what is expected of foriegn men by Viet women during dating?

I am a Vietnamese woman.
In my mind, if you come with her by your trully heart. Everything will be easy.
If she could not answer you that time maybe she was busy. Of course, she will protect her in her way like you wondering. because we come from different countries with different culture and thought.
In love, both should understand each other. shared and frank. Not difficult to see she is sincere with you or not. I believe u are sufficient mature to recognize.
What I know many foreign men come with Vietnamese women to be sexed. Not come from their trully heart.


Good luck in you relation.

Hi Mark,
Yes it's  a game. 
I'm assuming your still in Australia and talking to girls on dating websites.  That's a sport here, there are so many foreign men here that sit on those websites everyday setting up dates with women.  That's probably why she seems a bit vague or distant at times. She's probably been hit on so many times she's getting bored with it.  Don't believe anything they tell you either.

Personally I've never tried that game. I've seen the train wrecks that come from it as a red flag and don't bother.   The failure rate of mixed relationships here is high, and the online dating game plays a big part in those failures.

If your familiar with dating procedures of the 60s , that means your at retirement age.    If your talking to a young girl from those Dial A Bride.Com websites it's futile at best.

It's always easy to pick the dinner dates that eventuate from those online websites.  You usually see an ageing man sitting there pretending to be relevant and the young girl playing on her phone looking as though she's lost the will to live.

When you get here you'll know what I mean.   It's painful to watch, but so common here.

Just arrive and hopefully meet a woman through mutual interests or purely by chance

MarkinNam wrote:

I am wondering, what are the expectations of VN women, are they like western expectations of the 60's where the guy does all  the chasing ? or is there a balance between the 2 ? I accept that there will be significant difference between city and outer village expectations also, so any in put on this is also welcome..I am an old fashioned guy, but it's a fact that many, like me; are confused by modern expectations I have a female friend in Phuong 2 but am confused by her indifference sometimes,from our chats on Skype, it appears she likes me but at other times there is no reply, is this a game ?or is she just protecting her self,

It's a touchy,sensitive topic.
You're a long time poster MarkinNam. 588 posts I see.
Maybe you're asking more info about the first face to face meeting after a long online romance?

Yogi the bear(Not Yogi Berra) is in the ballpark with his comments.

if it's a genuine serious meet then-
. expect a chaperoned date.
. expect to go to a quality restaurant .
. expect to pay for everything.
. expect to be buy new clothes just for the occasion.

If it's not,   then just flip a Morgan dollar and choose heads or wings.
Heads are beds,wings are fly.

As for me ,I like stable, reliable,clean, easy on the eye and no problem that can't be fixed ......

The image is for entertainment and educational purposes only

Just a tip Mark.

As far as relationship expectations go that's where a lot of issues arise.   If your trying to make an impression be very careful what you say or imply.  Women , unlike some men , have a memory 😀

She'll remember everything you say that implies you'll do something that will help her.   A lot of women you'll meet are single mothers.  If you get overcome with your generosity and imply that you'll help with the child's welfare be prepared to follow that up.

I know guys here that have been handed enrolment papers to international schools @ USD$1000 a month.  These schools are springing up all over the place and there can be an expectation of you to support her child in that area. 

Those guys I mentioned above are now walking around looking as though they've just spent their first night in the showers at a hard line prison. 😁😁😁😁

Appreciated , ( guys ), no, we didn't meet on a dating site, tried that with Saigon darlings, what a joke not going there again. My friend and I met on CFB organized by Tran hung Dao at this point were just friends and I have been VERY careful not to use the love, word. Some one gave some good advice about jumping in too quickly. I also appreciate chatting and txting is seen as dating start-up, she has expressed an interest for this I replied " we should wait till I actually get there. And yes , I am very conceiouse of others feelings.

Hey Yoggi, sounds like Frank Brebbin with his stainless steel chastity belt      Those guys I mentioned above are now walking around looking as though they've just spent their first night in the showers at a hard line prison. funny thing is , we met 1 night in d1 and had caphee then went for dinner after we went to what she reffered as her favorite place which is a hotel with an awesome sky light down by the river, we sat and had drinks and chatted, She is a very smart girl , works as a HR recruiter, no chaperone no kids  but quite young  even gave me a hug at good night which shocked the door man    .. looking through what I have written I think the best thing I can do is take a step back and a cool shower    And yes , I am still stuck in Perth house sales are slow, especially in this price bracket

The only way to know is when you get here and spend time with her,VN girls dont tell you too much as they like to keep things from you. I have a friend who was with a girl for three years, when they decided to get married she dropped the "I forgot to tell you I have a son" bombshell.Take your time and if she says she loves you within two weeks of being here, then be very worried.

Hey Mark,
It's never a good idea to tell anyone here you've just sold a house.     I've had that issue myself. 
I just casually mentioned that I was selling and you wouldn't believe what happened next.

I'd only just got here, and this girl went to my hotel, they gave her my full name and foreign address from the booking details.   She then found my house on google street view and showed it to me on her iPad.  She thought it was funny.   By looking at similar properties on local real estate sites she knew what it was worth. 

Not one of the muppets working at the hotel would admit anything either. 

if they don't need to know it , don't tell em.

colinoscapee wrote:

when they decided to get married she dropped the "I forgot to tell you I have a son" bombshell.

Hahaha, I don't like that "bombshell" 
Its sad to say that, many Vietnamese wanted to get married with foreigner because they have children. Its true to say that its not easy to find Vietnamese men who accept the child of his women OR his family accept the child (even the man doesn't care, but its not easy if his family doesn't want!).

My opinion: Nothing beats face time. Internet conversations even over a long period leave so many questions, they drive you to forums to look for answers. Stuck in Perth? Jetstar round trip PER-SGN is US$400 (maybe cheaper via Bali), good enough 2* hotel with visiting privileges is 300.000 VND * 14 nites + visa ~= AU$900.
How strongly do you feel about her?
How badly do you want to resolve your anxiety about your future?
How much interest are you showing her by NOT visiting her?
Relationships are investments in energy, time, emotions, and money. And the good ones payoff in jackpots.

I met a couple women online, not on dating sites, but on helping-with-English sites. Mutual interests, or like Yogi says:
> Just arrive and hopefully meet a woman through mutual interests or purely by chance

I visited just for fun, no expectations, one woman had used a flower avatar, I didn't even know what she looked like, yet the friendships grew a lot. I am so glad I went home, planned for 8 months, quit my job and moved here. Got my life moving again, a new adventure, taking risks, getting younger, enjoying life. Do it!

gobot wrote:

My opinion: Nothing beats face time. Internet conversations even over a long period leave so many questions, they drive you to forums to look for answers. Stuck in Perth? Jetstar round trip PER-SGN is US$400 (maybe cheaper via Bali), good enough 2* hotel with visiting privileges is 300.000 VND * 14 nites + visa ~= AU$900.
How strongly do you feel about her?
How badly do you want to resolve your anxiety about your future?
How much interest are you showing her by NOT visiting her?
Relationships are investments in energy, time, emotions, and money. And the good ones payoff in jackpots.

I met a couple women online, not on dating sites, but on helping-with-English sites. Mutual interests, or like Yogi says:
> Just arrive and hopefully meet a woman through mutual interests or purely by chance

I visited just for fun, no expectations, one woman had used a flower avatar, I didn't even know what she looked like, yet the friendships grew a lot. I am so glad I went home, planned for 8 months, quit my job and moved here. Got my life moving again, a new adventure, taking risks, getting younger, enjoying life. Do it!

d

I really think that Mark should just do it,he has been talking about moving here for a long time. Sell the house,move here and see if you really like it. Otherwise just travel back and forth.

Oh I guess U fall in love with her Markin. All that make you confuse now just she loves you or not.  Why don't you come and tell her you love her and show her what you can do and 2 of you can do for your happy future?  VN women have manythings to face outside love: job, family, social relationships,  herself,  friends...  A smart women 's not easy to be in love with a man she met sometimes. Oh,  it's not polite and very kind of me to say that you may have some competitors around her :p but it's nothing if you don't let her forget you in somewhere in her mind and just remember when she's alone.  So just try and get out of your mind stuck. I don't know what she like a man be but I know we don't like a man who say nothing.   Good luck !

There ya go Mark,
They don't like a man that doesn't speak.   Ya know why....because it means you are thinking.

Ha ha ha .......Yogi knows they don't like men that think.

Gotta love this stuff eh..

Hmmmm Yogi, I don't like men just speak and don't DO anything to make the relationship better. Hehe
Btw I hear many Expats here who live in Vietnam for long time said it's not easy to find a good women here. My friend said it's not easy to find a good girl to get married even he said: there are many girls want to get married with him, just because of American thing . Another said it's easy to have girlfriend here... So confused hic hic.

Oh I don't like a man who says nothing because when a man just takes care but no word,  I confuse if he love me or my friend .  men are dif to guess  @-@

If he never said I love you, it means you just one of many girls that he is talking to. You have a chance to become his girlfriend but not everything with him. If a man really loves you he never mind saying that to you, I think. Life has many risks, just try to be wise if you don't want to hurt yourself

Foreigner men say many things about vn ladies. But they aslo have many ladies for talking and ..,.they are good guys or bad guys? Haha

Duong08 wrote:

Foreigner men say many things about vn ladies. But they aslo have many ladies for talking and ..,.they are good guys or bad guys? Haha

Its not a good or bad, its normal with foreigners, when they can't be sure about Vietnamese women, when they know many foreigners were cheated by women here, they will need to talk to many women until they can find the one who is the most suitable for them.
Even when you both love each other, you don't make your partner satisfy, they can leave you to find a new one.

If you love foreigners, your mind MUST be open-minded first! If you still think like a immature girl, you will always disappointed then.

I always find these topics interesting in that so many people like to generalize.  There is nothing stereotypical about dating anywhere in the world.  I have said it before and I will say it again, just be yourself.  If you are traditional, be traditional, if you are modern, be modern.  if you are something in between, then be in between.  Granted, there may be some slight differences between cultures however, if you can communicate, those differences can be understood and respected. 

Based on my experiences, VN girls are a variety of personalities as in any country, it all depends on what you are looking for and more importantly, where you are looking.  There are good and bad people everywhere and I firmly believe, good people find good people, eventually.  If you are looking for a traditional good VN girl, you have a lot of work to do my friend, because based on my knowledge, many are taken or already married.  At one point I was so tired of the dating scene that I pretty much made up my mind that I was going to be single for the rest of my life and that finding a traditional girl was just not in the cards. Until I met my wife.  Even then, I was pushing her away because I was so tired of the same result at the end.  However, she was different, different from all the others.  How i got so lucky?  I do not know but I thank God and Buddha everyday that our paths crossed.  Was it easy?  No, of course not. 

As some have stated here, gaining the trust of the other person in a cross cultural relationship is very very very difficult.  We had our moments, but they were necessary.  The one thing that never faltered was our respect for each other and who we are as individuals and our families.  Both of us are traditionalists and despite growing up in different parts of the world, tradition is global.  It is not easy to explain, but you will know if your partner is genuine, sincere and truly loves you, but it will take time.

Do not force the relationship as it will surely fail.  However, if you happen to find the love of your life and she is a VN girl, I hope you are prepared for what you need to do to make her happy.  As I tell my western friends who are curious about asian women, "a vietnam girlfriend is like a possessive girlfriend on steriods".

> There is nothing stereotypical about dating anywhere in the world.

> A vietnam girlfriend is like a possessive girlfriend on steroids

Hmm, vndreamer, I'm calling a contradiction here!

LOL I reserve the right to remain silent.  I wanted to add some humor to the topic.  But when I told my Vietnamese friends that quote, they laughed hysterically, especially the girls and we know why.   

Mark,

I paused before chiming in but hey....selling a house in Perth?   If you wanted to sell and move to VN you are about 10 months overdue....maybe 18 months.  The only way that house in high priced Perth is going to go up or even maintain it price now is thru currency devaluation thus inflation and the market isn't there yet.  Man ole Man! what are you waiting for?   Perth is some of the most bubbled real estate I have read about ...like Vancouver, BC.   If you are holding out over price then you will be sitting in that house in Perth chattin this gal up when she hits retirement age and you are spending your days shopping burial plots.   

Deflation is not your friend, sell it, get your aging carcass out of that house, get your cash out of state control banks and get yourself a young honey to support in VN.    Life is not getting longer every day.  Believe me I'm probably not that different in age than you, it took me until two years ago to punch out of the USA.  I don't ever want to return.   Pull that ejection seat lever and get on with your new life.  Lots of good advice already shared about taking this slow and in face with the honey.  I'm just sticking my nose in and telling you that you are about to loose the last seat on the train to freedom from that house.

Good luck and hope things work out for you.

Agree with Pal, to a certain extent. Sell the house,invest the money and head over. You have been talking this up for nearly two years,some people find it hard to move out of their comfort zones. VN wont be easy at first as living here is not like travelling here for a few weeks or months. There are things you have to adapt to best you can. Dont lock yourself away in a highrise apartment,rent a house and mingle with your neighbours,you will find most of them to be very helpful. Whatever you do dont get caught up in D1, its not a place I would like to reside in for too long. Get out into the suburbs or country towns its a much nicer experience than D1.

Getting out of Perth and heading over to see her would be best, before or after selling your place. Best of luck with that... I'm looking for a place at the moment, even though Perth is bubbled up (as mentioned by Pal) at the moment. Tired of seeing my money go God knows where.
Can never know what is going on in her head, maybe she has been burnt too many times before and doesn't want to go out on a limb too much until she sees some confirmation that you are serious. And as someone mentioned already, maybe she is getting to know other people, which is fair enough I guess.
I agree with the post above, don't lock yourself up in an apartment. If you come to VN stay out and about. Nothing wrong with actually living in an apartment (although I prefer house, each to their own).
All the best and good luck.

Same same but different......yeh 

A lot of VN girls use the LOVE word really casually and, to be honest, they sound really immature and almost child like. I met a VN girl recently and she told me she was in the process of getting divorced from some american guy. She said that she only met him ONCE before they got married and even the marriage was never consumated (sexual relationship lol). She said she married him because her family wanted her to (surprise surprise). Now, she wants to find another guy and marry again (again with little or no relationship before the marriage and all done in a matter of weeks), even though she is not even divorced yet and is only 25!! It still all comes down to how can a much older guy expect significantly younger and invariably more attractive women want to marry them without there being an agenda? Throw into the equation the difficulties in communicating because of the language difficulties and the 'love' because extremely questionable. As Yogi says, we all see the girls with the older foreigners looking life they have 'lost the will to live'. It would be easier, and less traumatic, people just accepted that about 90% of relationships with a significant age gap are just 'benefactor marriages'. It is an uncomfortable truth but..

Not sure about you choice of site name, but you have addressed my concerns better than I. I am not particularly interested in becoming a benefactor. I met a young girl in Tao dan park and we became  ( friends ) when the typhoon was heading that way last year I txted her asking if she was A' ok , she was obviously touched that I cared enough, unfortunately she got her hopes up and invited me to lunch at her parents in Tan Anh the whole family were there the father ( wise man ) asked how old I was when he heard I was older than him all bets were off. I know there is a lot of pressure on young girls to get married or be left on the shelf, I also understand Vietnam comes from a poor background and the people know what the west     "has" If only they understood why so many westerners want to escape to what they are trying to escape from ( the exotic is always more attractive ) I think the wisest thing to do is take my time when I get there, look around, I am a Christian and have a contact at the Church of Christ there he may set me up with a le mai ? thanks for all the advice 

It's sad but true that there 's a not small number girl get marry with foreigners without love.  For them this is a quickway to get out of poor and difficult life and some of them think that a job.  But to say in fair why those men accepted them?  Did they wait for st that not love?  And did not the men know what those girls looking for from them? 
Hah,  so there deals between them,  so that is not LOVE.  That's sociaty's problem.  The goverment trying but seem not succeed.  So men,  don't come to Vietnam and "buy" lover,  stay in VN with your LOVE. you 're smart and you chose your LOVE,  is that right?
Oh honestly,  what is love ? :p

I think that's true Ngattt.
It's always expected that we understand the woman and her culture, but we also need our culture and us to be understood. We see things differently and are also not sure where we stand at times, so we may just move on if we feel unwanted, or no affection shown towards us. It has happened to me when dating (maybe she liked me) but after 4 dates and no affection towards me shown, I just moved on.

Just like we are expected to be open minded, the woman also needs to be.

BNgoc wrote:

It's sad but true that there 's a not small number girl get marry with foreigners without love.  For them this is a quickway to get out of poor and difficult life and some of them think that a job.  But to say in fair why those men accepted them?  Did they wait for st that not love?  And did not the men know what those girls looking for from them? 
Hah,  so there deals between them,  so that is not LOVE.  That's sociaty's problem.  The goverment trying but seem not succeed.  So men,  don't come to Vietnam and "buy" lover,  stay in VN with your LOVE. you 're smart and you chose your LOVE,  is that right?
Oh honestly,  what is love ? :p

I think regular contributors on such matters on this and other sites know perfectly well that some older men have their eyes 'wide open' to the truth but quite a few guys are really quite vulnerable and ARE seen as PREY. Also, in truth, the kind of girl who is going to 'financially terrorise' an older and vulnerable guy is highly likely do it in an organised way IE the relationship starts okay then bit by bit the lies and manipulation starts and by this stage quite a few guys are so confused or 'guilt ridden' about things they have no responsibility for (her family and exaggerated needs) that they just do what she says, even if that means in a fairly short time he is penniless. By the same token, there are plenty of western guys with multiple VN girlfriends (all of whom think they are 'number one') who are being taken advantage but, in their case, it is in the bedroom and not the wallet! Of course, there are good relationships too - it can happen!

MarkinNam wrote:

Not sure about you choice of site name, but you have addressed my concerns better than I. I am not particularly interested in becoming a benefactor. I met a young girl in Tao dan park and we became  ( friends ) when the typhoon was heading that way last year I txted her asking if she was A' ok , she was obviously touched that I cared enough, unfortunately she got her hopes up and invited me to lunch at her parents in Tan Anh the whole family were there the father ( wise man ) asked how old I was when he heard I was older than him all bets were off. I know there is a lot of pressure on young girls to get married or be left on the shelf, I also understand Vietnam comes from a poor background and the people know what the west     "has" If only they understood why so many westerners want to escape to what they are trying to escape from ( the exotic is always more attractive ) I think the wisest thing to do is take my time when I get there, look around, I am a Christian and have a contact at the Church of Christ there he may set me up with a le mai ? thanks for all the advice 

Just a site name fella and somewhat of a 'piss take'!! If it will make you happy, I will change it to Mr. Fluffy lol. Anyway, good luck to you and your plans to come to vN

Seriously. The Vietnamese women i know are looking for a foreign female friend to teach them English for free so they can hook a foreign man who will save them from their terrible life of poverty. I can't say that I blame them. It is a good arrangement. Hook an older foreign man who works all day so you can play with your same age Vietnamese boyfriend while foreign man pays for you and thinks you love him.

So men, if you want to be used as a meal ticket and are ok with that concept, meaning never knowing if an economically disadvantaged woman love you for love or loves you for money then by all means fall in love with these cuties. They will pretend anything you want and "be" anything you want until after the wedding when reality will hit you quite hard. Or I have also seen some pretend all the way to immigration in a foreign country and then dump the man.

I have watched this happen to so many of my male foreign friends here. Same pattern again and again with only minor variations. The bottom line is the man becomes the victim. Get real and wise up! My husband finds it quite amusing to watch this happen to his coworkers and friends. I find it tragic because yet another man's heart is broken. Some of the foreign men are really looking for love.

This pattern is not unique to Vietnam and exists anywhere that women are economically disadvantaged.

If there is one this I have learned from my short time on this site it is this subject.  I am so glad I started being on this site.  I am not exactly stupid but I sure was ignorant as to how one side this situation is.

Over many years I have met many an American that had taken a Fillipina wife and in my limited experience it was more often than not a successful relationship over the years.   But maybe that was because I was meeting the ones who regressed back to the states with their wives and families.   I don't know.

But one thing is for sure, I'm taking fair warning and the moment a young VN gal smiles at me or gosh forbid tells  me she loves me I'm going to snicker and howl between my ears "Thank you expat-blog."

I have enough challenges to soak up my time and money; I don't a 98 lbs vacuum cleaner cleaning out my wallet and my sanity.

Thanks all, I mean this.

It's very refreshing to hear comments on this topic from foreign women like "happy2beindia" above.

I've known several foreign women here teaching that have some very amusing and brutally honest comments on this topic.     I've found you can't talk common sense and logic to a man that has two heads.   And a lot here do.      They eat with one , and think with the other.

If the old man wants to have a pretty young "trophy wife" he had better put something on the table.  Why the hell would an attractive young woman want to "shack up" with a tired old man. .? 

If you wanna dance, ya gotta pay the band. 😀

"Seriously. The Vietnamese women i know are looking for a foreign female friend to teach them English for free so they can hook a foreign man who will save them from their terrible life of poverty. I can't say that I blame them. It is a good arrangement. Hook an older foreign man who works all day so you can play with your same age Vietnamese boyfriend while foreign man pays for you and thinks you love him."
Oh my god,  that ' the reason why I can not find a friend to exchange language and practice my VNese teaching skill (((

BNgoc wrote:

"Seriously. The Vietnamese women i know are looking for a foreign female friend to teach them English for free so they can hook a foreign man who will save them from their terrible life of poverty. I can't say that I blame them. It is a good arrangement. Hook an older foreign man who works all day so you can play with your same age Vietnamese boyfriend while foreign man pays for you and thinks you love him."
Oh my god,  that ' the reason why I can not find a friend to exchange language and practice my VNese teaching skill (((

Maybe not. I think for people who spend the day teaching they may be tired when they get home and not interested in doing a language exchange? I had some male friends who really wanted to learn Vietnamese and not for the purpose of picking up women however they found that the "language partners" often wanted more than English lessons when members of the opposite sex tried to do a language exchange.

I am sure though that there must be some people out there who really just want only a language exchange. I can usually find those people on a platform like livemocha.com. It is a sweet deal. I correct others English exercises which gives me livemocha credit that i can then use to buy language classes. You can also look for language exchange partners there.

Oh just kidding.  In fact my E 's not good so I don't like to join in big group (especially if there are many VNese) because I won't have chance to speak.  I practice with my teacher,  she's not language teacher but it's ok. 
Return to this main topic,  I can see there are alot of happy guys on this forum

I can speak some on city girls here.  Rural girls probably don't speak much English, and the ones that do have their sights set on self-advancement (with emphasis on self, not you).

Short answer:  Marriage.  Check out any dating site here.  You might see "looking for serious relationship" sometimes too, which I've come to find is pretty much marriage.  Regular girls out and about are either not looking yet because work/school or are looking for the same things as the women actively dating.

Longer answer:

In the big city here you'll notice most young women are working hard in school or in a company somewhere for chump change.  This is their focus.  Eventually they may feel pressure to look for a hubby.  Maybe they are mom and dad's retirement plan.  This is where you come in.  Romance is business here.  A passport from a Western country, whether it's the USA, France, Australia, or someplace else in Europe, is quite valuable if marriage is a real possibility.   Also Japan, Singapore, and China of course.  I've met a lot of people here that really really really want to move to another country.  Did I mention really?  Really.  I'm talking put on an amazing dog and pony show of monumental proportions for a couple years really.  Do not underestimate this.  The pressure may also be coming from an aunt or other relative already living overseas who is the boss of things (even you) and throwing money around at the family here.

I find it's very business like.  Look at dating like a job.  Do a cost-benefit analysis from her perspective.  Women here looking for foreigners are doing just that, looking for foreigners in the same way you'd be looking to invest in a certain type of property.  I recall one women I dated a couple times that was showing off her Donald Trump get rich quick book to me, no joke.  Maybe the chapter on securing investment capital has some dating advice.  Sure, there could be some sort of love involved, and a lot of younger girls here really buy into that whole Prince Charming, Twilightesque fairy tale stuff too, but there is still business at the foundation of it all.  Remember how debutantes in the USA shopped for big fish back in the day (and still do)?  It's the same all over the world.  At the same time, 2015 HCMC is nothing like 1960s Atlanta.

I recently had a bit of a fling with a woman who complained to me about two things.  She didn't like having sex with the man she was supposed to be marrying and complained to me she didn't want to continue to have to have sex with him if they were married.  She said "have to", like sex is a chore.  She was also worried because he expected her to fulfill the role of traditional Vietnamese wife (cook, clean, take care of the home) on top of her corporate gigs.  I've met a few Vietnamese women with a similar outlook.  In the city, it's about money and jobs.  women either want to work at a paid job, or want to play with their iPhones and go shopping, they don't want to stay home and do what Vietnamese men expect them to do.  Sex is often something they do to please their man or to get what they want.  Women here often aren't sexualized like you might expect back home, sex is like a task similar to doing the laundry.  Even if you are young, handsome, and good in the sack, most of the time you better plan on ponying up something other than good sex in return because most of them don't care much about it. There are exceptions for sure, no doubt about it, but this seems to be the norm. 

If I were a betting man (I am ) and I had money (I don't ) I'd expect any romantic relationship you start here to go in one of two directions quickly.  One way is marriage comes up fast, perhaps on the first date ("Hey I'm looking for marriage how about you?") and if you indicate you aren't interested then your relationship will end quickly and permanently.  The other way is you are asked to shell out money for things, school, sick relatives, little emergencies here and there, etc.  Some sort of tangible benefit.  Rarely will you find some casual, "normal" dating like you were accustomed to back home.  If you do, it probably won't last long because those other things are at the heart of it and will come out.  They aren't looking for fun after work like a dude, they are looking for something specific and taking time away from whatever else it is they used to do to find it.

Then there are the "bad girls".  You might end up getting rufied and losing some stuff from your apartment, robbed someplace in the city, or even have a girl stage her own motorbike purse snatching with her buddies so you feel bad enough to replace what was "stolen".  Maybe you get invited on a trip somewhere, it's not a scam, trust her, right?  It doesn't just happen to newbies either, a few drinks and who knows.  You may notice your hotel asks for your girlfriends ID if you bring her home.  This isn't just because of law or regulation.  The hotel doesn't want to lose their valuables either.

All that being said, it's possible you might find a girl who would be happy to settle down here in Vietnam.  There are guys who've been here a long time and somehow found this.  Still, you must provide.  Do you have a pension?  If so, you just might be able to move to a smaller town in VN and have a family there.  Are you filthy rich?  Well, that opens up all sorts of new options.  Are you broke?  You'd better like to work a lot.  If you are a boomer with at least some S.S. I envy you, so many places you could live, who needs the big city?

I've come to find women and their expectations are pretty similar in various countries regardless of their language or the culture you're told about.  Bottom line, they are all human.  The biggest difference here has been the emphasis on marriage and or money.  Usually marriage if not dealing with what they call "bad girls" here.  Casual is almost non-existent.

Regarding dates and what to expect on a date, that varies depending on the girl.  Sometimes you'll show up for a date and it'll be pretty normal by Western standards.  Other times your date will show up with a friend, cousin, or sister unexpectedly.  It's a bit awkward.  I try to have fun with it though.  Sometimes you'll even bring a girl home the first night just like you were clubbing in a college town back home or chasing skirts in the 60s.  It can go many ways, but it seems to me a lot of that is pre-ordained and out of your control.  This really isn't any set "this is how dates with Vietnamese women go", at least not in HCMC.  It's always a crapshoot.  I had one date where the woman who showed up was about 20 years older, 50 pounds heavier, looked nothing like her picture, and brought her teenage niece along for some reason.  I actually made polite conversation for about half an hour before noping out.  6 months later she randomly texted me asking if she could buy my sperm.  True story, no embellishment.  Guess what my answer was?

Another thing I've noticed is Vietnamese women who prefer foreign men expect foreign men will be very different than Vietnamese men.  Many men here, if they can be convinced to marry, will expect their wife to take care of the house, the family, the cooking, the cleaning etc.  They may also expect their wife to take care of their parents.  The woman isn't the prize, the man agreeing to marry the woman is the prize.  With the increasing number of women entering the workplace here in the big city, this would all be on top of going to work 50 hours a week at some corporate gig that pays like crap.  That, and in the case of my friend, she "has to have sex" with her husband, ewww!

Enter the foreign unicorn.  You have money, maybe you can take her away to a country with streets paved with gold, you will cook, you will clean, you will hire a maid, heck you might even take care of some kids she had with another guy.  Very different from Vietnamese men.  What do Vietnamese women expect from you?  Spend some time at BHD or Galaxy watching the latest awesome propaganda coming out of Hollywood.  You aren't John Wayne, you are Robert Pattinson.

I find it a bit trying at times as I too tend to look at marriage with a cost-benefit analysis at my age, and I can't see myself tying the knot with a gal who works 50 hours plus, comes home tired and stressed ready to cry about work, has no time to date me because of her job yet expects a husband, would want me to shell out for hired help for all the stuff my mother and her mother used to do, doesn't bring home much in the way of tangible income despite the hours, and expects me to work 5-6 days a week for all this and pay for rugrats, with sex being another chore.  I can't see the few women here who are rolling in dough (and hence perhaps able to make up for the hours they put in) going for a broke expat like myself so meh.

But yeah if I could sum up 95% of your options here in Vietnam at the moment in the simplest terms possible, I'd say "marriage with good girl or money for bad girl." 

PS, 2 more tips... if you aren't doing the chasing it's safest to assume 'bad girl".  Also, if it rains, your date is likely to cancel.

gobot wrote:

My opinion: Nothing beats face time. Internet conversations even over a long period leave so many questions, they drive you to forums to look for answers. Stuck in Perth? Jetstar round trip PER-SGN is US$400 (maybe cheaper via Bali), good enough 2* hotel with visiting privileges is 300.000 VND * 14 nites + visa ~= AU$900.
How strongly do you feel about her?
How badly do you want to resolve your anxiety about your future?
How much interest are you showing her by NOT visiting her?
Relationships are investments in energy, time, emotions, and money. And the good ones payoff in jackpots.

I met a couple women online, not on dating sites, but on helping-with-English sites. Mutual interests, or like Yogi says:
> Just arrive and hopefully meet a woman through mutual interests or purely by chance

I visited just for fun, no expectations, one woman had used a flower avatar, I didn't even know what she looked like, yet the friendships grew a lot. I am so glad I went home, planned for 8 months, quit my job and moved here. Got my life moving again, a new adventure, taking risks, getting younger, enjoying life. Do it!

Best of Best