How do I know if my Girlfriend is who she says she is.

Who knows?
The thing could easily be a scam, but she might be fine and someone is out to get her.
However, changing your whole life based on an online relationship is always open to problems.
May I suggest a holiday first.

Ouch ! The most complicated question ! Have you been already in the Philippines, have you met her already ? Have you given her already a lot of money ? If she has never asked for money, it would be probably difficult to conclude that she is interested by money during a 4 years relationship ! If,in the opposite, she was asking money for many purposes like "I have a brother who is sick and needs to go to the hospital" or " My sister has to go to school and she needs money" or "I need to buy a computer like that I can talk to you at home" etc. there should strong signals of a possible scam. Of course you are the only one who will know. However, there are some expatriates who have developed some kind investigations agencies with aims to check the background of some ladies in the Philippines. (I hope there are also some agencies checking the background of the foreigners...). But I agree, the first thing is to come to the Philippines for some weeks first.

I think Geolefrench has said it best.  If she hasn't been asking for money (or very little) over 4 years, I would say that she is not a gold digger, as she probably would have moved on long ago.  If this is the case, then I would not think to much about the person who contacted you, especially if you do not know who this person was.  And as the others have said, take a vacation for a few weeks first.

checkout the Mindanao Bob website he offers PI services to check back ground of girls if your that concerned. But also agree with the other posts go for a holiday 1st make no promises (marrage engagement etc) spend time with her as much as you can, and again if she hasent asked you for a lot of money over those 4 years that is usually a good sign. i met my girl online 2 years ago and she never asked me for money and she was a dirt poor student at the time?, yes it was totally my decision to fund her which i did so after 12mths and 2 holiday trips i moved there permanently 12 months later, best move i ever made and we live a happy life together, just be careful as there are plenty of stories out there where scammers abound !!

Well for sure I would be suspicious of anyone who said the bad things n disappeared. Very suspicious. I would let your gf know about this AND listen carefully to her reply. Go on your gut feeling and take off the rose colored glasses. Posers are a dime a dozen in the Philippines. FEW know the meaning of honesty here. Tricks are the main game. You need check her out in person. You cant do it if you are outside the country. Always give yourself the benefit of the doubt NOT her. When it comes to the Philippines play it safe always.

Derek.C wrote:

I have been chatting to a Lady on Facebook for nearly 4 Years now, But the other day I had a message from someone else saying, My girlfriend is a sex worker and a gold digger, and all her family know about it, and they are only after my money, But when I tried to contact the person in Question, They disappeared. Now I am all in a mess, So do I still believe my girlfriend of 4 years or believe this other person. Is there a way I can find out who is telling the truth before I emigrate this year. Any help would be much appreciated. My girlfriend lives in Balabac. St. Pinagkaisahan Makati City

You will not be able to know who your girlfriend really is because, for one, she's over here, and you're not in this country, I assume. (Your profile is actually a bit confusing. You're "English looking for information about the Philippines" and yet your location is Makati City.) Before you hire a private investigator, do some investigating yourself.

About your 4-year relationship:
You said you've been chatting on Facebook for 4 YEARS. Have you visited the Philippines before?  By the way, were you single all those 4 years?   It's a bit odd that after almost 4 years, you had not come here to see her? Some foreigners who met their Filipino girlfriend online will meet them in person even just after 4 months of chatting.

Has your Filipino gf ever invited you to come here to meet her and her family and friends? Have you been sending her money? If you have been sending her money, and she hasn't invited you to come to the Philippines, then she might not be the person whom she portrays to be, but still wants to keep receiving money from you.

About the mysterious message:
Sometimes family members and friends get into arguments and fight. It's possible that the mysterious message person is angry or jealous and knows about you and wants to damage your gf's reputation. On the other hand, it could be from a concerned person. What was the general tone of the message? Did it sound angry? Or did it read like it came from a concerned person?

One has to have a bit of internet savvy to know how to send a message anonymously to an fb user. How was the writer's English? Did it have a lot of grammar or coherence issues? Have you considered that the message could actually from someone YOU know? Do you know of someone from your side who disapproves of your relationship with your Filipino gf?

About facebook accounts:
One can easily create a fake Facebook account, and even go as far as invent fake friends. But it would be hard to keep that charade going for 4 years. Many Filipinos don't bother to use facebook's privacy / security measures when they post. Check out your gf's friends list, and her friends' friends. If it looks like a closed group where they are friends with each other only, then everything could have been made up.  Look at her friends' pictures and videos, especially those where she's tagged.

See if there are inconsistencies. Some people would post almost every picture they took with their cellphone. Has she posted pictures of her with her family, friends, school and work buddies, or gatherings, fiestas, Christmas, new year, outings, etc? Did she look like she aged over those 4 years (she should), had changes in hairstyle or hair length, etc.? Is her friends list growing?

If you still have doubts, maybe later on, you can drop in on her unannounced, meet with her a day after you've arrived.

Dawg look,  u have any woman u find checked out.  Sure many have found the age of  internet to be an ATM.   There are a few things u just do,  1 check her out. If u get the common 'i only been with 1 guy in my life before' or any of that stuff u can bet it is BS. As u can tell from the many fatherless kids here that the women have a solid sexual drive and it starts young.   2   never go for stories of  ' it is an  emergency  I NEED MONEY ',   Alot of girls and women here are playing several foreigners online at once, get some money from each every month and they got a decent life here   3  if u live with or marry her NEVER lend money to her family, Filipinos think foreigners are all rich and once u give money they will haunt you. 4  dont try to identify with the family or friends  or how they live,  5  Dont ever think u are Filipino! The Country will remind you of that and that u have NO rights here. The Family will tolerate You,  that is the best u can expect .  they will still take ur money in a second if they think they can get away with it.  They will never be to ur door looking for Your company, only for the Filipino. So dont think u are family or best buddies or u will learn the hard way. Also dont live with any of the family. 
For the women they also have gotten played by liar Foreigner men for decades and most know someone who has been played so now with the computer age they are just getting their streetsmarts.
4 yrs and u never been here or met her i think u both been doing some playing of eachother being u can shop a ticket for cheap and visit or bring her over on a fiancee visa. Either You cant afford a foreign girlfriend or u both are playing eachother if u are still pen pals after 4 yrs.,. U can bet she isnt waiting 4 yrs for you unless u are giving her some money, and then she will surely play u out of  4  more if she can.    I knew a guy who got an expat to check a girl out once, he went to the door and found she had 2 kids and a boyfriend. (husband but here most dont do legal marriage because then they cant get a divorce).  U take everything at face value, believe nothing of what u hear and only half of what u see.  If u havent even come stayed here with her a couple months now and then in 4 yrs then u cant complain if u are being scammed.  my opinion only, but through lots of yrs exp.

I would say spend about 20k on an investigation if she is who she is no problem if not at least it will be money well spent I  wish someone had told me that in 2009 going forward with a ex of mine it  would have saved me 1 or 2 mil php. I say check for your piece of mind good luck

I guess you've been jaded before Mikenjane.  A lot of what you say is good advice, but it doesn't apply across the board.  Sure there are many that fit what you say, but there are many that don't.  I've met a lot of proud Filipinos.  I have lent money to family members and have been repaid.  My Filipino (wife's) family and I get along great.  We have a little bit of communication problems, as I am still learning the local language.  However, we hang out, enjoy a couple of beers, eat and enjoy one another's company.  They by no means hang with me because I am the white guy.  I am teaching them english and they are teaching me visiyan.   I really appreciate them and enjoy just hanging out, as I know they do me.  I am quite sure there are many out there as you suggest, and I would suspect that most are in the bigger cities. 

Good luck Derek.  You need to come check her out...it is the only true way to put your mind at ease.

Well, we always jump and tend to believe negative news first, like the saying that trust takes a lifetime to make and a second to break.

I wouldnt know how or why you got such a message but I would believe its false until you have seen with your own eyes. The message didnt sound like a friend was trying to do you a favor, Maybe it came from someone who got jilted or is jealous of the girl but I dont know anyone who would send a message like that, This whole thing seems like a BS story to me.

But regardless, its been said millions of times that 1) online relationships dont work so well 2) distance works against relationships 3) Four years (in this case) is pretty long to have not met yet. 4) Anyone talking to anyone online is assumed to be talking to others too, even making plans with several people. In the end, you have to meet her. Personally, I would never emigrate for someone I have never met. Before emigration, I would have met her on trips several times. I know some who have straight emigrated for a person and I do wish them good luck.

But lets say its all true, she is a sex worker. Can you accept that? Can you show her a better way in life with you? Will she agree to give it up for you, especially if you are thinking about marriage? Are you willing to support her from now so that she can more easily quit?

You know what, this crap comes with the territory of spending too much time in whats called the "secretarial pool." My advice to anyone is seek a partner higher up the ladder, someone with a career, an education, from a good family, all that.  How would that happen? Most likely not online but from real meetings when you are already living in a place.

I dont know you or her  but my general, overall take on a situation like this is to consider online relationships before emigration as helpful friends, people to show you around, teach you and get you settled. Then let them go, let them be. When one is planted, then maybe a good situation will arise and you go for it. There is just no need to put so much stock in anything else because what you most often get is some version of the situation described in the first post. Like that post eluded to, there isnt any way to know all before a meeting, thats why my advice--be planted first and meet real people from the start so that you CAN see their real, true situation.

Questions
What signals are you sending to her by not visiting for four years?
Why should she have faith in you?
If she is a sex worker, what does that mean to you?
Have you sent money or stuff to her? Why? Because she asked or because you offered?
What have you been doing while courting her? Shopping around, looking to upgrade? Playing the field? Got a girl(s) where you are?
You been faithful/celibate for four years?
You been honest with her about what you are doing?

Maybe you should not expect more from her than you are giving.

Just my two cents.
Wayne

The stigma around online dating continues to erode. Various reports talk about more than 10% of serious relationships in the U.S. began online. https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nat … e/2377961/

I have one for all of you Guys, I have been here for few years, seen and heard all by now, seen with my own eyes to, what is happening and going on, yes lost bad some good but that is life after all, is what I can see, but I like to know why are Westerners meeting Girls here and all they want is to live here, you all KNow life in your own Country is 110% batter then here, but yet you all chose to live here with your Wife's or GF, what is the real reasons? young Wife or GF, you are afraid  you may lose them to your own Mates back home, this is big big possibilities, this is when you will know for sure if she loves you or just because you are Westerner and have some cash with you, even if you are in your own Country Pensioner, you will give them good life here, maybe not perfect one but much batter then they have ever had, but if you take them back home, well this is when they will be Independent of you, will they need you then ?? NO NO and NO
they will chose younger Man, lets face it they love sex and they love younger Guys, even they say they Love older Man but that is for you only not what they really want, but because you can give good life they swill settle for you any time, not their own Man who are mostly drunk and don't care about Woman, I think we are all about the same when it comes to Philippines, non of us are safe, it is like living on fence, you never know when will you fall over, but when you do hope you have plan B, to pick your self up and move on, you can be devastated but never forget you have your own life to worry about do not give up because of it, life must go on with or with out some in it.

Although the grammar in the post from samangelevski  is somewhat jumbled, I sort of get what he was trying to say. 

I let my girl here also read his post and this is what she had to say :

"Indeed interesting... it is mostly likely true to most Philippine women.
If I would comment back to his post, I would say:
I agree on you...but think again.

Allow me to reverse it. You guys came here in the Philippines to have fun (sex) or to find your young and pretty girl/wife (unlimited sweet pussy) for less money than in your home country and with less social judgement, right? With your young girl by your side, you feel dignified; you really feel you are 'the man'! You are proud of yourself and away from your boring and lonely life in your home country. Very good if you find a nice and educated girl; but in most cases, you get a hooker, a bar girl or from online dating sites who is a mother of three and that is why you end up lost or abandoned. If you can just get a young, pretty, sweet (and loving) girlfriend/wife in your country, will you then come to the Philippines?? Probably NO, NO and NO.

You easily blame money, sex or other younger attractive men why your girl left you. It might be because:

1.) these are the only apparent, easiest, acceptable, logical and ready reasons you thought of and maybe you just heard from friends so you feel believable;
2.) you are embarrassed to admit your own shortcomings, noncooperation and inability to make the relationship happy;
3.) you two (personalities) were simply not compatible with each other and;
3.) you were naive.

Don't be sour grapes. Be fair..not all filipino girls can be that bad users. There are other nice girls who look for good guys who can offer much more, far beyond than just typical money or better living. There is always something she ultimately but discreetly wants in a guy. Yes it could be bed skills, or sense of humor, affection, sense of maturity and responsibility, ability to demonstrate love, character, education..etc. So, excluding your wallet, what other substance you've got?? What and how well did you work to satisfy your girl and make her stay? But then again, did you take enough time knowing the background, personality and driving ambition of your girl before you trusted/married/engaged with her?"

Make a surprise visit and catch her and her Filipino boyfriend chatting up several foreigners for money.

Hi,
This happened to me also. I followed up with facebook and found out the woman who said mine was a sex worker was a scammer from Nigeria. I had to save all my facebook messages and reboot through facebook security before I was able to get rid of her. If you want to know visit her there. Good luck

This all sounds a bit complicated to me but I do agree, knowing your girlfriend for 4 years without visiting is strange. Please tell me, did you at any point say you wanted to visit her but she was not in agreement and did not want you to come for any reason?

I also have received messages from people I never knew via Facebook which is how I met my girlfriends in the Philippines. I got a message from a guy regarding my first girlfriend, saying (I don't know if you know this but your girlfriend is cheating on you and is on Filipino Cupid, advertising for a boyfriend.) So I looked on the site and I did find her profile. To avoid paying for the site she simply put under her profile, Contact me on Facebook if interested and gave her Facebook ID details.

I have also been told by my current Girlfriend's cousin that my g/f is married, which is actually a lie, I have met my girlfriend face to face, met some of her family also. It turns out has my G/F describes it that the relationship between herself and some of her extended family is toxic. (Her Words). However saying that I did have my doubts simply because my G/F used to have her status on Facebook showing has divorced, which I know is not possible there. When I asked her about it she said she had put divorced just has a joke but to me it is one weird joke that could even now mean I walk away because I see no reason why any woman would ever do that.

Visit your G/F ASAP when allowed, meet her family, talk to her friends, get to know her better and I agree with so other comments on here. But I would say before resorting to hiring a PI or tracing her phone, try do some investigation work yourself and see if you can trace the person that messaged you. When that happened to me the guy who messaged me about my first G/F was happy to answer questions I had and did not simply try to hide.

Samang-This might be a bit off topic but should be of interest to all foreign men with Pinay gfs. I actually watched it on  you tube. You can learn a lot about whats going on here by watching you tube. Mucho info! What I saw was a chiller. A guy from UK,financially well off in his mid 30s,wealthy parents got involved with a Pinay here in her mid 20's and they wound up getting married here in Philippines. long story short after  she married the foreigner and had 3 kids from him she had a secret Pinoy bf on the side all a long. Her and her bf hired a hit man to do away with the foreigner husband. They had 3 small kids by now when this happened. They caught the boy friend and their was a trial for murder she had inadvertently killed and she went to jail, Because things like this happen here in the Philippines its always good to have the Pinay checked out even if you have to hire a private investigator,I love the Philippino but its really hard to trust any of them. Seems many of them think if they get hooked up with a foreigner they willl have a free life. I gave my Pinay gf a free life for 3 years and bailed in 2015 when I was always giving and her receiving bit not giving back. they will try to use psychology on us retired guys by telling us we are lucky to have them when its the other way around. All foreigner men please precede with caution and try to find a woman who is self sufficient and doesnt need your money as thats why she is probably staying with you like my Pinay gf was. Good luck to all and stay safe. Hopefully this pandemic will be over soon enough.Jimmy(By the way-I am sure there are some nice women out there-just be more selective and dont latch on to the 1st one you find like I did.) You will regret it and may cause you to be bitter towards the women here. I am working my way thru  that,

By the way theres a website you can go on to find out if these women are married or not. Only problem is you need info from the Pinay BUT she wont mind giving it to you if shes legit. A lot of dishonesty going on here in this as I have personally discovered. Jimmy(Email me for the website....capricorn_rising@yahoo.com) or any other info I may be able to provide as I have lived here 9 years already,

I found it best and easy to just have her send you a copy of :

Certificate of Legal Capacity to Contract Marriage”
This document is required to get married!
She simply fills out the form and turns it in. All Pinay know this form.
The Barangay do the investigation and most likely know her already. It is a spendy document. Better yet just have her get the form and fill it out and send to you. Ask her what her government I.D. number is! Also if you know anyone there have them go to the Barangay office where she lives and explain what you need to know. They are usually very helpful and want to stop scammers!!

There's something called a CENOMAR
"A Certificate of No Marriage Record".
This offcourse has to be filled up correctly & for that you would need a copy/details of her **actual birthcert.
I remember I used their online service some 8yrs ago just to make sure... as my current partner had 2 prevoius kids out of wedlock where the previous live in dad disappeared/leaving her high & dry whilst she was pregnant with his 2nd kid & then about 2yrs after that I came along.

Cenomar is easy to fake!

Yes, sadly it is. I have seen them. But it's a place to start.

capricornrising wrote:

Samang-This might be a bit off topic but should be of interest to all foreign men with Pinay gfs. I actually watched it on  you tube. You can learn a lot about whats going on here by watching you tube. Mucho info! What I saw was a chiller.....

Oh please, Capricorn..  we all know that if someone has a grudge or wants attention, the first thing they do now is go on Facebook or YouTube and post up their sensational story of craziness in the Philippines (or anywhere for that matter).  We know why some of them do it - because they get MORE CLICKS!  Others because their ridiculous expectations of meeting a 40 year younger woman ended in their being taken advantage of. Well, NEWSFLASH - It's called setting yourself up! And you're not the first.

But how about the thousands of guys that are happily living with there Filipina wife or GF that didn't think to make a video? They're just enjoying their life.

I heard some of those stories early on and was convinced everyone was a scammer or I would be murdered for my wallet, lol. Never happened. I mostly just had fun and adventure, traveled all over, met a great woman and many other nice people who are working hard and going about their lives. What I mostly noticed is how happy most are, despite the widespread poverty. And how some foreigners try to give back and make it a better place.

The MAIN problem is guys coming over with UNREASONABLE OR SELFISH EXPECTATIONS. That they also probably got from a YouTube video, lol. And then when they aren't met they turn around and bash the Filipino people.

Of course there are bad apples, and it is a very POOR country, so there are many women just looking for security, as women do in any country, but they just practice it differently in the rich countries. Many of them could make wonderful wives. But expecting to meet someone 30-40 years younger who will genuinely love them forever is dubious at best. YOU are the one who is feeding the dynamic by putting yourself in the position of being preyed upon.

There have been a lot of generalizations made here in the threads lately, that paint an inaccurate picture of the Philippines and Filipinos. You would think by the posts that they are all scammers, liars, covert narcissists etc . Give me a break. Think about what you're doing in making these posts and who you might be harming. There are plenty of warnings out there already.

So Readers - please take all the hysteria and crazy stories with a grain of salt. The Philippines, and the Filipino people, are amazing to visit and get to know. Some may want to live here, some not. Do your due diligence, come visit, have adventures and meet people in person. But for heaven's sake, be reasonable in your expectations. Would she be interested in you in your own country? If not - then be forewarned, she may or may not try to take advantage of you.

capricornrising wrote:

All foreigner men please precede with caution and try to find a woman who is self sufficient and doesnt need your money as thats why she is probably staying with you like my Pinay gf was. Good luck to all and stay safe. Hopefully this pandemic will be over soon enough.Jimmy (By the way-I am sure there are some nice women out there-just be more selective and dont latch on to the 1st one you find like I did.) You will regret it and may cause you to be bitter towards the women here. I am working my way thru that

Are you really? Personally, I thought your posts about Baguio were a lot more informative and interesting.

Could be she's a sex worker or it could just be crab mentality. Filipinos are amazing people but they can be super jealous too.

lasvegan wrote:

Cenomar is easy to fake!

Agreed...so is the birthcert/among others...I guess I was just lucky.

pnwcyclist wrote:

But expecting to meet someone 30-40 years younger who will genuinely love them forever is dubious at best.

Again I guess i was just lucky...but who knows about 2moro!

Agree manwonder, ditto but I'm sure luck has nothing to do with it if one is diligent.
If we go back to the OP from 4 years ago (never saw him again), how can you ever know the person unless you meet/spend personal time. 4 years in the ether? Girlfriend?

I talked to many online for a year or so, met a few, true colours emerged with them, see you later but one stood out that I refused to meet because of the 31 year age difference even though we chatted daily for nearly a year, old soul in a young body, we did eventually meet, gave it a go in Manila for a year to know each other,,,,,, 9 years on we are here still together with all the ups and downs in any relationship no matter the country, I would never have known if I/we didn't take the plunge/time and effort to know  the future. The downs/bad (relationship as well as country) is by far outweighed by the positives, love and commitment.

Hey only me telling my story but I honestly believe that as an Aussie, if I was talking to/having a long distance relationship with someone in my own country 3,000 miles away I would want to meet them, what's another few thousand miles? Said it before, get your hands dirty, taste the flavours, good and bad. That cannot be accomplished sitting on a keyboard/video chatting. 4 years chatting online? That's commitment.

OMO.

Cheers, Steve.

Oriigin is old. Otherrwicee I would ask if he had send her any money dduring the 4 years.

If not, t it isn't a proof but a good sign she can be good, because goldiggers can earn much easier by spend the time at fooling others who pay.

I have made several golddiggers sort away themselves    by they don't get any money from me.   (Some harder now though to say No, because of covid have made less possibilities for poor to manage themselves.)

Common scenario: Filipina with her secret Filipino boyfriend chatting up foreigners for money.

Enjoyed your last post Samangelevski   

There is a British legal phrase which applies when purchasing a service or product ‘Caveat Emptor’ which comes from the Latin and means ‘buyer beware’ (no I’m no lawyer)

Perhaps this should be applied to foreigners seeking relationships particulary in the Philippines. It beggars belief the number of posts on this forum from exceptionally naive fellow contributors over the years who became entwined into a Filipina’s web of deceipt and intrigue and end up losing, in some cases literally the shirt on their backs - yes they will take it from you in a Philippine prison.

There are exceptions to the above of course and some posts I have read are truly heart rending from expats who have taken all reasonable precautions and still ended up in the vipers pit being stripped of all their hard earned assets.

My advice as a regular visitor to these islands is assume that every Filipino you speak to has bad intentions. Howls from some half glass full readers I hear and yes there is a saying ‘Only arse’s assume’ But I think in this instance it can be the exception to the rule and if ultimately you are proved wrong it becomes a pleasurable mistake to make.

It’s ultimately a numbers game, a tired cliché maybe, but especially relevant to Filipina's without a hidden agenda. I have yet to find one on my numerous visits for business and pleasure but enjoy the upsides that the country offers. For me it is a playground. I land at Ninoy Aquino International and when I step off the plane I’m a different person to the one I am at home. I’m entering on a stage where everyone is an actor - yes Filipino’s worship movie stars which is why they excel as confidence tricksters. Hitherto I have stayed ahead of the game and won - so far.
My late father once told me on collecting me from prep school  and having fluffed an exam: ‘Nick common sense is far more important than exams - its a pity they don’t teach it at school’
It's a pity not every visitor/expat uses it in the Philippines.

What about unfaithful  western women
Who scam us men
I've had enough of them filipinas are why better and more honest
Unlike American or British women

I'd rather buy a house for a filipina  than a British woman any day of the week

I can't wait to head back to Philippines  miss Philippines so dam much
Better  people there

The original post was 2017. What happened to the poster? Did he marry his mysterious girlfriend?

FortuneFavorsTheBold wrote:

Common scenario: Filipina with her secret Filipino boyfriend chatting up foreigners for money.

"Easy" solved     
Don't send any money.
And when move to live together, then settle at an OTHER island than wife's family and possible existing boyfriend, which at least make it hard to continue for them. 
Not easy to be sure, but some dont seem to have any personality judgement skill at all, OBVIOUS gold diggers...

And don't think with wrong "head"      as many men do...

Well put Lotus!!!

Again,  Common scenario: Filipina with her secret Filipino boyfriend chatting up foreigners for money.

Totally Agree western women are more about having fun and not  family oriented as Filipino women.  Live by experience born and Raised in California

(OMO) This place is deprived/cheap but NO paradise by far...do your homework carefully & this family oriented thingy that keeps coming up is only because they have no one else to turn to unlike they have in many other developed countries with institutions that can provide care/help for its citizens)...I've seen/heard of too many hearbreaking stories that have happened/still happening today to fellow senior expat guys who also came here with great 'expectations' that have now been shattered/affected their health & they too had to face/facing the many lies being told here which are infact getting more & more elaborate (I suspect more than just a simple minded boyfriend are involved with this elaborate scamming).
Just be very careful. (OMO)