Long post: Legal Advice on Marriage, Divorce & Custody

Dear all, I am writing this to seek help and advice from you all in anyway possible. In the last 3 years i have been in a very bad marriage with a Kenyan and its like my world is falling apart.

We met in one of the middle eastern countries in 2011, a month into the relationship i was becoming uncomfortable due to frequent calls from men, but she always tell me they are people who have been asking her out before we met, and she talks to them to let them know she has a relationship now. This however continued for a long time, issues of lies as well. She denies anything that happens as long as you dont have any evidence to show, even some she would destroy any evidence you have and deny the facts.

I was so much in love and believed with time she would change to be better, sometimes she would accept her faults and promise to change. She always blame her past disappointments and the fear of being left by a man again.

Also in late 2011, i decided to propose to her, which i planned with her friends as a surprise to invite her to an hotel where i will also be without her knowing. She had told me she gets off work at 8 pm. At that time her friends were with me at the hotel, they called her and asked her to join them there, the phone was on speaker and she told them she left work at 5pm and has been at the same hotel in a bar drinking with another man. We were all shocked. I left them there, but they all later came the next day to apologize on her behalf claiming it was a work date with other staffs and she didnt plan to leave work early.

In 2012, i urged her to futher her education online and paid for a course, which she agreed. She logged on twice and backed off. Issues of partying, alcohol and deceptions kept repeating, but she always find a way to get pardoned with promises to change and tears. This went on until 2013 when i caught her cheating that she couldnt deny. I couldnt take it anymore and called it quit with her.

About a month later she texted me and told me shes pregnant for me, there is no much that i can do. We live in a muslim country and its against the law. My family is against abortion. We talked over the phone and she was apologizing for all her mistakes and promised again to change now that shes pregnant and am not denying. I invited her over the same day to my house, it was around 8:30 pm when my friends called to tell me they had seen her somewhere drinking with another guy. I informed her about this and then she rushed over, said again it was a workmate because she needed someone to talk to. Well, i forgave again, our families spoke and agreed on everything. We had a marriage registered in Nigeria and she moved in with me from her companies accomodation.

After 2 months of living together, i saw messages on her phone telling the man who i knew she cheated with that i got her pregnant and ran away from responsibilities, and she is in a very bad situation. They were also planning to meet for discussions. I confronted her on this, she started crying and apologizing again, she promised heaven and earth to change and begged not to be abandoned. We had a very difficult time which i eventually forgave her again and we had an agreement for a DNA test once the child in born.

About 6 months into pregnancy, we kept having issues because i was against her drinking alcohol and smoking shisha, she found this unbearable and found excuses why she would prefer to leave for Kenya to give birth and get parental assistance in Sep 2013. She left, gave birth in Kenya and returned in May 2014 with the child. Things were good, she started work and a nanny takes care of the child. Until after another 3 months in July/Aug 2014, she was complaining of stress at work and not spending enough time with the child. She wanted to quit her job and return to Kenya to spend a whole year taking care of the child and then return. I agreed on this and again thought its a good idea and she can take a course in Kenya as well or do a business during the time, I opened an OLX account for her and was looking to buy things from china and send to her. After she left, she started her partying lifestyle once again and keeping late nights. In sept, she told me she found a job in Kenya and started working, i was not in support because that wasnt our plan and the reason she left was to have enough time for our child.

Three weeks she left doha, a woman started sending me messages and attacking her publicly to leave her husband, The said woman also sent me all conversations from her husbands phone and how they have been meeting, whereas, those times they have met, she lied to me about being somewhere else. She came back apologizing again in every way possible because i was ready to quit. I felt so betrayed and used because i never starve her of anything. Things were rough, she apologies everyday, said she had gone for counselling, pretended to be a changed person until december when people also pleaded for me to consider the child between us, i agreed but within me am still struggling to get over it all, but i started putting efforts into more communications with her, we talk everyday and things have been good.

In february, i agreed for her to come back here with the child and we can start living happily again, but due to changing jobs here, we couldnt meet that plan. Now they were supposed to return on May 17th. She lost her phone in march and communication has been down, In late april i found someone traveling to Kenya and sent her another phone, with curiosity i backed up the phone to her email.

Two weeks ago, i needed her Cv to apply for a job here, we were chatting earlier and she told me shes at work but going for a meeting and her phone may be off. So i decided to call her work phone, to my surprise they tole me she has called the work in the morning to tell them that she lost her younger brother in a car accident and wont be there. They requested her mothers number for condolences which i gave, i also called the mother because i was shocked, she sounded fine and told me her daughter has left for work in the morning and the younger brother is fine. In the evening when she returned home she found out everyone knows already what she had done, she was crying when she called me and told me a story on why she lied because she had another work interview to attend. She lost her job after this.

On the next day, she gave me her email password and i went to the back up folder to see what has been going on, i found out she has been in another relationship with a guy, the guys girlfriend has been attacking her back and forth, the guy is jobless and they have been drinking and partying with her money and whatever i send for child care. I saw pictures of him wearing one of my work T-shirt, my gold chain which she took at the airport for memories, sitting in her living room cuddling. I called her and she denied ever knowing anyone bearing that name, I sent her the picture i saw and she told me it was her cousin, i sent her the messages i saw and i called her mother who as well told me the guy i saw is their cousin. Then i called her to say i spoke with the said guy, she hung up on me and for about 10 days, she and her mom has cut communication with me, I dont know how my daughter is doing anymore. Im struggling each day to bear the pains im going through. I got to know she leaves our child with whoever and returns home when she likes.

I am already talking to a lawyer in Nigeria for a divorce petition, I also want to get custody of our 15 month old child, she is at risk and one of their family members who talk genuinely to me and ask me never to make it known that we talk tell me how she pities the little girl. I have evidences of chats about everything which i have written. All i want is a divorce and my daughter away from her and her families bad influence and environment. I would welcome assistance, help and suggestions from you all in any little or big way on how i can fight this battle.

I appreciate you all for taking your time to read.
Regards