Interesting customs and traditions in Thailand

I will start things rolling with the Thai greeting called a “Wai”.  There is a lot written about what it signifies and how to do it properly.  Some suggest Farangs shouldn’t bother but I have found it an integral part of my interactions with Thai people over the years.  In the beginning you will no doubt make mistakes but like most things, you will never learn if you don’t try.

I know how to Wai correct but i Don´t like it, So i all must never do it.
I do it the first 3 times i meet my wife family, After that i told them, No more, I don´t like it.
And it was okay.
The great thing about Thai is, Their don´t expect foreigner to do it, Sure their happy if you do it.
I do it when we go to a funeral, When meeting the old people in our family, As i know it make them happy.

I think it is silly to see how some foreigner Wai to every one, hold hands over head, Some bow down to the floor, I can´t stop laugh inside when i see that.

The Thai word Sanuk (สนุก)
I really love Thai like to have good time, enjoyable, Fun, Play, humor.
I love it when we get together and have super fun and silly day together.

In Denmark all are so set up be grownup that we forget to have pure fun and be silly together.

Buddha is a big part of Thai, So we have a little buddhist altar with a old Buddha figur from my wife family and some Buddha amulet on it.
My father in law give me a very old family Buddha Amulet to keep me safe, And even so I do not believe in anything, I use this every day to make my family happy, And for 7 years now i being safe, So it all good. :-)

We go to temple a few times a year, When wife is inside, I go around talk to other Thais on the area, If have some natur to look at near by, I go for a little walk.

No doubt you have come across someone with dozens of strings tied around their wrists or perhaps that person was you.  This results from a ritual called Bai Sri Su Khwan.  While most articles will talk about this as a North-eastern tradition, I assure you it is quite common in the North where I live and most upcountry environs.  I am not much for rituals and ceremonies so I have long since requested that villagers stop killing chickens and spending half a day preparing on my behalf.  It might be interesting at first but over the years it does get monotonous and repetitive.

The list of adjustments is just about endless in Thailand. In the north there are a number of different tribes or such and each one may have their own cultural norms, that may be different from those on the other side of the hill. Plus I believe that there was a time in which Burma, Laos, and Cambodia (or part thereof) were part of Thailand. That too creates a verity of norms. Add to that that many Chinese have migrated to Thailand, now you have another layer of norms. That's a good prelude as to the confusions of what the norms are in Thailand.

There is one item that I find funny. The use of a knife is not exactly normal. As the so called story goes an English man in the 1800's was teaching the king about silverware. The king declared that knives were not important because their meat is served in small pieces. Throughout Asia all meat is normally cut small. I believe it is done so because of the massive poverty throughout Asia's history, not because it was right to cut meat small. The Thai's eat with a fork and a table spoon. The funny part is that at times the Thai's have to cut something on their plate and they use the spoon and fork to do the cutting.

I was recently told that Thailand is back to number one on a list. It is the most dangerous place to drive. With my driving I do notice that there are Thai drivers who do respect the rules of the road. But obviously there are a ton of drivers refuse to follow any normal rules or those that make up their rules. Like the person driving an expensive car or a large truck and they believe that everyone has to get out of their way. In particular I have seen this with SUV's that think that they own the entire road. The Thai's have their way of driving, unfortunately it is killing Thai's as well as anyone else that is around. But life goes on and not every one dies. I can tell so many stories of accidents or near accidents. I will tell one. This young girl pulls out into the street from behind a truck. Fortunately for both of us we were both driving a motor bike. And fortunately I had the skills to avoid the accident. The only thing the girl could do was freeze. Many times I have seen indecisive drivers create accidents.

As I said that adjusts to living in Thailand could be endless. One Farang told me that once you can put your western sense of entitlement behind you you can begin to enjoy the social beauty of Thailand. In Chiang Mai there are many who can't do that and ultimately leave. Yes I could spend my time arguing or ranting about how this is not lot America, but I am not in America. I "lived" in Vietnam for a year, in part working with the State Department with teaching and an education program. I looked at and dealt with the people, without looking at the lack of western amenities.

Recently I was writing a note to my landlord, the Farang. I asked him to fix the dishwasher the next time he came by the house. Residential dishwashers in Thailand are virtually non existent. His Thai wife read the note and went through the roof, because she didn't understand the joke.

There are two things I've learned here and other places. A Farang is a guest, not a citizen. Another is that Farangs can leave any time. As much as some Thai may want to leave Thailand generally speaking they don't have the resources to do so.

Thailand is a pleasant place to live. In some ways you do step back in time, and some of those elements are very enjoyable. But to live and enjoy one must put Farang ways and expectations behind them and learn the Thai way.

There is one aspect that can be annoying, but is fixable. Dealing with certain things on line is impossible because you are being identified as being in Thailand. Thailand is notorious for pirating anything and that is why many companies will not deal with Thailand. From What I've heard this is also true with China.

But putting the angst aside Thailand is a pleasant place.

(I hope this topic does not bring out all the nay sayers.)

The fork and spoon method of eating is so much more efficient than the knife and fork when eating Thai food.  The European knife and fork protocol presents itself as more genteel when dining at a western restaurant, however.

Driving here is difficult for some but I quit enjoy my driving here in the North.  It was recently in the news that more than thirty percent of Thais believe accidents are a matter of fate which might lead them to think they don’t have to concern themselves with precautions, I guess.  Keep than in mind when you think they should be doing what you want them to.  My rule is, my safety is my responsibility.  Stay alert, don’t make assumptions about what another driver is going to do and allow enough room for adjustments.

The historical stuff is interesting but really doesn’t help much with daily living.  When you're not sure how to do something just ask or watch someone else and follow their lead.  Thais are very forgiving of mistakes if you are making an effort.

Unlike when I first moved here, it is possible now to live a very modern life if you want to in Thailand.

Village funerals are interesting.  The big multi-day events with the deceased on display in a refrigerated coffin, monks chanting every night, feeding everyone in the village for five days or more, building and furnishing a small house with modern appliances for the afterlife, people being required to spend one or more nights at the house to keep the spirits company, the gambling, the drinking and the loud noise which scares the dogs on the day of cremation are all a far cry from what I experienced growing up.

Who pays the restaurant bill can be confusing at first but you soon get the hang of it.  We find that some western friends ask for separate checks while with others we split the bill evenly regardless of what people ordered.  With Thai friends usually one person pays this time and another will reciprocate at a future meal.  Of course status and wealth comes into play and those who are more affluent will usually pick up the bigger bills.  On the extremes you get the freeloaders who expect you to pay for everything (not a great idea but up to you) and those who thwart every effort you make to pay a bill.

The freeloaders are easily offloaded but one has to get more creative with the overly generous friends.  Thoughtful gifts and gestures help to balance the books and keep things from getting too one sided.  I have tried talking with the cashier or the owner and paying in advance, to no avail, with some friends.  If it is that important to them you simply have to find another way to pay them back and show your appreciation.

There's one situation that's interesting. Thai's are generally friendly, smiling and agreeable. The are even agreeable when they don't know the answer, or perhaps what the question is. I saw a woman ask a Thai desk clerk where a beauty shop was. The desk clerk gave her some simple answer and the woman found that there was no beauty shop in the area. I too have had a similar experience, except that I wasn't looking for a beauty shop. On the other hand I have had the experience where someone found someone who could give me appropriate and accurate information. One example could be that you don't ask for the rest room or bathroom, you ask for the toilet.

History has a way of giving some prospective and understanding about some of the why's and what's of things. History can also educate us as to how to move progressively forward. Villagefarang has mentioned that there are snake oil salesmen, so to speak, in Thailand and there are gullible Thai's who believe that junk, American had the same thing in the late 1800's. One American example is that of eating beef. Today beef is not so readily eaten because of the medical research presented about eating too much beef. My lady friend's brother in law has been told repeatedly to cut down or stop eating pork fat. Last year he had a heart attack. He did survive but he no longer eats pork and he now got rid of the Thai macho attitude and goes to the doctor for check ups. So in many ways history does help us understand more.

Present day Americans are quite gullible, no need to go back to the 1800s.

All very interesting . . . I do hope and trust that this is getting a lot of readers, and that folks will chime in with their observations and experiences. I am still fairly new to the culture and traditions of Thailand, so I've been stumbling into things quite a bit. My fumbling at the dinner table does tend to provide an endless source of amusement for my in-laws. I am on the go right now, so I shall leave off with that. Looking forward to reading more postings at this forum. Cheers. dcb

Don't worry about your dinner table etiquette, just enjoy. I did see a you tube video on how to eat with a spoon and fork. It was kind of interesting. But I eat with a fork and because I am a Farang and never could look like a Thai there is no problem eating with a fork. I know how to eat with chop sticks but there's no problem eating with a fork. Just go with your flow.

I use a spoon, It is more practice when eating Thai / Asien food.
Chop Sticks i try on my vacation here, Look at Thai people, And found it "Easy".

About paying the bill, We never have problems.

If Thai invite us out and say they pay the bill, Then they pay.
When we invite people out and say we pay, Then we pay the bill.
No one run around like a silly little boy try to pay the bill when we meet up.
That a sign of disrespect, So of cause no one is doing that.

When we go out as group of friends, Everyone chip in when the bill come.
People pay what they can, Some pay 100-500-1.000 baht, And it is never a problem.
And no, No one freeload, People pay what they can at the time we go out.
People are good to remember if pay little this time, Then next time if they have more money, They give more.

Every time we meet up with father in law family, They all ways pay.
Was told from the start, Don´t disrespect them when they invite us out and pay.
If they didn't want to pay, They dont invite and say they pay.
It is as simple as that.

Completely ignoring table etiquette has the potential to be quite rude and far from enjoyable for others at the table.  Sometimes it is funny and entertaining and sometimes not.  Many Thais prefer not to be confrontational and won’t say anything to your face but their silence doesn’t necessarily mean they are happy.

It is important to use the serving utensils to transfer food to your plate and to not use the spoon you eat with or your hand.  In the West people often put everything they plan to eat on one plate and mix flavors.  When eating Thai food you typically start with a serving of rice, then help yourself, and those near you, to a serving from one of the several central dishes on the table.  One by one you take a bit of each dish keeping the flavors separate  and distinct.  In that way you can curate your dining experience with complimentary or contrasting flavors.

Of course adjustments are made if one is sitting on the floor and eating sticky rice with your hands.  Still it is best to watch what they do and follow their lead.

Who pays the bill is a serious matter for many Thais.  It is neither silly nor disrespectful when they negotiate who gets the honor of paying for the group.  With family or friends you dine with often, one usually falls into an easy routine agreed to by the group.  We often find there is no clear host and guest, though that is a common way of determining who pays.

That is an excellent and most informative posting by villagefarang. We are still talking about culture and tradition here. As for me, sitting for the first time at the family dinner table was probably one of the most stressful experiences in my life, especially while being handicapped with very little language or literacy to go by. My wife would elbow me sometimes but I didn't know what for. Then the male elder pointed out to the others that I had left my tablespoon in the serving bowl. I was thinking "eat with the fork / use the tablespoon to serve myself". The whole table erupted in laughter -- I think they were laughing with me, not at me -- First time forgiven, second time not so funny.

Also there was a conversation going on around the table for me to be concerned about -- Here I am deaf, dumb and illiterate -- How was I to participate?  As  a sketch artist I carried a pad to illustrate my conversations and as a musician I brought out the guitar and gave it to the youngest to show the others what I had just taught him. That saved face for me; but, for the rest of my life, I will never forget my misplacement of that tablespoon. By comparison, defending myself at a bar brawl, which I once had to do in Krabi Town after a gig, was much more relaxing than sitting at the dinner table for the first time with my new in-laws. I am in Canada with my wife right now, but when we return to our home in Prawet, Bangkok early next year, I shall look forward to importing my new knowledge of table etiquette, thanks to the postings of villagefarang, et. al.

On another note, several years ago, during my very first visit to Thailand, there was a time in Ayutthaya when I decided to lie down in a grassy field under a tree to relax and shake off the heat: however, there was a wall that I was lying close to. On the other side of that wall was a giant reclining Buddha that I was unaware of. I had also exposed the bottom of my shoes to people. Passers-by hissed at me as though I were a demon, so I hopped up and leaped out of my spot as quickly as jumping out of a hot frying pan. As I stood further away wondering what I had done, a Thai friend told me that sitting and standing on sacred or even Royal ground are OK postures, but lying down is a big no-no. "You act like you know everything, but you know nothing" my friend said. "You shouldn't lie around here like you are a backpacker in an airport -- You must learn how to show respect in our country" she said. I should add that this is a very blunt friend when it comes to respect for her country's culture and traditions; however, I respected her guidance at the time, have returned the favour re living in North America, and we are still good friends. . . . So, an ill-placed tablespoon, and my errant posture on sacred ground = Two Big no-no lessons for living and loving life in Thailand. What next? Still learning! Thanks.  dcb

Everyone knows about Thai nicknames because they are often the only names we can remember or pronounce.  Other than the nickname Thais typically only have a first name and a last, with the last name seldom used outside of formal or legal settings.  Surnames are also relatively new in Thai culture, unlike in the West.  Add royal lineage to the mix and names start getting even more complicated.

Age and status based titles are very widely used among Thai but to an outsider they can appear ageist, sexist and discriminatory.  Older brother, father, uncle, and grandfather titles are often age based only and do not imply a blood relationship.  The same holds true for female titles.

Thais think nothing of calling a fat person fatty and do the same thing with young, old, thin, tall, dark and various other terms which foreigners might find derogatory.  I have seen foreigners get very upset when Thais don’t address them the way they are accustomed to in their home country and heaven forbid anyone refer to them as a "Farang."  Guess what, you are no longer back home and they do things differently here.

There is often a strange double standard where newcomers in ones home country are expected to learn the customs but when traveling abroad people who have never been to your country are also expected to follow your rules.  You can’t have it both ways.

Yes, rules: At national attractions and parks etc where there is a fee to enter, there are different rates for Thais and foreigners. Thai citizens pay the lower rate. Foreigners pay the standard visitor rate. Where there are large crowds, there may be two lines that form -- one for Thai citizens and one for foreigners -- for example: The Grand Palace. Sometimes Thais and their foreign friends can get separated in the crowd, so it is a good idea to have a plan on where to meet on the other side, and also have the cellphones ready for such cases.  dcb

I may be wrong but I believe if you have a Thai drivers license park fees are the same as that of a Thai. Plus you can use a Thai drivers license for ID when needed. If you have an existing drivers license then it's no big deal. You watch a movie for one hour do a couple of other things and you have the license. If you were to have to take the written test for whatever reason, there is a practice test on line. I have one for a car and another for a motor bike, So I had to take a written test.

Last January there was a new "suggestion" for drivers licenses. It was that a new applicant had to go to driving school and pay 6 k baht for the class. There was such an uproar from the Thai's that the "suggestion" was dropped.

For the fun of it I sometimes drive around looking for check points and smile when they ask to see my drivers license.

Re traditions and rules to follow when encountering a monk: A Thai friend, my wife and I encountered a senior monk on a narrow pedestrian bridge. He was coming toward us, so we stopped in our tracks, stepped aside and allowed the monk to pass. There are a lot of rules to follow when encountering a monk in public that I am still learning about. Perhaps someone would like to elaborate on this.  dcb

PS: Correction . . . We "gave way" to the monk on the bridge  . . . change that from my using the word "allowed".  dcb

Unless you are performing a religious ritual monks are pretty easy.  Polite deference is all you really need.  How would you treat a heavily pregnant female?  Let her go first, don’t bump into her, no physical contact and no rude inappropriate comments or gestures.

Some monks speak quite reasonable english and there are even some famous Farang monks, so at some point you might find it educational to sit and talk with a monk.  They are not typically over-preachy and can answer your questions better than a lay person.

Recently a group of Bangkok friends came to a forest temple about 12 km from our house for a Thod Kathin ceremony and the special guest speaker was a famous Farang monk from Isaan who flew up for the occasion.  The Thais were all very impressed.

I am guessing there are a load of YouTube videos about how to act in various situation these days.  There was no internet in my day so all learning was first hand experience.  That way probably sticks with you more but it also takes longer to run the gamut of experiences.

Hello,

Two things I’ve emersed myself in since coming to live in Thailand with my Thai Wife , One literally emersed ourselves in

The Songkran Festival is fun , Also Buddhism is largely part of the Thai Culture there is still though diversification with other Religions here Buddhism I’ve taking a huge interest with , Recently I’ve been reading about Biocenterism and how it is very much so connected to Buddhism that energy us humans have is very much connected to the Universe and has an interracial connection with Buddhism.
My  Wife has a small Temple in our spare bedroom and we both regularly emerse  ourselves in visiting Temples , I Love it !!!


Best Regards
Bob T.
American Citizen / Retired Resident
In Nakhon Ratchasima Thailand

The Thai Custom of "face" is hard for me to adjust to,  even after 9 years,  and living with Thai people.
Because the Thai paradigm is to not look in your eyes while speaking with you,  coupled with the Thai custom of not expressing a different opinion,  and not wanting to hurt the foreigner's feelings,  Thai people say YES,  when they do not mean yes,  and say NO,  when they do not mean no.
In their'mind, they are being both kind,  and polite.
In our mind,  due to our' paradigm and Cultural upbringing,  we feel the Thai person is either stupid or worse - a liar.
We as VISITORS here in the Kingdom,  should not expect the Thai people to change their' Customs in their' own Country.!
We VISITORS are the ones who have to change.

Please remind me of this,  when I forget..!
Aloha

The one if you could call it cultural experience which I had a problem accepting in the beginning is when you have any work done at your property and the work is half done and when you query the bad work you are told 80% is good enough.
When you refuse to accept this you are told TIT and just live with it
The poor in the rural areas are so intimidated by the Hi So that they accept this as norm.It took me nearly 4 years to convince my GF when I pay for 100% I want 100%.
The fear of not insulting important people is really something the Thais should overcome and stand on their righs
Nobody in this village knows that Thailand has a consumer law with certain guarantees the same as any Western Country

I guess we were lucky because ten years later we are still friends with our contractor and his wife.  We worked out a system where my wife and I would discuss the days work and agree what needed to be fixed.  Even though I speak Thai we made her the spokes person and I only added my voice when she needed backup.  We never criticized the workers directly and let the contractor deal with them so we were not the bad guys.

I figured we were not paying for 100% as perfection is expensive.  By managing our expectations and not asking the workers to do things they simply didn’t know how to do, we kept things in a range everyone could accept.

In the West it might be every man for himself but here you can’t afford to upset the big-shot you know you will need on your side at some future date.  We even experienced that in Hawaii where an official made a mistake but it would have been too costly to prove him wrong and our relator admitted that he would have all but blacklisted her in future dealings if we made him look bad.

Sometimes standing up to someone powerful is not in your own best interest, except maybe in the movies.  A win for me is avoiding problems that could come back to bite me.

Your question is interesting. It would take eons to reply. Thai familys are the makeup of Thailand. As there is no social security on retirement, children are the means of support. This obligation is taken in the most part, gladly. Buddism is the cement of Thai life. To me I believe God has many names but, there is only one. My Wife has been the keeper of the house, as most Thai women. They are not in compatition with their spouse. And it is a wonderful thing. I changed in order to be more respectful of Thai belief.and.treatment of others specialy the elders. I hope this has made me a better person. Tradition to me is showing respect and, concern for others. Thais. make Boon, (Merit.)

Re tradition: And how do we give something of material to a monk and/or a temple? As far as I know, I understand that the hands between giver and receiver should not touch. Any elaborations on this?   dcb

Hello,

When paying homage at Temple with Monk or Temple.
The giver never touches the hand of the receiver, While kneeling a Wai is giving and the gift is placed before the Monk.
The Monk then receives the gift there is no contact between You or Monk in this manner.


Best Regards
Bob T.
American Citizen/ Retired Resident
Nakhon Ratchasima Thailand

When you offer to the Temples, the Monk is not supposed to keep lt. Only the Temple Manager handles the funds or items and spends for the Temples needs Some head abbots (due to theft) handle that function. Only males may make contact with a Monk, no female (except for a child) may touch a Monk. Only donated food is consumed that day (before noon) The next day they go in the morning, to recieve that day's food. All monks are supposed to regect all  wealth (poverty).

That's true when giving a gift. The touching aspect is different at other times. See my post.

The etiquette for passing items extends beyond monks.  One should never casually toss something.  Two hands is the preferred way to pass and receive anything but you will often see people touch their right elbow with their left hand as a symbolic two handed gesture.

When receiving an offering, especially from a female, the monk will place in front of him a ceremonial piece of cloth upon which the woman can place her offering.  The monk can then pull the cloth to signify receipt but an assistant usually takes it from there.

Well put.

While I know it is a touchy subject for many considering how they met their partners, it is important in this class structured society, to acknowledge the social class you marry into.  It affects things like access, education, language, superstitious beliefs, manners, fears, insecurities, stubbornness and general reluctance to try anything new or modify beliefs and behavior. 

Many of the “problems” we read about in forums can be accredited to, or at least complicated by, two simple factors.  First is language and the inability to communicate wants, needs, and ideas which may be completely foreign to the people you are trying to communicate with.  Second is the level of Thai society one identifies with and interacts with.

I married a village girl twenty years ago but she had an innate desire which continues to drive her pursuit of self-improvement.  She graduated from university with honors at forty and continues to seek out seminars and programs to improve herself.  I have helped her gain access to people and opportunities which she may have otherwise been excluded from but it is primarily her talent and desire which drives her to succeed.

Being born poor in Thailand does not guarantee failure but it does make advancement much more difficult and requires a perseverance few people possess.  Centuries of Thai cultural memory will not miraculously disappear because a foreigner dismisses it as insignificant to him.  First you need to understand what is going on and then find ways to adapt or manipulate the system to your advantage.  Changing the system is pretty much out of the question.  At least that has been my experience.

My wife is very much enjoying this forum as I relate my new knowledge to her. She has made one adjustment about giving in that the left hand should be with closed thumb touching just below the right elbow on the right forearm when giving with the right hand. Other than that minor adjustment. everything is ringing truly. Great forum . . . This is very detailed information about adapting to culture and tradition that is pretty scarce in the travel guides. Rock on!   dcb

She is correct that nothing is really done with splayed fingers and I should have been more specific.  Near the right elbow, underneath, forearm side like you are supporting your right forearm.  One might add a slight extension of the arm and a bow of the head.

Hi,

In response to your message, I can comment very briefly about Thailand. I have been living in Thailand well over 10 years. Everything seems almost the same apart from different weather and different language between Thailand and U.K. The main difference I notice is that U.K regulation is heavily used restricting the young people's opportunities and Thailand regulation is somewhat much less a burden for young people who can feel freely to sell anything in order to maintain the cost of their living rather than relying on Job centre.. At another hand, Thai regulation for Highway is not quite as good as in U.K. I realise the definition of Freedom is depending on how much the regulation is used. Anyway, this is just my opinion & hope this is something useful. :-)

Very interesting question you have raised and I speak for myself being here for 3years I still cannot adapt to the lifestyle here and language being the main problem as well yes I live Thailand and the people but like I say very hard to adapt so yes I leaving on a jet plane don’t know when I be back again hopefully not
Few hours left to fly

villagefarang wrote:

The etiquette for passing items extends beyond monks.  One should never casually toss something.  Two hands is the preferred way to pass and receive anything but you will often see people touch their right elbow with their left hand as a symbolic two handed gesture.

This is a common gesture in Japan as well (and possibly other parts of Asia). When making a purchase at a store, you'll see the clerk returning your change and/or receipt with two hands. And when someone presents a business card, it's with two hands as well.

Thank you  everyone, All this information will become very useful when in Thailand.