Old men with young Vietnamese wives/girlfriends

In the case of retired military, tens of thousands of $USD. With possible medical issues perhaps, hundreds of thousands to a million or more $USD. In one hospitalization for my wife, the US Military paid USD$ 84,000.00 of a $USD 95,000.00 bill here in Vietnam.

Or are you suggesting that your woman is disposable if she gets sick?

We have some similarities to your story Phùng is from Long An in the Delta. I am  33 years older than her. She also tells me about standing outside the school and screaming and crying till they would sometimes let her come in anyway.    She has essentially become fluent reading, writing and speaking English through her own initiative and self study without formal schooling.  She doesn’t believe in marriage or divorce.. she always says something  like: the reason you don’t see much of VN couples  showing affection and saying “I love you” all the time is because they say “show me you love me by how you act and take care of your family.”.. then I will believe you love me.”.. and she shows her love mostly by being an obsively good cook for me and the boys, as well as all other things we used to call “women’s work” she gladly does for us... also; I’m not allowed to do things like wash dishes .. that’s infringing on what goes on in “her” kitchen... VN women I have known are  “territorial” about the home.. what goes on in it is her domain .. especially the kitchen and anything to do with food...

pathixon48 wrote:

We have some similarities to your story Phùng is from Long An in the Delta. I am  33 years older than her. She also tells me about standing outside the school and screaming and crying till they would sometimes let her come in anyway.    She has essentially become fluent reading, writing and speaking English through her own initiative and self study without formal schooling.  She doesn’t believe in marriage or divorce.. she always says something  like: the reason you don’t see much of VN couples  showing affection and saying “I love you” all the time is because they say “show me you love me by how you act and take care of your family.”.. then I will believe you love me.”.. and she shows her love mostly by being an obsively good cook for me and the boys, as well as all other things we used to call “women’s work” she gladly does for us... also; I’m not allowed to do things like wash dishes .. that’s infringing on what goes on in “her” kitchen... VN women I have known are  “territorial” about the home.. what goes on in it is her domain .. especially the kitchen and anything to do with food...

My wife has no problem with me helping or cooking. I'd say it's your wife's choice, not all women feel the same way.

pathixon48 wrote:

that’s infringing on what goes on in “her” kitchen... VN women I have known are  “territorial” about the home.. what goes on in it is her domain .. especially the kitchen and anything to do with food...

colinoscapee wrote:

[My wife has no problem with me helping or cooking. I'd say it's your wife's choice, not all women feel the same way.

Ditto (with Colin). 

I cook, my husband washes and put the dishes away.  I'm allergic to dust so he hoovers the floor, baseboard, behind all furniture, on top of cabinets, etc., keeping everything dustfree at all time.  I do the laundry, he hang them on the line.  I iron, he looks presentable    (on his own, he couldn't care less whether his clothes were ironed or wrinkled.)  Everywhere we go, he opens doors, carries bags, walks one step behind me on narrow pavements or when we enter a store / restaurant / house / lift / airplane, etc.  He draws the line at pulling out chairs, but he doesn't sit down at the dining table until I do. 

I took care of our finance the first 10 years of our marriage, then he took over.  I deal with people, he deals with paperworks.  We're equal participants and we take equal responsibility on everything in our marriage.

We're not the only couple who views marriage as an equal partnership.  My sister and her late husband, my brothers and his wives, my nephew and his wife, my niece and her SO, my great nephews, great nieces, and their spouses, all have the same kind of marriage / relationship as ours.  In fact, there are more people in our circle who share our view than the other way around, and we all have been married / in the same relationship for 17 - 52 years.

I have to concur as well.  My in laws, married 50+ years and my wife tells me her dad never hit her mom, not 1 time.  Does he get mad, of course, but the respect between them is just amazing.  Like i said before, I think most VN women fall into this category and if you respect them, love them, treat them well, it is a partnership that men dream of.  I am living proof of that.  Is it easy?  No, the cultural differences took time to understand and respect.  What westerners see as controlling or submissive are wrong.  It has nothing to do with that.  My wife does what she does because she loves me and respects me, not out of some power trip.  I honestly believe that if a western man fails to understand and appreciate these cultural differences, there is going to be a problem in the marriage. 

There is so much I can write, but will keep it short.  But for example, I hear so many western men complain that their wives are more committed to their family in VN than their husband.   That right there is a big red flag because it is not what a VN wife does in a traditional marriage.  Is the family important?  Of course, does she care and love for them?  Of course.  But at the end of the day, when she gets married, her husband and their family become number 1.  I understand, because we have extended family in VN that tried all the tricks and even told her not to share with me.  What a joke, my wife calls them crazy and to think she is not going to share all with her husband.  We do our best to do right, but she understands and agrees with me first, not the family.  We talk about all the family issues and come to an agreement, even though many get mad and talk bad about us, but they do this out of jealousy and being uneducated.   What we find is that the side of the family with education and money, we have no issues, but the side who are uneducated and poor, they fail to realize that seeking money from others and talking bad about them is a failed strategy and that is why they are poor.  Especially since the wife has been in America and seeing people of all ages working and making money.  She now realizes how lazy and selfish some of her relatives are in VN. 

Finally, now that the wife is 14 weeks pregnant, my wife is even more amazing at her commitment to our family and yes, we come first.  I just thank God and Buddha that I have been able to learn, understand and respect VN women.  I know not all are good, but there are plenty out there, I do wish some of you are lucky enough to find one.

Said very well Brother.. and I like believing you are exactly right.. most VN women are the treasure that you and I thought they were... if it seems like too many are not, it’s going to be because there are too many bar girls and hookers in the the group being considered.
..

vndreamer wrote:

I have to concur as well.  My in laws, married 50+ years and my wife tells me her dad never hit her mom, not 1 time.  Does he get mad, of course, but the respect between them is just amazing.  Like i said before, I think most VN women fall into this category and if you respect them, love them, treat them well, it is a partnership that men dream of.  I am living proof of that.  Is it easy?  No, the cultural differences took time to understand and respect.  What westerners see as controlling or submissive are wrong.  It has nothing to do with that.  My wife does what she does because she loves me and respects me, not out of some power trip.  I honestly believe that if a western man fails to understand and appreciate these cultural differences, there is going to be a problem in the marriage. 

There is so much I can write, but will keep it short.  But for example, I hear so many western men complain that their wives are more committed to their family in VN than their husband.   That right there is a big red flag because it is not what a VN wife does in a traditional marriage.  Is the family important?  Of course, does she care and love for them?  Of course.  But at the end of the day, when she gets married, her husband and their family become number 1.  I understand, because we have extended family in VN that tried all the tricks and even told her not to share with me.  What a joke, my wife calls them crazy and to think she is not going to share all with her husband.  We do our best to do right, but she understands and agrees with me first, not the family.  We talk about all the family issues and come to an agreement, even though many get mad and talk bad about us, but they do this out of jealousy and being uneducated.   What we find is that the side of the family with education and money, we have no issues, but the side who are uneducated and poor, they fail to realize that seeking money from others and talking bad about them is a failed strategy and that is why they are poor.  Especially since the wife has been in America and seeing people of all ages working and making money.  She now realizes how lazy and selfish some of her relatives are in VN. 

Finally, now that the wife is 14 weeks pregnant, my wife is even more amazing at her commitment to our family and yes, we come first.  I just thank God and Buddha that I have been able to learn, understand and respect VN women.  I know not all are good, but there are plenty out there, I do wish some of you are lucky enough to find one.

47 years ago, my wife Bac proudly sold herself to me for the price of two cows, a price that she felt could keep her family alive a bit longer. According to many, she was that rarity a female 'family savior.' But, like Bac says, "The two cows was just a down payment." I did know who and what she was and made my decision. She was honest about the down payment..

Now decades later, her family is doing well. From time to time we do chip in a modest amount to members of her family for one reason or another. Her family makes a very determined effort to help us when ever they can do something for us.

All in all the previous post is excellent. But, marriage, particularly across very different cultures, can be very different from couple to couple. I also suggest that it is a very good idea to learn Vietnamese. Knowing Vietnamese gives one a real look into your wife's soul.

Note, Vietnam today is a very different country than it was 47 years ago.

pathixon48
pathixon48 Yesterday 21:34:50 Report #86
56 posts las Vegas nevada
Said very well Brother.. and I like believing you are exactly right.. most VN women are the treasure that you and I thought they were... if it seems like too many are not, it’s going to be because there are too many bar girls and hookers in the the group being considered.

The vocal minority may well have good cause to complain

The silent majority are content with what they have earned for themselves   

A self-evident Truth..?     

Very, very good comments above.
I've had a few cross cultural relationships over the last 40 years.
It's critical to not misinterpret or to jump to the wrong conclusions.

@ 70 yrs old - Agreed and can speak some vietnamese and learn more daily.  I think I know her soul pretty well as she shares everything with me.  The one big difference I see and feel, not only does my wife tell me a hundred times a day how much she loves me, but I feel it inside which I have never felt with another.  I think some may not understand it, but she insist that if I die first, she is going to kill herself to be next to me forever.  I have tried to tell her no, but I know no matter how much i try, I doubt I can stop her.

My suggestion would be to ask, if she also dies, who would be their to worship at the family alter and remember you? Who would keep your spirit nourished with love? Who would take care of your obligations?

Agree with her that her death would end the pain of loss. But, living will be a celebration of your life.

vndreamer wrote:

@ 70 yrs old - Agreed and can speak some vietnamese and learn more daily.  I think I know her soul pretty well as she shares everything with me.  The one big difference I see and feel, not only does my wife tell me a hundred times a day how much she loves me, but I feel it inside which I have never felt with another.  I think some may not understand it, but she insist that if I die first, she is going to kill herself to be next to me forever.  I have tried to tell her no, but I know no matter how much i try, I doubt I can stop her.

My suggestion would be to ask, if she also dies, who would be their to worship at the family alter and remember you? Who would keep your spirit nourished with love? Who would take care of your obligations?

Agree with her that her death would end the pain of loss. But, living will be a celebration of his life.

70 years old wrote:

My suggestion would be to ask, if she also dies, who would be their to worship at the family alter and remember you? Who would keep your spirit nourished with love? Who would take care of your obligations?

Agree with her that her death would end the pain of loss. But, living will be a celebration of your life.

Tried all the arguments so she tells me not to worry because we will both be old when we die.

vndreamer wrote:

70 years old wrote:

My suggestion would be to ask, if she also dies, who would be their to worship at the family alter and remember you? Who would keep your spirit nourished with love? Who would take care of your obligations?

Agree with her that her death would end the pain of loss. But, living will be a celebration of your life.

Tried all the arguments so she tells me not to worry because we will both be old when we die.

That is so great. You do have a winner

VNdreamer, you certainly have a winner there. I wish I can read more stories/experiences like yours.

vndreamer wrote:

70 years old wrote:

My suggestion would be to ask, if she also dies, who would be their to worship at the family alter and remember you? Who would keep your spirit nourished with love? Who would take care of your obligations?

Agree with her that her death would end the pain of loss. But, living will be a celebration of your life.

Tried all the arguments so she tells me not to worry because we will both be old when we die.

I'm not even allowed to say the word. Even in jest.

There is a sense of partnership: work, play, live and die, together, that I have not had in the same way with western women.
Devotion is a good descriptive word. Also a work ethic that is outstanding, but then I do see a lot of people in coffeehouses that don't seem to be doing anything like me!  My GF loves me more because I let her work to earn money and I don't mind going to coffee without her.

It works for me!

can anyone answer the sex life issue with such a big age gap..

So is the ex-pat community in VN full of men married to VN women?  Are there many western women there, as a decision to live in VN would be based on forming female and, to a lesser extent, male friendships.  Not being able to speak Vietnamese will limit my ability to form strong friendships with locals so other Westerners would be important for me.

gulshan555 wrote:

can anyone answer the sex life issue with such a big age gap..

i know from experience a woman is sexually at her peak in her peak.in her thirties . so how does a 70 year man keep her sexually satisfied..please guide me if i am wrong

gulshan555 wrote:

gulshan555 wrote:

can anyone answer the sex life issue with such a big age gap..

i know from experience a woman is sexually at her peak in her peak.in her thirties . so how does a 70 year man keep her sexually satisfied..please guide me if i am wrong

just a myth.  All depends on whether you take care of yourself.  https://www.foxnews.com/lifestyle/woman … old-fiance

FYI - Hugh Hefner had 2 kids later in life, 1 when he was 64 and 1 at 65.

gulshan555 wrote:

gulshan555 wrote:

can anyone answer the sex life issue with such a big age gap..

i know from experience a woman is sexually at her peak in her peak.in her thirties . so how does a 70 year man keep her sexually satisfied..please guide me if i am wrong

Put down the beer.

Put out the cigarette.

Push away from the table.

Some exercises that might help...

And at that age, I think they might have something to offer other than a sexual relationship. People can offer companionship, friendship, financial support, partnership in business, mentoring, a whole lot of other things. Relationships aren't just about sex.

Women also are most marriageable at younger ages (closer to 18 or a bit later after university graduation). Men age like wine, they often marry and can support a wife and family better after many years of life.

Oh...and another thought for those who look at the age difference...

For those who go to heaven when they die, will we not all be the same age there?

Maggiemac wrote:

So is the ex-pat community in VN full of men married to VN women?  Are there many western women there, as a decision to live in VN would be based on forming female and, to a lesser extent, male friendships.  Not being able to speak Vietnamese will limit my ability to form strong friendships with locals so other Westerners would be important for me.

Good question. A census of Western females who speak English in Vietnam is going to be much smaller than Western men for several reasons. It doesn't mean that they don't exist, and after living in an urban area for awhile you will bump into them. Probably most are 20s-30s teachers. There are neighborhoods in cities where foreigners can be quite concentrated. There is online networking. Maybe you will get responses from women on expat.com.

Don't overlook Eastern females who speak English of which there are many more. You will find younger Vietnamese women, and older women too who work public-facing jobs, like in stores, be variously fluent, and are interested in foreigners. Expat Eastern woman are often highly educated and multilingual. For example, Vietnam has the 2nd largest diaspora of Koreans. Hanging around Saigon Phu My Hung in the daytime, there are packs of Korean women everywhere, mostly wives of husbands here working, I even saw some at the Masters Cup English club. So, also women from Taiwan, Singapore, Japan, are Russians Eastern or Western?

There has been a buzz about Vietnam for several years. More tourism, and more foreigners will come back to stay. Cost of living, improving infrastructure, personal freedoms, little violent crime, food, tropical life are attractions. Thailand is pretty good, but military govt is becoming hostile to long term expats, Philippines has in-your-face poverty and crime, Cambodia is more run down, questions about freedom and safety in religious Indonesia. English speaking Malaysia is an option, politics taking a turn for the better but more expensive, and Singapore is for rich only.

Thanks Gobot.  I think I would be fine.  Like mixing with locals when possible and enjoy the company of younger women as well as those closer to my own age.  I'm afraid where I live older men with much younger Asian wives/girlfriends are often looked down upon and sometimes for good reason as the women are treated badly, but not always.

Maggiemac wrote:

Thanks Gobot.  I think I would be fine.  Like mixing with locals when possible and enjoy the company of younger women as well as those closer to my own age.  I'm afraid where I live older men with much younger Asian wives/girlfriends are often looked down upon and sometimes for good reason as the women are treated badly, but not always.

Not sure where you are living, but all the Asian ladies I know who are with older men are very happy.

Do you have any articles written about these women who are treated badly, do you actually know any of these couples?

Unfortunately I have worked with some of them as clients and what I saw and heard was DV and withholding of money.  Of course, this is only a cross section of what happens in life but anecdotal evidence suggests there is a particular type of man who des this, regardless of race or age.  The women I saw were in relationships that were not love matches but desperate people thrown together.  I can only assume, and hope, that Western men in Vietnam have a different approach to the women in their lives.

Maggiemac wrote:

Unfortunately I have worked with some of them as clients and what I saw and heard was DV and withholding of money.  Of course, this is only a cross section of what happens in life but anecdotal evidence suggests there is a particular type of man who des this, regardless of race or age.  The women I saw were in relationships that were not love matches but desperate people thrown together.  I can only assume, and hope, that Western men in Vietnam have a different approach to the women in their lives.

Dont forget, there are three sides to any story...her side, his side and the truth.

I would say that I know more western men in relationships with Asian women than you do (just a hunch) and I'm sorry, but I totally disagree with your line of thinking.

My wife is 22 years younger than me, when we first met I told her a younger man may be a better fit. She totally disagreed.

You're in for a big shock when you see the attitude of many VN men, DV is a very, very common scenario here.

I am sure that there are many honourable men married to VN women.  Unfortunately I have seen the evidence of the DV here in Australia.  Lucky are the women who are married to decent men who treat them properly, no matter the nationality and of course works both ways.

Maggiemac wrote:

I am sure that there are many honourable men married to VN women.  Unfortunately I have seen the evidence of the DV here in Australia.  Lucky are the women who are married to decent men who treat them properly, no matter the nationality and of course works both ways.

Agree to some extent. Don't be surprised to see a woman here get punched in the face,in public and nothing done about it. Its a very different world here when it comes to DV. I have personally dragged guys off their spouses as the locals won't step in.

https://www.unfpa.org/news/new-study-sh … e-viet-nam

There are exceptions to the rule. But sexologist will tell you Ageing is a natural phenomenon. Woman are sexually active in there thirty’s., it is not possible for a 70 year old man to remain in a long term relationship. With 20 something girl.  However there are exceptions to the rule. Where I have heard a 50 something lady give birth to child. This post menopause. !  Thank you for your reply!

http://www.getpregnantover40.com/pregnancy-over-50

Also, women post menopause still get pregnant with donor eggs.

does not answer my question   how do men over 70+ keep a 20 + girl sexually satisfied , unless she wants to be happy widow??? check the statics  , I may be wrong!

my question is the same i am chatting with a lad 43+ and i am 68, is it worth it ? although i am lonely..she is a single mom and a school teacher!

gulshan555 wrote:

does not answer my question   how do men over 70+ keep a 20 + girl sexually satisfied , unless she wants to be happy widow??? check the statics  , I may be wrong!

Depends a lot on the man .. and the woman.

Most men can manage at least three times a night, some more, even in their older years.
Once is plenty for some women.

gulshan555 wrote:

i am chatting with a lad 43+ and i am 68

I'm unable to assist with that as I'm not gay, but perhaps other posters will be able to offer advice.

Fred wrote:

Most men can manage at least three times a night, some more, even in their older years.
Once is plenty for some women.

Careful Fred.  You are going to make Gulshan555 feel inadequate as he seems overly concerned with the issue. 

this reality i am in my 60+ widower since i was 40  having had many girlfriends... but marriage is another issue   while the going is good enjoy it...why commit to a long term relationship...move on!

THIGV wrote:

Fred wrote:

Most men can manage at least three times a night, some more, even in their older years.
Once is plenty for some women.

Careful Fred.  You are going to make Gulshan555 feel inadequate as he seems overly concerned with the issue. 

Mr Floppy?

gulshan555 wrote:

can anyone answer the sex life issue with such a big age gap..

I know. I'm not supposed to feed the trolls...

gulshan555 wrote:

gulshan555 wrote:

can anyone answer the sex life issue with such a big age gap..

i know from experience a woman is sexually at her peak in her peak.in her thirties . so how does a 70 year man keep her sexually satisfied..please guide me if i am wrong

You shouldn't have a problem.

Since you answer yourself when no one else replies, she won't need to entertain you...

gulshan555 wrote:

There are exceptions to the rule. But sexologist will tell you Ageing is a natural phenomenon. Woman are sexually active in there thirty’s., it is not possible for a 70 year old man to remain in a long term relationship. With 20 something girl.  However there are exceptions to the rule. Where I have heard a 50 something lady give birth to child. This post menopause. !  Thank you for your reply!

Actually, research accepted in health sciences literature says that (on average) female sex drive is greatest in the 40's age range, and can often continue well beyond that, even after the onset of well-managed menopause, though "sex life" usually takes on an entirely different meaning from what they experienced in their teens and 20's.

gulshan555 wrote:

does not answer my question   how do men over 70+ keep a 20 + girl sexually satisfied , unless she wants to be happy widow??? check the statics  , I may be wrong!

No matter what the age of a woman (of legally consenting age) a satisfactory sex life requires the man to understand the concepts of foreplay and afterplay.

It's the real "Circle of Life" 🙂

There is a huge difference between simply being able to accomplish intercourse and creating an atmosphere of mutual desire & satisfaction.

Also, if you haven't learned by now, there are many ways to help satisfy a woman besides direct intercourse, including conversation (especially the listening part), various massage techniques and the willingness to give oral sex.

Learning how to create art for her, to read poetry out loud and to treat her family in a loving manner can all be a great turn-on for a woman, especially in this culture.

If you look at a woman and all you see is body orifices, breasts and hands, she will eventually pick up on that, especially if she is mature.

gulshan555 wrote:

my question is the same i am chatting with a lad 43+ and i am 68, is it worth it ? although i am lonely..she is a single mom and a school teacher!

Maybe you meant to say "lady", not "lad"?

I'm going to guess it's definitely not worth it...for her.

If loneliness and money are the only things you bring to the relationship, *I think* a better plan would be to split your money between hiring a housekeeper/valet and getting VIP massages at your favorite spa.

gulshan555 wrote:

this reality i am in my 60+ widower since i was 40  having had many girlfriends... but marriage is another issue   while the going is good enjoy it...why commit to a long term relationship...move on!

And thus, you eventually reveal your true philosophy, which isn't very promising if your goal is to "satisfy" a woman of any age.

However, you can definitely purchase a companion and call her a "girlfriend"...