about that English trick which I have also ALMOST fallen for a few times myself. The perpetrators could hardly contain their enthusiasm for the trick and that small change in their expressions led me to know a game was on and i didnt bite.  lol

cvco wrote:

eodmatt,

Funny story about that English trick which I have also ALMOST fallen for a few times myself. The perpetrators could hardly contain their enthusiasm for the trick and that small change in their expressions led me to know a game was on and i didnt bite.  lol

And of course someone tried a similar trick on me in Laos, but since the Laos language is very similar to Thai, I was able to use Google Translate to check! 

eodmatt wrote:

cvco wrote:

eodmatt,

Funny story about that English trick which I have also ALMOST fallen for a few times myself. The perpetrators could hardly contain their enthusiasm for the trick and that small change in their expressions led me to know a game was on and i didnt bite.  lol

And of course someone tried a similar trick on me in Laos, but since the Laos language is very similar to Thai, I was able to use Google Translate to check! 

I wouldnt dare do that to anyone. It seems to be distinctly Asian. But i admit im startled to hear it done in front of an Ambassador! What nerve! lol

cvco wrote:

And speaking of girlfriends......

If two people want to be together they find the way. If one doesnt, its not the end of the world, its something to be thankful about because now you are free to find those situations in which both people can keep saying YES to each other. I dont harbor any bad feelings. You cant force someone to like you, so dont.

When I have a trouble, I always think like you . It help me think postive, and never feel sad in long time. Always try to smile...
But, why you dont try to find women in other countries? You like Vietnamese than others?

cvco wrote:

I wouldnt dare do that to anyone. It seems to be distinctly Asian. But i admit im startled to hear it done in front of an Ambassador! What nerve! lol

In 2005, I worked with a Korean. My colleagues (men), taught him Vietnamese: "anh muốn hấp diêm (hiếp dâm) em", - "I want to rape you" ... Because many men were there, only I am woman, he believed them , and didnt believe me. He talked with me many times, I felt very shy .

Some days ago, with my English teacher, some students teach him "sure (chắc chắn)" means "chắc chim" or "chim chắc" is ok. "Chim" is a bad word in Vietname , athough it has other meaning "bird". When he chatted with me, I think he was wrong. But when he used it many times, I think someone taugh him like that.

So, dont believe anyone , check every word before you say .

ngattt wrote:

cvco wrote:

And speaking of girlfriends......

If two people want to be together they find the way. If one doesnt, its not the end of the world, its something to be thankful about because now you are free to find those situations in which both people can keep saying YES to each other. I dont harbor any bad feelings. You cant force someone to like you, so dont.

When I have a trouble, I always think like you . It help me think postive, and never feel sad in long time. Always try to smile...
But, why you dont try to find women in other countries? You like Vietnamese than others?

cvco wrote:

I wouldnt dare do that to anyone. It seems to be distinctly Asian. But i admit im startled to hear it done in front of an Ambassador! What nerve! lol

In 2005, I worked with a Korean. My colleagues (men), taught him Vietnamese: "anh muốn hấp diêm (hiếp dâm) em", - "I want to rape you" ... Because many men were there, only I am woman, he believed them , and didnt believe me. He talked with me many times, I felt very shy .

Some days ago, with my English teacher, some students teach him "sure (chắc chắn)" means "chắc chim" or "chim chắc" is ok. "Chim" is a bad word in Vietname , athough it has other meaning "bird". When he chatted with me, I think he was wrong. But when he used it many times, I think someone taugh him like that.

So, dont believe anyone , check every word before you say .

There you are, i thought you wouldnt come today. Ok nice.

Oh! I never focused on girls of one country only, i only relayed some experience with Vietnamese. Yes there were others but i didnt think it was important to say so. I like everyone, including Vietnamese.

But I should say that I dont know about Viet girls. Ive known many as friends but never a serious relationship, never living together, never in love, never real experiences. I do hope to get out of the realm of online friends, its making me crazy. Need the real thing and then decide why I like or hate them!

English tricks. Yeah I know people will try any trick and I agree, check the words! I PROMISE i wont play that trick on you

Hi all

I have only one question about relationship that. Is love relationship with Vietnamese Girl with Foreigner works well or they all used foreigners for Money, Stuff etc. etc. Because I have gf from Vietnam, We keep in touch with each other last 4 years and I visit her 2 times in vietnam . The Prob. is when I ask her to marry me she only give me on reply that she want to have Live in relationship with me and want I move to vietnam and Settle with her over there So I am bit frustrate because In this time there is no Scope for job there.

any wise reply will be appreciated.

Thanks all

if you ask this question, mean you not understand much about her.? So the best way u should not marry her now. in my opinion, there are also many good and bad people on the world. so, dont think all (they all used foreigners for Money, Stuff etc. etc.). Do you agree that not all foreigners are rich? so, not all girls use foreigners for money. In my opinion, Love relationships can have anywhere and with anyone. However, to work well or not it depends on the couples.
Sorry for being straightforward
Finally, good luck:)

I know my girl friend's behavior like what she want and wat she like. But is it easy to settle there for a normal Job Holder person. thanks for ur opinion. I appreciate that and I like your straight forward reply.

cvco wrote:

There you are, i thought you wouldnt come today. Ok nice.

Oh! I never focused on girls of one country only, i only relayed some experience with Vietnamese. Yes there were others but i didnt think it was important to say so. I like everyone, including Vietnamese.

I always come here everyday, dear . But I dont post anything except on early morning, lunch break and evening . Because I spend more time to read everything you guys wrote. I cant understand all, so I must try all my best to read more and more . I'm preparing for Toeic test on September 12...

About love: I've read your post in another topic, I know you not only falling in love with Vietnamese woman. Maybe you were not lucky in relationship with women. But, dont worry, everything will be OK. Believe me, I was very lucky in the relationship. But when I am 32 years old, I return to starting point. Althought I tried to do everything in many years to archieve only 1 thing, but God always want to challenge me, force me attempt more! Some months ago, I was FEAR = Forget Everything And Run. Now, I'm still FEAR, but Face Everything And Rice. Yes, I am facing...
I like this: "Everything will be OK in the end. If not OK, its not the end!"

majorkalsi wrote:

Hi all
We keep in touch with each other last 4 years and I visit her 2 times in vietnam . The Prob. is when I ask her to marry me she only give me on reply that she want to have Live in relationship with me and want I move to vietnam and Settle with her over there So I am bit frustrate because In this time there is no Scope for job there.


Thanks all

4 years for the relationship is too long, I think or she didnt really love you (to give up everything in Vietnam to your country). But how old is she? And you usually send money for her?

Am 33 Yrs old and she is 32 yrs old and never married yet. She did not ask money from me every time Just ask occasionally. In 4 year relationship she ask money from me only 3 times.

majorkalsi wrote:

Am 33 Yrs old and she is 32 yrs old and never married yet. She did not ask money from me every time Just ask occasionally. In 4 year relationship she ask money from me only 3 times.

I dont think anyone can know your answers because they dont know the girl or whats really in her mind. But generally, I think by the time a person needs to ask all your questions, its already a bad relationship and its up to you to end it.

Since you dont mind giving her money sometimes she has no reason to drop you and she probably wont as long as you remain willing to help. I dont think she is trying to strip you of your rmoney but its not a good sign when she keeps asking for money, even if its a small amount. She has no job?

I wont say that because she wont commit to marriage its a bad relationship. Marriage is a big commitment and maybe she wants time in real experiences to make up her mind. Its not a bad thing.

But, the worst part of your questions is about employment. If you have a solid way to stay in Vietnam (or anywhere your partner is, then OK). For example, you have already landed a job or you have 1-year cash reserves saved up for living expenses while you search. But if you move to Vietnam and cant find a job, what would you do, leave? If you leave, would you take her with you? Would you consider now having her move to your country instead of you moving? To just show up in a foreign country and expect to go get a general job is (almost) impossible these days. If you were rich and didnt need to work then ok go. Ive watched many relationships go down in flames because the foreigner couldnt find good work in the foreign country and they were forced to break, or otherwise face living apart from each other permanently and that wont work.

Overall, the relationship sounds weak. Cut your losses and run. Sorry to be harsh but thats my take on it.

There are nice girls here who can give you more things to consider about her. I always wish the other person would come in and tell their side of the story. Its easier to help then. She may not see things the same way you do.

Hi Mate

Thanks for your reply with detail. Actually the point is she want to live with me as  Live in Relationship. She was working as Architect in vietnam but after real estate work slow down her boss close the company and she lost her job and she still jobless now. Even after have no job she did not demand money always I appreciate that. Because I saw many girls who always demand for money every month or weeks. She dont agree for marry in this moment because of she dont have job. Even I have good job and earning good money but we can only survive 3 or 4 months not much. She dont want to move India because of some safety reasons regarding women. She want we both successful in our business before falling in to marriage (presently she trying to improve her skills in embroidry and sewing) which is really useful if we going to stay together. She still love me the way I love her but some times hard situations make things messy. I am happy with her and she is happy with me I meet her in real life twice already. I just wanted to know is there any other option to stay in Vietnam for long long time (like more than 6 months or year).

Thanks

majorkalsi wrote:

Hi Mate

Thanks for your reply with detail. Actually the point is she want to live with me as  Live in Relationship. She was working as Architect in vietnam but after real estate work slow down her boss close the company and she lost her job and she still jobless now. Even after have no job she did not demand money always I appreciate that. Because I saw many girls who always demand for money every month or weeks. She dont agree for marry in this moment because of she dont have job. Even I have good job and earning good money but we can only survive 3 or 4 months not much. She dont want to move India because of some safety reasons regarding women. She want we both successful in our business before falling in to marriage (presently she trying to improve her skills in embroidry and sewing) which is really useful if we going to stay together. She still love me the way I love her but some times hard situations make things messy. I am happy with her and she is happy with me I meet her in real life twice already. I just wanted to know is there any other option to stay in Vietnam for long long time (like more than 6 months or year).

Thanks

Hi Majorkalsi,

Where there is a will, there is a way.

We can see there're no way she will move over sea to be with you in India. Moving abroad is a big thing to Vietnamese, especially for a woman, there're many things she will be afraid of ( Of course if you go to a totally new place you will deal with many many obstacles ) It's up to you now, you will be the one who moves to Vietnam .

Finding a job as a graphic designer is not easy in Vietnam, because most of the companies will looking for Vietnamese guys so that they will pay for less, rather than a foreigner. I think you should earn and save money as much as possible. You'll use them when you move to Vietnam.

You can negotiate with your company that you will outsource online for them, you can be in Vietnam and do your job in India ; or you will work as a freelancer.

It's hard, you will try all your best. Good luck my friend :-)

majorkalsi wrote:

Hi all

I have only one question about relationship that. Is love relationship with Vietnamese Girl with Foreigner works well or they all used foreigners for Money, Stuff etc. etc. Because I have gf from Vietnam, We keep in touch with each other last 4 years and I visit her 2 times in vietnam . The Prob. is when I ask her to marry me she only give me on reply that she want to have Live in relationship with me and want I move to vietnam and Settle with her over there So I am bit frustrate because In this time there is no Scope for job there.

any wise reply will be appreciated.

Thanks all

I don't see how anyone could really know someone they've only met 2 times. Chatting or using Skype is not really getting to know someone. Too many people think they "know" someone by talking online. Not sharing the same language, or in your case only speaking in a language neither of you speak fluently, complicates things more. The best thing to do is get to know each other in person with no commitments. Then you can see if you really even like each other, let alone love. It sounds like your "gf" has a better head on her shoulders concerning this relationship. She doesn't want to marry until she knows you. Sounds like a reasonable request to me.

Hi Mate


Thanks for your valueable advise i think i need more time to fall in marry to her !!

Thanks again

majorkalsi wrote:

Hi Mate
Thanks for your valueable advise i think i need more time to fall in marry to her !!

You girlfriend is 32 years old, same age as me. I know many girls of this age, they are always very strong and independent. So, it is easy to understand why she want to postpone (delay) your wedding to concentrate for her career. Nowadays, many Vietnamse women dont want to get married soon. They need to spend much more time for study, career. Because they are afraid, after marriage, they must spend more time for family, for baby.

I think you should spend much time for her, go to Vietnam as much as you can. 4 years and 2 times are not enough to understand each other. If I were her, though you are very rich, I dont want to get married . Because I will think, if I give up everything here, and live in your country, I'm not sure you will spend more time for family... I will feel lonely when live there...
Good luck, dear!



.

majorkalsi wrote:

Hi Mate


Thanks for your valueable advise i think i need more time to fall in marry to her !!

Thanks again

Are you saying you didnt like that she wanted to live together instead of marry? I know she wanted to live together but you didnt say you liked that idea or not. Or are you saying you fear that because she wants to live together that its not a real commitment and she may leave you?

Personally id rather live together without marriage if there isnt going to be children but it doesnt mean i care less or love less. I may be alone in that thinking.

cvco wrote:

Are you saying you didnt like that she wanted to live together instead of marry? I know she wanted to live together but you didnt say you liked that idea or not. Or are you saying you fear that because she wants to live together that its not a real commitment and she may leave you?

Personally id rather live together without marriage if there isnt going to be children but it doesnt mean i care less or love less. I may be alone in that thinking.

I think she wants to live in this relationship until she could forget him and find the other.
Or until she is successful in her career, so when he lives here, she doesnt care about how much money he can earn.
It's not easy, I guess so, because after she lost her job, she cant find another job immediately...

Hahaha

its funny but good comment to read also !! I am not forcing her marriage my point is about how to get and settle easily in vietnam !! She dont want to marry at this moment that means i dont have chance to get to close with her easily. Even i dont see any job opportunity there coz foreigner companies hire local person in less money who can interact with local people. As i told before she dont ask money always from me she delay marriage coz she want to be successful in his working career so i respect her decision So in Short i feel uncomfortable with this situation. And I dont want to take her India too because she read news very often about India and she feel scared to come n live here so I am the one who need to go in Vietnam and settle there.

Ok, so, spend time to learn English. You can find a job easily here. My English teacher is India, many people like to study with him, cos he teaches interestingly. I spend about 3 years to study to get new job here in Saigon.

If she doesnt want to get married but still want to live in the relationship, why you cant get close with her?

Well
I can speak and write good english but am not fluent in that !! 2nd thing is I really want to be close with her but the prob. is still a Job. Without a job I can survive 5 to 6 months but wats after that return back to India which seems not good idea. I spend 1 year to find a job in vietnam and i failed to get one. I just hope i get a good job and move to vietnam soon and am not forcing her i just want to be close with her. To be marry with her its only my given thought but I respect her decision to not marry before getting successful career.

You can live in India 2 years to work and earn money, and try to improve your English, get any certificate that they need. Its not easy, but when you teach in Viêtnam, you can teach speaking skill for children. I cant speak well, but sometimes I teach my students listening skill . Certainly, no fee kakaka.

32 years is not young enough to wait until success. But 2 years maybe ok for both.

Or you can use your money and do business, support her career. She does business with embroidery now? She makes some picture to sell? It calls "tranh thêu" or "tranh thêu chữ thập". Sorry I use mobile, I cant translate this.



.

But I am not sure about your case.
I have a friend, he likes talking to me every day via Tango, and sometimes, Skype. Just friend, in some months. When I saw him said with some special words like "muahhhh, miss you" or something like that, I dont dare to talk to him more. He sent msg, I replied. But I never sent msg first.

He asked me, how is my life in Vietnam. I replied:
- I  am very ok here and never think to leave Vietnam. You should spend time for your real life, don't talk to me more...
- But I dont think I will find the other is like you.
- Yes. But try. I dont want you waste your time. Pls live your real life, find someone lives near you. I wont talk to you more...

He is very gentleman, handsome and manly. If he lives here, I think I will fall in love with him, hihi. But I dont want to make the other's life more harder. Because we all can find someone else near us, to make our life happier and easier.

YEs i know we already decide that we will concentrate on work much and earn much money next 2 years. Well i have also a client from Abroad for whom I work online as part time designer if He appoint me full time designer then it will be  good and may be that time i can survive longer. But one thing i dont understand is why someone need to keep renew visa even they got 5 or more years visa on their passport. Its strange law ryt ?

Hahaha yea its true we all need someone close to us !! But if you love truly then everything can happen !! Dont u think if we dont care each other and love each other then we can spend 4 years online !! May be No !! But we have trust each other and respect each other thats why our relationship still surviving. But sometimes this distance really makes person frustrated when you all want is your someone special near you.

By the way I love dalat weather so calm, cool and relaxing !!

Ah, maybe you guys had some special days in Dalat. Thats why...

I have been to Dalat many times with a special man. Go to many place in Vietnam together. Having more than 5 years together. Be happy and always share everything.
But, finally, I give up first... I can't stand making his life harder. Although after that, my life is more harder... Everyone doesnt agree with my decision, even I cant talk to my mother because she is really angry with me...
But now, I feel OK. I am younger than before because I dont need to worry about life, just do what I want...

Ok, I think its enough. Good luck to you.

thanks gud luck to you too

Well.....reading the recent posts re-affirms the notion, yet again, that 1) long distance relationships are not going to work well 2) one needs to be planted in a place first, then look for a lover who can be seen and talked to often.

Often its easier and faster to get to know someone online, and multiple people, and it should not be true. Its an odd thing about people that they are willing to have a conversation, and bare their soul, with a perfect stranger but they are not willing to have that same exchange if they met face to face at adjacent tables in a coffee shop. "Online" has changed people, maybe for the worse, because logic says this should be the other way around--secrecy online, honestly and openness face to face.

Its precisely in the middle of that illogic that we find the posters who have various trouble. Majorkalsi and others, and me too, by our experiences make the case that online life is crap and should be abandoned as the way to look for love but a great means to stay in touch AFTER a relationship is made.

A better way is this. Ive learned the hard way, from a long time ago, that one should never move anywhere for a person. If you move at all, move for yourself, your career, your future, your desires, and IF along the way of that process you meet someone in your new life, that is the relationship that will stick, be important, and have a future. If you meet nobody, no problem, too.

Some will differ and say, "no no, for me a casual chat online resulted in a real marriage," but thats far too rare to say its normal or even hopeful in reality.

Majorsalsi, put it this way. If there were no girl at all in Vietnam, would you still want to go there? Thats the only question you have to ask.  If yes, pack and go. If no, now you see the picture more clearly and you can deal with it, like cancel Vietnam. For other people in reverse, those pining and putting their lives on hold to see whether or not some person moves to their country to be with them, all of you are ill. They have special doctors for people in that condition.

You live a truer life when you live it for yourself, your mission, your goals, your desires. The presence of other people should ADD to that, not change it or subtract from it. Your life becomes scattered and ill when its put on hold in dependence of what another person does and I promise you will be sorry.

I think Majorsalsi is ready to move, but his problem is his job. He doesnt need any advice about his love anymore .

With men, no need to worry about the age. But with women more than 30, she must consider so much.
In two years, if she meets a man in Vietnam, who want to marry her, and he is wonderful man, he earns much money, he is near her, he can take care her... I am sure, about 80-90%, she will agree to marry him. Because in Vietnam, after marriage, we must have at least a baby. And now, she is 32, she will think about this. Except, she dont want/need to have  a baby.

When I was 26, I had a successful career, but I still accepted to move to Saigon, because I thought I could continue to study and get a good job. And my ex could earn enough money for both. My parents always supported me so much. And at that time, we had a house already...

But now, when I am 32, I dont want to change anything . Especially, move to abroad...




.

ngattt i think you missed my point but its ok, nevermind.

cvco wrote:

ngattt i think you missed my point but its ok, nevermind.

Ah, I think I can undertand you (because I used Google Translate ).
Just analysis some other aspects that I forgot .

Dear thank you for your post...Quality people deserve relationships of the highest quality... You are a Outstanding Lady! You see a accident scene on the highway with a Vietnamese woman yelling and crying, tears streaming down her face. You know she is in distressed. You understand immediately she feels emotional pain, and you want to comfort her. The language she is speaking might be foreign to you, the story might even be fictional, the feelings, nevertheless, are real. Moreover, this applies to creatures of different species. That is why

we become profoundly emotional by documentaries depicting the living difficulties of one species or another. However, the natural ability to understand the emotions and feelings of people is the meaning of human empathy. So therefore when you refer to Vietnamese women as being money orientated this is not true per say. One must factor in the social and economic situation of the lady or ladies. The haves and the have nots! We

all as human beings are constantly looking to improve our circumstances. A bargirl, a whore in church, and a lady, all have one thing in common… they are all victims of their past and their environment

To understand you must project yourself into their situation. And see life from their eyes to know what another is feeling…The human personality means that which one is compelled to act in a supportive way. However, a psychopath is not going to be very empathetic in his or her response because their feelings are usually about themselves…

This is a genuine reaction which would never occur to you   Empathy is not to be confused with pity, sympathy or compassion. These feelings are secondary, and cannot emerge without empathy first taking place. That is why sociopaths, whose mental architecture lacks a sense of empathy, are also deficient in pity, sympathy and compassion. These emotions have no empathetic soil in which to grow.

Humans are not alone in having a sense of empathy, although it is very rare in the animal world. Chimpanzees seem to have empathy to a degree, and possibly gorillas, but not the lesser primates. The observations of dolphins and whales assisting an injured pod-mate also might indicate empathy, but other factors could explain it. Human empathy, however, we know exists.

CVOC and NGATT you are darling friend well ryt now am just neutral my mind and my desires and just try 2 concentrate on my work at present moment. Lets see what will happen next. Me and my girl friend talk every day even for while if she mean to stay with me she will stay with me but am not thinking about that matter because keep thinking like that makes me feel weak and more desperate which i dont like. In short I want to thank CVOC and NGATT for their meaningful advises.

Majorkalsi: nice to see you here again. Love is wonderful present for all of us . And love is blind too, because sometimes we dont know why we fall in love with someone . Just enjoy your life, as long as you are happy with your choice...
Hope you will more lucky when you find a job here.