Not Pad Thai but Bad Thai experience!

The problem with these stories is that we only ever get one side of it.  Sometimes the guy just made a very bad choice from the very beginning but one he could not have been dissuaded from.  Sometimes the girl has just had enough and can’t stand it any longer.  I have learned to stay away from the marital problems of others because there is never any logic or rationale that can make any difference.

When forced to choose, we have more often remained friends with the woman and not the man.

Of course there is only 1 side being told here.     The only words I can come close to describing this  is KAMOI!!   Kamoi land, Kamoi life and Kamoi money! These were the choices that SHE made!       This took place in a village...and I was the only Farang in the village.    Thai culture seems to support corruption!  No questions asked.       I did not post to argue.   I posted to tell my story.    Farang have no rights.    Youre crazy if you think otherwise!

I have no doubt that you are hurting and maybe even feel a little embarrassed to have found yourself outmaneuvered by a little village girl.  There are always two sides to a story and both parties have to bear their share of responsibility for what goes right and what goes wrong in a relationship.  You seem to blame her for everything and accept no responsibility for what went wrong.

One thing people should take away from your story is to be careful and not to expect others to protect you or watch out for your self-interest.  We are foreigners in a foreign land and should never get ourselves into anything we cannot get ourselves out of.  Just because you pay the bills does not absolve you of any responsibility for a relationship going south.

Thank you for your most insightful opinion!  And not only of 1 side but 2!

A heartbreaking yet familiar story. Will you continue to live in Thailand?  dcb

I am so sorry to hear about your break up... You will need to go thru these stages; denial, anger, depression and acceptance before you start feeling better and the sooner you do, the better you will feel. I left one stage out, the bargaining stage, because there's no bargaining, no divorce judge to plead your case. You're weren't legally married and everything is in her name in a foreign country so those assets belonged to her the minute they were put in her name and she will have to use those assets to support herself and her 3 year-old until he becomes an adult.

I will try to help a little by saying it's not the end of the world and you are not the first and won't be the last person in Thailand or any other country in the world to have a SO significant other break up with them. It happens every day and I've gone thru many over my lifetime, some very expensive and some not so much.

I do appreciate you sharing your story as it makes things more real, not just something you read in a book. I am married to a Thai lady, a legally registered marriage, and also paid a form of Sin Sod when we first started living together in Thailand by paying off her vehicle that her family uses. I also give my wife a substantial monthly allowance which she uses to help support her parents & kids. That's ok with me, it's her money and she can do with it what she wants. I also put aside money in savings and will eventually buy a condo in both our names 50/50 so she will have something for her future. The reason I say this, is that I've given about 2 mm THB since moving here in July 2016 and the longer we're together, the more that amount will grow, BUT if we ever did break up, I would never grieve over the money part because it was a gift that I gladly gave. I would only grieve over the loss of affection, but hey, if she one day decides she doesn't love me and doesn't want to be with me anymore, I have to accept that. I cannot make someone love me or stay with me and that's whether they're in Thailand or Louisiana, USA. I look back on the many break ups in my lifetime and wonder, why did I ever waste more than one day grieving over someone that decided they didn't love me anymore. That was so stupid of me, so now I have totally different perspective.

When you told your story, you didn't indicate what was really hurting you. I would guess it would be all of the following; the loss of affection, the loss of money and mostly, not being able to raise & see your son. You will need to accept that you have no legal rights at this point. It is a warning for others who read this, not to give more than you wish to give away willingly or lose and that things can change. I wish you well and hope you can get thru those stages quickly because life is just too short and there are many others out there to love and may bring you happiness.

Kindly...

Some good words from VF and Zeus. In the case of me (Canadian) and my wife (Thai) we had a traditional marriage where I donated a suggested amount in envelopes to the monks. The family matriarch gave us cash, which we used for a social dinner afterwards. Then, a couple of months later, we did the internationally legal marriage at the District in Bangkok. We also prepared a prenuptial agreement with our lawyer beforehand, in Thai and English, and signed it at the second marriage.  That agreement really cleared the air: What's hers is hers. What's mine is mine. What's ours will be ours. Put everything in a drawer and enjoy. Hope it will be lasting! It takes two to tango. Here's hoping that you will heal in good time and manage to do the right thing for the lad.   dcb

When we started out we both had very very little material things. Literally just clothes ,fan, some cooking stuff and a scooter. It wasn"t easy for either of us, But, Through time you grow and seem to gather things.  Next time will be more proper for the pre nuptial agreements.  Thanks everyone. Time to process and heal !! Ouch! That Hurt!

All the very best!   dcb

Hi ,
Like  any  other country , Thailand would have  good people and  bad people.
Sorry that you had to go thru this negative experience but perhaps you should read  https://www.stickmanbangkok.com/readers … ed-a-thai/
as it  explains the Thai society  more than anything else .
We all are a product of our own  societies  and it might help you in dealing with your  relationship loss.
Time is a great healer and perhaps in time  you will get to have and maintain  a relationship with your son.
Wishing you all the best,

That link is indeed a classic and worth reading for most people but I somehow doubt many will understand or internalize any of it.  Rereading it reminded me of just how lucky I have been with my wife and constant companion of nearly 21 years.

I can not see the link..    I think 21 years qualifies you as a true survivor.

OP are you 1000% sure this email you received is from your wife and written by her?

Bottom line you need to get back there and hear it from her. Without a doubt you are jumping the gun and with a child involved you need to verify what is going on otherwise I have to question whether this has happened in the out of the blue manner you portray. Man up one way or another

I would be asking for serious trouble going to see her alone.  I did think of this as I felt documenting what has happened and with who with a video camera....Im sure  yep!! 1000% sure she   really thinks everything there is hers  and her (new man) now! Even my clothes and all my medical and banking and every document I will never see again!  MY SON IS THE MAIN THING THAT KILLS! NOT TO SEE HIM AGAIN.

Maybe sit in the Rice field near by with a drone and do a few flybys!

Maybe ask her nicely to pack your most important stuff for you. Then maybe ask a neutral person ( a mutual friend who is Thai for example. or maybe a police officer / domestic issues) to get your important docs, meds, etc to you. My wife senses a possible long term misunderstanding at the cultural level. To me, mutual trust seems to be at a premium here. You may need to talk with a lawyer. Good luck and may the ethereal spirits of goodness and gentleness smile upon everyone involved.   dcb

She will not talk to me! Email or otherwise.    She will make a big show to (save face)!   Where she is going has been planed out ( I think not by her but other people telling her how and what to do).    I believe she probably already remarried or made some commitments  to someone with more power and influence than I.      I am and have been grieving not so much her( I think she is gone)!   But my boy His name is JJ .   He is half my blood and half hers.     I am returning to Thailand next week . I am not in any position to litigate this.  Thailand has been my home for quite some time now. Some of my problems are returning to nothing. Knowing nobody.    I am only 52 and need find a way to stay close to my boy.   I am trying!    Your wife sounds like she has common sense!

Well that's good that you want to be close to the lad but your story has changed a bit and you seem to know it was on the rocks. It's a shame but maybe it is for the best and if your sole aim is to be close to your son then maybe you can come to a compromise with your Mrs for the best interests of your son.
Good luck.

She will give nothing !   My story as you put it has not changed.   I dont think you know Thai......  Man up??    Yea put gas on that fire.

I don't know why some foreigner do things different in Thailand then if they back home ?
Back home they never buy stuff like Car, Motor bike and land and build a house on it.
And put in all in the Girlfriend names alone, So why do that in Thailand i never understand !!!!

Before i married my Thai wife, Every thing we buy was in my name only.
Now we married i don't mind if it is mine name or her name we buy stuff in..

Thailand Child custody for an unmarried couple

If the unmarried couple has a child born out of the marriage, the mother of the child only has the sole custody over the child. However, prior to considering whether the father should exercise the custody rights over the child, the child must be registered as a legitimate child of the father first. To legitimize a child, the father has to register a legimation of the child in Thailand with the local district office. If the mother and the child consent to such legitimation; then the registration allows the father to have the joint custody or sole custody over the child upon the agreement between the father and the mother of the child.

As you "only" have a Temple wedding, You not legal married, That why i copy the part for unmarried couple.

So i do hope you done that and is the legal father in Thailand court eyes.

I know 2 foreigner that got sole custody, Call “parental power” in Thailand.

Kindly.

First off, Thank you for the legal help.    I think I need to legitimize  my son.  I signed some documents at the hospital when he was born ,but I have no idea what they were.   Im afraid I need contact a lawyer and move on this ASAP!  Thank You again!! Now I have a legg to stand on.

Please, for your own good, see a professional therapist and an attorney for some help... that's the best advice that I/we, as nonprofessionals, can give.

Soliciting advice from virtual strangers on an open internet forum regarding your personal relationship, financial and legal problems is definitely not the best way to address your situation.

Good luck in the future and I hope everything works out for you...

Kindly...

Very good info  you provided !

Mr Boinker,

I am very sorry to hear about you marital troubles, it sounds very distressing.

I will comment from a legal perspective:
1) Was the marriage registered at the local Amphur (were you legally married)?
2) Is your name on your son's birth certificate?
3) Did the money used to purchase the land come from your bank account. (can you prove that you were the source of the funds).
4) Did the money used to purchase the vehicles come from your bank account. (can you prove that you were the source of the funds).

If you were married then there is a very good chance that you can retrieve 50% of your assets, by divorcing your wife and claiming 50% of the assets. (Don't listen to people that say it's not possible because it is, and the firm that I work for have succeeded in doing this many times).

Regarding your son, if you were legally married when he was born then according to Thai law you will automatically be recognised as the legal father and be afforded the legal rights that being the child's father provides.

If you were not married when your son was born, then you would have to apply to the family court to have yourself recognised as the child's legal father. If your wife contested this then DNA tests would have to be performed by an approved hospital.

If you want further info then please feel free to direct message me.

Good luck!
Tuenchai

Come on, you are just trying to drum up work.  There is nothing you can do based on the information given and you are giving him false hope in order to make money.  All your questions (1-4) have already been answered.

Good luck trying to make any money off this guy.

Tuenchai wrote:

Mr Boinker,

If you want further info then please feel free to direct message me.

Good luck!
Tuenchai

Dear Ms. Tuenchai,
Please private message Mr. Boinker if you wish to discuss any legal issues with him. I think you will find some of the answers to your questions in his original post. He is a new member to this forum and may not know how to private message.
Kindly, Zeus

To villagefarang,

I am not trying to drum up work, I don't need to. However, I provide lots of free advice on this forum based on years of experience as a consultant to foreign clients at a successful law firm. Any advice I provide on this website is free, and always based what happened in similar cases, and according to Thai law.

You don't know me and you know nothing of the company that I work for and likewise you know nothing of what we have achieved. I therefore kindly advise you not to make assumptions about me and nor to make derogatory, negative comments like "you are giving him false hope in order to make money". What do you suppose gives you the right to say that about me on this forum?

If you know so much about the law, then why not take a look at the computer crimes act and read the part about defaming people online, maybe that would encourage you to retract your defamatory comment about me and apologise! Well that's what a Gentleman would do, so we shall have to wait and see...

Fact (not false hope):
If Mr Boinker is the child's biological father and wants to be legally recognised as the child's father then it is possible!!! By the way, as the child is not yet old enough to legally speak for himself, then this cannot be done at the local Amphur, it would need to be done at the family court, ideally in the province where the birth was registered. As I stated previously, if paternity was contested by the mother a DNA test would be required from the father to prove biological paternity.

Once recognised as the child's legal father, then partial custody, visitation rights etc could be negotiated, and if necessary put to the court to decide based on what the father and mother can contribute to the child's welfare and upbringing.

Regarding retrieving assets, likewise that's not impossible either, however if you were to listen the only the people who've lost everything and managed to do nothing about it, apart from drinking from dawn to dusk, then I can see where such a negative opinion can be formed.

So, in closing my advise is free and if Mr Boinker wants to contact me he can and I'll provide free advice based on the information provided to me.

Tuenchai

sound correct advice nicely put! not all Thai people are out to take advantage of us you know 😉

Mr Boinker wrote:

First off, Thank you for the legal help.    I think I need to legitimize  my son.  I signed some documents at the hospital when he was born ,but I have no idea what they were.   Im afraid I need contact a lawyer and move on this ASAP!  Thank You again!! Now I have a legg to stand on.

Based upon what I've read thus far, you're considerably late with seeking legal counsel. Your decision to not return to the village (all Thai things considered), is probably the smartest decision you've made, thus far. Now, do yourself a huge favor, by "thoughtfully" walking away from everything. in that village.

Thinking will get you safely thru that entire mess, and this message comes to you, from a Thai. Kaw-jai mai? Regards.

It's called fake news.

Mr. Boinker,

It is never to late to obtain legal parental responsibility for your biological child, and any advice to the contrary is not based on the realities of family law. A DNA test would likely be required, and a petition filed to the family court, but if the child is yours and you want to see that child, then it would be the decision of the family court and not the mother nor the inhabitants of the village.

You can see from my profile picture that I am indeed Thai and you can verify that I work for a law firm by clicking this link (*** I work as a consultant to foreign clients, I also translate for English speaking foreign clients in the courts, that includes criminal cases, civil cases, divorce and custody cases!

I have seen many foreign fathers awarded custody, partial custody and/or visiting rights, it all depends on what the parent can provide for the child. I repeat it is never too late!

Regards,
Tuenchai

Rc2702 wrote:

It's called fake news.

On reflection you might be correct.

Tuenchai wrote:

Rc2702 wrote:

It's called fake news.

On reflection you might be correct.

I'm not here to post critiques of other response posters, but to provide useful advice to the OP. That is my focus.

Fake news opinions withstanding. The realities are, that more than a just a few foreigners have quietly vanished (out in the provinces), thru-out the past 50 years. Just the facts, but oops!, what could an ignorant, "un-educated" Isaan country girl, possibly "know" about "the realities", vis-a-vis, "the laws" within Thai provincial culture, eh?

FYI ~ Books (based upon actual facts) have been written about "know-it-all' westerners, who need to learn "Thainess" lessons, the hard way. And, the OP's statement is sufficient testimony to that ^ expat phenomenon. Have a happy, all

Hello, y'all:

Interesting comments all around -- Every body is taking this idea / issue of the future of any given forlorn child, or child of a broken relationship, as for real and to heart.

So far, this has been a healthy exercise in human concern for what might be and surely has been for many others.

However, due to subtle inconsistencies from Mr Boinker's posts, and our not hearing back from Mr Boinker since March 26, may I ask . . .

Is Mr Boinker for real???

Dictionary and linguistic research follows:

boink (boingk) Vulgar Slang
To have sexual intercourse with.
[From boink, imitative of bumping or bouncing.] 

Mr Boinker? Would you please chime in? 

It seems that you have flown off -- stepped back from this thread of discussion which is based on your original posts.   

I'm not saying or forming an opinion here. I am merely questioning things at this point.

If I have offended anybody, I am ready to offer my apologies . . . particularly  to Mr Boinker.

Should Mr Boinker choose to not to make a point at this point, I would surely be disappointed.   

Disclaimer: I am a student of writing, somewhat influenced by Twain and Hemingway.   

Taking matters seriously with a balance of levity. I'm not 99% convinced of the sincerity.

Nevertheless, the issue of a forlorn child from a broken relationship in Thailand, or anywhere else in the world for that matter, remains an utmost concern. Kids are innocent. 

Best wishes for all . . . dcb

Thanks for pointing this out as I too have been a bit sceptical of this post since reading it.
Unfortunately I think a few of these have occurred on this site recently. The tone and choice of title of the boinker post was also a tell tale sign of something a miss.

I am thinking the same way as RC2702 and Davidcolinburt, and I will also add that I sent a direct message to Mr. Boinker with an offer of free legal advice. Sadly the reply that I received was not at all consistent with the offer of assistance provided. I will not quote the reply directly, but will comment that it was chauvinistic in nature, and extremely inappropriate!

If Mr. Boinker's posts are not genuine then the person posting should be ashamed of themselves, turning the parental custody of a child into some sort of joke, is not at all funny!

I would also like to ask jana611to clarify her point ref
"the realities", vis-a-vis, "the laws" within Thai provincial culture"

Are you claiming that the Thai provincial courts in some way implement & adhere to different laws to the rest of Thailand? If so please indulge me by explaining a few of the inconsistencies in the law, (in this specific case family law) to that which is practiced in the rest of Thailand, because I am truly intrigued by this revelation.

dcb. Your post #35, was most enlightening, sir. However, giving the benefit of the doubt, I prefer to conclude that the OP could be too embarrassed (self-effacing), at this point, to post any further comments.

In my opinion people take these forums and themselves far too seriously.  There is no way to verify most of what is posted and we only get one side anyway.  Some people are just unhappy and need to rant or play the victim card, while others enjoy insults, vulgarity, and all forms of threat (physical, emotional and even legal) as a way of making themselves feel important or powerful.

I take posts like this as a starting point for a conversation and see where it leads.  An intelligent person will learn something along the way about how other people think and react to problems.  Anything which sparks your interest should probably be followed up on Google for additional insights and verification.

As for different cultural realities in Thailand based on region and socioeconomic status, that can lead to a very lengthy discussion, indeed.  For example, while there are laws and courts in Thailand, this is not a litigious western rules based society where everything is viewed as right or wrong, black or white. 

Where I live, problems are typically brought before the village headman and the family elders of those in dispute.  Often a little face saving and some financial compensation is all that is needed.  If things progress to the police station or criminal court things can escalate to coercion, intimidation and people have even been known to have family members killed.  That goes for Bangkok too.

If, as a foreigner, you live in an area surrounded almost entirely by the relatives of your spouse, it really doesn’t matter what some legal document says.  A little piece of paper in your hand won’t buy you a sense of physical and emotional wellbeing and may actually enflame the situation making things even worse.  Sometimes the cost of being "right" is just a little too high and it is better to move on.

I don't doubt that there are a great many foreign "men" who are so intimidated by their relatives & extended family that through fear they will walk away from their child, and leave the child to be brought by up my another man, or many different men, should the mother be that way inclined. However, there are also a great many foreign men who refuse to be intimidated and fight via the family court route to get full custody. They get awarded their "little piece of paper" and many sensibly bring the up the child or children elsewhere. From a legal perspective something could be done regarding the OP's child, however I sincerely doubt that anything will be done in this instance. I actually sent the OP a direct message offering free advice, but his reply was not consistent with that offer and was in fact highly inappropriate. I now have serious doubts that the OP Mr. Boinker is a genuine person in distress, and believe that the thread could have been started by another person to simply start a debate. If that is indeed the case it is seriously sad, as is the person that did it.