How to solve bad situations in Ecuador

How to deal with an uncomfortable situation when someone asks to borrow money?

Someone I knew from Venezuela asked to borrow money. I’ve only known this person for a couple of months. But one day I was asked for fifty dollars. I dealt with this matter cordially, and this is important because of cultural difference and so telling someone, “you’re crazy”, or “no!”, might come off as a bit harsh in my opinion.

So when I got asked, I simply replied-

“la plata siempre complica la amistad” (money always complicates friendship)

“me imagino” (I imagine) was their reply.

I ended it with, “por favor no me preguntes de nuevo” (please don’t ask me again)

It is important to establish this boundary in which money is not part of any relationship you have with locals or other expats as well. This is even more so in your neighborhood because you don’t want to be seen as someone who is different from everyone else or susceptible to be taken advantage of.  And from past experiences it is much better to establish these boundaries early on.

If you take this approach you will sift the genuine people from those who have ulterior motives.

We have talked about different ways to handle this situation and I'm just not sure what the best way really is.  We are friendly with the head of security and he will check up on us from time to time.  If I'm up late and can't sleep and he's working the night patrol with his whistle on his bicycle, he always knocks to ask if I'm ok and why I'm not sleeping.  We have both learned to communicate ok with each other and when we moved in this development, I guess we were a bit naive.  I know security really means nothing, I lived in a gated community in Florida.  But with the tall walls surrounding our house and the electric wire on 2 sides and the metal pointed tall spikes in the front, we thought we were ok here and didn't worry much.  We left our windows open at night when we didn't run the AC and didn't think much about it.  One Sunday afternoon we were painting our walls outside when he (the head security) knocked on our gate to tell us to please close our windows at night and that there had been a house burglary down the street from us, and to be careful.  He kind of took us under his wing and made sure the other security people knew us and never hassled us.  He's never asked us for anything except recently, when he has tried to sell us a metal garbage receptacle that his brother makes.  We declined nicely but we have been very good to him and his family.  I'm only telling this, not to brag, as my gringo friends here don't about it, but just to show maybe a correlation.  When he lost his house in the earthquake and his family was sleeping on the street, I gave 3 bags of high end clothes.  Towels, wash cloths and sheets from the US, not from here or cheap quality.  My thinking was they could use the sheets as cover like tarps and towels and wash cloths however the handled that situation.  He was very surprised and we asked what else his family needed.  He said only water.  While we hate to hand out cash here, we bought a gift card to super maxi for whatever he needed and the card could be used at like 9 diff stores.  He cried when we gave it to him. 

So I'm not sure if that's why they send people here, although last time it happened I walked past the guard shack to see who was working and he was not.  We have thought about asking him about it or the people who run the HOA as their son speaks perfect English.  I'm hesitant to address it as I don't want to become a target here or bring attention to us in any way.  I've also been warned by gringos to never trust security even though you think they are on your side.  He also made a point NYE, to come by in the afternoon to ask if we were going out that night.  We were not but that gave me pause and another reason not to rock the boat.  I just don't answer my gate, and refuse to put in an intercom, cause it would buzz constantly. 

When I handle it, I will definitely let everyone know and how it's working.  Don't get me wrong I give a lot here, just not cash, well sometimes, but I never tell anyone to whom or when.  I give from the heart, but also don't want the population of manta at my front gate.  I never give to the people begging on the street unless they are elderly.  I try give other ways.  There's an older woman who comes through here almost everyday to gather recyclable things.  She used to go through my trash, which is disgusting, so I now bag all my plastic and recyclable stuff separately just for her.  She thanks me every time I see her, and she is greatful.  The only thing she has ever asked me for is a glass of cold water on a hot humid day.  I felt bad cause I only had a glass and nothing disposable for her to take it with her.  I told her to take her time and enjoy the water.  She poured the ice in her baseball cap thanked me and went on.  I used to put her plastic out at night cause her arrival time varies and I sometimes miss her, but I realized others were taking it so I stopped.  A lot of my plastic is US plastic and one bag of it weighs more than 3 bags of plastic from here, lol.  So I try to help my way and not just hand over money cause they want to beg and bring prescriptions that are dated 3 years ago from a private pay hospital, not even IESS.  That's when I play the "I am sorry, I only speak English."  They usually just keep going on and on and I finally say no, do you speak english? And then I say English, yes?  And they so no espanol?  And I say I don't speak Spanish I'm sorry and I don't understand you,  and then I walk away.

Sophems you are a very giving person and that's a good thing. I think the guards know the people who they're letting in and so I don't think it's a safety issue for you.

However with Manta being severely impacted by the quake I don't think they will stop coming. There's a saying here in Ecuador "das la mano y te toman del codo" (give a hand and they take the elbow).

Perhaps telling the guards something along the lines of - You know I help people but it's not appropriate to allow people to enter the premises.

This is with the knowledge that they only go directly to your gate. You can also wear out the people that show up at your gate, which you seem to be doing quite well with by telling them you don't speak Spanish.

Do keep us updated and let us know the outcome of this sensitive issue.